Fan Fiction

By dinkdrinker

Scene- P.E. Lounge. Fry has a box of crayons, scissors, colored paper, glue, glitter, and more assorted craft supplies strewn all over the floor. He is consulting a rather long list.

LEELA: Hey, Fry, whatcha doing?

FRY: Hi, Leela! I'm making Valentine cards for all the fan fiction writers at The Futurama Madhouse.

LEELA: Well, that's awfully nice of you Fry, but there are close to 200 of them. If you feel so inclined, maybe you can go buy them cards instead of making them.

FRY: Aw, but that's no fun! I like glue and crayons! (Puts crayon in mouth and starts chewing)

LEELA: Now Fry, that's very sweet of you, but... are you... Oh Lord. (Holds out hand in front of Fry's mouth. He spits out the crayon. Leela has a grossed out look on her face as she shakes off her hand and wipes it off on her pant leg) All right, Fry. Maybe you can use a little help.

Later, we see Leela and Fry making Valentine cards for all of their fans at the Madhouse. There are now well over 700 cards in various stages of completion. Bender walks in and surveys the area.

BENDER: Whoa! Looks like you finally converted Leela to our way of thinking, Fry! Good going, buddy! WOW, what a mess! (Takes a picture)

LEELA: It's not what you think, Bender. We're making Valentine cards for everyone at the Futurama Madhouse. It's our little way of showing how much we love and care for our fans. Do you wanna help?

BENDER: WHAT!? No way, sausage links! I take- I NEVER give anything! (Grabs a random valentine card and looks at it) What is THIS? A card for some guy named... heheheh- that's a funny name- he's either a sex predator, or he likes drinking a certain German beer! 'Dinkdrinker'! HAHAHAHA!!!

LEELA: Bender, please put Douglas' card down NOW. He may not be too bright, or be good at picking on-line names, but he has a good heart!

FRY: Yeah, he deserves a card- besides, he seems to write some decent fan fiction. (Picks up some paper and starts reading it) Well, at least he doesn't suck TOO bad.

BENDER: Gimme that! (Snaps papers out of Fry's hand and starts scanning it) HE wrote that crap? NOW I REMEMBER HIM!!! That dirty rotten son-of-a...

LEELA: Bender- I bet you'll feel a lot better if you made a few cards.


FRY: Aw, common, Bender! It's fun!

BENDER: How can this possibly be fun? There's no booze, gambling, or even nudity involved!

FRY: Yeah there is- here's Freako's card here...

LEELA: (shrieking) FRY!!! GIMME THAT! (grabs card and tears it up, glaring at Fry)

FRY: Well, there was until just now.

BENDER: (thinking) Hmmm, maybe I CAN help.

LEELA: That's the spirit, Bender!

FRY: All right!

BENDER: Gimme back Dink's card... I'll finish this one!

Fry hands the card to Bender.

FRY: Hey Bender- where are you going?

BENDER: Some place private, where I can ponder about all the things he wrote about us.

Leela and Fry just look at each other, shrug their shoulders, and get back to the cards. A few moments later...

BENDER: I'm back, skintubes!

FRY: Did you finish the card?

BENDER: Oh yeah, you know it, baby!

LEELA: And you put a lot of thought into it, and it shows him how much he means to you, and exactly how you feel about him?

BENDER: Heheheheh... of course! (Bender opens his self, removing a box with the card pasted to the top of it.) All we have to do is seal the box and ship it up the river to him! (Bender drops the box onto the pile of finished cards with a loud THUD)

FRY: WOW, Bender! You really outdid yourself!

LEELA: (Picking up the box) Bender! I'm touched! What did you make for him? (she opens the box, and...) A BRICK!? This had better not be... OH, BENDER!!!

BENDER: Yup! Made it myself! JUST FOR HIM!!!

FRY: Eeeeeew! Bender! How could you?

LEELA: I thought you were going to show him how much he means to you and what you think of him?

BENDER: Oh, but I DID. And TRUST ME, he'll get the message- load and clear!... as a matter of fact, gimme those. (Bender grabs an entire finished pile of cards.) I'll be right back- something I drank isn't agreeing with me!