Claw Plaque

Match 22: Hypnotoad Vs Scruffy

By Scotty

Ah yes, it's that time again, alert the media... release the hounds, boil an egg, that sort of thing.

This week, the Emperor has chosen the Hypnotoad in a bout with Scruffy, you know... the janitor. However, you can bet that the Hypnotoad had something to do with the Emperor's crazy decision.

The Hypnotoad turns around and looks at me, the writer.

Hypnotoad: Buuuzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

*mono-tone* The Hypnotoad is innocent and must be obeyed.

Well now that the accusing has finished for today, why don't we get on to the fight.

Scruffy: I'm on a break.

Scruffy sits down on a chair and reads "The Lord of the Rings", but by this time in the future this story has morphed into an adult magazine.

On to phase 2, finding a new and clever way to introduce the fight weapons, this time, I, the writer, will choose the weapons, well technically it is me who chooses them anyway.

Let's see, Hypnotoad's weapon shall be...

Hypnotoad: Buuuzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

*mono-tone* Hypnotoad can use his power of hypnosis, Scruffy must fight with his fists.

Scruffy flicks through to the next page of his book/magazine...

Let's move on to phase 3, in which I introduce something new into the genre: an interview with the fighters before the battle

Writer: So, Hypnotoad, what is your battle plan?

Hypnotoad: Buuuzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Writer: *mono-tone* I see... and how about you Scruffy?

Scruffy: Scruffy's gonna talk in the third person.

Scruffy flicks over to the next page.

Phase 4: what's with these phases anyway, what's wrong with my writing style? Its become more personal than usual.

Emperor: The fight will not start until the gong is struck.

Fry: I wonder what will happen to the gong this week?

Leela: Gong? What gong? I don't know what you're talking about. Stop accusing me...

Fry: You wouldn't know anything about this would you, Leela?

Leela: Um.. no

Fry: wait a minute, you did it, didn't you? Why are you acting like Bender?

Leela: Oh, it's true, I stole it...

Leela looks at Fry's watch

Leela: May I look at that for a second

Fry: Hey, come back with that!

Leela dashes off with Fry's watch

Looks like Leela might be a cleptomaniac.

Hypnotoad: Buzzzzzzzz

Emperor: *mono-tone* start the fight

Meanwhile, Fry is still chasing Leela

Fry: Why are you acting this way? Hey wait up!

Leela stops moving, facing away from Fry

Leela: Fry I.. uh..

Leela turns around and gives Fry a kiss

Fry: Mmmm.... what was I doing again?

Leela: You were looking for Bender

Fry: Ah yes, I wonder where he's been hiding?

*back to the fight*

Scruffy is still sitting ignoring everything that is going on.

Hypnotoad looks at the audience, to hypnotize them into doing his bidding.

Hypnotoad: Buzzzzz

Several of the crowd members pick up knives they had handy and throw them at Scruffy

All knives miss Scruffy

Hypnotoad looks at other audience members

Hypnotoad: Buzzzz!!!!!

Crowd Member #1: *mono-tone* You there, get up off that seat, you whimp!

Crowd Member #2: *mono-tone* I concur, you are worthless, Scruffy.

Entire crowd: *mono-tone* Boo.

Scruffy: Scruffy's getting steamed now.

Scruffy gets up off his seat


Fry: Hey, wait a minute, Leela, didn't you steal my watch, and the gong?

Leela: No, no!

Leela kisses Fry again, this time longer.

Fry: Mmm... wait, I was looking for Bender, right?

Leela: Yeah, where is that hilarious robot anyway?

*mean-while, on LOTUS 3, the word processor planet*

Bender: What the hell am I doing here?

Typewritter Bot: Aren't you here to work?

Bender: Me? Work? Please... I got lost on the way to the stadium

Computer: What stadium, be more specific, you drone.

Bender: You know, that stupid red lobster planet.

Computer: Claw Plaque?

Bender: Yup.

Computer: Never heard of it

Bender: You worthless piece of crap, I'll kill you!

*back at the stadium*

Fry: Wait, you DID steal my watch didn't you?

Leela: Yes...

Fry: Just keep the stupid thing, I found it lying on the ground earlier this week

Leela: Thanks. Oooh.. nice jacket!

Fry: Hmm, I like where this is going...

*Back to the fight*

Scruffy rolls up his magazine and starts hitting the Hypnotoad with it

Scruffy: Scruffy's gonna beat you up then put you in the torlet.

Hypnotoad: Buzzzzzz!

Scruffy however, is not looking at the Hypnotoad's eyes.

Hypnotoad turns to the Emperor

The Emperor grabs a pot of red paint and chucks it at Scruffy

Hypnotoad turns to look at some armed guards in the stadium

Hynotoad: Buzzzz!!

Armed Guard #1: *mono-tone* Let's get him.

Armed Guard #2: *mono-tone* No complaints here

Both armed guards shoot Scruffy with a laser

Scruffy falls down


Leela: Mmm! Nice shoes

Fry: You want those, too?

* back at the fight again *

Scruffy: Scruffy's badly hurt, but he'll still win

Hypnotoad wonders why it is fighting Scruffy in the first place

Scruffy gets up quickly

Scruffy picks up Hypnotoad. However, doing so he makes eye-contact with the Hypnotoad.

Hypnotoad: Buzzzzz!!

Scruffy: *mono-tone* Scruffy's gonna die.

Scruffy pulls out a knife from his pocket and shoves it through his own heart. Bit gruesome, eh?

Hypnotoad: *buzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz!!*

Everyone: *All glory to the Hypnotoad*

Emperor: It is clear, the Hypnotoad has won the battle, and our minds.

Tune in next time. I mean, type in URL's next time. I mean click next time... for another edition of Claw Plaque.