Futurama

Comic Transcripts

Comic #13: The Bender you say
Transcribed by Umbreon

IAN BOOTHBY – SCRIPTJAMES LLOYD – PENCILSSTEVE STEERE, JR. – INKS
JOEY MASON – COLORSKAREN BATES – LETTERSBILL MORRISON – EDITOR
MATT GROENING – FOOD CRITIC  

Bender walks to the conference table holding a large gelatin “cake” wearing a “Kiss The Cook’s Shiny Metal Ass” apron and a chef’s hat, the rest of the crew are collapsed on the table with their tongues hanging out.

BENDER: No! All my friends, DEAD! And it was MY COOKING that killed them! *he sobs, oil tears dripping from his eye. Then he quickly recovers and moves to pick Fry’s pocket* Oh well, nothing left to do but take their valuables and make a fresh start…

FRY: (snaps up and grabs his wallet) Hey! Gimmie my money back, Bender!

BENDER: No! It’s what YOU would’ve wanted!

Everyone else wakes up.

BENDER: I mean… YOU’RE NOT DEAD?!

AMY: Of course, we’re not dead.

HERMES: Your bland food put us to sleep, mon!

BENDER: (crosses his arms) Why, I take that as an INSULT.

HERMES: Good, because it WAS an insult.

BENDER: Well, I…

The view changes to Bender’s visor.

HERMES: Well WHAT?

5:00pm ROOM TEMP 20º C ALCOHOL LEVEL 4.5

Snappy comebacks

◄ “The last time I saw a face like yours it had a hook in it.”

◄ “Your mama is so fat she has a high risk of diabetes and heart disease.”

◄ “Oh yeah? You and what army?”

BENDER: Just a second. *the view switches back to normal and he points at Hermes* Okay, I got a good one… You and what… *the crew passes out again* Oh, that’s nice! Start dessert without me!

The next day, in the “Little Armageddon” section of town…

Bender walks down the street, amid robot hobos, human thieves, and a few aliens.

BENDER: BLAND, eh? Not SPICY enough, huh?

HOOKER BOT: Hey, honey! Wanna replicate a good time?

Bender opens the door to a store called “Black Market Spices”. The window is marked “We got yer oregano right here, pal!” Inside, Elzar is at the counter.

ELZAR: (holding out a thin and pathetic-looking weasel) Yo! I need my spice weasel refilled!

Bender gasps and hugs him.

BENDER: ELZAR! My cooking HERO!

ELZAR: (pushes against Bender’s chest) Hey, ya wanna kick my personal space bubble up a notch? *puts on a hat and opens the door* Listen, you never saw me here! You got that?

BENDER: (presses the side of his head, causing a flash) I’m deleting my memory as we speak. *turns to the store manager, another Neptunian* Where the hell am I?

NEPTUNIAN: Looks like you deleted too much memory. Did you back yourself up?

BENDER: (slips a disk into his head) Oh yeah, right! I need some spice. THE GOOD STUFF!

NEPTUNIAN: Okay, but first I gotta ask. Are you a cop?

BENDER: (looking disgusted) No way, man!

NEPTUNIAN: Too bad. Police get a 10% discount. *points out URL looking through herbs and opens a back door* This way, pal.

At the bottom of a flight of stairs is a cellar, filled with baskets and shelves of spices, along with a large jug on the floor reading ‘No Touchy!’ One rack is filled with shakers reading ‘S/P’.

BENDER: What the? S and P? Is that what I think it is?

NEPTUNIAN: Yep, but it’ll cost ya.

BENDER: (holds out a gold credit card) Put it on my ADAMANTIUM CREDIT CARD. Don’t remember where I got it, but it can handle anything.

ELZAR: (searching his pockets outside) Hey, where’s my wallet?

Later…

Bender is back at Planet Express, standing over a steaming pot with a shaker in his hand.

HERMES: That can’t be salt and PEPPER, mon!

FRY: (leans over the pot) Why not? What’s the BIG DEAL about salt and pepper?

LEELA: About salt, nothing, but PEPPER… Years ago, Earth was attacked by aliens.

There is a shot of New New York streets, filled with people and robots running in fear. Ships overhead knock down tops of buildings with laser blasts.

FRY: (waves his hand dismissively) So what? Earth get attacked three times a WEEK. It’s how I remember it’s time to FLOSS.

LEELA: This time the invaders weren’t just some DRUNK ALIEN FRAT BOYS. *narrates over the events* They took over the planet in under an hour, like an evil Lenscrafters.

The human leaders of the world’s nations kneel before the aliens, who look slightly like earless pigs with noses that take up most of their faces.

ALIEN: We demand TRIBUTE! And is that the best GROVELING you can do? If you can’t use your knees they’ll be taken away from you!

EARTH PRESIDENT: All hail our benevolent enslavers!

LEELA: But that night…

The three invaders sit with forks, knives, and plates, waiting to be served from a huge banquet table.

ELZAR: Please accept this humble dinner. It’s ALL THE FOOD ON EARTH.

EARTH PRESIDENT: If there are any leftovers, your slaves would be happy to NOT STARVE.

ALIEN: No, we’ll have it wrapped up. We may be PECKISH later. *points at his plate* This food is so BLAND! We demand SPICE!

ELZAR: (runs over with a pepper grinder) Of course. *he grinds pepper onto the plates. The aliens breathe it, sneeze, and their heads blow up from the force, leaving Elzar and the President covered in green slime*

LEELA: The pepper was too much for the invaders giant proboscis. Since then, all pepper goes DIRECTLY to the MINISTRY OF EARTH DEFENSE.

Everyone is once again sitting around the conference table.

HERMES: She’s right, this is illegal contraband. I officially object to this meal we are about to receive.

CREW: Amen!

VOICE: WAIT!

BENDER: (sighs) What now?

A man wearing a brown suit and hat flashes a badge.

MAN: I’m the City Health Inspector. *leans toward the Professor* You have a KITCHEN on the premises?

PROFESSOR: Not to the best of my recollection.

INSPECTOR: (points at the pot Bender is holding) I’ll need to TASTE this food.

LEELA: (whispers) Bender! If he finds out you used pepper, you’ll be arrested as a traitor and DISASSEMBLED.

Bender gulps.

INSPECTOR: (sips the soup) Mmm, that’s GOOD! Really SPICY!

BENDER: Is that all? Are you done? Ready to GO?

INSPECTOR: No, now I have to do a bio scan of myself and view my holographic projection 24 hours in the future.

He presses a button on his badge. It projects an image of a grave that reads:

‘Here lies Inspector #14
Poisoned in the line of duty’
Everyone in the room is shocked.

BENDER: Did we pass?

And so…

BENDER: Turns out it was SMALLPOX? Well, how was I to know?

FRY: (holing the shaker) It says so right on the back. And on the side. And the OTHER side.

BENDER: I don’t have TIME TO READ labels, what with all my CHARITY WORK and all. *he thinks back to himself standing on the street, a line of Cookieville orphans next to him as a man passes* Money to save the children?

MAN: From what?

BENDER: From me HITTING THEM if you don’t give me a DOLLAR.

PROFESSOR: (snaps Bender out of his flashback) Bender, for recklessly endangering the lives of the Planet Express staff… YOU’RE FIRED. *spins in his chair, facing Fry, Leela, and Amy* Oh, that reminds me. GOOD NEWS, EVERYONE! You’re delivering twenty tons of NITROGLYCERIN to Seismic 4, the earthquake planet.

ZOIDBERG: (holding the pot) So if everyone doesn’t want their leftover fatal disease dinner, can I finish it maybe?

HERMES: I vote yes!

BENDER: (throws down his chef’s hat) Fine! I don’t need this job! There’s lots of STUFF I can do. I could be…

“…a nurse…”

Bender stands in a hospital wearing a nurse’s hat and white gown.

BENDER: So, where are the bed pans?

DOCTOR: Bed pans? That’s why we hired YOU! Now do a good job, and in a year we might make you an IRON LUNG.

A patient in a wheelchair rolls up to Bender.

PATIENT: Just the person I need to see!

DOCTOR: Buzz me when you’re full up.

“…or a gravedigger…”

Bender stands in a graveyard holding a shovel next to a man in a dark suit. One grave reads:

“Here lies Inspector #14
Poisoned in the line of duty”

Another grave with a much large mound of dirt reads:

“Here lies Roger Haglund
Beloved son, father, brother, and cousin”

MAN: You buried the FAMILY, too?

BENDER: They got too close, and I was on a roll. They shouldn’t have been hanging around!

MAN: It was a FUNERAL!

BENDER: Okay, tell you what… NO EXTRA CHARGE.

“…or a game show model.”

A man and an alien wearing a sparkly white suit and holding a mike stand on a pedestal. A hover-camera is off to the side and a sign reading “What’s The Last Digit Of π?” hangs over them.

MAN: Um… 7?

HOST: That’s correct. The last digit IS 7, and you’ve won…

Bender, wearing a blonde wig and a badly fitting pink dress, stands next to a convertible hover-car.

HOST: … A NEW CAR!

Bender jumps in the car and drives off, nearly hitting the host, contestant, and the camera. Both men scream.

BENDER: SO LONG, SUCKERS!

90 seconds later…

The car is crashed into a light post. Bender rips off his dress and throws down his wig.

BENDER: Aw, who am I kidding? Planet Express was the ONLY JOB I was good at, and I wasn’t even good at THAT. *he leans against a dumpster* I’d give ANYTHING for a job.

The Robot Devil appears from a sudden cloud of smoke.

ROBOT DEVIL: ANYTHING?

Bender stands and makes a cross with his fingers.

BENDER: Aaaah! THE ROBOT DEVIL! The Silicon Satan! Prince of Digital Darkness and ruler of Robot Hell! GET THEE BEHIND ME!

ROBOT DEVIL: (calmly) Want a job?

BENDER: *shakes his hand* Yeah, okay!

Meanwhile back at Planet Express…

Amy kneels on a ramp working on the side of the ship with a blowtorch. Leela and Zoidberg are on the ground floor.

LEELA: (with her hair down and her bangs covering most of her face) Someone stole my SCRUNCHIE.

ZOIDBERG: (as naked as he can get) And my SHELL.

The Professor lies flat on the ground, hand on his chest.

PROFESSOR: And my HEART MEDICINE!

They enter the lounge, where Fry sits on the couch. He is unshaven, surrounded by beer cans, and Zoidberg’s shell (with no clothes) is on the floor.

LEELA: Fry, have you..?

He belches.

LEELA: Hey! Our stuff! *she ties up her hair* Stealing, drinking… Fry, are you trying to fill THE VOID that Bender left?

FRY: Bite my shiny, fleshy…

LEELA: Aw, that’s sweet. But if you keep up the drinking, you’ll die from LIVER FAILURE. And if you steal from me again, I’ll BREAK YOUR NOSE.

He belches again.

The Professor raises his arm, having somehow gotten from the hangar to the lounge without getting up off the ground.

PROFESSOR: Fry, we all… my chest… have to move on… no blood going to my brain… with our lives, my fellow penguins!

Fry passes out on the arm of the couch.

LEELA: (crosses her arms and watches him) I’m sure Bender’s just fine wherever he is.

Meanwhile in Robot Hell…

Bender screams as flame whips up around him.

ROBOT DEMON: (runs into the kitchen) What’s wrong? The master is waiting!

BENDER: (stands next to a flaring pan) I think I used too much brandy in my cherries jubilee. I hope it’s not too tart!

The Robot Devil sits with a plate of food, the long table covered in various dishes. Three small robots with wax on their heads are tied together to serve as a candelabra.

ROBOT DEVIL: This food is… what’s the word?

BENDER: Horrible? Terrible? Dreadful? Awful? Foul? Vile? Repulsive? I can update my thesaurus if you need more.

ROBOT DEVIL: It’s WONDERFUL!

BENDER: What? REALLY? Wait’ll I tell the guys!

Bender heads into a flaming cave where a few robots are being tortured by demons.

BENDER: Hey! The Robot Devil likes my food!

ROBOT ON FIRE: GOOD FOR YOU!

ROBOT BEING SAWED: That’s SWELL news!

ROBOT BEING BLOW TORCHED: AAAAAAH! I mean, GLAD TO HEAR IT!

Bender returns to the dining room to find the Robot Devil slumped on the table.

BENDER: Aw, not again! He’s BORED by my cooking!

DEMON: (shakes the Devil) No, he’s DEAD. You POISONED him.

BENDER: (wipes his brow) Well, THAT’S a relief. *freaks out* I mean… WHAT?!!! OH NO!

Bender begins to run around waving his arms while two demons take the Robot Devil out on a stretcher.

BENDER: I KILLED another ROBOT. Oh my god. Oh my God.

DEMON: Hey, don’t worry about it, what’s the WORST that could happen… you end up HERE?

BENDER: (narrows one eye) So what do we do NOW?

Just outside “The Inferno” ride in New Jersey, demons with pitchforks herd robots out of the park. A sign now hangs that reads ‘Out of business’.

SMALL DEMON: Out! Out!

SECOND DEMON: You don’t have to go to ROBOT HEAVEN, but you can’t stay HERE!

Soon after…

At the Church of Robotology.

PREACHERBOT: BROTHERS AND SISTERS! I cannot help but be TROUBLED by the small amount of money downloaded into the PAPAL PAYPAL PLATE!

ROBOT: What’s the POINT? If there’s NO MORE Robot Hell what do we need to be SAVED from?

PREACHERBOT: But there’s more to FAITH than the fear of ETERNAL TORMENT.

OLD FEMBOT: That’s the ONLY thing you’ve preached to us.

PREACHERBOT: Now, sister, that is just NOT TRUE.

SECOND ROBOT: (holds up a long printout) No, she’s RIGHT. Here’s a printout of your last 1000 sermons. They’re 98% hellfire and brimstone and 2% bingo-related issues.

THIRD ROBOT: (puts on a hat and gets up to leave) We just don’t have any reason to be here anymore.

PREACHERBOT: Wait! Come back! I’m sure I can make up something about LOVE if you give me a few minutes.

SECOND ROBOT: Oh no, I’ve seen “Star Trek.” If you try and explain the concept of human love to us, we’ll BLOW UP! SO LONG, PREACHER!

The next day…

The Preacherbot stands in an alley.

PREACHERBOT: And so, in my greatest time of need I turn to YOU… *Bender stands across from him, smoking a cigar* There’s a VOID that needs filling, and I can’t think of anyone who’d be a better FILLING than you.

BENDER: Uh-huh.

PREACHERBOT: Bender, what I’m asking is… will you be the NEW ROBOT DEVIL?

BENDER: The DEVIL, you say?

The scene changes to Robot Hell, with Bender sitting on a throne at the top of robot skulls. He’s wearing a cape, large ‘horns’, and laughing gleefully. Fry and Leela each wear red headbands with little horns and carry pitchforks.

LEELA: I can’t BELIEVE Bender tricked us into selling him our SOULS and becoming his SLAVES!

FRY: The contract looked just like a birthday card for the Professor except for all those PENTAGRAMS and us having to sign it in BLOOD!

BENDER: (snaps at whip at them) QUIET MINIONS!

LEELA: Hey!

FRY: Ow!

A small demon runs up to Bender holding a piece of paper.

DEMON: For you, oh Dark Lord.

BENDER: Not another DOCTOR’S NOTE. *reads the note* Please excuse robot X234 from physical torture by robot demons.

Bender and a demon look around. Robots, some of them partly on fire, lounge in lawn chairs and on blankets. A few splash around in an actual pool filled with lava.

BENDER: How many does that make NOW?

DEMON: Everyone.

BLUE ROBOT: (spots Bender) Hey, you work here, right? Get me a scotch on the rocks!

BENDER: Yes, sir!

FRY: Um… Bender? I don’t think they’re taking you SERIOUSLY.

BENDER: (shining a robot’s foot cup) Really?

BLUE ROBOT: (kicks Bender in his shiny metal ass) Hey, I wanted ice, DUMB ASS!

BENDER: Ow! Yes, sir. Right away, sir! Hey, WAIT A MINUTE! You’re right, Fry. Thanks! *whips Fry*

FRY: Ow! You’re welcome!

BENDER: FINE! If they all have doctor’s notes excusing them for traditional torment, then old Bender has to get creative!

The next day…

Bender addresses a group of robots in lawn chairs.

BENDER: Attention, everyone! I know you all ENJOY and REQUIRE your daily LUBRICATION, so I picked up a big case of MOM’S PREMIUM OLD FASHIONED ROBOT OIL!

GREEN ROBOT: Premuim!

GREY ROBOT: Now you’re TALKING!

BENDER: And it’s all at the end of this walkway. *he motions to a path with a white rug* Enjoy!

LARGE ROBOT: Hey! The walkway is covered in SHAG CARPETING.

There is a large line of robots. The back half are covered in a blue static glow.

RED ROBOT: Ow! Quit it! You’re STATIC-SHOCKING ME!

THIN BLUE ROBOT: No, YOU’RE the one shocking ME, ya jerk!

GREY ROBOT: Yow!

Near the front of the line, the robots cover their ears to block out Fry’s voice. Bender plays along on his banjo.

TALL RED ROBOT: Must gouge out my internal microphone! Gotta mute the horror!

ORANGE ROBOT: Aagh! My rhythm meter! You’re destroying it with your horrible timing!

FRY: (wears a blue track suit and white headband, singing) I’m rappin’ Fry, and I just can’t stop! Bender’s kicking it old school with our banjo hip hop!

Last of all, Leela stands in front of barrels of oil holding a sign that reads, “To obtain oil you must answer this skill-testing question: What is C3PO divided by R2D2?”

TEAL ROBOT: What kind of math IS this? My calculator is overheating! AAAH!

GREEN ROBOT: NOOOOOO!

A week later…

Demons once more chase robots around with pitchforks and chainsaws, causing general carnage. Fry and Leela look on, still wearing their little horns, thin slices from Bender’s whip in Fry’s jacket and across Leela’s arm. Both apply lotion from a large container labeled “Kool Whip Brand Whip-Pain cream”.

FRY: So the robots all preferred regular torture AFTER ALL. Bender really got things back in line, didn’t he, Leela?

LEELA: I have to admit. He’s doing a great job! Speaking of which, where IS Bender? I haven’t seen him ALL NIGHT.

FRY: (kneels at the mouth of a long hallway) There’s a trail of beer cans, cigar stubs, and robo-porn. Let’s follow it! *at the end of the hallway, he presses his hands against the wall* Holy cow! Bender walked through a WALL. Maybe he really is the Devil… or a ghost that just wants to be FRIENDLY.

LEELA: When you’re done being an idiot, help me try and find a SWITCH on this wall.

A door swoooshes open.

FRY: Wow! A SECRET DOOR leading out of ROBOT HELL! Cool!

LEELA: You know, we could just escape now and stop being Bender’s slaves.

FRY: Where’s the fun in THAT? *points to the trail of trash* THIS WAY!

They end up in front of the robot soup kitchen, the trail leads to the door.

FRY: What the HUH?

Inside, Fry and Leela are shocked to see Bender in an apron and hairnet and handing out bowls.

BENDER: Here you go, fresh PROTON SOUP and ELECTRON CRACKERS. Can’t have one without the other.

ROBOT: Thank you, kind sir.

ROBOT COOK: Bender, how much GRAVITY did you put in the black hole bisque?

BENDER: FIFTY UNITS, like it said in the cookbook.

ROBOT COOK: That’s a MARTIAN cookbook. You have to adjust for Earth gravity!

BENDER: (watches as a few bowls of soup start sucking in people and robots) Oops!

LEELA: BENDER!

FRY: What are YOU doing here?

BENDER: Huh? WHAAA?

ROBOT COOK: HEY! Back of the line!

Bender runs down the street, tossing off his hair net.

FRY: COME BACK!

Inside the Church of Robotology, a large group of robots once again fills the pews.

PREACHERBOT: And you can never let your guard down for a SECOND, BROTHERS AND SISTERS!

ROBOT: AMEN!

PREACHERBOT: For you never know which sin you commit will send you face to face with…

Bender bursts in, still wearing his large horns.

ROBOT: … THE ROBOT DEVIL!

YELLOW ROBOT: (throws cash) I REPENT ALL MY SINS!

PINK ROBOT: (also throws money) Let me make a DONATION, Reverend! TAKE IT ALL!

PURPLE ROBOT: I want to be REBOOTED into the robot church!

PREACHERBOT: (counts the money) WELL DONE, Bender. Feel free to drop by ANYTIME!

FRY: THERE you are!

BENDER: (knocks over a barrel of baptism oil) HA! THIS’LL slow them down. *he slips in the oil, knocking off his horns and falling onto his back* AAAAAAH! NUTS! *wiggles his arms and legs meekly* Can SOMEONE help me off my back?

Fry, Bender, and Leela walk down the street outside the church.

FRY: Bender, I think I speak for everyone when I say… WHAT UP?

BENDER: Aw, being KING OF ALL EVIL was cool for a while…but to be doing it 24/7 just took the FUN out of it, y’know?

FRY: Like working in a candy store.

BENDER: (snaps his whip) Did I ask for a COMPARATIVE METAPHOR?

FRY: Ow!

BENDER: It was just so BORING I snuck out at night to work at the soup kitchen just for a CHANGE OF PACE. Evil as a JOB just isn’t the same as evil as a HOBBY. *he sighs* Well, better get back on my throne.

They keep walking down the street while Fry rubs his behind.

BENDER: Man, I’d give ANYTHING to go back to the way things were.

VOICE: ANYTHING?

They turn to see the Robot Devil in a hovercar covered in a flame paintjob.

ROBOT DEVIL: Going MY way?

They all get in, Fry and Leela in the back and Bender riding shotgun. There’s not much to the interior other than the Devil having a small bobblehead of himself on the dashboard and a chain steering wheel.

LEELA: Aren’t you supposed to be DEAD?

ROBOT DEVIL: Bender is right. Being evil can really DRAIN you. I needed a vacation, and so I FAKED MY DEATH to catch a few weeks of FUN IN THE SUN!

FRY: (leans over the front seat) If I had a NICKEL for every time I’ve faked MY death to get out of work… so where did you go?

ROBOT DEVIL: I just TOLD you. THE SUN. Heaven help me, I LOVE the HEAT! *holds out his hand* Thanks for taking over, Bender, but if you don’t mind, I’ll take the key BACK now.

BENDER: (hands over the key) That’s a RELIEF, I…

They get to the back door of Robot Hell and see there is a stampede of round footprints coming from inside.

ROBOT DEVIL: What the…?

FRY: Oh, MAN, we left the DOOR OPEN. All the robots must have ESCAPED.

Inside, the place is completely abandoned.

ROBOT DEVIL: Even the DEMONS are gone!

LEELA: We are SO sorry.

FRY: Please don’t sue us or torture us forever!

ROBOT DEVIL: (pulls a switch) No matter. That’s what the SIN MAGNET’S for. Bender, you’d better grab ON TO something.

The magnet activates, pulling robots in from outside and pulling at Bender who’s clinging to a rock. Then Amy flies in and attaches to it.

AMY: Guh?

LEELA: Amy? YOU’RE an evil robot?

AMY: Whaaa?

ROBOT DEVIL: (reaches into her pocket) THE DAY PLANNER in her pocket has been EMBEZZLING from Planet Express.

Once it’s gone, Amy falls off the magnet and slams into the ground.

DAY PLANNER: I regret NOTHING!

BENDER: So we’re FREE TO GO?

ROBOT DEVIL: FREE TO GO? Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! BWAH-HA-HA-HA-HA! I’m sorry. I just remembered a JOKE Robot Hitler told me this afternoon. Oh, and YES, you’re free to go! Bye now! DON’T FORGET TO SIN!

The three of them cower on the floor in fear.

Bender, Fry, Leela, and Amy file out of Robot Hell.

BENDER: Well, I’ve learned MY lesson. THERE’S NO PLACE LIKE HOME!

FRY: (taps his shoulder) I think MGM COPYRIGHTED that lesson in the 20th century.

BENDER: (throws up his hands) Fine! Then I DIDN’T learn ANYTHING! Let’s get back to Planet Express.

A robot not much large than Tinny Tim with an orange body, hoop “earrings”, and a large wooden staff knocks on Bender’s side.

ROBOT MONK: EXCUSE ME.

BENDER: Yeah?

ROBOT MONK: Are you the one called “BENDER”? I have traveled around the world, and according to our sensors, you’re the REINCARNATION of the ROBOT BUDDHA. We’d like you to lead us to ROBOT NIRVANA.

Bender’s eyes narrow evilly while Fry, Amy, and Leela look uncomfortable.

BENDER: ROBOT NIRVANA, huh?

Soon…

The group speeds down the street in the Robot Devil’s car. Fry is wearing a large watch and trying to keep a tv from falling out the window, Amy is in the backseat wearing a diamond tiara, and Leela sits next to her among a pile of gold and jewels. Bender holds the small monk out the window so he can bash store windows with his staff.

ROBOT MONK: You were RIGHT, Bender! DRIVE BY LOOTING is the closest thing I’ve ever felt to PARADISE!

BENDER: Less yakking! More swiping!

LEELA: Amy, Fry, how can you join in on this CRIME SPREE?

AMY: Don’t blame US, Leela.

FRY: Yeah, THE BENDER MADE US DO IT!

Preacherbot: (in a caption bubble) Amen to that, brother!


(Extra) Bongo Profile 2.0

Jason Ho BONGO STAFF ARTIST

  1. How did you land your gig at Bongo?

Dumb luck. During my sophomore year at UCLA, I saw an ad in the school paper for a comic book company seeking an intern. I was pleasantly surprised to find out that the ad was placed by the publishers of Simpsons Comics!

  1. Married or single?

SINGLE. So very, very single. Ladies (21 and over), feel free to send me your headshots and resumes-I’m interviewing potential girlfriends this month. I’m just kidding. No, I’m not. Seriously.

  1. Where did you study?

I graduated from UCLA with a degree in English and a minor in bear-baiting. But my artistic skills are mostly self-taught. Recently I took some uncredited courses at Cal State Fullerton with a talented teacher named Marshall Vandruff. The courses have really been helpful – remember kids, you’re never too old to learn. Be cool, stay in school. And so forth.

  1. What artists are you influenced by?

Too many to name, but here are some of them (in no particular order): John Byrne, Joe Madureira, Neal Adams, Curt Swan, Rumiko Takahashi, Jack Kirby, Mike Mignola, Shoji Kawamori, Yukito Kishiro, Osamu Tezuka, Go Nagai, Floro Dery, a lot of artists (whose names I don’t know) from companies like Capcom, Takara, and Bandai. Oh, and they guys who did the character and mechanical design for Giant Robo.

  1. What other comics are you reading?

At the moment: Doom Partol, Transformers, Astroboy, Shonen Jump (particularly Naruto), Rama 1/2, Inu Yasha, Robin, Jack Staff, Planetary, Blade of the Immortal, Dungeon (from NBM), JLA, Thundercats, Robotech.

  1. How about books?

Over the past year or so I’m read Artemis Fowl (Eoin Colfer), Good Omens (Gaiman and Pratchett), Kavalier and Klay (Michael Chabon), and the Lord of the Rings Trilogy (J.R.R. Tolkien). Other favorites from the past include Watership Down (Richard Adams), Catcher in the Rye (and anything else by J.D. Salinger), and Hamlet (Shakespeare). In general, I tend to read a lot of fantasy and sci-fi. Apparently, I’m a huge nerd. I just started American Gods by Neil Gaiman. Give a hoot, read a book!

  1. Who is your favorite recording artist/band?

I don’t really have one. I tend to like random songs here and there from various artists and genres. They closest I have to a favorite would be the multi-talented Yokko Kanno (Macross Plus, Vision of Esclaflowene).

  1. What are your ten “desert island CD’s”?

Actually, if I knew I was gonna get stuck on a desert island, I’d secretly replace some of the CD’s with lunch meat or something so that I wouldn’t starve to death. Or I’d sharpen the edges of the CD’s and use them as bladed projectiles, hunting down wild boar and kookaburra with uncanny accuracy.

  1. What are your three favorite films and why?

It’s A Wonderful Life, because Donna Reed is a hottie.

Star Trek VI: The Undiscovered Country, because it’s infinitely quotable and re-watchable. In college, my roommate and I would watch it three or four times in a night. We could quote the movie verbatim from beginning to end.

Transformers the Movie, because I’m a huge Transformers fan. Actually, I’m not huge at all. I’m about 5’8, 147 pounds.

  1. What accomplishment are you most proud of?

Filling out this questionnaire without using any profanity.

  1. What annoys you about yourself?

My failure to use profanity in this questionnaire.

  1. Everyone in L.A. has had at least one “brush with celebrity.” What is your favorite?

I was at college the same time as “Blossom” and “Urkel.” I didn’t know them or anything, but it was surreal seeing them on campus.

  1. Do you have any hobbies?

I spend a lot of time drawing non-Simpsons stuff in my free time. When I’m not drawing, I’m usually watching anime, reading, or writing. As I mentioned above, I’m a rabid fan of Transformers in all its myriad forms. I collect the toys and DVD’s, and obsessively lurk the internet listening for the latest news and rumors concerning the Transformers franchise.

  1. What advice would you give to young upstarts who want your job?

Draw, draw, draw! Don’t obsess over making everything perfect – it’s okay to make mistakes. Just have fun and learn to develop your skills of observation. Push yourself to take on new artists challenges, and don’t be afraid to try new things.

Buddies