Futurama

Fan Fiction

Bloodlust
By Go-a-Green-a

Go-a-Green-a: Yes, I'm back and writing!

Announcer: You mean you're Back From The Dead?

Go-a-Green-a: No, I mean I'm back from Writers' Block.

Announcer: Isn't that what I said?

Go-a-Green-a: Close enough.

Fade to opening.

Opening caption: As seen on the Mayan calender!

Opening clip: A clip from "Fantasia"

Scene: Fry, Leela and Bender are sitting on the couch in the employee lounge.

TV announcer: Down on your luck? (Fry leans forward) Need money? (Again, Fry leans forward) Want some easy cash and a free donut? (Fry falls off the couch) Then come donate blood! $5 a litre and a free donut after 2 litres! Help save a life today with your donation!

Fry: (Still on the floor) That's it! I'm donating blood!

Leela: To save a life?

Fry: What? Oh, yeah. Sure, that's good too.

Bender: pfft life, shmife! I'd do it for the cash!

Fry: (Getting up) I just wanted a donut....

(Cut to: The blood-bank)

Bender: (Looking around after Fry goes in) Look at all these schmoes. (A man walks out with pale skin and a wad of dollar bills in his hand) Schmoes that get cash... (Thinking) Hm, if only I had blood, then I could get in on this!

Cut to: Inside the blood-bank.

(Bender walks up to the cashier)

Bender: Give me all the cash or I'll...

Casheer: Or you'll what?

Bender: Stab you with- (He searches his chest cavity) uh.. a sharpened pencil! Take that! (He stabs the cashier but the pencil snaps in half and the lead breaks)

Cashier: Security!

(Two large guards throw Bender out of the Blood-Bank)

Bender: Oh yeah? Well I'm gonna build my own blood-bank! With black-jack and hookers! Aw, screw it. (Thinking) There must be some other way to get money from a blood-bank....

Cut to: PE lounge: Leela is at the table with Hermes and the Professor and Amy and Zoidberg are on the couch. Zoidberg is adding salt to a shoe he is eating.

Fry: Guess who got ten dollars and a donut?

Amy: Zoidberg?

Zoidberg: I did? Horay! No more old boots for Zoidberg! (He throws the boot out the window)

Fry: No, me! I got ten dollars and a donut.

Zoidberg: No! That was the first thing I had to eat in two weeks! (He jumps out the window) Got it! Wait...why is there ketchup leaking from my leg? Free topping! Yay!

Amy: So, Fry how'd you end up with ten extra dollars?

Fry: And a donut! Well it all started when I donated blood....

Leela: And then what?

Fry: That's all....

Bender: (Walking in) Man, what does it take to get some blood around here? I've tryed The Black Market, The Omecronian Black Market and Walmart, and still I can't get human blood!

Professor: You're telling me!

Amy: Why do you want blood?

Bender: Because! I can't steal the money from the bood-bank so I need blood to trade for it!

Fry: But you're a robot. How are you going to get blood?

Leela: Not just how, do you think they're just going to accept obviously stolen blood?

Bender: I have a plan B.

Fry: What is it?

Bender: Get a gun.

Time Lapse.

Scene: Bender is outside Elzar's. He sneaks up to a homeless person.

Bender: Hehehe.... (He takes out a needle and pokes the homeless person with it)

Homeless guy: (wakes up) Eh! Whatareyadoin?

Bender: Stealing your blood! Now lie still!

Homeless guy: Trust me, you don't want my blood.... Why don't ya steal some from Elzar's? They gots fancy un-tainted blood there.

Bender: Un-tainted, eh?

(Bender walks into Elzar's)

Bender: Alright everyone, give me your blood!

(Everyone stares at him then go back to eating)

Bender: What are you people, deaf? I said give me your blood!

Elzar: Oh yeah? You and what army?

Bender: Hey! That's my snappy come-back! (Searches in his chest) Aw, man! Where'd I put the damn needle?

Cut to: Homeless guy.

Homeless guy: What the- whaz this? (Picks up the needle) Oh, thank you, thank you! (Inserts it into his arm) Hey! There's just air in he- (passes out)

Cut back to: Elzar's. Bender is still searching for the needle.

Bender: Aw, man! I knew I shoulda got a gun!

Elzar: Security!

Bender: Dammit! That's the second time today!

Cut to: Bender and Fry's apartment.

Bender: (Enters) Man, there's just no way to get blood anymore....

Fry: Why can't you get money from somewhere else? Like a metal donation or something for robots?

Bender: Nah, I don't feel like giving any of my stuff away, I just wanna give someone else's blood to the bloodbank and get payed for it. Is that so much to ask?

Fry: (Shrugs) Guess it depends on who you ask. Well, I'm going to bed. Bloodloss makes you sleepy. (He swipes some comics off his bed but cuts his finger on the edge of one) Ow! Papercut.

Bender: (Looks at the blood on Fry's finger.) (Thinking) Hmm...This gives me an idea...

Buddies