Fan Fiction

Matters of Life and Death, part 16 - Explo-dead
By Dwayne Anderson

Warning - The situations portrayed in this story are based on real deaths and are extremely graphic.

Robots. Machines with a level of artificial intelligence. Programmed for a purpose with no free will of their own. Someone once predicted that they would take over our jobs. So far, the only jobs they have taken over are those that humans are incapable of doing.

In the thirty-first century, Robots have become part of society. They walk like us, talk like us, and have normal jobs like us. They even enjoy the same past-times like we do.

Bender is a robot designed for bending metal joints, hence his name. He is Phillip J. Fry's best friend in the future and he loves nothing more than to kick back, drink beer, and take whatever's not nailed down.

Yes, you heard right. A robot that drinks beer.

Bender is also a kleptomaniac. He takes whatever he can get his hands on, including other people's property. He has been in trouble with the law before.

"Stop thief!"

We join Bender running through the streets with Smitty and URL in pursuit. Smitty and URL are both cops in the New New York police department. Smitty is a human and URL is a robot.

Bender has just stolen a priceless sculpture from the New New York Museum. It's worth a lot of money to the right buyer. And Bender is determined to cash in.

But stealing is frowned upon by society, which explains why Bender is being pursued by the police.

Bender ducks into a dark alley and hides as Smitty and URL race past. He chuckles and congratulates himself on eluding the police and takes off his burglar outfit.


After stashing the sculpture at his apartment in the Robot Apartments for safekeeping, Bender goes to his favorite bar to celebrate. Like any alcoholic, Bender loves to drink beer.

Fembots also hang out around joints like this. Fembots are female robots with bodies designed to match the female human body. Fembots even have hair, shapely hips, and breasts like human women.

"And how will you be paying for this?" asked the bartending bot. "You've built up quite a tab here Bender."

"Aw pipe down," said Bender rudely, "you'll get your money. I'm expecting a big payday very soon."

"And now, for all you manbots out there, for your entertainment and pleasure, the final match of this month's Fembot Oil-Wrestling tournament!" the DJ announces.

Oil-Wrestling is the equivalent of Mud Wrestling. It's a definite spectator sport that is proving quite popular, especially to men when the participants are scantily-clad women.

"The combatants of tonight's contest have fought before," the announcer continues. "Those of you who saw that fight are in for quite a rematch tonight. In this corner, we have Ruth, the previous winner, and in the opposite corner, her previously defeated opponent, Esther."

The participants are Bender's favorite Fembots Ruth and Esther, both of whom are scantily clad. Both Ruth and Esther had oil-wrestled before (no, not counting the Futurama Holiday Special as that episode wasn't even canon). Their last match had ended with Ruth winning and now Esther wants a rematch.

The championship trophy is sitting on a table on the other side of the bar. It's a solid gold trophy that catches Bender's eye. It's another item on his list of things to steal. So while the crowd of cheering man-bots are busy watching the match, Bender swipes the trophy and places it inside his compartment cavity before returning to join the cheering crowd.

So far, Ruth has the upper hand over Esther and it appears that she will win again.

Bender makes his way to the front of the crowd to climb up to the ring for the best view of the fight. He holds onto the ropes and watching excitedly.

"Hey!" the referee shouts at him, "you shouldn't be standing here! It's too dangerous! Besides, you'll interfere with the fight!"

"Bite my shiny metal ass!" Bender says his famous catchphrase. At that moment, Ruth knocks Esther backwards, right into Bender. The blow sends Bender falling to the floor.

BOOM! The moment Bender hits the floor, he explodes. Screams of horror echo through the crowd of manbots. Ruth and Esther hurry to the ropes to see Bender's mangled remains. Pieces of his metallic body and the remains of the golden trophy he stole are all over the place. Smoke is rising from the floor where the explosion occurred.

"I guess this means I won't get paid," said the bartender in disappointment.

That trophy Bender stole was actually constructed out of something called a Butterfly Bomb. The donor was a demolitionist bot who had sculpted it into a trophy to disguise it as Butterfly Bombs were outlawed centuries ago. And the gold? Just plain yellow spraypaint! Fools gold to accurately put it.

When Bender hit the floor, the impact triggered the bomb's detonator like pressure activating a landmine. Since the explosion occurred within a small enclosed space, Bender was blown into bits. His circuits were also fried, rendering him inoperable and beyond repair.

There's an old saying, crime doesn't pay. Well it does, as long as you don't get caught. Bender may have escaped the long arm of the law, only to run into Karma's embrace.

So long meatbag!

To Be Continued