Futurama

Claw Plaque

Match: Professor Wormstrum vs. Mom


PROFESSOR WORMSTRUM'S WEAPON OF CHOICE: 3 Chinese interns
MOM'S WEAPON OF CHOICE: Larry, Walt and Igner - her sons


GOOOOOOOONG! The gong for the start of Claw Plaque sounds. Being a very cheap gong, it breaks in half and comes crashing into the arena, killing one of the Chinese interns straight off. The medical aids come and pick up the pieces and takes the Chinese man away (Chinese takeaway, so to speak); advantage Mom, then.

'Cheap flesh!' shouts the professor. 'I should have had my interns built for me!'

Mom chimes in, sick of the interferences, 'Shut up, you young whippersnapper! I'm going to rip you limb by wrinkled limb. Well, I say "I'm", but I don't intend to do any work at all.' Mom snaps her fingers, and Walt, Igner and Larry come charging at Wormstrum.

'Is this where we cheat and bribe the interns?' asks Igner, who is promptly slapped by the other two.

The interns show no sign of mourning for their recently severed friend. One of them breaks out the nun-chucks, spinning them wildly, before cutting off his own finger. 'Will laugh at this in later life,' he contemplates, before decapitating his own head! Perhaps he needed more training, but that won't help now, unless heads can operate nun-chucks using their tongue, which, admittedly, is unlikely.

Hmm, look at that other intern, he comes from the Japanese Mafia, the only TRUE Japanese intern that Wormstrum asked for (The other 2 being Chinese, so I could make a lame joke about Chinese takeaway). He's just standing there, he hasn't done anything this whole fight, I just know he's gonna do something. Wait, a sandstorm just came up, I can't see anything. Oh wait, it's clearing. Hmmm, the Japanese guy is standing in a different place and there are 3 red splotches where Larry Walt and Igner were. I knew that guy would do something. Damn sandstorm!

Mom looks ready to fight her own battles now as she rips off her puffy dress and slams it down on the Japanese guy, suffocating him. Now it's just Mom and Wormstrum.

Wormstrum is clearly making an effort to win, as he glares at Mom; that's all he's doing, but make no mistake, that's one mean glare he's packing. Mom, being a little more active, gives him a violent slap, sending him flying into the colosseum wall. He's very dead now, although his glaring is unabated.

Victory for Mom. But the guard has to award it to her, for the emperor is nowhere to be seen. Later, he explains: 'I was eating my dinner. Chinese takeaway I believe, very fresh!'

NEXT WEEK: LEELA VS. PHNOG

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