Fan Fiction

Matters of Life and Death part 25 - Grand Finale
By Dwayne Anderson

Warning - The situations portrayed in this story are based on real deaths and are extremely graphic.

"Bad news everyone!" said Farnsworth. "We've been canceled!"

Everyone seated around the meeting room table gasps.

Amy shrieks.

"Damn it!" said Bender.

"Ca-ca-ca-ca-ca-ca-ca-ca-ca-ca-ca-ca-ca-ca-ca-ca-ca-ca-ca-ca-ca-ca-ca-cancelled!" cried Zoidberg. As he stammers his long attempt to say the word, everyone exchanges glances with each, clearly annoyed.

"But we can't be canceled!" said Fry. "Again!"

"I'm afraid we have been Fry," said Farnsworth. "I received the letter from the Fox network. It's official this time! In fact, everyone in the Futurama universe got one."

"Damned FOX network!" Bender grumbles. "One hundred and forty episodes, four movies, a videogame, and do we see any of the profits the network makes? No!"

"I guess this means this voice actors are out of a job," said Amy.

"They canceled us but not the Simpsons, Family Guy, American Dad or even the Cleveland Show!" said Hermes.

"Well look at this way everybody," said Leela. "Let's try to be optimistic, we've had some very good times together all these years!"

"And Zoidberg finally has it good!" said Zoidberg. "I've got a date with Marianne later!"

"But without Futurama, what are we going to do?" asked Hermes. "We can't just sit around doing nothing forever."

"He's absolutely right!" exclaimed Fry rising to his feet. "I for one refuse to idly sit by and let the network get away with this! Who's with me?"

"I am!" everyone said.

All over the Futurama universe, every character created for the show joins in saying "I am!"

Outside the FOX Broadcasting Company's main office building, under a blood red sky, symbolic of the blood to be shed in retribution, a huge mob consisting of the entire cast of Futurama, human, alien, mutant, and robot marches in the streets, led by our favorite crew, Fry leading it all. Armed with an assortment of weapons from basic torches and pitchforks, to energy sabers and laser pistols, a thousand characters, including those who actually died during the course of the series prepare for a karmic ass-kicking.

"Alright everyone!" Fry announces to everyone. "Show no mercy! Remember, these people canceled us without remorse, so they're already dead inside! Now let's move!"

Shouting and waving their weapons, the huge angry mob charges into the building. Smashing through the doors, an ocean of angry cartoon characters wreck bloody vengeance against the entire staff of the Fox network.

Soldiers from DOOP, led by Zapp Brannigan and Kif Kroker gun down the secretaries and receptionists. Amy helps Kif out by strangling one of the secretaries with a phone cord. Farnsworth's heavyset girlfriend April jumps onto a file clerk, crushing him underneath her massive body.

"Oh boy!" said Bender who is leading his own army of every robot to have ever starred in the show. "Finally, we're killing humans!" The robots set explosive charges throughout the building on every floor.

"How about a magic trick before I kill you?" MOM asks the supervisor. She puts a pencil, sharpened point up onto the table. "I'm going to make this pencil disappear."

Walter and Larry grab the supervisor by his shoulders and slam his head onto the pencil, the sharpened point of the pencil penetrating one of his eyes. With the pencil still jammed in his eye, he falls to the floor.

"Ta-da!" said MOM triumphantly. "It's gone!"

Marianne throws the entire contents of the coffee maker, hot coffee and all into the fact of a female employee, then smashes the container against the wall, slashing her victim's throat with the jagged glass. She smells the air in triumph, "I love the smell of fresh blood better than the scent of freshly brewed coffee!" she squeals with delight.

Meanwhile, Fry and the rest of the crew excluding Bender round up the important members of the staff, including Matt Groening and the president of FOX.

"We made you, we can destroy you!" Mr. Groening threatened.

"Not if we destroy you first!" said Leela. She grab's Matt Groening by the head and twists his neck, breaking it and killing him instantly.

Within fifteen minutes, it's all over. Everyone in the FOX network is dead. But Futurama's revenge isn't complete yet. Once everyone is gathered outside the build, Bender activates the detonator and the bombs he and his robotic companions planted throughout the building detonate. Every window in the building shatters, showering broken glass all over the street. Everyone cheers as the building begins to fall in a giant rising cloud of dust and smoke.

"I love the smell of victory in the evening!" said Marianne.

Amy takes a sniff and plugs her nose in disgust. "It smells like sweat!"

But then, the entire crowd notices that the building is collapsing in their direction. Panicking, everyone turns and runs, but they don't get far before a thousand people are flattened in the rubble of the ruins of the FOX Broadcasting Company, but not before they are all overcome by the clouds of dust and smoke. A thousand pairs of lungs inhale a lungful of dust and debris before internal organs are crushed and every bone in their bodies break from thousands of tons of concrete, steel, and wood.

Now that's what I call a "crushing blow!" Looks like Mr. Groening wasn't kidding!

All good things come to an end. What with the final episode (for real this time) of Futurama having aired itself, the series is one of the few that has been canceled, only to be renewed at a later date, only to be canceled again.

But faithful fans, while this is the end of the futurama cartoon series, its characters will live on forever. In fan fiction. In fan art. In fan comics. As long as Futurama has a fanbase, the series will never truly die, and neither shall its characters.

After all, like I said, "Cartoons aren't real life."

The End