Claw Plaque

Match 7: Fry's Mini-Droid vs. Parasite King

BOTH CHARACTER'S WEAPONS OF CHOICE: The bopper stick things from (American) Gladiators

If someone could tell me the official names for those sticks I'd really appreciate it. Anyway, GONG! In case you didn't read last week's Claw Plaque (you must die or, alternatively, go read it now) I'll explain the set up to you now. Last week, 5 bombs were planted in the arena, one remained unexploded at the end. This week, the two contestants must fight on the edge (that's around the top) of the circular colosseum, with their boppers. The first one to be knocked down will be blown apart by the unexploded bomb. You getting all of this?

Anyway, while I was explaining, Fry (I will be typing just 'Fry' instead of his mini-droid) and the parasite king got a lot of whacking done. I'll recap: bop, bop bop..... *angry glares* bop bopitty bop bop bop 'Ow!' bop.

That about does it. The current advantage is with the parasite king, who is the one pursuing Fry around the arena and is getting the most hitting done. 'Ha Universe! You're even worse than I thought! I'll bop you down quicker than a jar of special sauce.'

'That was a pretty lame analogy,' taunted Fry.

'I know, but it's a Futurama reference and that's all that counts.'

The two continue bopping; that violin music from Parasites Lost comes in, making this death match seem all the more classy and competently written. Fry doesn't like heights, he's getting dizzy, and the parasite king is getting closer and closer to beating him down onto the bomb. Suddenly, Fry's bopper snaps in half, leaving him two soft bopping edges and two sharp edges. Wisely, he thrusts the sharp edges towards the king, who manages to escape death, there and then, but he doesn't get away without a deep wound, leaving blood dripping out behind him.

The king foolishly slips on his own blood, and is left vulnerable to Fry's attacks. Fry begins to thrust the sharp stick over his head to plunge into the king's flesh. Unfortunately, he misses his aim, and while raising the stick up, hits himself in the face, knocking himself into the arena.


While the others are gathering, the emperor lassoes the parasite king down to give him his medal. The king is happy, he thanks his wife for helping him through, and his cloud of spores for inspiring him. He then tells the emperor to stop licking his wound.

'I hear salt helps the wound,' suggests the emperor, 'and maybe some mustard, too.'

NEXT WEEK: Morbo Vs. Elzar

Do you want Morbo's obituary being read on the news or Elzar's carcass to get a quick blast of the spice weasel? Well you can decide. It only takes a couple of seconds to fill in the voting form (click on 'Claw Plaque'). For every week I don't get at least 3 votes, I'll kill off a major webmaster. Let that be a warning to you!