Claw Plaque

Match 3: Leela vs. Phnog<

LEELA'S WEAPON OF CHOICE: That thing she wears on her wrist

Unfortunately, the gong is still out from last week's fight, so today the emperor throws sand in Leela's eye to signify the start of the fight. Needless to say, the emperor isn't a big Leela fan. Unfortunately, for everyone's favourite cyclops, the odds are stacked against her. We're told she does not have the 'will of a warrior', let's see if she can perform like one, or at least like a schoolmarm.

Sitting safely inside Destructor's head, Phnog pounds at the controls as Destructor tries to crush Leela; but, she's too fast for him. Phnog isn't the only one putting his heart (well, fingers) into the fight, she's pounding away at his leg continuously. I think I even see a dent - pretty good kicking for someone who doesn't have good depth perception.

'Ah ha ha! Your kicking does nothing, for you lack the will of a warrior!' taunts Phnog, as he makes Destructor knock her down.

She's down but not out as she reveals her powerful mind confusion technique. She rips off her top!......... to reveal she's really wearing a green tank top! No stripes on her boots today though, she doesn't want to go totally out of control!

Phnog is blinded by this sudden change. 'Damn you! blinding me with a sudden change of consistency!'

Leela laughs at his cry of anger and, knowing she can't defeat a skyscraper-sized robot herself, gets the help she needs to win the battle. 'Go, thing that I wear on my wrist!' she commands, as it leaps off.

'You know, that "pert 'n' popular" doesn't work as well as you think', it comments, before sticking itself to the side of Destructor's head. It switches to self-destruct mode.

'No, don't go! I need you!' shouts Leela, as the wrist thing's bomb is ready to go off.

'Relax, Leela, it's a deathmatch, I'll be back when they run out of characters.'

LAWYER'S NOTE: The word deathmatch is used completely independently of mtvcdm's 'Deathmatch'. Claw Plaque deny any claims of plagiarism that may be received from mtvcdm or MTV (the music channel).

BOOM! The bomb goes off and Destructor is blown into pieces, and he isn't the only one. Little pieces of Phnog rain over the land; the people of Decapo 10 won't go hungry tonight!

The emperor comes down to give Leela her chocolate medal and have his photo taken with the lucky winner. 'Have you tried a facial scrub for your pores?' asks the emperor, as he inspects the photos.

NEXT WEEK: Kif vs. Labarbara.