The Fu-trix, Part 4
"Tornament? What tournament?" Leela asked.
"MORTAL KOMBAT!" The Guy yelled.
"I take it as a fighting tournament," Leela said.
"Exactly!" The Guy replied. "And you must enter!"
"Alright then..." Leela said. "Bring 'em on!"
"As you wish..." The Guy said. "But let me explain first. You
must fight ten Kombatants in succession. If you win against nine of them, you
shall face the champion... ME! Shao Kahn, Ruler of Outworld! MWHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"
"O.K!" Leela and Bender agreed. "Bring on the chumps!"
Then, a door behind them opened, and out came some chinese guy with a weird
hairdo and bandana.
"Liu Kang!" Shoa Kahn shouted.
Liu Kang moved towards Leela.
"Come on then," he said, "I shall win Mortal Kombat!"
( That sentence has been edited )
"O.K!" Leela said. With that, she jumped into the air and kicked
him in the face. Hard. Kang went flying.
He got up. His nose was bleeding badly - it looked like he had a broken nose.
He ran towards Leela. She took a swing at him, but he ducked and kicked her in
the back. Leela went down, then started kicking him in the shins. After a while,
she kicked his ankles, sending him to the floor. She got up and started kicking
his head in. She stood back while he got up. When he got to his feet, he looked
dizzy - he wasn't doing anything...
Shao Kahn got up. "Finish him," he said.
Leela planned a normal kick to the nads - but when she got to the nads, her
foot went right through him, splitting him in half, spreading even more blood
onto her clothes.
"Jonny cage!" Shao Kahn yelled, and a blonde guy ( obviously Jonny
Cage ) came running torwards her. Before she knew what was happening, he kicked
her hard, and she bashed against the wall. He went up to her, ready to attack
- but she kicked him where the sun-don't-shine.
He groaned, clutching his nads. She punched him in the windpipe, kicked his nads
again (just for good measure) and headbutted him. Like Kang, he got up, dizzy,
not doing anything.
Leela decided to punch this guy in the windpipe again (very Lara Croft). But
again, it wasn't just a simple punch. Her fist went right into his chest.
'Eeww..." Leela thought, 'Oh, might as well...'
So she rummaged around for a bit, and then she ripped out his heart and held
it above her head.
Shoa Kahn looked satisfied.
"Leela!" Bender said. "Lemme do this one, I've always wanted
to kill a human in a really horrible manner!"
"O.K, I've already had enough of this..." Leela agreed.
Bender walked into the arena while Leela went to check up on Fry, who was still
And in came a yellow robot.
"What?" Bender exclaimed. "No human?"
Cyrax stood still. Bender ran over to Cyrax, but a claw came out of him, picked
up Bender and started bashing Bender against the wall.
Fry walked into the room, rubbing his head. He saw a woman with a back to
"Good afternoon, Sir," she said.
Fry thought she had a great body from what he saw. Hey, his girlfriend cheated
She then turned around. Fry flinched. She had only one eye. Maybe not... but
maybe so. Soon enough, Fry wouldn't mind if she had only one eye. But it was off
putting at the minute.
"Name?" she asked.
"I'm Leela. Now It's New Year's Eve, so I'd like to decide your fate
quickly and get outta here."
"Can I ask you a question?"
"As long as it's not about my eye," she said, glaring.
"Is it about my eye?"
Leela sighed. "Just ask the question!"
"What's with the eye?"
"I'm an alien, alright? Now let's drop the subject."
"Cool! An alien. Has your race taken over the Earth?"
"No, I just work here," she replied.
Then the place went all blurry and dissapeared........
Leela looked down at Fry - he was waking up.
"Fry, are you alright?" Leela asked.
"Wait, is that blimp accurate?" he said.
"My God! A million years!"
"You know, I guess I should be, but actually I'm glad!" Fry said.
"I had nothing to live for..."
Leela whacked him, knocking him out again.
Bender had just started to get the hang of the fight. He now had the upper
hand. He had bust one of Cyrax's eyes and had worn out his hard drive with kicks.
Cyrax then did the same thing as the other fighters - he became dizzy.
"Finish Him!" Shao Kahn yelled.
Bender reached into Cyrax's arm. He grabbed hold of his circuits [pervert
] and tore them out along with his data files, his chips and his bolts. Oil
and grease spurted everywhere.
"Arrrgh!" Cyrax shouted. "All my circuits! I'm missing all
my circuits..." Then exploded.
"Hang on a second..." Bender said. "I'm missing All My Circuits
too! Dammit, let's get outta here!"
"You can't! You must fight!" Shao Kahn yelled.
So they fought one loser after the other. Shao Kahn shouted "Finish Him!"
at the end of every fight, and Leela or Bender would decapitate or mangle their
opponent horribly. This was the only fun part.
So after Leela had won 5 fights and Bender 4 fights, Shao Kahn climbed down
from the stands.
"Now... YOU DiE!" He yelled ( he sure does like yelling ).
Shao Kahn then grabbed Leela and punched her face (Goro - style). Leela went
flying into the wall. Bender extended his arm, pulled off Shao Kahns helmet and
stabbed him with it (the skeleton's teeth). This still didn't stop him. He kicked
Leela in the stomach. After a bit of wincing, she kicked him in the nads (jeez,
I seem to really like writing about nad kicking. Nads, nads NADS!!!). While she
was doing that, Bender came up and started kicking the other end.
"I'm kicking your ass! Kicking your ass, Skintube!" Bender said.
He then got a beer bottle out of his compartment, drained it and smashed it over
Shao Kahns head. He then used it to stab Kahn in the back over and over again.
He drained another bottle and gave it to Leela. She did the same, except she started
stabbing his face. After a while, she stopped stabbing his face (uh-oh), held
up the bottle (here it comes) and stabbed him iN THE NADS (thank you, and goodnight).
"You're never gonna impregnate a girl NOW!" she said.
"Finish Him!" Bender yelled. And with that, they both grabbed him,
started to run in opposite directins until he split in half!
Then, a scoreboard came down again. Fry woke up. On the scoreboard it said...
'LEELA: WiNS: 6
FLAWLESS ViCTORiES: 1
BENDER: WiNS: 5
FLAWLESS ViCTORiES: 3
FLAWLESS ViCTORiES: 0
"That's great!" Fry said.
"What?" Bender said. "What's so great about being a loser,
"What's the little guys name?" Fry asked.
"Of course!" Leela said. "I know what's going on! This is the
stuff he said when he first came to the 30th century! Watch..."
"I'm the luckiest guy in the whole future. I've been given a second chance,
and this time, I'm not gonna be a total loser." he said. Then, he jumped
to his feet and asked, "What's that?"
"Your permanent career assignment!" Leela replied.
"Delivery boy?" Fry said, horrified. "NO! Not again!"
She looked around. She noticed a screen - and on it was the office! The two
cops were staring at them, the Professor was sleeping and Hermes was talking to
them. Leela ran up to the screen and bashed it.
"Hermes!" she yelled.
"Leela!" he exclaimed. "What in Legoland are you doin' in dere?"
"Never mind!" she yelled. "Just look in the book!"
"No way, lady," URL said. "This book belongs to Sal's Small
"Look, you can have the book if you let Hermes look something up so we
can get outta here!!!" Leela shouted ( This sentence was also edited ).
"Alright, easy lady," Smitty said, handing Hermes the book.
"O.K, now, what do I look up?" Hermes asked.
"On page 60, there's a list of cheats!" Leela said. "Go to
the one that says 'WARP TO LAST LEVEL' and press the buttons it tells you to!"
Hermes looked down the page. "Aha! let's see now... X, UP, X, O, Triangle,
DOWN. Dere you go. But I should warn you about dis level..."
But they weren't on screen any more.
TO BE CONTiNUED...
Oh, here's another point. In Roswell That Ends Well he becomes his own Grand
dad [ How'd he manage that? ]. But wouldn't the incident with the F-Ray in
Fry And The Slurm Factory have made him infertile?