Futurama

Fan Fiction

Matters of Life and Death, part 14 - Bat-Her Up
By Dwayne Anderson

Warning - The situations portrayed in this story are based on real deaths and are extremely graphic.


There's nothing more heartwarming in life than the relationship between a mother and her child. Mothers always take an interest in the lives of their children. Many mothers love their children unconditionally, even if her son or daughter grew up to be a mass murderer, she would still love her child.

Unfortunately, there are some mothers would have absolutely no interest in their own children. For these mothers, the welfare of their children is of no concern. As in the case of Mrs. Fry, the mother of Phillip J. Fry.

Mrs. Fry is one of those mothers who actually loves sports. Too much in fact. She cared more about a baseball game when she brought Phillip into the world. She was too busy playing golf when Fry's brother Yancey stole his lucky seven leaf clover. And when Fry himself disappeared, she was more interested in a football game.

In fact, Mrs. Fry and her husband never bothered looking for Fry because they considered it a waste of tax-payers money. Nice huh? If there was an award for "Worst Mother", Mrs. Fry would win, no contest!

Wouldn't it be great if people like her got what was coming to them? Let's find out shall we?


Several years after Fry was cyrogenetically frozen, Mrs. Fry was at Yankee Stadium watching a baseball game. Her seat is high up on the opposite end from home plate along with thousands of other fans. Mrs. Fry is probably the only mother here who didn't bring her children or even her husband. Like any die-hard baseball fan, Mrs. Fry cheers for the homeruns and yells threats at the umpire when he makes a wrong call.

In the bottom of the sixth inning, with the New York Yankees at bat, Mrs. Fry leaves her seat to get get some soda and popcorn. The Yankees' hardest hitter comes up to bat as she makes her way back to her seat and the bases are loaded.

The pitcher throws the ball. The batter swings. Everyone can practically hear the sound of cracking as the bat connects with the ball. The crowd cheers, it's an obvious grand slam. Fans are starting to get up from their seats, eager to catch the ball for an autograph.

Only one can get it of course. You probably already know who it's going to be.

Mrs. Fry sets down her soda and popcorn and stands up shrieking in delight at the home run and for the chance to catch the ball. It's coming in her direction.

Unfortunately, it's also coming right at her.

Before Mrs. Fry can react or get out of the way, the ball flies right into her open mouth and gets stuck between her lips. The force of the impact throws her back into her seat where she lies still. While fans on the opposite end of the stadium are screaming in celebration at the grand slam, those who saw what happened to Mrs. Fry are screaming in horror. Nearby fans rush to her side to see if she's okay. But it turns out, Mrs. Fry is dead.

Hey, that really was great! Maybe there really is a Karma fairy!

How did it happen? The blunt traumatic blow of the ball impact imbedding itself in her open mouth knocked her head backward with enough force to snap her neck. The spinal cord injuries prevented her from breathing and she was dead within moments.

Now that's what I call "Breakneck Speed!"

There's an old saying in life, "For the love of the game." Mrs. Fry was a woman who had more love for sports than her role as a mother. But in the game of life, she was one of today's losers.

Mrs. Fry, you're out!

To Be Continued

Buddies