Match 9: Nibbler vs. Guenther
NIBBLER'S VEHICLE OF CHOICE: his little spaceship
GUENTHER'S WEAPON OF CHOICE: his little suitcase, on wheels
I'd like to thank Nick (aka Winna) for submitting the idea for this Claw
Plaque, you too can submit contestants you'd like to see or ideas like this
by e-mail or by the voting form, as some of you have.
Anywho, I'm sure some of you might be wondering why the characters have 'vehicles'
of choice this week. Well, that's because this week, since neither contestants
hold much personality, we're holding a race. Don't worry, there are still weapons:
Nibbler's ship has laser cannons and Guenther's suitcase (hence forth known as
the case) has office supplies - you know, a staple gun, files, what have you.
This week, the emperor is standing at the end of the race course, which stretches
across a large jungle and a big lava river, blah, blah, blah, many dangers. So
the person to hit the gong is some hilarious character who I made up. I don't
have the energy to actually create him now, but just pretend he's hilarious. So
the two racers are off to a good start, both are neck and neck. Logic denotes
that an intergalactic spaceship would take over a suitcase on wheels (good quality
wheels, mind), but then it might also suggest that since this is technically a
cartoon, I can make it all up. There, now you know my secrets.
Nibbler has now slightly taken the lead, since his ship can hover and the case
is going over some bumpy ground, but Guenther strikes back: he throws a paper
weight up nibbler's exhaust pipe, sending the ship spinning around uncontrollably.
'Damn you, you stupid monkey!' shouts Nibbler (he can make us think he's talking
English now, remember).
Guenther laughs and picks up a monkey's phone number as he zooms by. It seems
he's realised that it's probably better he date at his own race. Plus the monkey
girls dig that hat he's wearing.
Nibbler gets his ship nearly up to full speed again, but the engine was damaged
when the paperweight went up the exhaust pipe - the dimension reprocessor snapped
in half, damaging the circuit counter speed heater. Yes, it's happened to us all.
He tries shooting lasers at Guenther, but the little monkey is wheeling too
fast down the jungle lane. 'Put your hat on your ass,' encourages Nibbler. 'Nothing
will go wrong.'
Guenther merely laughs at this suggestion. 'You think I'm still stupid enough
to fall for that?' Nibbler's lasers are still missing the monkey narrowly as they
approach the lava river, the other side of which signifies the end of the race.
Guenther lobs some cheap pencils to obstruct Nibbler's view, and it works.
Guenther's way ahead, there's almost no way Nibbler can win now. Suddenly,
Guenther realises that his case is on wheels and cannot fly, so crossing a lava
river might be a bit...... BURRRRRN SCREEAAAAAMMMM. Yes, he didn't expect that
to happen, still everyone likes a good monkey stew.
In a few seconds Nibbler crosses the finish line, winning. But, it seems he
can't slow down and he crashes right into the emperor, sending him flying and
then smacking painfully into a cliff nearby; that's gotta hurt. With the emperor
being peeled off the side of a cliff, that hilarious guy comes down to give Nibbler
his medal and free doggy comb. You know the hilarious guy from the start? Why
don't I see you laughing?
NEXT WEEK: The one you've all been waiting for its: Zoidberg vs. Hermes!
You can vote on the voting form which is on the front page, so do that now.
I expect quite a few votes for this one. Oh, and if I don't get at least 5, then
let's just say that a certain beauracrat will be limboing in celebration.