Claw Plaque

Match 9: Nibbler vs. Guenther

NIBBLER'S VEHICLE OF CHOICE: his little spaceship
GUENTHER'S WEAPON OF CHOICE: his little suitcase, on wheels

I'd like to thank Nick (aka Winna) for submitting the idea for this Claw Plaque, you too can submit contestants you'd like to see or ideas like this by e-mail or by the voting form, as some of you have.

Anywho, I'm sure some of you might be wondering why the characters have 'vehicles' of choice this week. Well, that's because this week, since neither contestants hold much personality, we're holding a race. Don't worry, there are still weapons: Nibbler's ship has laser cannons and Guenther's suitcase (hence forth known as the case) has office supplies - you know, a staple gun, files, what have you.

This week, the emperor is standing at the end of the race course, which stretches across a large jungle and a big lava river, blah, blah, blah, many dangers. So the person to hit the gong is some hilarious character who I made up. I don't have the energy to actually create him now, but just pretend he's hilarious. So the two racers are off to a good start, both are neck and neck. Logic denotes that an intergalactic spaceship would take over a suitcase on wheels (good quality wheels, mind), but then it might also suggest that since this is technically a cartoon, I can make it all up. There, now you know my secrets.

Nibbler has now slightly taken the lead, since his ship can hover and the case is going over some bumpy ground, but Guenther strikes back: he throws a paper weight up nibbler's exhaust pipe, sending the ship spinning around uncontrollably.

'Damn you, you stupid monkey!' shouts Nibbler (he can make us think he's talking English now, remember).

Guenther laughs and picks up a monkey's phone number as he zooms by. It seems he's realised that it's probably better he date at his own race. Plus the monkey girls dig that hat he's wearing.

Nibbler gets his ship nearly up to full speed again, but the engine was damaged when the paperweight went up the exhaust pipe - the dimension reprocessor snapped in half, damaging the circuit counter speed heater. Yes, it's happened to us all.

He tries shooting lasers at Guenther, but the little monkey is wheeling too fast down the jungle lane. 'Put your hat on your ass,' encourages Nibbler. 'Nothing will go wrong.'

Guenther merely laughs at this suggestion. 'You think I'm still stupid enough to fall for that?' Nibbler's lasers are still missing the monkey narrowly as they approach the lava river, the other side of which signifies the end of the race. Guenther lobs some cheap pencils to obstruct Nibbler's view, and it works.

Guenther's way ahead, there's almost no way Nibbler can win now. Suddenly, Guenther realises that his case is on wheels and cannot fly, so crossing a lava river might be a bit...... BURRRRRN SCREEAAAAAMMMM. Yes, he didn't expect that to happen, still everyone likes a good monkey stew.

In a few seconds Nibbler crosses the finish line, winning. But, it seems he can't slow down and he crashes right into the emperor, sending him flying and then smacking painfully into a cliff nearby; that's gotta hurt. With the emperor being peeled off the side of a cliff, that hilarious guy comes down to give Nibbler his medal and free doggy comb. You know the hilarious guy from the start? Why don't I see you laughing?

NEXT WEEK: The one you've all been waiting for its: Zoidberg vs. Hermes!

You can vote on the voting form which is on the front page, so do that now. I expect quite a few votes for this one. Oh, and if I don't get at least 5, then let's just say that a certain beauracrat will be limboing in celebration.