Fan Fiction

A Slow Day at the Office
By CosmicF

It's another slow day at planet express and Fry is sitting on the couch in the employee’s lounge watching television as he usually does when there’s nothing to do

In walks Leela reading a note pad

Leela: Oh hey Fry?

Fry looks up from the television

Fry: oh hey Leela, what up

Leela lowers her note pad and sighs

Leela: Oh nothing, I'm just working through some fuel expenditure reports for Hermes

Fry: Really? Why?

Leela: Well because it’s my... wait who am I kidding, that paper jockey would probably prefer it if I let him do it, then chew me out for not doing it in the first place.

Fry: Yeah for him that’s like 'double soup Tuesday'

Fry and Leela smile at each other for a moment as Leela relents and puts down the board

Leela: so what are you watching Fry?

Fry turns back to the television and continues to watch

Fry: oh some cartoon called Family Guy, is pretty surreal. The announcer said it was a classic from my time... but I’ve never heard of it.

Leela Turns to face the screen as the show continues

Television: Man what was I thinking I must have been higher than Alyssa Milano!

Leela: Hmm I don’t get the reference, was she a pilot like Amelia air hart or something?

Fry: Hmm maybe

Fry looks back across the couch to Leela

Fry: hey do you want a beer? I got a whole cooler down here and without bender around its just going to get warm.

Leela: Sure why not.

Leela reaches across Fry to get a beer, as she does Fry feels the soft caress of Leelas hair as the end of her pony tail brushes past the back of his hand.

Fry: So Leela?

Leela grabs a beer and sits up next to Fry. Fry watches as she places the neck of the bottle in her mouth and clenches the cap with her teeth.

Fry: I'm glad you came by; I’ve been meaning to ask you something

As Fry struggles to think of a fresh way of asking his female colleague out on a date Leela rips the bottle cap from the neck of the bottle and spits it out at the TV screen

Television: Oh I should really stop taking my baths during Peter's shenanigans!

Leela chuckles for a moment as she watches the screen and takes a swig from the bottle

Leela: Sorry Fry I wasn’t listening. You wanted to ask me something she says leaning back into the couch to relax with her beer

Fry's confidence ebbs away and he quickly thinks of something else to ask

Fry: How do you do that thing with the beer bottle you just did

Leela chucklesLeela: What, the old "bite and twist"?

Fry: Yeah, I've never seen anyone do it with such style, finesse or such feminine grace is all…

Leela blushes slightly

Leela: Well I don’t know about that, benders got a real gift when it comes to that kind of thing

Fry: yeah but his mouth is a bottle opener, and yours is...

Fry pauses as he finds himself staring at Leela’s soft pink lips for a moment.

Television: Peter have you been up all night drinking again

Leela: Uhh Fry how many of these have you had?

Fry snaps out of his trance

Fry: Uh one, maybe two, I just uh... stopped one sentence earlier than usual like you've been telling me

Leela laughs slightly, clearly amused by Fry’s boyish naivety

Leela: well it good to know you've been listening to my advice, but you know that’s only for when your telling stories right

Fry: Are you kidding I listen to every thing you say. You have a way of explaining things that makes me want to listen.

Leela smiles for a moment. Then her face turns cold for a second

Leela: So how come you never follow my orders mister?!

Fry goes all tense for a moment

Fry: Err, uh ah I don’t know, I...

Leela drops the pretence and again chuckles

Leela: Oh relax Fry, I'm just yanking you. You’re so cute when you think you’re in trouble

Leela downs her drink and motions to the cooler

Leela: Pass me another beer and I’ll show you how to open it with you teeth

Fry: Uh ok, here!

Fry passes Leela a drink

Leela: Ok it’s important you only try this with low brow; most other beers use a different kind of cap and can pull your teeth out

Fry: Ok so now we've got the beer now what?

Leela: Well put the neck into your mouth and bite down on the cap with the teeth at the back of your mouth

Fry does as instructed

Fry (garbled): What like this?

Leela smiles and shakes her head

Leela: No silly! She reaches over and adjusts his grip on the bottle

Leela: There, now bite down hard, and twist the bottle in your mouth like so

Leela demonstrates by opening another bottle and spitting out the cap at the TV

Television: Mehehehehehehehe!

Fry watches all the while still holding the bottle in his mouth

Fry (garbled): Well here goes nothing

Fry duplicates Leela’s actions perfectly and sure enough the bottle cap comes away cleanly in his mouth

Fry jumps up from the couch in excitement and flings his hands up into the air

Fry: I did it! Whoa, now I won’t have to rely on my feeble small talk at parties!

Leela (concerned): Uh Fry!

Fry: Yeah what?

Leela: You might want to spit that bottle cap out now!

Fry falls into a panic and grabs his neck as he begins to choke.

Leela jumps up off the couch and hastily performs the Heimlich manoeuvre. After a couple of short sharp thrusts the bottle cap flies out of Fry’s mouth and ricochets of the television screen.

Both Fry and Leela fall back onto couch in an untidy pile. After a minute of Fry coughing and spluttering he finally caught his breath

Leela: Fry you stupid fool, why didn’t you spit that thing out like I showed you. You could have died just now you idiot!

Leela, still with her arms around Fry’s midriff stares angrily into his eyes with a deadly seriousness.

Fry: Leela I admit I was a little dumb back there and it was a stupid mistake, but I got a little caught up in the moment. I’ve never done that before.

Leela: And you’ll never do it again! I’m not going to have you dying on me you stupid, stupid..!   

Leela’s sentence is cut short as Fry, unable to fight temptation tenderly presses his lips up against hers and slowly yet passionately kisses her as a grateful tear ran down his cheek.

To his surprise Leela doesn’t immediately pull back and beat him silly

Unsure of Leela’s reaction to his surprisingly uncharacteristic boldness Fry pulls back with a nervous smile to gage nervously her reaction. Leela is silent for only a couple of seconds, then continues her sentence as if nothing had happened

Leela: …Stupid fool. If I catch you doing that again I swear I’ll…

Leela again pauses as she lunges forward into Fry and the pair engage lips in another prolonged and more passionate kiss

This time Fry pulls back and pushes Leela back for a second

Fry: Leela are you sure your ok? There wasn’t anything in that beer that tasted funny was there?

Leela’s response is to simply push Fry to the ground in front of the television and the pair disappears out of shot

Television: Woah! Giggadee giggadee gigg gigg goo!

Pan back to Zoidberg who has been sitting back at the table the whole time

Zoidberg (thoughtfully to self): Wow that is one impressive party piece. Maybe I, Zoidberg, should start opening beer bottles, and beer cans perhaps, using only my mouth!

The End

Written By Steve Canniford (aka CosmicF)