Futurama

Comic Transcripts

Delivery-Boy Man
Transcribed by dinkdrinker

Written by Phillip J. Fry

Drawing by Philip J. Fry

Ink provided by Dr. Zoidberg

Copied by Planet Express Copier


Mr. Fry would like to thank his assistants: Patric M. Verrone, Jason Ho, Mike Rote, Karen Bates, Serban Cristescu, and Chris Ungar.

('splash' page shows a very poorly drawn muscular Fry in a super hero pose, holding Leela in one arm, and Bender looking on, admiringly)

DELIVERY-BOY MAN SUPER SPECIAL EXTRAVAGANZA COMIC BOOK

ACTION! ROMANCE?! SHOOTING! WORDS! ARTWORK! ADS!

THE ORIGIN OF DELIVERY-BOY MAN! (printed and re-printed for the first time all in one place! Here!)

Scene: A planet has a huge crack forming down the center of it. A set of parents is about to put their child into a rocket...

FATHER: As our planet's greatest scientist, I believe our planet is doomed.

MOTHER: Then we must DELIVER our baby away! (the planet completely splits in half as the rocket takes off to safety)

FATHER: I knew it!

SUPERBABY WAS RAISED BY NORMAL HUMAN PEOPLE...

PA: (a stereotypical Mid-west American Farmer) Look, ma, this rocket DELIVERED a baby.

MA: he's like one we can't have ourselves.

AND HE GREW UP TO BE A SUPER-TEEN WHEN, IN A SCENE OUTSIDE A THEATER TOO HARD TO DRAW...

ROBBER: (pulls a gun) Stick 'em up!

PA: I'm being shot to death!

MA: Me too!

BOY: And I'm looking on!

AND THEN HE BECAME A RICH SUPER-SCIENTIST WHO HAD AN ACCIDENT WITH A BOMB...

SCIENTIST: Gamma rays! Help, Police!

...AND THAT RADIATION MADE A HUGE SPIDER THAT STUNG HIM EVEN THOUGH SPIDERS DON'T HAVE STINGERS EXCEPT THIS ONE DID...

(spider 'stings' him)

...AND THAT CAUSED HIM TO GROW METAL MUTANT CLAWS...

(DBM looks at his hands/claws, and freaks out)

...AND HE USED THEM TO CUT OPEN A PACKAGE.

(slashes open a package to reveal Diana of Themyscira's Wonder Woman garb)

SCIENTIST: Magic bracelets, a lasso, and a tiara! Who are you?

PHILLIP J. BOIMAN: My name is Phillip J. Boiman, I am a mild mannered delivery boy.

SCIENTIST: This package is not for me. Keeping it would be wrong!

PHILLIP J. BOIMAN: I'll take it back, sir.

AND SO, INSTEAD OF BITING THE DELIVERY BOY AND GIVING HIM HIS COOL POWERS LIKE I WANTED TO BUT EVERYONE SAID MADE HIM TOO POWERFUL, HE 'INSPIRED; THE BOY TO FIGHT CRIME WITHOUT COOL POWERS.

PHILLIP J. BOIMAN: (handing an unknown Amazonian a package, as Kug and Thog look on) Here is your package, back to it's rightful owners.

AMAZONIAN: Thank you, Delivery-boy! (hugs him) From now on you be 'Delivery-boy man!'

KUG: We teach you to perform 'Overnight Service'.

PHILLIP J. BOIMAN: (walks away, leaving the three Amazonians disappointed) No! I am leaving that delivery for someone special. But I'll take the name... (changes to his 'hero' outfit of boots, a cape and speedos) so that I can be called by it: I am Delivery-boy Man! My mission is to deliver truth, justice, and action... with my trusty side kick, Boxer the robot...

BOXER: (Bender with a boxy body) Bite my shiny metal box!

PHILLIP J. BOIMAN (HERE IN CALLED DELIVERY-BOY MAN, or DBM): ...and Leelis Lane, who I mentioned saving myself for earlier- a lady spaceship pilot and damsel in distress...

LEELIS: (Leela) Catchphrase to come!

DBM: …and others as soon as I think of stuff for them. (Hermoids/Hermes, Dr. Loserberg/Zoidberg, and Amee/Amy) And that's the origin of me, Delivery-boyMan!

BOXER: Neat!

LEELIS: (gets grabbed by a pair of red gloves out of the scene) Help!


And now, a brand new original Delivery-Boy Man Comic Story by Delivery-Boy Man's Creator, Philip J. Fry

DELIVERY-BOY MAN VS. INVADER X, PART ONE!

Let's read, shall we?

ERTH-

Not a mispelling, but a twin planet, the 4th planet from the sun. But not our sun.

INVADER X: (looks like some cross between a body builder and a lizard. He has Leelis tied to a torpedo) Launch the torpedos! Ha ha ha!!

LEELIS: Laff all you want. Delivery-Boy Man will save me.

INVADER X: Not if I 'shoot the messenger!' (a torpedo takes off with a sign on the side of it that says 'TO: Delivery-Boy Man FROM: Invader X')

LEELIS: Oh no! Delivery-Boy Man, deliver us from evil.

DBM: here's your cat, ma'am, delivered from that tree. (there is a tree w/ a large yellow arrow pointing at it) I don't have super powers, Boxer, but my 'delivery sense' is tingling.

BOXER: (points at the torpedo flying at them) Holy rocket! Look out! (he opens himself up and a boxing glove flies out on the end of a long spring, punching the warhead)

DBM: Wow! Way to deliver! A punch, that is. (there is a huge explosion, and when the blast clears, only DBM is seen) Oh no!! Boxer?! Boxer is... gone! (breaks down and cries) Boo-hoo-hoo! I can't go on!

Is this the end of Delivery-Boy Man?? What about Boxer?? And Leelis Lane?? Probably not, but maybe. So read the thrilling conclusion to 'Delivery-Boy Man vs. Invader X, part one!'


DELIVERY-BOY MAN VS. INVADER X, THE ENDING PART!

DBM: (crying) Boo-hoo-hoo! I'm showing emotion!

BOXER: (pulls himself out of a crater) I'm back, cry-baby.

DBM: Boxer?! You're alive?

BOXER: Not really. I'm a robot. But thinking I was dead taught you something, right?

DBM: Yes. That emotions can be as powerful as powers.

BOXER: Correct. (they shake hands)

DBM: Now we must find out who DELIVERED that space torpedo and RETURN TO SENDER!

BOXER: (points up) It came from there! Outer space!

DBM: Let's go!

INVADER X: (has Leelis tied to another torpedo and is pointing a gun at her) Say hello to my ray gun! And goodbye to everything else.

DBM: Hello!

INVADER X: Delivery-Boy Man!

DBM: Right on time!

BOXER: And I'm here too.

INVADER X: Right on time to see me shoot Leelis!

DBM: No. That's not what I meant.

INVADER X: Too bad. I am shooting now. (A meteor crashes through his hideout's roof and lands on top of him)

LEELIS: A meteor form space killed him!

DBM: Yes. Now kiss your troubles goodbye. And my face. (they kiss)

BOXER: The end?

INVADER X: (lifts the meteor off of himself) No! It is not the end.'

DBM: Invader X! You're alive?

INVADER X: (turns his head to reveal his 'skin' is gone, and he is in fact a robot) Not really. I'm a robot. But thinking I was dead taught you something, right?

DBM: Yes.

INVADER X: The power of emotion? Ha! No match for the power of my gun! Which I will now shoot! (he aims the gun at Leelis and shoots, only to have DBM throw Boxer in the way and block the shot. Boxer flips through the air, unharmed)

DBM: No! I learned that robots are hard to destroy!

INVADER X: I see. Well,what are you waiting for, Delivery-Boy Man? A tip?

DBM: No, I have a tip for you: (points above him) Keep your head up. (Boxer lands on top of his head, killing him)

INVADER X: Oof!

BOXER: (holding up Invader X's now decapitated head) He's dead.

LEELIS: My hero!

DBM: (holding a clip board) I need your signature here... (points to his face) and your lips here.

DBM: (in a caption bubble) That's 'nuff said, folks!


DELIVERY-BOY MAN MEET'S SERGIO ARAGONÉS' MOUSTACHE

SCRUFFY: (sweeping the sidewalk outside a building with a sign 'COMIC CON 3010: NO BOUNDARIES. NO LIMITS. NO PARKING') What's this? (picks up a moustache) I already got one of these. (looks at the tag hanging from it that says: 'If found, return to Sergio Aragonés') And I hates to read. (throws it over the back of his shoulder, and it lands on DBM's face)

DBM: Scruffy! Reading can be fun! And it's the first step in the delivery process!

THE NEXT DAY...

DBM: Special delivery for Mr. Aragonés! (tosses the moustache into his head-jar)

SERGIO ARAGONÉS: My moustache! She has returned!

SCRUFFY: (reading 'Marginal Work by Sergio Aragonés') You fellers were right. Reading can be fun... and funny! (everyone laughs)

DBM: Seriously...

SERGIO ARAGONÉS: Learn to read!

SCRUFFY: I reckon.

Meet Sergio Aragonés' head and moustache at the 'Comic Books and Facial Hair Literacy Booth' at Comic Con 3010!

Buddies