Claw Plaque

Match 6: Morgan Proctor vs. Harold Zoid


For the first time in Claw Plaque, two characters with one episode appearances are joining Claw Plaque. We don't know much about them, but what I gathered from the manual votes I got, you hate them both. So, whoever wins, let's try and see if the other one can, at least, lose a couple of limbs. To ensure this, I sneaked onto the stadium, when no one was looking, and planted 5 bombs around the arena. They are hidden, so both contestants are sure to come to some harm.

GONG! We all know what that sound means; yes all 5 of us reading this.

"I'm going to requisition your ass out of this arena!" threatens Morgan, with her tight bun of hair holding her favourite pen.

"Oh please, you nasty lady, you think I'd be scared of you with such a neutral voice? Show some emotion!"

This seems to have really shaken up Morgan, she gets the pen out of her hair and starts signing a form out of her cabinet. The form seems to say "blowing lobster's head off". This doesn't look good for Zoid: once all the stamps are on, Zoid's head will automatically blow up. She is just about to stamp the last stamp when Zoid sprays a bit of his own ink onto Morgan.

It hits her eyes and she stumbles back, dropping the form, and it sets off a bomb. BOOOOM! Morgan is really angry now. She knows that it's useless to carry on signing forms, so she takes one out and folds it into a paper aeroplane and throws it towards Zoid. It flies straight at Harold's eye, and he is temporarily blinded. Morgan uses this advantage to rip one of the drawers out of her cabinet and lob them at the lobster. They smack into the stomach, sending him flying into the stadium wall.

This cracks the seating above, and poor Cubert and Robot Santa (last week's competitors), who are in the audience, fall into the stadium A screwdriver that Cubert was fiddling with falls from his hands and jams into Robot Santa's head. He is dead; Cubert has defeated him. One of last week's spectators, Plasma, cheers and waves his Cubert flag around, he then cancels the hate mail he was just about to send to this commentator.

Robot Santa's head falls off and rolls over to Morgan's side, it looks like it hit a bump... BOOM! Morgan's leg is ripped off in the explosion and it flies right into the still dazed Harold Zoid. However, this only knocks him out of his trance, and with her only having one leg, this fight looks to be over soon.

Just as Morgan has forced herself up and started hopping towards her beloved cabinet, Zoid squirts some ink in her path and she slips. He manages to limp over to the cabinet. "Perhaps this will revive my career," he ponders, before pushing the cabinet down hard on Morgan, who is now hilariously paper-thin - how humiliating, it doesn't look like she'll be coming out. A bomb goes off right underneath her, leaving a rippling blood effect on the outside of the locker.

The emperor comes down from his podium, made of dead members of the mating season, and gives Zoid his medal. But, his claw slips and the medal falls into the sand, blowing both of Zoid's legs off; well at least he's got his medal to show for it. Oh wait, that was melted away in the blast; but he doesn't care, he's too busy racing the other residents to the filing cabinet to get a piece of Morgan. But, doesn't that leave one bomb unexploded? Read on....

NEXT WEEK: Since there is one unexploded bomb left in the arena, the next battle will have to be fought on the rim of the coffee cup-shaped colosseum. The participants will be: Fry's mini-droid Vs the Parasite king. Instead of swords, they will both be using those bopper things from (American) gladiators to try and knock each other onto the bomb.

To see which one is blown apart, watch this space next week. But why sit there having no impact on the universe around you? You can decide who wins by voting on the voting form (but if I had to tell you that, maybe you shouldn't be using a computer).