Futurama

Fan Fiction

The Big Bang Law
By Gulliver63

It was a hot, muggy afternoon in June when the thing finally reached Earth. It swept past Zapp Brannigan's battle armada like an elephant would brush past a group of angry mosquitoes. It parked in a low Earth orbit, and could easily be seen by the citizens of New New York. Air raid sirens drove already frightened citizens into a panic, as they ran in all directions. The running and panicking finally stopped when the face of the alien invader appeared on television screens all over the planet. People looked on in horror and wonder at the face of the creature; its eyes, if those horrible orange discs could be called eyes, seem to drill into the soul of everyone in the world. What would it demand? Could Earth meet its demands? When it finally spoke, its words were translated into almost every language on the planet. And its demand was simple.

"Bring us the Sheldon Unit," it said. "Bring us the Sheldon Cooper carbon-based life form. You have one full turn of your planet to comply. That is all." With that, the alien vanished from the screens.

Amy Wong, shopping bags in hand, looked up in confusion at the huge video screen on the Slurm Building. "Jeesher-maneesher," she said, "what is a Sheldon Unit?"


Sheldon Cooper tapped repeatedly on his neighbor Penny's door, as he often did in times of befuddlement. "Penny, Penny, Penny, Penny..."

She finally opened the door. "What is it, Sheldon?"

He held up an official looking document. "Penny, the city of Pasadena has seen fit to call me in for jury duty. What am I going to do?"

"I was asleep," she complained. "Is that what you woke me up for?"

"But Penny...they just don't realize how important my research is...research that could be jeopardized by an interruption like this. Surely there must be some other lower life form that can take my place in this...I'm on the verge of making contact with alien life in my studies."

"Listen...I've got the perfect answer for you. We just convince the court that you are stark-raving mad. They're sure to believe it...problem solved!"

Sheldon thought about it for a minute. "Are you speaking realistically, or facetiously?"


"Good news, everybody," chirped the Professor, "I do know who this Sheldon Cooper character was. He was the foremost expert on communicating with extra-terrestrial life, and we all had to study his notes in school."

"When you mean was," Leela interjected, "I'm assuming he's dead."

"Sadly yes." Farnsworth tapped a computer key and the image of a thin older man appeared on the wall. "It says here in Wikipedia that he was killed in 2055 in a bizarre incident involving birds; the article here states that he always knew that he would die that way."

Bender lit up a cigar. "One thing's for sure...we can't bring him back as a zombie."

"No, but we might be able to bring him back to our time period. If he could talk with the aliens, we'd be saved."

"But how do we do that?" asked Amy.

"Oh, I've been tinkering with a project...we'll need Leela to fly us across the country - it says here that Sheldon lived in southern California."

"Well," added Fry, "we'd better get going soon. Morbo is getting even more grim than he usually is...that vein on his head is sticking way out."

They gathered around the television to watch Morbo before heading out to the hanger. "It is this reporter's honest opinion that, YOU WILL ALL BE DESTROYED!!"


"Tell me again why you don't drive a car?" asked Leonard.

"We've been through this before; a higher life form like myself doesn't need to drive...we get the lower life forms to do it for us."

"Yes, but you drive toy trains...this is sort of like a toy train, but bigger."

"Yes, but there isn't any real danger of running down pedestrians with my toy train."

"You've got a point there, o higher life form. This is your stop - give me a call when they toss you out the door."

"Very funny, Leonard."


The Planet Express Ship slipped away from its hangar without any interference from the alien vessel. Soon New New York was left far behind. After many tools and numerous swear words, the Professor had his newest time machine up and running. It was a strange looking device cobbled together from other devices, with knobs on the front and a television screen on the top. "Now, all of you have your jobs to do," he told the crew.

"But Professor," Fry asked, "why exactly am I along for this journey?"

"We need your expertise, as you've lived in these turbulent times."

"Yeah," added Amy, "you're from the time of the savages."

"Hey Amy, I've seen some weird stuff in your century."

"Did you have Slurm Lite in your day? Nutri-chips? Spin-cycle breeding chambers?"

"Well, no..."

"See - savages."

The Professor threw a switch on the side and pulled down a long lever. "Prepare for time travel," he told his comrades. "Everybody grab on to something." Soon, strange multi-colored balls of light began soaring through the ship; when this ended, everything went black.


"I object to this," Sheldon Cooper complained, "I feel like an animal in a cage with a number pinned on my chest."

The attorney gave Sheldon a serious look. "Could we get started with this? Now, I'm going to ask you all a series of questions and I want you to answer them as truthfully as possible. Yes, what is it Juror Number 4?"

"Might I make a suggestion? Jurors in ancient Greece, called dikastai, were chosen by lot. I think that this would speed up this process quite a bit."

"Does this look like ancient Greece to you?"

Sheldon raised his hand. "Formal protest."

"Denied."

"Informal protest."

"Denied."


When the ship's lights came back on, Professor Farnsworth scurried over to the monitor on his machine to watch the transmissions from Earth. "Oh dear," he moaned, I've made a terrible miscalculation in the timeline - they're talking about the Tea Party. We're in the 18th century!" He fiddled with some more knobs. "No, wait - it's that other thingee in the early 21st century. We're here in the year 2012! Leela, try to set us down as close as you can to Pasadena in the Los Angeles Basin."

He went back to studying his monitor. "This is fascinating, Fry...it appears to be a study program on primates called 'Jersey Shore.' This one named Snooki has been trained to drink from a liquor bottle."

Amy looked on in amazement. "Shmeesh...they really were savages."


After turning on the ship's crude cloaking device, Leela made a landing near Griffith Observatory in the hills near Glendale. As they got ready to leave the ship, Leela grabbed a pair of wrap-around sunglasses from a compartment in the instrument panel.

"What are those for?" asked Amy.

"I doubt they've seen many one-eyed mutations in this century. We've got to blend in."

Amy snorted with laughter. "I doubt we'd blend in much of anywhere."

The four time travelers left the observatory area and made their way into a parking lot, where they found a bored taxi driver reading a newspaper. He looked up from his paper, hoping to get a fare. "You guys want to go somewhere?" he asked.

"We need to get to Pasadena," the Professor told him. "Fry, do you have any money on you?"

"I've got a fin," he said.

"Sorry folks," the driver said, "five dollars won't get you out of the parking lot."

The taxi driver then tried several times to get his cab started, but had no luck. He stepped out of the car and pulled out a cell phone.

"What are you doing?" asked Leela.

"Calling dispatch for a tow; I'm not making any money sitting here."

"If we got your car running again, would it be worth a fare?" she asked. "It's a simple gas-combustion engine...it shouldn't be that hard to fix. Professor?"

The driver popped open the hood; Farnsworth got a smile on his face. "What a wonderful old jalopy...my granddad had one of these." He pulled out a small device, and waved it over the engine. When he did this, lights lit up on it. "Try it again, young man...you had a short circuit."

He turned the key, and the car came to life. "Hey...you people know what you're doing. Hop in. Where ya headed?"

"We need to get to a place called the Comic Book Emporium," said the Professor.


The four stepped out and gazed at the store. Leela looked over at the posters hanging in the windows with a puzzled look on her face. "Who is the Silver Surfer, and why should we get to know him?"

"This, my friends, is the communal gathering place of what were once called 'geeks,'" said the Professor. "These were the high IQ intelligentsia of the age...in places like this, they were literally the keepers of the knowledge. If you had any kind of computer problem, you went to these guys. This is the perfect place to begin searching for Dr. Cooper."

"Whatever you say," added Fry. I just went to them to satisfy my Spiderman fix."

They stepped inside where Raj and Howard Wolowitz were hanging out. Raj was searching through the stacks of comic books while Howard was busy scribbling notes in a pile of papers. Curious, Leela leaned over his shoulder to see what he was writing. "Hmm...trajectories," she said.

Howard turned and looked up at her. "You know what this is? I'm working out a landing trajectory for the Mars Mobile Lander...it's been driving me crazy - I can't seem to get the figures to work out right."

"Do you mind if I take a look?" she asked.

"Sure...go right ahead."

She quickly looked through the pile of papers. "It's an ancient Mars probe - how cute!"

"Ancient? Lady, this is the most sophisticated technology we have."

She handed the papers back to him. "The answer is 30 degrees."

"That's it? Thirty degrees? How would you possibly know that?"

"Anyone would who's been there." Shen noticed his puzzled expression. "Oh, surely you've taken a high school trip there at some time?"

"To freaking Mars?"

"Look," Leela continued as she made a gesture with her hand, "a Mars landing is as simple as pie. At about 300 kilometers out you kick on the jake brake, get a 30 degree angle for re-entry, drop gear and land. Nothing to it."

Wolowitz scribbled some more notes on his papers, and got a smile on his face. "It works...it actually works!"

The Professor gently pulled Leela aside. "They haven't landed men on Mars yet," he whispered to her. "They still think that the Moon landing is a really big thing."

"Oh," she replied. "With that Neil Armstrong guy...right."

He then turned to Raj, who was still busy looking through the comic books. "Excuse me," he asked, "could you tell me where the great Dr. Cooper might be found?"

Raj let out a chuckle. "The 'great' Dr. Cooper? He can be found at the Pasadena Municipal Building trying to get out of jury duty. He's probably in a jail cell by now."

"I can find that on my wrist-thingee," said Leela.

Howard looked up from his paperwork. "She's got a wrist-thingee too? Why don't I have a wrist-thingee?"


When the four arrived at the municipal building, Fry stopped them. "You know what - they're not going to just let us walk out with him." He looked around, and noticed a uniform truck across the street. "I think I've got an idea."

The Planet Express Crew found Sheldon Cooper embroiled in a mindless argument with the presiding attorney. They marched into the courtroom dressed in medical uniforms; the Professor wore a stethoscope with his lab coat, the girls were dressed as nurses, and Fry wore scrubs like an orderly.

"Who would you be?" asked the attorney barked. "These jury proceedings are closed to the public."

"I'm so glad that you have Sheldon here with you," the Professor told him. "He hasn't tried to harm anyone yet, has he?"

"I'm trying to put together a jury here...I can have you all thrown in jail. Who the hell are you people?"

"I'm sorry...I'm Dr. Farnsworth," he said as he awkwardly shook the attorney's hand with a latex glove. "He's a patient of mine...slipped away from the hospital this morning. What has he been telling you? Probably been going on and on about string theory and quantum mechanics, no doubt. Maybe telling you about communicating with extra-terrestrials."

"But that's what I do," pleaded Sheldon. "And I'm on the verge of a breakthrough."

"He's probably convinced you that he is a researcher at Caltech; that's one of his favorites. Highly delusional, this one is...very serious case."

"But I am!" Sheldon blurted out. "I don't even know these people!"

"Are you trying to tell me that this man is medically incompetent?"

"Has he said anything to you in Klingon?" asked Fry.

"Miss Ortiz," the attorney said, "dismiss juror number 4. Get him out of here."

Leela grabbed him by the arm, and Amy grabbed the other arm. "Come along, Sheldon," Leela told him, "it's almost ice cream time!"

Sheldon was still yelling as they took him from the building. "Somebody help me! I'm being kidnapped! Help!"


On the long walk back to Sheldon's apartment, Farnsworth tried to explain why they had come back to 2012 for him; he was buying none of it. He was still arguing with them as they climbed the steps of the building.

"Why doesn't your elevator work?" Fry asked.

"It's a long story," Sheldon told him. "Look...you are a bunch of lunatics who have chosen to stalk me for whatever reason; you're probably grad students from UCLA jealous of my vast intelligence. I am now going into my apartment to get set up for tonight's Firefly Monopoly tournament. I have plenty of low-fat snacks and high protein flavored water for my guests. Unless you're bringing the no-alcohol beer, you'll need to leave."

"Dr. Cooper," the Professor pleaded, "we've come a long way just to seek your help."

"Right...and you're from the year 3012 - you've told me that. You also have a spaceship in the hills above Glendale...like I believe that."

"We have, you stuck-up sleestak," said Amy. "We need your help! Our world is in danger because of you! I don't know what you did, but you did something."

He shot them a mean look. "I know what this is...Leonard put you up to this, didn't he? It specifically states in section 4, paragraph 38 of the Roommate Agreement that a practical joke may not be perpetrated during a period of high duress."

"He's telling the truth," Leela told him. "The least you can do is to hear him out."

"Oh, yeah? Prove it. I'm a scientist...I demand proof. You can't prove it, can you?"

"Yes I can, as a matter of fact."

"Then prove it; prove to me that you are who you say you are."

Leela reached up and quickly pulled off her sunglasses; she stared at him with her eye, moving her large eyeball around. Sheldon's jaw dropped, and he let out a high-pitched squeal. He then fainted and dropped to the floor. "Oh, Lord," moaned Leela as she put her glasses back on.


Penny came home from work to find Sheldon sprawled out on the floor. "You mean he just passed out right here?" she asked.

"I'm afraid I had a little something to do with it," said Leela. "I just didn't expect him to drop like a sack of potatoes like that."

Penny chuckled. "How rich. Hey, are you and your friends joining us for Firefly Monopoly?"

"Maybe for a bit, but we can't stay long." Leela looked at her friends. "C'mon, guys...let's get Major Thom here into his apartment."

They sat him up on the couch. Leela tried to talk with him. "Hey, buddy...are you okay?"

"You're sitting in my spot," he dryly told her.


Fry thought long and hard about his next move. "I think I'll buy some real estate on Serenity Avenue."

"Good move," commented Howard. "So you guys are really serious about being from the future..."

"We certainly are," said the Professor, "and we are still going to need Sheldon to come back with us."

"In your spaceship?" asked Howard. "Can we tag along?"

"I don't see why not. You are scientists as well...that couldn't hurt."

Sheldon protested. "I am not going anywhere with these loonies."

"Sheldon," said the Professor, I've got a whole lab that you can mess about in - I am a mad scientist, you know."

"Not going."

"When you taste Slurm Lite," Amy added, "you'll never want to leave our century."

"Still not going."

Leonard tapped Leela's shoulder, and pointed to Sheldon's toy train and engineer cap.

"Hey, Sheldon," Leela said, "they have lots of trains in the future. Some even ride in the air above the tracks; I'm sure we can make you an engineer for a day on one."

"You're trying to lure me," said Sheldon.

Leela pumped her arm up and down. "Woo-woo...chugga, chugga, chugga..."

"Okay, okay...you've got me. I'll go with you."

"Look at this," Raj said. "I just got a get-out-of-the-brig free card."


"Aren't you going to the future with us, Penny?" asked Amy.

Penny looked at the bunch of them like they were children playing a game. "Seriously...some of us have got to work today. I've actually got a commercial spot for a cough decongestant. You guys just go and have some fun in the future."

The Planet Express Crew somehow managed to cram into Leonard's car with everybody else; it wasn't a fun trip, but they got there. Everything went well until Sheldon caught sight of the ship. "Is that it?" he shouted.

"You are supposed to be an expert on extra-terrestrials," Amy told him, "how do you think they get around...by bus?"

"I'm not flying in that," he shouted, "it's a deathtrap with fins!" He tried to make a run for it, but they caught him and dragged him back to the ship. "I wanna go home!!"

"Listen, bucko," Leela told him, " our world is being threatened because you communicated with something. Now get on that ship or I'll break your arm."

"Fine," he relented. "As long as I get dibs on the seat I pick."

"Whatever," said Leela.


As the Planet Express Ship raced away from Los Angeles, Amy made an attempt to speak with Raj. "You're kinda cute," she told him. He turned around and gave her a look of panic. She turned to the others. "Does he have some sort of speech disability?"

"Only around the opposite sex," said Howard.

"Poor guy...he just hasn't met the right girl yet."

Sheldon tapped Amy on the shoulder. "What do you want?"

"I want that seat you're sitting in."

"Why? What's wrong with yours?"

"The acoustics are much better over here. Besides, there is a draft over there."

"Shen Jing Bing! Go away, you mental case!"

"We've found that it's best just to placate him," Leonard told her.

"Fine...take your stinkin' seat then. I hope you get a draft over here too."

Leonard spoke again. "Is this really the Sheldon Cooper you're looking for? You realize that you're stuck with him...you can't do like the Terminator and go back and kill him. Or, then again, maybe you can."

Amy suddenly got an evil grin on her face. She poked Sheldon in the shoulder with her finger. "She's touching me!"

"Honestly," Leela said, "you guys sound just like children. Grow up."

"Are we there yet?" asked Howard.

Amy poked Sheldon again, harder this time. "Owww...she's touching me again!"

Leela turned around and held her hand up in a threatening gesture. "If I have to pull this ship over, I'll give you guys the beating of your lives...I can still reach you. Now shut up and keep your hands to yourselves!"

It got very quiet in the ship until it was time to use the Professor's machine again.

Amy poked him again. "She touched me again."


When they returned to New New York, the huge alien spacecraft was still there in the sky. They made a normal landing in the hangar bay. Howard Wolowitz was the first to step down the gangway. He paused before stepping onto the hangar floor. "One small step for man," he mused, "one giant leap for mankind."

"Hurry up, Neil Armstrong," Leela told him, "the rest of us want to get off the ship today."

The Professor had another device in his hand. "Good news...I'm sending a message to the aliens that we have Sheldon ready to go."

The message must have been received quickly, as a long green tube extended down from the ship into the hangar; everyone got sucked into it one by one, and transported up to the ship. Sheldon screamed all the way up to the ship. Howard got a running start, and gave an excited yell as he jogged up into the tube.

The gang found themselves piled up like laundry in a room on the ship. Howard was the first one to start exploring his new surroundings. It was everything he'd expected in a starship...strange colors, a dull humming sound, and weird blinking lights that didn't really mean anything. "Guys," he said, "we are on an alien ship - I've waited my whole life to end up here."

"Eh...I've seen more impressive," said Leela.

Raj looked around. "It's kind of less 'Star Trek: The Next Generation,' and more 'Farscape.'"

Sheldon got up and began to panic. "Does anyone have a sanitary wipee? This place is a smorgasbord for every infectious disease in the universe!"

The door slid open, and the alien that had spoken to Earth walked in. He began to look everyone up and down with those hideous orange eyes. "Which one is the Sheldon Unit?"

Howard got a look of glee on his face. "See what I told you Raj? It's just like on Star Trek - they all look like humans, only with a few extra bumps and ridges on their heads! You owe me, sucker." A dejected Raj began to pull some money out of his wallet.

"Are you lunkheads through yet?" asked Leela. "Go on, Sheldon."

The alien awkwardly shook his hand. "Allow me to introduce myself. I am Callagorxis, of Jallar VII. I believe I have something of yours."

"You do?" he asked.

The alien waved his six-fingered hand in front of the wall and a panel slid open. Behind the panel stood a plastic action figure roughly a foot tall; Sheldon's name was on it, with permanent marker. Sheldon retrieved it and looked it over.

"Will someone tell me why this alien has my Captain Galaxa doll?"

Howard stepped forward. "Uh, I can explain that. About a year ago we launched the Sojourner space probe, and they asked us to bring items of Earth culture to put in its cargo bay. We sort of went over to your apartment, and took it - we figured you'd never miss it. And look - you've got it back, so everything turned out just fine."

"Wait a minute," Leela interjected. "Do you mean to tell me that our world was threatened over a child's toy?"

"Hold on...I'm really upset," said Sheldon. "I'm the victim of a crime here. What kind of punishment do you have here...is it death by phaser?"

"Please, understand me. I'm merely a collector of toys. Let me show you more of my collection." He waved his hand again, and more panels opened up to reveal many strange objects. He picked up an insect-looking doll with six arms. He pulled a string on its back, and a horrible croaking noise came out of it. "This one is special...it sings a lullaby for its babies." He put the toy back up. "Sheldon...tell me about this Captain Galaxa of yours."

"Well, anyone who knows anything about comics knows that Captain Galaxa was one of the Magnificent 14, the Mighty Defenders of Earth. He spent most of his time fighting Dr. Piranha and his thugs for control of Central City. In issue 23 he married CougarWoman, and they adopted Torpedo Boy. This was around the same time that Gigantowoman married Electroman."

"Shmeeshels," moaned Amy, "is there any factual information in our near future?"

"It's obvious that you aren't a connoisseur, Amy. Anyway, Captain Galaxa helped to destroy the Zalgor Nexus, and helped to protect the Earth from the evil Talon-Zel. Uh, Mister alien, I am going to get that back, am I not?"

"But it's mine," the alien shot back. "I found it in that satellite...finder's keepers!"

"No it's not...it's mine!"

"Formal protest."

"Denied."

"Informal protest."

"Denied."

"Sheldon," Leonard told him, "just let him have the toy; we'll buy you another one when we get back to the 21st century."

"But it's mine...my mother bought that for me after I was savagely attacked by a mockingbird in the park...to make me feel better."

"But Sheldon," Raj added, "he's threatened to destroy our planet."

"Yes...and I would have invaded Earth. But I...wasn't allowed."

Leela's large eye blinked. "You weren't allowed? What do you mean, you weren't allowed? Allowed by who?"

"I think the proper word is 'whom,'" said Sheldon.

"Hush, you. Go on..."

Before the alien could answer her, a loud screeching voice floated in through the wall. "Callagorxis? Are these you're friends from Earth? You know that your father needs the ship back for work tonight. We don't have enough time to invade a whole planet."

The alien got an angry look on his face as he clenched his fists. "I'm busy right now, Ma...will you just give me a minute?!"

Amy looked annoyed. "You mean our planet was threatened by a freaking kid?"

The alien picked up another one of his toys and showed it to Sheldon. "Look, I really want Captain Galaxa for my collection. Will you be willing to take another action figure in trade?"

"Go for it," Raj advised. "How many people can say that they have a toy from across the galaxy?"

"Oh, okay...it's a deal."

Leela put her hand on Sheldon's shoulder. "Sheldon, your mother would be very proud of you."

The hideous voice returned. "Are your friends staying over for dinner? Do they like Caltrusian Eel?"

"She actually does make a pretty good eel," the alien commented.

Leonard looked over at Howard. "Kinda looks familiar, doesn't it?" Howard cocked his head to one side and rolled his eyes.


"Earth has once again been saved from certain destruction," reported Morbo on the television. "This is a good thing; my family would have been very angry if they had arrived at an already destroyed planet. Hahahahaha!"


"Good news, everybody," the Professor announced, "I can get everyone back to their original time period after I've made some adjustments to my machine. Meanwhile, you all might as well go out and enjoy the afternoon on the town."

"It's hard to believe that we were almost destroyed by an interstellar child," Raj told Amy.

"Yeah...how weird. Hey, would you like to go for a walk?"

"That sounds like a really good idea."

Howard poked Raj in the shoulder. "Hey - you're talking to a real live woman...with no tranquilizers or anything."

"Yeah...how about that."

"Well, come on Raj...we can walk and talk at the same time."

Howard felt good for Raj, but still felt a little left out as the two walked away. Leela came up behind him, and looked down on him; she placed a set of keys into his hand. "What are these?" he asked.

"Well, didn't you want to test that Mars landing trajectory to see if it worked? Here's the best part, Buck Rogers - you get to drive."

He got a toothy grin from ear to ear as he jingled the keys. "This'll do...this'll do..."

"Hurry up, Neil Armstrong," said Leela, "we don't have all day." Howard went jogging up behind her.

Leonard went up to talk with Fry. "Can the Professor really get us back to our own time?"

"Oh, yeah...he's done weirder stuff than that - I've time traveled with him before. Hey, you want a cream cheese hotdog?"

"Can't - lactose intolerant. Hey, do you really trust Sheldon with that shady robot friend of yours? He seems like a real character."

"I think so...why?"


In the heat of the afternoon a stocky Martian man made his way to the platform of a maglev train station. He pulled his chronograph out of his vest pocket to make sure he wasn't late, and then looked around the platform. He then looked over at a robot lighting up a cigar. "Well," he asked the robot, "where is he?"

"Where is who?" Bender asked back. "You've got me, if you're lookin' for me."

"You know...the kid. The one I'm supposed to take for a train ride."

"Oh, him? He ain't no kid. Well, maybe upstairs he's one."

"Well, where is he? And where is my train engine?"

"You see, that's the problem. Sheldon didn't want to wait - you don't mind if he started the ride early, do you?"

"For the love of the Seven Saints, he took my train?!"

"Yeah, but he's promised to bring it back when he's done. I figure he's probably in the warehouse district right about now."

Somewhere near the Robert A. Heinlein Bridge, a young man in a maglev train stuck his head out the window to feel the breeze whip across his face. "Woo-woo!" was all he said, as he leaned out the window and joyfully pumped his arm up and down.


Amy typed on her computer, and got a satisfied look on her face. "Leonard, I think I found what you were looking for in Wikipedia. Her name was Penny, right?"

"Yes, it was. What does it say about her?"

"It says that she did in fact become a famous actress, and it credits the beginning of her success with a cough-suppressant commercial in the summer of 2012. It also says here that she was married to..."

Leonard hit a button on the keyboard, and the page disappeared. "Hey...didn't you want to know more about her life?"

"Amy, there are just some things that I don't want to know now; leave me a few surprises for later on."

Amy grinned back at him. "Gotcha."

The Professor walked in from his office. "Oh dear," he said, "I just received a call from the Bureaucracy. They have Sheldon in custody."

Raj got a worried look on his face. "They don't torture people in this century, do they?"


In a small room with gray painted walls, Dr. Sheldon Cooper sat in a chair and read a piece of paperwork. Bureaucrat Morgan Proctor hovered over him, like an eagle waiting to swoop down on her prey. She looked down her nose and over her reading glasses at him.

"Mr. Cooper," she said, "we've had some fun today, haven't we? You are guilty of at least 12 offences, including theft of municipal property, and time travel without an orange card." She leaned in closer. "It's no surprise that you are friends with Professor Farnsworth; you two are probably part of a press gang of physicists, running around spray painting equations and formulas on subway walls." She stood apart from him again. "Well, do you understand the charges?"

"I'm not even going to dignify this piece of paperwork with an answer."

"I BEG YOUR PARDON?"

"It's just wrong, wrong, wrong...you have two spelling errors in this paper."

She snatched the paper out of his hands to examine it. "I do not have any spelling errors in my paperwork."

"Yes you do...grievous, and egregious. Bazinga!"

Buddies