Futurama

Fan Fiction

Lazarus
By Sofie Fenwick

Chapter 1 - Meeting Lazarus

After returning from a delivery to the desert planet Arid 4 to deliver a vast quantity of salt, Fry felt extremely thirsty from this long journey, therefore thought he'd go to the kitchen and get a can of Slurm from the refrigerator, but once he got there, he saw something, something foul enough to make him drop the can he was drinking from. "ARRRGGHHHH! My Slurm! No, I mean... urgh!"

The rest of the crew came running in, wondering if Fry had lost his lottery ticket or something, but instead saw an awful sight before them. There were unattached arms, legs and a head lying around the floor, with other parts in the sink's waste disposal unit, while Cubert stared back at them, seemingly not bothered.

"My God, you've... you've killed the professor!" Leela screamed, eye wide open, ready to burst. "And you've done it in the kitchen, where we have to eat!"

The teenager just laughed back, in his arrogant fashion. "You fools! You have no idea that this is the greatest thing since Fry rediscovered the wheel."

However, the crew weren't listening, as they had finally found a good excuse to beat the living daylights out of him, as they all felt he was an obnoxious, repugnant brat anyway. Besides, he'd just murdered one of their closest friends... the one who paid them!

While they enjoyed themselves punching, kicking and pulling Cubert's hair out, they suddenly heard a noise, as if somebody was coming out of the lab. As the whole crew were in the kitchen, including the dismembered professor, there shouldn't really be anybody else there.

They stopped beating the cowering brat, and looked at each other uneasily. However, Leela decided it was up to her to do the dirty work, yet again, so she picked up a cleaver and walked out of the kitchen towards the lab. She slowly approached the lab, but heard someone in the lounge, so she stopped outside, readied herself, with weapon in hand.

Inside the lounge stood a young, orange-haired man pouring coffee for himself. He actually looked a bit like Fry, although better looking.

"Hello... you're back already!" said the orange-haired Fry look-a-like, who also sported a pair of glasses. "Ah, seeing that cleaver's in your hand can only mean you're going to make a roast dinner... yummy!"

Leela ignored that absurd remark and called to the rest of the crew to join her: "Come out of the kitchen, and bring that bastard cone with you... dead or alive!" She then barked at the mystery man, "And, you can shut the hell up!"

As Fry, with the rest, dragged the bruised up clone out by his hair into the lounge, he stopped in his tracks, noticing the strange, young intruder. After gawking at the man for a while, thinking as hard as his tiny mind could possibly manage, Fry finally came up with a solution of his own. "Oh wow! Are you another one of my long lost nephews?"

The man, who was also wearing the prof's white coat, decided to reveal his identity to the curious crew. "Oh my, no. It's me, Professor Farnsworth! Don't any of you recognize me?"

"You can't be the professor," replied Bender, as he poked Cubert's face with his arm. "After all, we found this little monster chopping up Farnsworth's brittle, old body and about to stick him down the waste disposal. Why'd you think we got to beat the shit out've 'im."

"Yeah!" agreed Fry, as he continued to pull out clumps of Cubert's hair with his fingers."Besides, you don't look anything like the professor. For a start, you've got hair."

The others agreed, as absolutely nobody noticed even the slightest resemblance at all to Farnsworth, apart from the white coat and thick spectacles he was wearing.

The young man removed his specs. "Oh, fiddlesticks! These lenses have become far too strong for me, I'm just gonna have to get them seen to." He then smiled whilst examining his glasses. "Oh my, yes... I can see much better now!"

Escaping from the grasp of Fry, Cubert ran straight to the man. "Save me from these morons, Dad! Tell them what's happened... just don't use big words, it'll hurt their brains more than they hurt me!"

"You better explain yourself, and quick... because Cubert has a date with my blernsball bat," Leela responded, staring menacingly at the shaking brat clinging to "Dad".

As the rest of the crew glowered at Cubert, the young man began to explain more: "Cubert and myself have been working on something top secret inside the laboratory. I've actually been working on it for a couple of decades now, but Cubert and I have finally completed it.

"My new invention didn't just change my old self into a new, much younger self, but also added other more attractive features to me. For a start, I'm now much better looking than the Farnsworth you probably remember - more like somebody you'd see in film clips - and I also have an amazing physique, unlike my previous self, who's always been a wimp."

"OK, if you're the professor, how much do you pay us?" interrupted Bender, trying to cause the intruder to slip up.

"I pay you? Oh my... no... that can't be right!" stuttered the orange-haired mystery guy. "When did slaves... I mean employees... get paid? I know my rights!"

"Yeah, that's the bastard cheapskate," Bender sighed disappointedly."You're a lucky clone, you freak! Next time, we'll be quicker in getting the job done." This made Cubert grab harder onto the professor.

Fry interrupted Bender's taunting, "Come on, out with it, you old croonie, anything else that you're not telling us about?"

Standing up straight, with Cubert hiding behind him still clutching, the "new" professor hardly looked like an old croonie, he looked much more like a young dude, with his little brother by his side. "Oh my, I almost forgot... thank you for reminding me, Fry. If you all come into the laboratory, I'll show you the long awaited invention; I know you must be dying to see it."

The curious crew followed Farnsworth out of the lounge and into the laboratory, each one of them as eager as the next to see his "new invention".

When they all had entered, the professor made a swift, sharp gesture with his arm, pointing his finger towards two seven foot high chambers, standing side by side in the middle of his lab, connected by masses and masses of wires and pipes.

"Everybody... my new invention! My kaleidoscopic youth machine! I decided it was a little too long a name for me to keep repeating over and over again, so as it's a youth machine, and helps one to stay as young as they want, therefore live as long as they please... I decided to name my invention Lazarus, after the man who wanted to live forever."

Leela began to study the two giant chambers with great interest. She found a dial on the door of one of the chambers, which had several multicoloured numbers printed around it ranging from 20 to 200. "You gonna show us how it works, Professor?" curiously asked Leela, still fondling Lazarus.

"Oh, sweet Zombie Jesus!" screamed the angry professor, completely panic-stricken, as soon as he noticed her. He was terrified that something fragile or explosive might suddenly go BANG! He ran over and slapped her hands off his invention, continuing to yell at her with angry disapproval, "Don't touch that, or it might go off!"

"I'm sorry, Professor," she apologized. "I was just wondering what all these numbers around this dial were for, and how Lazarus changes an old person into a young person.... It just sounds so impossible, that's all."

Since most of his crew seemed to have extremely curious faces to match their extremely confused minds, Farnsworth decided to introduce his machine to them a little further. "Well, if you're all patient and have the time, I'll explain how you, too, even after you've already gained the natural wear and tear of ageing, can reverse the clock like me!"

Most of the crew, in particularly Amy, who wanted to know the secret to keeping her good looks forever, were eager to find out more, therefore, even if they didn't originally have the time to stay and listen to Farnsworth's explanation, they began changing their plans for the day there and then in order to make time.

Amy picked up her cellphone, from what seemed to be inside her cleavage - a little trick she'd learnt from Mom. She then punched out one of her many lovers' phone numbers, and began to twist the boyfriend on the other end of the line around her little finger. "Sorry Kif," she squeaked, "I have to cancel our dinner date tonight. A fantastic new beauty treatment's just come up... and it's taking place for one night only."

The muffled, but desperately sounding, voice of her lover could be heard, trying to arrange a new date with the woman he was crazy about. When he'd finished speaking, she agreed to his plea for another date. "Next week's fine, Kif. Byyyeee!" She then switched off her cellphone, and tucked it back comfortably down her bra, then grabbed a vacant stool to join the rest of the crew.

They all sat around in a semicircle, staring at Farnsworth, as he began to give a lecture about Lazarus; they had become all ears.

"This is the door that you enter," he explained, after opening the door of the left chamber with the numbered dial fixed to it. "While this," he then pointed to the second chamber to the right, "after all is done, is the exit, so to speak."

"Errr, how can we go from one cubicle to the other?" asked Leela.

"If you want the toilet, then go, Leela. I'm not your mother. Damn you!"

Leela sighed and shrugged, allowing the professor to continue.

"Anyway, gather 'round, gather 'round, my young servants... I mean friends," the professor stuttered. "Tell me that I've done it again, that I've created yet another outstanding, super invention, one to outsmart anything Wernstrom... Werrrrnnnstrom... could ever think of!" The professor shuddered at the thought of his old rival, then continued with his lecture.

The crew took a close look at the cubicles, taking a look inside the empty chambers.

"The dial that you were clumsily fiddling with on the chamber's door, Leela, sets the different ages that one may choose to become, from the wrinkled older age that they'd been," the professor explained.

"After one has chosen their preferred number of years on this chamber, they get into it. Then a complex mixture of multicoloured gases appears takes all the best parts of it's subject, and carries them through the next chamber via these wires here connecting them. The complex gases in my machine, together with the new younger gases from one's old self fix together to make a new you in the second chamber, leaving your other self behind as waste in the first one; it was my wasted previous body that you saw Cubert hacking up. Once the metamorphosis has been completed, one doesn't just become the younger person they used to be though, one becomes more!"

Farnsworth then stopped talking and eyed up the crew with a sneaky expression on his face. He licked his lips, rubbing his hands together, then told them what was on his mind. "Would you all like me to demonstrate? Maybe somebody would like to volunteer. Please let me show you... otherwise you're all fired!"

Leela walked behind the lobster and pushed him forwards, towards the professor. "Zoidberg'll do it!" she blurted, as she enthusiastically volunteered the lobster for the job.

"Wha' whaaaaaa..." before Zoidberg could get a word out, the rest of the crew helped Leela to thrust the crustacean into the first chamber to be experimented on, as the professor locked the door shut.

"I'm going to twist the dial around now and change Zoidberg into exactly the same age as I myself have become: twenty-years-old."

The professor then began his demonstration. He twisted the dial to the number 20, then just waited for something to happen; actually, the entire crew stood there waiting to see what would happen.

Both cubicles rattled and roared, vibrating wildly as they shook tumultuously! It shook so fiercely, that the crew were overcome with fear and guilt-stricken minds as to what they'd volunteered their friend for. After about two minutes, the noise gradually died down and finally stopped. The professor then announced that the process had been completed.

After opening the second chamber, as sure as could be, a slim, muscle-bound lobster that could pass for twenty stumbled out. The crew all stared in amazement... even Amy was impressed as she studied the lobster closely!

"Mmm... you look good enough to eat, but I wouldn't want the smell of fish to ruin my bed sheets."

Zoidberg sighed, though not too disappointed as he didn't really go for humans anyway.

Fry walked up to the first chamber and began to stare into it, he saw a continuous circulation of bright, kaleidoscopic colours that just kept twirling round and round inside the machine... even after it had stopped. He also noticed that the young creature that had just stumbled out the other chamber had left behind most of its now dead body.

Fry, puzzled, asked, "So, we now dispose of Zoidberg's body down the waste disposal unit?"

"My, yes," the professor replied. "A gruesome, terrible job... smelly too!"

Bender then interrupted, "I have a devious scheme, one so foul that it will make me rich! If you give him to me, I'll sell his body to a delicatessen or restaurant at a low price? So, you get rid of this rotten body, and I make some money; everyone's happy then."

Fry scratched his head, still totally confused about how the machine worked. "I don't understand, how can something that looks like a piece of junk be so amazing?"

The professor felt he'd described the workings of his invention simple enough for any dumb idiot to understand. He'd even given them a demonstration of how it worked. Besides, he certainly didn't want to give the entire lecture again from the beginning. However, judging by the way the others in the room groaned at Fry's confusion, it seemed that they had fully understood, so the need to re-explain wasn't really necessary.

"Shut up, Fry, you idiot!" blurted out Leela, who seemed to understand everything thoroughly. "What on earth did the professor do to deserve you?"

Fry started shoe-gazing, as he stood there ashamed at being the only member of the crew who'd hardly understood a word of the professor's Lazarus lecture.

Amy ran to the door where the dial was, she seemed extremely impressed with the prof's work for once in her life. After all, if she was going to use Lazarus later on in her life, she would have to know exactly where and what all the bits and bobs went and did. She pointed at the numbers on the dial and squeaked cheerfully, "So, this is the part that makes you beautiful again." She was very interested in just this one invention, for it would give her endless young, handsome hunks knocking at her door till kingdom come.

The professor looked straight at Amy, pleasantly surprised with her own understanding. "Oh deary me, how is it that you understand and a member of my own family doesn't?" asked the curious professor, who stood there addressing her with a puzzled look on his face. "What seriously could have gone wrong down the line?"

As he began to talk to himself continuously about what a misfit his great uncle was, he just couldn't understand what could've happened to him. Why didn't he fit in with the rest of the brainboxes belonging to his family. Fry's mind just continued to puzzle Farnsworth, ever since the man from the 20th century had arrived.

Leela decided to comfort the professor, as she seemed to know what he was thinking about, as did most of the crew. "Don't worry yourself sick about Fry... he probably just banged his head a little on the hard side when he hit that cryogenics cubicle. I suppose it just destroyed most of his thinking cells, that's all."

Fry groaned with displeasure at the continuous taunts at his IQ, wondering when will it ever relent.

Hermes cut in angrily, urging everybody to continue the previous subject, as he had to get home fast. "For Heaven's sake, can everybody hurry up wit dis ting, or we'll be here all night. I need ma sleep ya know, and de wife's gonna kill me if I don't get home for mi dinner!"

The crew thought that Young Zoidberg would be happy with his younger self, yet he seemed to be in tears. "But I want to be useful. I want to be a magnificent doctor and be recognized by the population for being a genius."

The giant lobster snatched the handkerchief sticking out of Farnsworth's top pocket - a useful invention from before Fry's time, which could be used to wipe a doctor's brow, protect an old man's head from sunburn, and wipe away a lobster's tears when it was clearly obvious that he was in deep distress.

"What use could the world possibly have for me if this machine of yours is ever made public?"

Bender interjected, "Well, you could be useful for a shrimp salad... especially now that you're young and fresh!"

Zoidberg sighed at this mocking, he could never seem to reply in kind.

"I wouldn't worry too much, Dr Zoidberg, that's impossible," assured Leela. "After all, people will always need doctors for sick notes and addictive medication. Besides, nobody would even begin a duplicate of the machine without the plans. I'm sure the professor's hidden the plans and blueprints someplace where nobody'll ever find them." She then turned to face Farnsworth. "Right, Professor?"

"Oh my, no," replied the professor. "In answer to your first question, nothing is impossible, so Zoidberg could always remain useless, and in answer to the other one... what was it again?" Although many of his brain cells had been rejuvenated, Farnsworth's mind still hadn't fully reached the peak age that he'd become. He would have to wait at least a week to notice the complete change.

"The blueprints, Professor?" Leela repeated.

Zoidberg hoped that the professor had locked them up somewhere safe and secure, for if he hadn't, then the lobster would have to take drastic action while everybody was sleeping: sneak into the professor's lab to find and eat them.

"Oh yes... I remember now... you wanted to know where they were kept. Well, I'm afraid I've got bad news for you. As I have a tendency to fall into absent mindedness, I firstly put my plans on a computer disk, but afterwards I began to feel that some greedy little shit like Wernstrom... Werrrnnnstrom!... might try to steal them, therefore I hid them in Cubert's brain for safety. I did what I had to do: put all the blueprints on a tiny metal microchip, then I inserted it inside the little boy's head, via quick brain surgery."

The brat sniggered at the crew, "He-he-he, and none of you can have it either! So there!" He continued to smirk and titter happily to himself, in his usual irritating manner; as vulgar to them as he always was.

Chapter 2 - New Scientist

After finishing his lecture, Farnsworth had sent his crew home, while Cubert and himself remained behind. The professor's mind was going to be completely different in several days, therefore his metamorphosis was actually still in progress.

Cubert agreed to stay with Farnsworth all day and all night, writing down all the changes in him, as he knew that at the end of it all he should get something worth having out of it: a present worth having, like a hover car for his 13th birthday.

 

In the middle of the night, Cubert felt thirsty, so decided to get up for a refreshing drink. However, when he got to the kitchen and opened the refrigerator, all he found was several cans of Slurm belonging to Fry.

"Hmmm... I suppose I'm too thirsty to be choosy."

While slouching on one of the chairs inside the kitchen, he put his feet up over the top of the table in front of him, kicking over a half-empty paper coffee cup; so what, he'd been working all day long in that lab, and he needed a break anyway!

Just as he thought he'd reached his own little sanctuary, daydreaming about a giant 13th birthday cake for him alone, when his dreams were spoilt by the professor walking in.

Farnsworth noticed that Cubert was in the process of slurping down a cold can of Slurm, so he grabbed one for himself and sat down beside him. He then joined his son by slouching into his chair and putting his feet up on the table, sitting back on the two hind legs of his chair.

"You've never sat down to drink a Slurm before," remarked Cubert. "You're usually drinking something like tea or coffee?"

"I know... isn't it great!" replied the grinning, and now young, scientist.

"You know, you may have inherited some of the disgusting habits of that idle layabout, Fry."

"Oh Cubert, lighten up. Maybe there's more to life than being an intelligent inventor... that's why I invented this machine. Ironic, eh?"

"Hmmm... I don't think your brains or memories have been affected... but your habits have certainly changed. Maybe I'd better write this up in my notes before I forget," stated the young boy-genius, before running off to get his note book.

When he came back, the professor told him something else that he wanted written: "I actually feel as young as a 20-year-old!"

"Well, we did turn the dial to twenty," said the clone, sarcastically.

Farnsworth seemed pretty cheerful, considering. "Oh my, you are becoming older and wiser, my dear Cubert. Maybe when we get back to work in the lab tomorrow morning, we can begin attempting to finish another one of my unfinished life works."

"With any luck, I won't become an eccentric, mad scientist like you," Cubert responded. "Thinking about it somehow makes me feel mad already!"

The professor laughed. "That's somewhere in the near future, but for now, though, both of us should go to bed and get some sleep, for we have a big day ahead of us."


Early in the morning, when they'd awoken, the last thing on Farnsworth's mind was to do another invention. His metamorphosis seemed to have circulated much further through his system overnight, and therefore his mind and bodily functions had gone through a number of quite impressive changes.

The professor then went to Fry's cabin and began a search for a particular, special something. He'd seen his uncle bring that girlie magazine into his room, just after it had swapped hands with Bender, who'd stolen it for him - at Fry's own request, of course. Finally, after searching all the cupboards and draws, as well as any other nooks and crannies, he found it under Fry's pillow. He then remained inside Fry's cabin, gawking through the pages in secret; after all, he couldn't let his son know that he was getting a buzz looking at pictures of naked ladies. It was as if, even at the tender age of twenty, Hubert Farnsworth had become not just much younger and better looking than he was at one-hundred-and-sixty, he'd also become much hornier... just like Fry.

He couldn't sit in Fry's cabin reading his uncle's magazine forever, after all, the crew will be here soon, and the prof had to return it before they started work. He therefore decided to go out shopping to buy a copy or two for his own consumption. He could also look for some brand new, trendy outfits to replace his previous geriatric look, and also buy some crazy outfits for his other little mad scientist at the same time.

 

After arriving at a shopping district in NNY via the tube system, he discovered how much fun it was just to keep popping in and out from shop to shop, spending money freely to acquire the latest look. He bought dozens of multicoloured shirts, shorts, fluorescent coloured jeans, and patterned T-shirts - all in the modern new look for the year. He even swapped his slippers for a decent pair of trainers, and his doctor's coat for a black leather jacket with a million zips all over it. He also purchased similar clothing for Cubert, who was awaiting the big spender to return.

Just before finishing his shopping, he went and bought the latest hover sports car, which he used to transport himself and his shopping back. It seemed as if the prof had everything. But, for him, there was still something that wasn't quite right, something that was missing to match his new look.

After returning, Farnsworth told Hermes to allow the crew to go home early, as it was the last day of the week. So after the crew had finished all their deliveries, the prof''s words were echoed by Hermes, who also left at a similar time.

Having the Weekend off, it meant there was still enough time left for the professor to fill in the missing piece of his jigsaw: he wanted a slick hairdo to go with the rest of his "sexy thing" look. While visiting the barber, he was told that women loved a tall, dark and handsome man, which was a problem because he was ginger-haired! He looked through the barber's catalogue of hairstyles and chose, to the barber's dismay, the style of Pierce Brosnan's head's, and had it done... in ginger.


As soon as Fry and Bender left Planet Express on Friday evening, they decided to go for a stroll in the park that they passed everyday on the way home to their robot's apartment, but just had never thought of going inside before.

It was quite relaxing at first, just walking about staring at females of their own kind walking their dogs, but later turned sour when one of the dogs, a pitt-bull terrier, chased them to exhaustion.

However, after the dog had gotten bored with them, they found sanctuary at the other end of the park, finding a bench to rest on and get their breath back. Whilst sitting on the park bench, they both couldn't help doing what was one of their favourite pastimes: gossiping about the goings on of their work colleagues.

Bender began, in his usual vulgar way, "Hey Fry, the professor looks just like you, without his spec's on... now that he's become young, redheaded and ugly, of course."

"Are you saying I'm ugly?" yelled Fry, as he believed himself to be a fantastic catch.

"Oh, don't worry, you're not the ugliest human I've ever seen... you're the second, after that ugly little Cubert clone."

Bender was just being nasty for fun, so in return, his best friend began to whack him over his shiny metal head with a newspaper he'd found on the park bench... just for fun of course.

As they were playfighting, a sly male voice suddenly came from behind them, "Did I hear one of you two mention that the professor has become young again, with an entire head of red hair?"

It was Walt, the eldest and bossiest of Mom's loyal sons. His other two brothers, the fair-haired Larry, to his right, and the scarlet-haired Igner, to his left, stood either side of him in that unforgettable line up.

The sneaky mummy's boy, Walt, took a step forward from his centre position. "Let me rephrase my question," Walt stared hard into Bender's binocular shaped eyes and slyly put his question straight to Bender's face, "If you want to be Mommy's very favourite robot, to be loved forever and ever by her, then I suggest you tell us what's going on. If you don't tell us, forever may never come.

"You see, if Farnsworth has gotten younger, then so can Mom... and she'll be very interested in that, might I assure you. She's very old and may die soon." It was here that Igner started to cry at the thought of his mother dying, resulting in Walt slapping him quiet. "Anything that can keep her young will keep her alive for longer... which means more love for you, my dear friend. So, tell us what the professor is up to, or suffer the blame and consequences at Mommy's funeral."

Fry and Bender sat on the bench, staring at each other in silence. They both knew that what Walt was asking for were the plans to the top secret invention.

Although Fry could see that the darkest sort of blackmail seemed to be taking place, Bender seemed to be struck down by guilt. He couldn't be responsible for murdering Mom, as he loved her more than he loved anybody else in the entire Universe.

Walt cut in again, "Just think about it. If you love her as much as she loves you, you'll come and see her tomorrow... I'll tell her she may expect you."

Afterwards, the three brothers left to go back and tell their evil, conniving mother that the robot should come and see her during the weekend, after their devious little talk.

As Bender sat on the park bench, he already seemed to have already made his mind up to side with his "mother" in order to save her life. Fry, himself, couldn't see how it was even worth a second thought, therefore he wondered what on earth could have come over his friend. Why couldn't he see what was on the other side of the coin of this dilemma? He therefore began to argue frantically with Bender over their different compromising positions on the situation that just past.

"You're not actually thinking of going, are you?" he shrieked, after all, he'd never actually thought that his best friend would even consider something like this.

Bender sat there blankly. "And why not?"

"But what about the professor's secret, you tin head?" yelled Fry to his metallic friend.

"Yeah, what about the professor's secret, you empty head!" blurted back Bender sarcastically, who didn't particularly care that much at all for anyone or anything other than himself... or his mother.

"I can't believe you're saying this!" came Fry's return.

Soon, this disagreement became a row. The two friends could feel a lot of tension growing between them, and began a loud and lengthy debate on what was the right thing to do.

As they sat there on the park bench arguing, Bender decided to try and get his friend to see his side of the argument. "Tell me, Fry, if you were still in your own time and a crazy serial killer was holding your mother to ransom in return for just one lousy secret, wouldn't you snitch, too?"

Fry stopped yelling at Bender and tried to think about what the robot had just put forward. At first, he tried to remember any old memories that he still had of his mother. She wasn't particularly that bright, but one of the better things about her was that she had thick, shiny, orange hair, just like his own. He thought he'd use this common feature as the basis of his mental picture of his mother. He saw her as a big orange button, to match the colour of her hair. She sat next to a multicoloured button, which represented the amazing, kaleidoscopic secret, never to be told. The two buttons sat on a large computer, with just one problem: one had to be disposed of. But, which one?

If he'd still been living in the same time period as his mother and if he'd been given the same ultimatum, he wondered what the consequences would have been if he actually pressed the orange button down, to rid of her. Could he really be so immoral and worthless, though, towards his own mother? What would his future have been like? His father would have become so lonely and depressed, losing the will to live without her, and finally committing suicide. He would then have been left with his bullying, big brother,Yancy; to be blamed and tormented for the death of both their parents, and who would probably ended up murdering Fry for the trouble, then committing suicide himself, just to escape it all. The mechanical man's feelings began to appear much clearer to Fry: why somebody would reveal a lifesaving secret for the sake of their mother.

Fry stopped thinking, as it was now hurting his head, so he then decided he would have to apologize to Bender for his insensitive point of view against the robot's creator, Mom, who he "loved like pastrami".

As Fry lowered his tone of voice to a much calmer, more relaxed one, he began his apology: "I'm so sorry, Bender, please forgive me for wanting to do your mother in. I wasn't really thinking straight. Anyway, I shouldn't think that telling a small secret about that large piece of junk could do that much harm. And even if the worst did come to the worst, what is the worst that could possibly happen?"

"Thanks, Fry. I knew you'd see it my way in the end," Bender answered, hugging his buddy for his loyalty.

Fry suggested they left the park soon to go home and get some sleep for now, as Bender had a big day ahead of him on Saturday. He then added, "We'll have to also keep our little meeting with Mom's sons a secret, too, though, just between you and me, 'cos if any of the others find out, God knows what they'd do to you! I hate to say this, but now's the time to beware and wonder if that 'What If' machine was telling the truth, when it said that Leela would microwave you if you start wagging your tongue around."

Bender then remarked, in answer to Fry that he, too, was involved in their little ordeal with Mommy's boys, "As my assistant in crime and hearing everything, do you think that they'll do something wicked to you, too?"

Fry said nothing, he just looked at the robot quietly, as they both stood up from the bench. Then, after a while, he then whispered into the robot's ear, "And that's why the both of us have to keep really, really quiet about this entire thing... OK!"

"OK!" agreed the robot. Then he hugged his comrade, before making it back home to get some sleep for the next day.

Chapter 3 - Mother's Day

Bender lay on an operating table, somehow sweating oil from his forehead, looking about nervously. He was strapped down, unable to move away from a horror that seemed to be awaiting him. Suddenly, in stepped Mom, her three sons, Chewbacca and The Osmonds, all carrying assorted surgical implements.

Bender started fretting, "I won't say anything... I'll be good and quiet... please, don't do this to me and my shiny, metal ass!"

Fry looked on, unable to do anything, as he was inside a chamber, just like Farnsworth's new invention. He banged on the glass, but nobody paid attention.

Mom snapped her fingers and the business began. The Osmonds started playing on their medical instruments, while Chewbacca attempted to sing the Jerry Rafferty song, "Stuck in the Middle with You".

Mom began dancing around the operating table, just like Mr Blonde in the film Reservoir Dogs. She picked up a hacksaw that lay next to the table and began playing with it suggestively. Then, in one movement, moved on the fearful Bender and began sawing off his antenna, while laughing like a maniac.

Fry couldn't see what was going on, but he heard Bender's moans and sickening squeals. Finally, he did see that Mom had "Little Bender" in her hands, dangling from the jagged end.

"Hey, boys, he calls that an antenna!"

The three sons all laughed, causing Walt to get enraged that all were laughing, so he slapped Larry.

Fry looked at Bender, who was crying in humiliation and pain. He put his hand to the glass screen, trying to reach his buddy and help him in his torment, but it was to no avail. Bender gave a scared look to Fry, one that would haunt his human friend for a long time, a look of helplessness mixed with terror. Fry began to cry.

His tears flooded more when he noticed Mom and the three sons pouring petrol on his buddy, while Chewbacca and The Osmonds continued to sing away. "NO... DON'T DO THAT... HE'S MY FRIEND... TAKE ME INSTEAD!"

"Your time will come, carrot-top," responded Mom, as she began to play with a lighter and lit a cigarette. She blew a smoke ring, and, while Fry looked on, threw the lighter towards the screaming robot.

Fry jumped up, panting wildly, and in a deep sweat. He looked about, finally realizing that he was in his apartment and in his messy bed. He fell back on his pillow, working out that it was a vivid dream. Still, it left a bitter impression, one that his friend could well be in danger from Mom herself. He had to tell Bender, warn him... but first, some more sleep.


The next day, Saturday, Bender said "goodbye" to Fry as he left their apartment to visit Mom. Fry was still in bed, but managed to remember his bad dream involving his friend.

"Hey, don't go... you'll be in danger!"

Bender came back into the "closet". "What are you going on about now? Mom and myself go back so many years... well four, but I'm her favourite."

"I had a bad dream and you were in it. Mom had imprisoned you and was about to destroy you. There were The Osmonds and Chewbacca... and I think that a smurf may have been in it, but I can't remember." He noticed that Bender was getting impatient, so he tried to keep focused. "Are you sure you should do this... some say Mom is quite evil?"

Bender gave out a gasp. "How dare you say that about my mother... and anyway, what's wrong with being evil? I think you're being prejudiced, Fry... or is it Adolf?"

"Oh, I know it sounds bad, but I'm just worried for you," fretted Fry, while digging a finger in his ear. "And it's Fry, by the way."

"Oh, don't worry... I'll be fine. I'll even steal you some beer from her fridge. Now, I'm off."

And with that, Bender left the building, leaving an anxious Fry in his wake.


In the meantime, the professor had turned up on a nearby beach to sunbathe. The young Farnsworth was wearing a Chippendale style G-string, as he lay outstretched on a giant beach towel with an imprinted picture of a voluptuous, naked lady over the top of it. Cubert sat close by, building sandcastles, wearing a fluorescent yellow pair of swimming shorts with crazy squiggles, zigzags, and all spots over it.

The prof had spotted, in the near distance, two nubile girls frolicking alongside some geeky-looking guy building some large and elaborate sandcastle. He noticed that they were the two young ladies that used to hang around the late Slurms MacKenzie.

"Hmmm... time to show my stuff, methinks."

He strutted down to where the three were playing and, quite deliberately, put on some posing show with his new formed muscles. The girls gave him a few glances, but continued to be more impressed by the geek instead.

The prof had to think fast or he would blow it. "I have an idea that's so ironic and so satisfying... one that will make those years of beach torment finally go." With a sudden movement, he began demolishing the castle, kicking sand in the geek's face. "Take that, my past!"

The two girls looked up at the towering Farnsworth, their interest now gravitating towards this new beach bully. The poor guy who was their past interest sat there rubbing the sand from his eyes as he spluttered, "You can't do this to the new Slurms MacKenzie!"

"Sorry, mister, but I think we have a new Slurms MacKenzie," one of the girls squeaked, running up to Farnsworth and linking arms, as the other soon followed suit. "Oooh, he's bulging with more than just biceps!"

"In your face... Wernstrom!" the professor shouted to the skies, while the girls held onto him for dear life.

 

Farnsworth, later on that day, wanted to do some more "scientific" exploration with his two new subjects. He asked the observing Cubert to leave him be, as he had other things to do that night.

"But, Dad, I'm meant to be studying you... can't I stay?"

"What... you're not studying what I'm going to do tonight! Anyway, here's some money to go buy yourself a wollipop." Farnsworth then gave him a patronizing pat on the head and turned his attention back to his new found interests.

Cubert trudged off, grumbling to himself, leaving Farnsworth the privacy he needed.


During the day, Bender had gotten dressed up in his finest blue velvet tie, especially to go and visit his mother. He'd been walking about alone in the streets, impatiently awaiting to see his mother. Other than a little petty theft here and there, he'd been behaving pretty well compared to his normal standards, and hadn't mentioned the dirty deed to anybody; just like his confident had asked him not to. What the robot did do, though, was to phone Fry up on the cellphone which he'd stolen on his way to Mom's place, to tell him that he was on his way.

Fry was still laying in his messy, untidy bed - if you could call it a bed - whilst listening to Bender through the receiver, trying to get Fry to calm down. Fry still felt worried for the robot, wondering what would happen to him if Farnsworth should ever find out that his secret wasn't a secret anymore; and he was bound to discover the truth one way or another! And, remembering his dream, he was also worried what Mom and her three sons had in store for his metallic companion, for she wasn't known for her benevolence, so he feared that Bender's life was in danger. This he conveyed to his friend, but Bender just seemed to shrug it off, and hung-up promptly.

Fry picked up two stress balls sitting on the floor, on one side of his mattress, and began to fiddle around with them, whilst hoping for his friend's safe return. Deep down inside his heart, Fry had developed a special buddy relationship with Bender, and therefore wasn't just afraid for his best friend's health, but also afraid what would happen to himself if anything awful should happen to his metallic buddy.

 

Bender arrived at Mom's large robot factory at just before 9.30pm and rang the doorbell.

The shy, shaking, scarlet-haired, youngest brother, Igner, had been ordered to open the door by Walt, his devious head brother. The loyal sons had been told by their mother to bribe and interrogate Bender, in order to get him to tell her what she wanted to know.

After showing Bender into the spooky corridors of Mom's residence, Igner joined his brothers. Walt immediately stepped out of his central position to grumble at the robot as soon as he set eyes on him. "Mom was expecting you much earlier, where have you been? She will be very unhappy that you've kept her waiting all day, just for you to get here!"

The shivering Igner always became terrified whenever his mother was thought to be unhappy. "Oh my goodness, please don't say she'll try and take over the world again, will she Walt?"

The incredibly shy Larry then whispered nervously, "Oh no, please don't annoy her again, or who knows what she might do this time with that control in... her bra."

After Walt had comforted his two terrified brothers that their mother wasn't about to attempt to take over the world again, with a few helpful slaps to make the point, the brothers reformed their typical line structure of Larry, Walt then Igner. Then they began their journey of taking Bender to a very special room for very important robots.

It was called the VIR room... the robots equivalent to a VIP room. It was especially built for and run by a handful of Mom's most distinguished robots. Inside this room, important metal beings were given tiptop treatment to get them into peak condition, just before they got to their biggest and best treat of all - visiting Mom.

Before his own personal treatment, Bender got to sip tequila with several robo-femmes, until it was finally his turn to enter the robot beauty parlour of his pleasure. For Bender, his tiptop treatment began with a bee's wax polish and shine, given by his new femme friends, who kept applying wax and shining him up in places that made him tickle like crazy and made his metallic body sparkle like a diamond ring. He was then buffed up violently in a robo car wash buffer, just for that extra little gleam against the sunlight, which finally completed his sprucing up as a Very Important Robot.

When Bender walked out of the VIR room, the three brothers were awaiting him outside, getting ready to spring another bribery surprise onto him. The Bender-bribing was to get him to do anything that their mother was to propose to him later, during his little visit with her. She then had ordered her sons to completely fill up Bender's entire compartment with as much money that it could hold.

Walt was always ready to do as his mother asked of him, standing behind his brothers, who were stacking Mom's money into Bender's body compartment, whilst he himself watched closely from behind, checking that they were following his orders to a T. He only took orders from his mother nowadays, therefore, as always, the only work Walt really did was to use his head, ordering his brothers about. Right here and now, though, he was observing everything they did like a hawk, with his arms folded tightly, to match the evil look on his face and the sneaky intentions in his black heart.

Mom's offspring then began taking Bender on the rest of his lengthy, fantastic journey to finally visit the most significant person in his life. As the four of them approached an extra-tall blue door, the robot guessed that his glittering prize, to be with Mom, wouldn't be far from the taking. He'd guessed this, because firstly, Mom's favourite colour was blue, which accounted for her wardrobe being filled with nothing but blue dresses, hence a blue door, and secondly, she had an extra tall, soft, grey blob on the top of her head that was just about the right level to fit under the extra tall door that she could walk underneath comfortably, hence its height.

As the foursome walked closer towards the imposing door, it had become crystal clear to the robot that his guess was right: a hanging printed sign, which had now become visible on the front of the door, simply had the three letters M.O.M. written on it. As Mom was one of the hardest people in the Universe to get in contact with, Bender felt honoured and relieved to have finally gotten to his destination.

Walt knocked on the door to notify her of the arrival of their informant. "We've brought the robot with the secret, Mom."

The old crow squawked and coughed as she called to meet the robot, "Send Bender in to see me, I'd like to have a very private word with him." Mom was even more eager and impatient to meet the robot than he was to meet her, for both her youth and, even more importantly, her life were at stake.

On entering the room, Bender noticed two plush, blue armchairs facing each other, with a circular mahogany table sitting in the centre, covered in layer upon layer of the most delicious delicacies, treats and alcoholic goodies that any robot would find scrumptious.

Mom sat back comfortably in one of the blue armchairs, as she invited her "toddler" to come forward, take the chair opposite her, and spill the beans. She watched the robot frozen by the door, hesitating nervously to come forward towards such an honourable celebrity.

"What are you waiting for... Mother's Day!" she croaked out loud, trying to encourage him to come and sit opposite her. She then lowered the tone of her voice to a more relaxed type of croaking, "Stop standing there, and come and talk to your dear mother."

After the robot had settled down and she had finally grasped his full attention, Mom continued with her little scheme. "Now, Bender, my favourite bot, maybe we can begin to talk more seriously together about the rest of Mommy's life. Remember at the Robot Rebellion when I preached to you all that I wouldn't have very long to live? Well, I really meant it."

She then poured him a full pint of strong rum, whilst attempting to win his weak "heart".

"Now listen closely to what I'm about to ask you... and if you love me like you say you do, and will do absolutely anything for me, your answer will be 'yes'."

From the moment the robot had entered the room, she had been using emotional blackmail in her favour to lure him into carrying out her dirty little deed. "My boys tell me that they overheard you gossiping to that redhead friend of yours, saying something about Hubert, that he's invented something that's brought him back to his youth... is this true?"

"Yes, Mommy... there's a machine in his lab, another of his crazy inventions! He calls it Lazarus, after some ancient geezer that wanted to live forever."

"And is there any possible way that I could get my hands on the plans of this amazing invention?" continued the evil old woman, urging the young robot to tell her where the professor had hidden what she desperately wanted. "You do want to help me, don't you... your dearly beloved mommy to also achieve eternal life?"

Bender felt completely helpless, for although he badly wanted his mother to live till eternity, he knew that stealing the plans was impossible. There weren't any plans to steal... except the ones hidden inside Cubert's brain. Therefore, he told her about the insertion of the metal chip. "I'm really sorry, Mommy, but Farnsworth implanted all the plans and blueprints into that ugly, little clone's brain."

As Mom and Cubert had never met before, she had no idea who on earth the robot was talking about, therefore enquired, about him, "Ugly little clone?"

"Yeah, he's another one of the professor's inventions, and I think he's got a lot of affection for this clone, too. So, if you do as much as lay a finger on him, he'll probably pay a hit-man to do an even more vicious deed to you. An eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth... that sort of thing, you know."

Mom stopped silent for a minute, trying to think up a conniving little plan of her own, without Farnsworth suspecting a thing. She sat in deep thought for a few minutes, until finally, "PING", it came to her. With a sneaky, mischievous smile written all over her face, Mom looked at the robot and tried not to give too much of her evil plans away. "As I have no idea what young Cubert looks like, could Bender be a real mommy's boy and bring him over for me to take a closer look at."

Bender had agreed to her "closer look at" plans, despite sensing that she wasn't being entirely honest with him. She was still his mother, and he'd still do practically anything for her. Besides, he couldn't stand Cubert, therefore would very willingly commit any dirty deed against him, even if it just meant getting the brat back for his countless pranks and obnoxiousness. In the end of the day, she needn't have bothered providing so many different motor oils, alcoholic drinks and money for Bender, for he was very similar to her three sons: if she told him to jump off the tallest building in the world, he would do so.

After the metal man had gone, Mom thought deeper about her plan to get her away scot-free. She was a very intelligent woman, and should be able to think of a plan before Bender arrived again with the key to her youth. For a start, she was a qualified surgeon and scientist, therefore she didn't even have to kill this "ugly little clone" to get the metal chip from his brain. All she had to do was operate, take the chip out from its original position, stitch Cubert's head back up, then send him back to the unsuspecting Farnsworth.

Chapter 4 Kidnapping - Cubert

When Bender had gotten back to his tiny apartment that Saturday night, he found an upset roommate. Fry just grabbed onto his best friend, giving him a relieved hug, hoping that nothing bad had happened to him, but the robot brushed aside Fry's concerns, by telling him how "she treated me like a king" then demanded that he be left alone to sleep for now. Fry, now happier than he was earlier that day, let his knackered friend be and went to this own bed.

 

Whilst sleeping, Bender started to have what he considered as extremely amusing dreams, one after the other. He dreamt that his mother was planning certain different horrifying ordeals for the brat. In his dreams, an old witch turned up representing Mom. She wore a long, blue dress and a tall, pointed, blue witches hat, which sat on the top of her blue-tinted, tall, soft blob.

In his first dream, the witch stuck Cubert in her giant, black cauldron, made plenty of witch's stew out of him, and ate him for her supper, out of her long black ladle.

The same old witch appeared in his second dream. She stuck the little boy in her freezer, and made enough orange-flavoured ice-lollies out of him, to lure as much little children from the area back to her dark, spooky cave.

In his last dream, the witch simply finished the brat off by strapping Cubert down to her electric chair to frazzle him before her eyes. It was a lot more entertaining than that boring, repetitious TV!

 

The next morning, after Bender awoke, he began to have wicked fantasies about the clone, wishing that his dreams had been real life, as he wanted Cubert to be tortured gruesomely by the witch; maybe when he kidnapped the brat and brought him to Mom's home, she might just finish the job properly.

The robot had awoken long before Fry, leaving the apartment whilst his friend was still asleep. He then took the NNY tube straight to Planet Express. Although he didn't work during the weekend, he had to find a way of getting Cubert away from Hubert by the end of today - not just for the sake of his dying mother, but himself too. He entered the building and headed towards the laboratory, where he could hear their voices. The prof seemed to be trying to teach Cubert about the birds and bees.

"... And after a minute of hard work, the man and the woman lie in bed and talk about Space 1999. The end."

There was a snort and a sharp reply: "I know how a man and woman do it, although I thought it was Dr Who that was the end conversation."

"No... it's certainly Space 1999. Hand's up who has made love.... See, I win!"

Bender sniggered to himself whilst he secretly listened, for he knew that it was actually Blake's Seven that was the final topic of conversation. Still, he couldn't correct them, especially since he was meant to be on a covert mission.

After a short talk, Bender seemed to hear footsteps coming towards the door, therefore he hid behind a corner. Father and son both walked out of the door, then the building, together talking about what a great time they were going to have today. As Bender watched them from the window entering the prof's new trendy hover car, it seemed to him that they were going towards the beach again, like they had the day before, so he took the NNY tube to the beach, and just kept his fingers crossed that his hunch was right.

On the previous night, the lover-man, Hubert Farnsworth, had promised he'd give his two new devoted fans, Slurms MacKenzie's ex-babes, a ride in his sports car... and he had never once broken his promises to anybody. Well, at least anybody that counted.

Meanwhile, Cubert reluctantly did as he was told and remained at the beach, building sandcastles for his own amusement, just so that he would not see anything that he was a little too young to see.

As soon as Farnsworth had driven off with his two female friends, the dreaded Bender was right there on the scene. He knew that this was the perfect time for him to pounce on the urchin.

"Yo, Cubert," called Bender. Then he began to tease him, "What ya doin' just sitting all on your own building sandcastles like a baby, just because daddy wants you to?" Continuing his patronizing remarks, "Are you scared to be a real man and do what real men do?"

Cubert felt angry at the accusation Bender was putting to him, so stood up furiously in defence of himself. "I am not scared, you smelly, metal dustbin. Besides, you can't talk about me being a kid, when you're only 4-years-old yourself!"

"Well I may not have a wiener, but at least I have girlfriends; and I may only be 4-years-old, but not only have I tasted alcohol before, I also get drunk regularly. Do you?"

Cubert was lost for words. He just sat there, gloomy and in silence by his sandcastle.

Bender continued attempting to provoke Cubert, "See, you're just a little baby, a little scardy-cat that's just too frightened to do things that grown men do... unlike me, for example."

"I am not!" the clone hollered, trying to make his voice louder than the robot's.

"Then prove it. Come to the liquor store with me, and we'll both get as pissed as hell."

Cubert wanted the chance to act like an adult for once, and it seemed like Bender was his big chance to escape from being treated like an infant. After all, Cubert wanted to be seen by other adults like the young man he thought he was. Besides, if Bender could drink so much alcohol at 4-years-old, then why couldn't he when he was nearly a teenager... it just wasn't right! Sure, Bender was a robot and he was human - two different machines - but, even so, it just seemed wrong to him.

The robot took the youngster straight to the liquor store as promised, using some of the money Mom had given him the day before to buy two bottles of good quality whiskey: one for himself and the other for the curious adolescent, who was unwittingly being lured to Mom's place. His plan was to get Cubert so drunk that he wouldn't know what hit him. He wouldn't know what he was doing or where he was going, unlike Bender himself, who gulped his drink down in barrels, just to keep himself from getting sober.

They then found a park bench next to a pond with ducks and sat down. Bender proposed a drinking game, one that might spur the youth onwards in the quest to get him drunk. "Tell yer what, meatbag, why not make this more fun. How about if we set each other mathematical questions, and if we fail to answer them, we have to swig the bottle?"

Cubert looked at Bender with surprise. "You mean even nerds can have fun... I just thought drinking was for the stupid masses?"

Bender, already bored with Cubert, decided to go first. "Shut up and answer this..."

 

After thirty minutes, Cubert was wading in the pond chasing ducks, declaring them to be his best mates, except for one duck that he declared to be the Adam Sandler duck, one he despised.

Bender was trying to catch the clone, and was wondering if this plan was as good as he hoped it would be.

"Damn you humans, why can't you behave like us robots! Come here! No, don't leak fluid into their home. Ewwww!"

After catching and carrying Cubert out of his new-found "nest", Bender noticed that he was now sound asleep, and put him in a new nest, his compartment. Then, to the next part of his plan: bringing the boy to Mom's lair. The robot's little scheme was finally making progress, as he managed to get Cubert all the way to Mom's front door without any hassle. He rang the doorbell, as he did the day before, and awaited one of Mom's three sons to answer.

It was the dominant brother, Walt, with a sly face and rugged voice like usual. "You're early today, we were expecting you later. You could have at least warned us that you were coming."

"I'm sorry, but I didn't know myself until about half-an-hour ago," apologized Bender.

"Oh, I suppose you're here now. Come on, bring him in!" Walt, then opened the door fully and stood aside to let the two of them inside from the porch.

After having his fab dreams about what Mom had planned for Cubert, Bender, in some way, still hoped for these fantasies to come true. Remembering how much he hated the nauseating little monster, the robot handed the clone over to Walt willingly, and walked out proudly.

After Bender left Cubert, he went back to his own apartment, telling Fry he'd been to the liquor store to get himself some whiskey, the remains of which he was still carrying. Whilst the two of them happily drunk the small amount left in the whiskey bottle in the apartment blocks, the teenager was in another world at Mom's place.

 

As Cubert was drunk and legless, Walt picked him up and tucked him neatly under his arm. He walked back into his centre position with his brothers by his sides, then they walked together down one of the many corridors inside their home until they came to a large metal door. Behind this door was the operating table that Mom had planned on doing the brain surgery on Cubert.

The brothers first prepared the intoxicated youngster for his operation by cleaning him up and changing his wet and dirty clothes. As he'd again fallen unconscious, he was laid down on the operating table, with all the tools and equipment Mom needed to cut him open.

When Mom finally entered the surgery, all three sons stopped whatever they were doing at the time and stood up straight, as if the queen had walked through the room. To them, though, she was more beautiful, more important, and much, much more intelligent than any queen that had ever existed. Oedipus would have been proud!

She was dressed like a hospital surgeon in her protective blue clothing and surgical gloves, as she gave a majestic stride of splendour towards the operating table: she didn't want to be the queen of any one country anyway... after all, one day she would be the queen of the Universe!

She gave the unconscious child an anaesthetic, so that he wouldn't wake up during the brain surgery, then unwrapped her surgical tools which were sitting on a small trolly next to the table. Looking straight at Walt, the most intelligent of her three sons, she held out her hand in his direction. "Scalpel!" she croaked at him: the operation on Cubert's brain had begun.

 

Hours went by behind the silent, closed door. The operation had begun with the taking out of the original stitches Farnsworth had inserted, shaving a small piece of his hair off to get to his head, then finally cutting him open and carefully digging out the much wanted item. After taking the microchip from Cubert's brain, Mom stitched him up again, and both her and her three sons, who assisted in the operation, felt much happier now that they had the professor's secret in their grasp.

Mom's sons redressed and checked that their patient wasn't in a life-threatening state, then dumped him on the streets of NNY. Cubert was drugged up and half asleep, more-or-less in a stupor. He was so confused, he began to wander the big wide world by himself, eventually getting himself lost.

Chapter 5 - Cubert's Return

On Monday morning, Cubert still hadn't returned home yet.

"Oh, Sweet Zombie Jesus! I called the cops last night, and they still haven't found my little boy!" yelled Farnsworth, walking up and down the room, fuming.

He was hoping a randy female cop might turn up to investigate the matter, therefore he wore his crazily patterned fluorescent yellow T shirt - the same design as Cubert's swimming trunks, and to get her to really notice him, he put on an extra-tight pair of shorts, to get her to search for his gun.

As the crew all sat round the lounge table, Bender wondered and hoped whether any gruesome curse of some sort had come back to haunt Cubert for his past. He sniggered to himself whilst he crossed his fingers under the table, wishing for the worst.

Suddenly, the doorbell rang, and young Farnsworth rushed to answer it in a flash, where he found two police men standing there: no date for today, bang goes the gun search! The two uniformed men didn't even have Cubert with them, either.

"Haven't you located my little angel yet?" grumbled the very angry, worried father.

"We found a 12-year-old boy joy riding in the streets of NNY in a stolen police car this morning. He was barefoot and rather confused, so we took him around to several other parents, who also had reported missing children of a similar age and sex, but unfortunately he didn't seem to belong to any of them.

"If you can give us a correct description of the child we have in our police car, then he's all yours. If not, then we'll pressgang him into the military, who might find him of interest."

Farnsworth had seen Cubert yesterday morning, just before he disappeared, therefore he could describe everything about him in perfect detail. "He's got bright-orange hair, and last time I saw him, he was wearing swimming trunks with a design exactly the same as this" he pointed at his T shirt. The prof then called Fry to join him at the front door. Then, sticking one of his fingers directly onto Fry's nose, pushing it upwards, he blurted, "My son looks exactly like this!" He hoped that some sort of likeness could soon be established.

The policemen looked them both up and down and conferred with each other for a couple of minutes, then decided that they both agreed on this matter: the child in their car looked a little like both Farnsworth and Fry to them. Brothers in the same family usually look-a-like, so the boy they found could be the son of either of them. Besides, the father had also identified the only piece of clothing the little boy in their car was wearing too.

One of the policemen walked back to their car and returned carrying Cubert in his arms, all wrapped up in a thick, soft lamb's wool blanket to keep him warm.

Fry gave a groan of displeasure as he made his way back into the lounge to pass the "bad" news back to the rest of the crew members. Bender was the most displeased of all of them, though, cursing under his breath and giving Nibbler an unwarranted kick when Leela wasn't looking.

The prof, though, was delighted by the safe return of his son. He grabbed Cubert with great joy and began to smother him like a bear with hugs and kisses. "Where were you? I was worried sick that you'd fallen into the sea and drowned yourself or something."

Farnsworth then carried his son off to the bathroom, where he cleansed all the blood from any open cuts on his body, covering the wounds in antiseptic. After that, he put him to sleep, hoping that later in the week, when Cubert may have recovered a little more, he may be willing to explain to them what had happened.


The next morning, Cubert had such a splitting headache from his alcohol-induced hangover, that he had actually forgotten most of yesterday's main events.

Farnsworth walked into the clone's cabin, and sat onto the stool next to his bed like last night. He then waited for him to say something about his ordeal. "Well, is there anything you'd like to tell me?" he asked.

"I'm sorry," replied Cubert. "I don't remember much about what actually happened. I have a few vague memories, though, of a man getting me drunk and abducting me, but that's about it. "

Farnsworth didn't pursue his youngster any further, as he realized that all sensitive matters like this one must take a little time before they're finally solved.

Chapter 6 - Leela's Discovery

After being told by Farnsworth a couple of days later that Cubert suffered a slight memory loss, Bender wondered how long it would be before the clone remembered the truth and squeal on him. If the truth came out that the metal man had got him drunk and given him to Mom for playing with, somebody was going to give him a large kick in the butt.

It wasn't altogether unexpected that Cubert would squeal on him, for throughout the time Bender had known the little brat, he'd always been very snotty to anybody he seemed to come in contact with. This attitude problem of Cubert's was seen at its fullest extent at Planet Express itself, as the little monster bullied and intimidated every single crew member that happened to cross his path. Bender was sure that once Cubert had his memory back, then he'd make up a ghastlier story of his own, adding bits and pieces to the original as he went along to get his own back against Mom's favourite.


It was Wednesday morning, and the employees at PE began to arrive one by one. They made themselves coffee and breakfast, then sat in the lounge and awaited their last colleague, Bender, to appear.

Fry remembered locking the closet door that morning, to stop Bender from stealing his beer, and had left the sleeping robot standing there comfortably whilst he left the apartment instead of coming to work together like usual.

Leela proposed that she ought to ring the robot up on his cellphone, in order to check whether he was still at home or just late and on his way. Fry gave her the number of Bender's new stolen cellphone, and she called up immediately to see why the robot wasn't there yet.

 

In Bender's compartment, tucked behind all of the money he'd received from Mom last Saturday, was his musical cellphone, newly programmed to play a favourite classical signature tune of his, called "Money", by a 20th-century band called the Beatles. After taking several stacks of dollars out of his compartment and throwing them all over his apartment's floor, Bender was able to get his right-hand digits through what was left of the money to reach his stolen cellphone before the Beatles stopped singing.

"Hello, who is it?" he answered with a certain lack of enthusiasm.

The cyclops replied to the robot, who didn't seem to sound very well to her. "Hi, Bender, it's me, Leela. I was just wondering why you haven't arrived yet? After Fry told me he left you asleep, I thought you may have woken up late, but listening to you, you sound really bleak, is there anything wrong?"

"Oh, Leela, I just feel so down, could you ask Fry if he could come home early today, I haven't had a drop to drink since I left work yesterday, and he's locked the closet door this morning so that I can't get to the fridge. I couldn't leave home looking and feeling like I feel now, I just couldn't!"

Leela looked over at Fry, then raised her voice as she called over to him, "Fry, you've locked Bender out of your room so he can't get into the refrigerator. I think you'd better go home and let him drink something."

She put Bender on sick leave, and decided it would be a good idea if she tagged along with Fry, just to make sure the robot hadn't gotten too glum. Besides, they could all have a good chat and a few beers together; that'll cheer Bender up in no time and get him back to normal.

She then turned back to the depressed metal man on the other side of the phone. "I don't think the professor'll notice if you're not here for the day, he's hardly ever here himself... usually locked up in that lab with Cubert. So, you just sit tight until Fry and myself can get there. Byyee."

Leela's last sentence startled Fry's senses, immediately causing him to spurt the coffee from his mouth onto Amy's cute, little face. The guilty young man was stunned by the words "Fry and myself". He panicked when he realized that Leela might find out the grim truth.

He shrieked abruptly, "Wha... what! You never told me you were coming!" He then stuttered, "I... I... just... thought that...." The slob then gave Amy a mucus covered handkerchief to wipe herself down with, when she screeched loudly then threw it back at him in anger, swearing something or another in Cantonese.

Leela interrupted, "Oh, don't think, Fry... it's not one of your strong points. I invited myself, and besides, Bender didn't express any signs of wanting to dissociate himself from me, so why are you?"

"For a start, I can't remember when I last cleaned the place. Ever since I moved in, the place has gotten messier every day. I just don't think it's a place for a lady, that's all."

"Oh, for God's sake, Fry, women have been cleaning up men's muck for centuries. You don't think I'm going to faint at the sight of your dirty underwear, do you?"

Fry was trying his best to deter Leela from continuing her ploy of visiting the robot, but the lady seemed so adamant with her intentions, causing Fry to try again, "I... I haven't cleaned my underwear... and... something else... but I can't remember... oh yes, I have some girlie posters hanging up and you'd get offended... and... and...."

"Oh shut up, Fry, it's not as if I don't know that you're a slob, and do you really think I've never seen a naked woman before!" she yelled, trying to get him to zip-up. But the more he tried to stop her going, the more she wanted to go. "You haven't done anything to Bender, have you? I mean, if you don't want me to go tonight, you must be trying to hide something... what you've really been doing to him perhaps?" Leela didn't really believe that Fry had done anything to hurt the robot, but she did have a strange feeling that something was going on behind her back to make Fry so jumpy.

She took charge of the situation by explaining to the rest of her crew what she believed to be a fair explanation of the true reason for Bender's absence: that he was very depressed, due to his lack of alcohol. She also told them that Fry and herself would go and get him drunk and he'll be back tomorrow. She then asked her colleagues not to say anything to the professor about this little incident.

Whilst on their way to see Bender, Leela noticed how Fry seemed so jumpy ever since their phone call. She therefore decided to try and get him to talk to her about what was bothering him somehow. "Do you feel glum because I invited myself to your apartment without your consent?"

Still, Fry remained silent and gloomy, therefore Leela thought she'd try a more understanding tone of voice." Is it Bender you're feeling sad about, cos we're gonna meet him soon, so once we get him drunk again, we'll soon get him back on his feet. I doubt very much that you feel depressed about that little shit Cubert, cos he's always been a sarcastic little brat and would happily feed you to the lions. Please tell me, Fry, what's bothering you?"

Fry then looked towards Leela, still with one of the most glum looks she'd ever seen. "Why should I care about what happens to Cubert?" he then blurted out grumpily, for as far as he was concerned, the "little shit" as Leela so accurately described him, just happened to attempt his experience of "adulthood" at the same time as Bender had gone to see Mom; it was just a coincidence, that's all.

"Well, now that we've discovered what's not particularly bothering you, perhaps we can get on with our journey. We've taken time off work for this trip, so we might as well make it. If we take a little walk through the park, it'll also leave you quite some time to pour your little heart out to me, and you can tell me all about what actually is getting you so down."

Fry was a little reluctant to go with her, as he would've rather been alone at a time like this, when he felt like a guilty traitor to the professor. Leela forced him to go though, grabbing him by the arm and just pulling him straight through the park gates.

Whilst walking through, she began to pester him again, this time on whether he was hiding something from her. "Fry, you've had a frightened expression on your face ever since I arranged our visit tonight... is there something I should know?"

Fry just wanted her to stop interfering in his affairs, that's all. "No!" he yelled into her face, "There's absolutely nothing you should know, and as for my expression, well I always look like this, OK." Fry knew that she was getting very suspicious, he could sense her evil eye prying him for a couple of days now, ever since he and Bender had met Moms boys on the park bench. He therefore continued eagerly at trying to shun her away.

Leela was getting increasingly impatient with him and started to lose her temper, as she could tell he'd been purposely trying to get rid of her. "You know, you've been acting real strange for days now, not just today. I seem to get the feeling that either there's a big secret you're not telling me... or that you just don't want me around!"

Fry couldn't contain himself any longer, and although he thought that Bender would be the one to break first, it wasn't to be. The burden Fry was carrying just became too heavy for him. He was sick of having to make up excuse after excuse to hide the robot's awful secret, and his petty lies were running out. He didn't know how much longer he could keep defending him, and it was driving him crazy.

He began to panic as he became overburdened by the constant interrogation the Cyclops kept throwing at him, until he just spat them all out hastily and hurriedly. "Oh, Leela, me and Bender have done something really bad, you've got to help us. " He blurted it out so quickly, as if there were too many words for the amount of seconds he had to tell his story.

She could see that he was in a terrible state. "Calm down, calm down."

Leela tried to get him to breath deeply. She thought he was telling her that they'd been out on a course of theft again, therefore she tried to assure him that, "Shoplifting is one of Bender's hobbies, he doesn't see it as a crime, you know."

"Oh, it's much worse than shoplifting, believe me," Fry replied. "That's just a petty crime, this is a big one... a really big one. You see, last weekend, Bender went to see Mom and snitched on the professor's Lazarus project. He phoned me up last Saturday, on that new cellphone you called him on this morning, and told me he was on his way there. I'm not sure exactly what he told her when he got there, though."

"And how do you fit into all of this?" asked Leela shocked.

"I was there at the time when Bender made an agreement with Mom's three measly sons, and I promised him that I'd keep it a secret. That makes me his assistant in crime, doesn't it?"

Leela's concentration came back. She pulled at Fry's arm quickly halting him, swinging him towards her. "It certainly should do! Why the hell didn't you speak earlier about this? Don't you realize what a stupid thing you've done! I'm really disappointed in you, Fry!"

Fry pulled his arm away and stared her right in the eye. "Of course I should have said something... but I didn't... and I'm sorry about it, OK. Oh, you wouldn't understand, you're, oh-so-perfect!" He stomped off, leaving Leela stunned in his wake.

Fry marched off angrily, now in a dark mood and not really looking where he was going. He absentmindedly stumbled over an electric model car that was being played with by a child, which sent him flying straight to the ground, face first. Thud!

Leela ran over to the prostrate Fry, who was now cursing about kids in parks, and bent down to see if he was OK. "Fry, how's your face? It took a hell of a beating!" She could see that he was still much less physically hurt than he was emotionally, and offered a helping hand. "Come on, let's get you up."

He stood up, brushed himself down then rubbed his forefinger against his lips, to see if they had been cut. They felt slightly sore, but he'd had worse. "See, now this happens!" He then spotted the offending model car, which was still intact. "And look, that stupid car doesn't even get a scratch... I hate my life!"

The boy walked over, picked up his car, looked at Fry, then stuck out his tongue and ran off. Leela giggled at this, which didn't endear Fry to her. "Oh, ha ha... very funny!" Fry sneered bitterly, still feeling at his teeth, making sure they weren't loose.

"Look, I'm sorry about earlier, let's try and keep our heads," pleaded Leela. Fry nodded, still poking his fingers around inside his mouth. Leela then continued, "Anyway, it's Bender's problem, not yours! Look, you better tell me everything... and I mean everything this time, and I promise to try and be more sympathetic."

Fry agreed, and as they walked through the park and several streets towards Bender's apartment, Fry told Leela everything he knew; but only Bender knew absolutely everything.

 

Meanwhile, the unsuspecting robot, who had fallen fast asleep waiting for his friends to arrive, was still leaning against his wall snoozing, dreaming about the lies he could get away with telling Leela without her guessing what he'd been up to. In fact, it was the only reason he'd agreed to her accompanying Fry. He felt that if he could make Leela believe a few great lies here and there, then she may never ask about his problem again. He was very good at lying -it was one of his favourite hobbies - and since he suspected that she knew nothing of his weekend ordeal, he just imagined that he might get to put his hobby into practice.

After Leela and Fry had finally gotten to the front door, the delivery boy stuck his key into the side of the door, and watched it slide open. The first thing he saw was Bender, muttering sentence after sentence of his traitorous secret.

Leela stepped into the tiny apartment and began to violently shake the robot. "Wake up, Bender, wake up!"

As he was waking up, he was still talking in his sleep. "I'm sorry, Professor, please don't evacuate me down to Old New York for the rest of my life, evacuate Fry instead, he at least likes it there."

When he'd half awoken, he noticed the Cyclops shaking him. "Wha...wha... heelllpppp! A one-eyed monster's trying to eat me," he screamed, as he tried to fight her away.

Finally, when he was fully awake, he realized who was standing in front of him. "Oh Leela, I was having a terrible nightmare." He then grabbed hold of her tightly. "Hold me."

As Leela put her arms around the robot, she spoke to him in a very "motherly" tone of voice. "It's alright, I'm here now, I won't let any monsters hurt you, Bender."

Once Fry got inside, squeezing past the two entwined workmates, Fry told the robot straight. "I'm sorry Bender, but I told Leela everything."

"Everything?" asked the curious robot, taking his arms from Leela, secretly disposing her wallet into his compartment, then walking into the closet after Fry. He stood there wondering just how much exactly did Fry know to tell her.

"Everything!" replied Fry.

Leela walked in after them, then interrupted, "I certainly don't know everything, but I'm pretty sure that none of the crew, and that includes both Fry and myself, were really sure why you went missing so soon after Cubert's abduction - you can't stand the sight of the little turd, so I'm guessing you're the one responsible."

"And what gives you that idea?" replied Bender, wondering if it was that obvious that he had an even bigger secret than the one that his two friends knew about, and just walked vainly and confidently towards the mattress on the floor (Fry's bed) which lay in the middle of the giant closet. The robot sat in the centre of it, then demanded, "Now where's that beer you promised me, Fry!"

Fry's refrigerator stood on the other side of the room, directly opposite the mattress, so it was a short walk to reach it. He pulled the giant handle hard, then grabbed two cold beers, took one over to the robot, and kept the other for himself.

He then walked into the attached kitchen, which was covered in squashed, decaying pieces of pizza and unwashed dishes. After finding the cleanest mug of all out of his sink - another dirty mug that hadn't been washed for days - he then called out loud into the other room, "Would you like some coffee, Leela?"

Maybe she was just lucky, as she replied, "No thanks, I'm fine. Come back in here and speak to us." At least she escaped having to see young Zoidberg for any unknown bodily infections in the morning!

Fry came back into his filthy, slob-like closet, from his filthy slob-like kitchen, to where his friends were sitting on his filthy, smelly mattress on the floor. Yes, Fry had certainly personalized this room since he arrived. His name could be seen and smelt all over it: the mixed pungent odours in the atmosphere, the uneaten food scattered all around it, the unwashed clothes, thrown all over the filthy mattress on the floor.

Fry joined his two friends back in his living/bedroom and sat down on the mattress on the other side of Bender, when they next began to talk about what they originally came for.

Leela began, firstly turning to the bot, who gulped down another slosh of beer without a care in the world, "The only way we can help you, Bender, is if you tell us the truth."

Although wondering how much corruption one human could take, he swallowed hard, then answered, "Oh no, I swear on my robot god, you don't want to know!"

Fry put his arm around the robot's shoulders, then began to assure him that it was OK to tell Leela what happened at Mom's place. "Look, both of us are in so much trouble already, that whatever you said, or did, couldn't be that much worse."

Bender fiddled and fidgeted about with his fingers for something to do with his hands, "I know that you're both trying your best to get it out of me, but I promised Mommy I'd keep it a secret. I'd really like to tell you, really I would but..."

Leela interrupted him. "...But you know you'll feel much better if you did let it all out. We're here as a sort of... shoulder to cry on."

Bender decided it seemed to be OK, as they were his closest friends, and as Leela so aptly put it to him were his "shoulder to cry on", so to speak. "It wasn't particularly nasty as far as I'm concerned , but it's just not what I consider as human coverage."

They both promised, that they'd try not to lose control, so Bender began. He raised his head to look up at Leela, who was sitting to his right hand side, wide-eyed and listening closely, and spurted it all out: "I kidnapped Cubert, 'cos Mom wanted the microchip in his head. I don't know how she did it, but she did. I think she must have performed brain surgery on him or something. I left him in the hands of her three sons, hoping something would go wrong so that he would never return."

"Do you think Cubert might have said something to the professor... is that why you became depressed?" asked Leela, who was now a little curious herself.

"I had so much to drink the other day, so I really don't know. I don't even particularly care about what Cubert says or does, and he was so stone drunk when I took him to Mom's, he's probably forgotten everything. Thanks for the top-up though, 'cos I'm gonna need it in case he hasn't, then it might not be long till he does remember that it was me - I could get the sack. I suppose I could live by nicking stuff."

Every word that Bender spoke seemed to convince Leela more into thinking a little like Farnsworth: that Mom was a barbarous, inhumane and opportunistic old hag. She felt extremely angry at first at what the robot had actually done, but knew deep down that it was all the old hag's fault. She immediately yelled out her first reaction. "Bender, I know Cubert's never really been a favourite of mine, but I've never wanted him dead!"

She felt she was starting to lose control again, but she'd promised Fry earlier she wouldn't, therefore changed her tone into a more sympathetic one again. "Look... what's done, is done! It's time to stop crying over spilt milk, after all, nobody's really been hurt, have they."

Although Bender enjoyed talking to his friends, he somehow felt he'd betrayed his creator, therefore he was still a little unsure whether he felt better since he let it all out.

Bender then looked over to Fry, sitting with his face in his hands, whilst still moaning and groaning about how much trouble they were in. Bender stood up, then walked over to the refrigerator opposite the room, taking out two beers.

"Come on, Fry, have another drink with me, it'll help to drown your sorrows. Drinking this stuff's really lifting my spirits up, maybe it can do the same for you." Fry looked up at Bender, gladly accepting his gift, then the bot sat down again in the middle of his two friends.

Bender looked back at Leela again, "Did you know that I wasn't programmed with any humane feelings or human emotions. In fact, I care as much for Cubert as I do for Nibbler: absolutely zilch. Besides, I got a lot of money and the VIR treatment." The robot began to tell Leela and Fry all about his polish and shine by several robo-femmes, and how he was given so many dollars, that they didn't all fit into his compartment.

"You mean that you even got something out of this... a bribe of some kind?" asked the Cyclops

Bender started to slurp on his beer, in a carefree, Fryish sort of way, as he seemed to be acting much more like his old self again. "The only one Bender looks out for is Bender!" he stated, sounding more and more like himself with every sentence.

Fry seemed to be rather pleased that the robot helped himself to all that stolen cash: "You got paid for poking your nose where it didn't belong... ccoooollll!"

"Nose, what nose? I haven't got a nose."

Fry gave a little chuckle, just looking glad to see his best friend so cheerful again, which in turn painted a big ear-to-ear smile on Leela's face, who was just delighted to see both of them together and so happy.

"Leela, don't say a word about this to anyone... please!" begged Fry, giving his puppydog eyes look.

"OK, I'll keep quiet about this," reassured Leela. "Enough with the face, Fry! OK, that's it, I'm outta here."

She picked up her green coat off the floor, dusted it down and put it back on. She wanted to go home, where it was much cleaner, much more sanitary and she could get herself a large whiff of fresh air. She then hugged her two favourite men goodbye and left the apartment.

Chapter 7 - Farnsworth's Revenge (final chapter)

Fry and Bender both looked unmoved about the week's goings on. They'd suffered enough for it already. For them, now was the time to stop torturing themselves and just sit there rejoicing on the mattress, enjoying yet another cold beer together.

Being with Fry just made Bender almost forget the entire ordeal... until about a month later, whilst they were both in the Planet Express lounge, watching "Sesame Street" on the TV, during their lunchbreak. A newsflash suddenly came up on the TV screen, interfering with their enjoyment, just as the ghastly dustbin resident Oscar was demoralizing geekie Ernie, telling him how his awful dancing stank more than the dustbin he himself lived in.

"This is a special newsflash announcement," informed Linda, the newsreader. "Although only for the rich at the moment, Mom has invented yet another new machine to make life much easier for humans, mainly all the old and frail...."

Morbo interrupted, "Do humans grow really frail once they get older? Well, well, well, you find out something new everyday, don't you."

Morbo laughed wildly at discovering yet another human flaw, and got uncontrollably excited at how his own species remain strong in mind and body for centuries, so it would be a much easier task taking over Earth.

"If we can start destroying these machines before they begin to mass produce them, then none of the older, deceased or weaker humans can buy them. I think us aliens'll have a party smashing them up. If we're gonna rule this planet, we'd better be getting started right away. See you in Hell, old, frail people!" Morbo arose from his chair and ran off to find a youth-giving machine to destroy. Then suddenly... SSMMAASH!

Linda took a look over to where Morbo had disappeared to, then looked back over to the camera and laughed, "Ha, ha, ha! That's the producer's one gone.

"Anyway, back to this machine... it gives the old back their youth, the ill back their health, or simply keeps our wrinkled celebrities looking beautiful. So if you want to avoid seeing the Grim Reaper before your time, and have millions like our producer, then you too can be as young as you want to be. Also, a word of advice: if you have the money, buy it quickly before Morbo and his species smash them all up, as only a handful have been made so far. Anyway, that's the end of our newsflash."

"Sesame Street" then returned to the screens. As the programme was featuring the number 3 today, Big Bird was now reading the children "Goldilocks and the Three Klingons".

Young Farnsworth and his entire crew were stunned at what they'd just heard on the TV. Nobody was even interested in the slightest in "Sesame Street" anymore, and it was one of their favourite lunchtime programmes as well. As Cubert was the only person, to whom the professor had given the plans, it seemed to be logical that he was the one who was responsible for passing them over to the witch... and he had still never ever met her in his life. The prof just looked at Cubert blankly, then left the room in a huff to be alone the privacy of his cabin.

Cubert tried to explain how he had no idea of how Mom got hold of the plans. "But...but... but..." But before Cubert could barely begin, the prof had vanished.

Other than the three crew members who knew everything, the rest of the crew, including Farnsworth, were starting to suspect Cubert. After all, he was the only one who knew absolutely anything at all other than Farnsworth... and the professor certainly didn't snitch on himself.

Although Leela wanted desperately to squirm, even just part of what Bender had told her, she was a woman of her word, and a promise was a promise.

Cubert stood silently, as he stared at his suspicious colleagues. Being accused for his spiteful nature was one thing - he enjoyed the fun of it all - but being accused for something he didn't do, or at least didn't remember doing, was something completely different. He was usually the one doing the bullying, now he just felt like a victim being bullied.

After running off to to his own cabin, he escaped the accusing eyes of the crew members, to be alone and away from them. As he sat on his bed, he could still hear their voices saying some nasty things about him from the other room.

Hermes began, "Dat little munster, I knew he couldna stand de heat when I first laid ma eyes on him! We have ta git rid of de little shit sumhow!"

Another man who "seemed to know from the start" was young Zoidberg. "You know, I knew before that little squirm was 'born' that I was the one the prof really wanted to be his successor. After all, Zoiby and the professor have known each other for decades; we're like that." He crossed his claws over to show the others how close he and the prof were. "The professor and I can rule the world till kingdom come, never losing our youth, strength or brain cells. I'm the chosen one!"

Amy interrupted Zoidberg's fantasies of succession, "If you want to know my opinion, the geeky little rascal doesn't just look like a repulsive vermin, but has an uglier face than the squashed head of a Simpsons character! I agree with Hermes, let's get rid of untrustworthy little grass somehow." Amy then continued throwing her scandalous insults towards Cubert, with her face going as pink as the clothing she was wearing, "We all knew he would amount to nothing when we first noticed what an ugly little piglet he was. I mean, if he was as sweet and cute as me, things could have been so different for him!"

Zoidberg noticed Bender, trying to sneak out. "You haven't said a word since you saw the newsflash. If you think you might have eaten something to give you a throat infection, I can twist your head off your body and have a good rummage around it if you want."

Bender rubbed his head. "I shouldn't have come back to work till I'd become completely sober again, I'm only just beginning to recover. I think I might just be suffering from the after-effects, a slight headache or something... you know."

Zoidberg got up from where he sat, and began to walk towards his surgery. Making a hand signal to the robot to follow him, the lobster then called back, "If you come into my surgery, I'll give you a couple of aspirin. My doctor's manual says they work wonders on human headaches, so why don't you just take them down with an alcoholic drink of some kind, then wait a while to see what happens. I suggest you go straight home afterwards, taking the drink with you. I also suggest that you don't come back for about two or three days until you feel a little better, OK."

As not to raise any unnecessary suspicions, Bender agreed to take whatever Zoidberg gave to him then get out fast to go home.

Although Bender hadn't aroused any dubious sixth senses from the rest of the crew, as soon as Cubert heard the robot's voice again from the ship's cabin, the metallic voice seemed to jog back vague memories of a very familiar voice from a very familiar occasion. His thoughts began to flow wildly, until he finally stumbled on one of his biggest clues so far - after all, his entire relationship with his father depended on finding out not just who told the world that Lazarus existed, but also who told all about its total insides and outs. He had to figure this thing out, it was crucial to him, but his only memory of that familiar robot voice was being teased down on the beach about his immaturity. The next thing he could remember, was being picked up for joyriding by the police with a hangover.

But then, suddenly, another thought entered his mind. Little by little, things began to fix themselves together like a jigsaw. He seemed to remember being taken to the liquor store and given an entire bottle of whiskey by... BENDER! The budding scientist had finally worked most of it out. Although his recollection of the actual event itself was still very limited, he felt he'd at least found his culprit!

 

Evening had come, and apart from Bender, who had taken a few days off, most of the other crew members had gone to sleep in the PE ship within the building, as they had an early delivery, and it was quite a long way as well. Cubert, though, had gone to see the professor, who was sitting in his cabin, on his bed thinking deeply about something.

Cubert sat next to the professor, poured his heart out about what he'd remembered then awaited his reaction expecting his father to disbelieve a word of it.

Farnsworth's response wasn't so ravenous though. "I'm sorry, son, I didn't mean to be so nasty, it was just the initial shock of finding out that made me so angry, it wasn't you. Besides, yesterday I discovered an even bigger secret than you and it's also why I'm in rather a better mood today. I really think that it's something you might find of interest. And since I only just found it after I'd gone back into my lab yesterday night, it took me the whole of today just to make sure whether I was right or not. You're the first person I've told, you know, nobody else knows except you and me now."

Cubert shut their cabin door whilst listening with great fascination.

 

In her own cabin, Leela lay in her bed under her covers, wondering to herself whether she ought to tell Farnsworth the truth. It wasn't just for his sake, but also to calm down her guilty conscience. She couldn't help it, it kept running in and out through her mind. "Should I? Shouldn't I? Should I? Shouldn't I? Should I? Shouldn't I?"

She finally decided that she'd kept Bender's secret for long enough, and just didn't want to take part in Mom's dirty little scheme.

She got out of bed, put on her white towelling, tie-up robe, and fluffy white slippers, and began to make her way to the professor's cabin.

When she got there, she could hear a muffled voice, which seemed to be Cubert. She finally was able to work out that it was indeed the little, pig-nosed one attempting to make his case clearer to the professor, to try to prove his innocence in this affair.

"See, I told you that I wouldn't lie to you! I really didn't remember a thing about where Bender took me after we got drunk."

"Don't worry, son, Bender's become so experienced in lying, he's evolved into a politician. In fact, he's become so good at acting out his lies, he could even become president. Besides, it doesn't really matter that much to me anyway, after all, the robot seems to have done me a big favour."

The clone then walked out of the lab to go back to his own room. He wore a smirky little grin on his face while brushing passed Leela outside the prof's room, raising an eyebrow, with a crafty look on his face which said "I know something you don't".

After Cubert had left the professor, Leela walked inside the lab to tell her secret story. She walked towards young Farnsworth, who sat there where Cubert had just gotten up next to him. She felt a little embarrassed at first as he seemed to be wearing a silk navy-blue dressing gown that ended just below his "utensils".

She then began to explain, telling him how the three of them met at the robot's apartment; how Bender told them every detail about what he did to Cubert for Mom, from getting him drunk, to taking him to Mom's to have his microchip surgically removed; how it had come from the robot's own tongue; how he squirmed everything about Lazarus; and even got paid for it. As Bender had personally confessed his crime to her, Farnsworth didn't have to argue with the robot himself about what was the truth.

While she sat there cross-legged next to the professor, one of her long, slender, shapely legs just happened to catch his eye as it popped through her robe. His concentration slipped for a short while, as his eyes ran up and down their entire silken texture; cravings of lust and passion began to enter his mind, wanting desperately to stroke her thigh and fondle with her knee. He began to mentally undress her, as his eyes began to wander up her body until he met her face.

"Aaarrggghh!".

Wondering what it was that seemed to give Farnsworth a sudden shock, she asked, "What is it, Professor? Has something I've said frightened or offended you?"

"I'm sorry," replied the prof, as he lied through his teeth, "it's just that the news you just told me is so dis...dressing. Please continue, though, eye'd like to know everything." What he was really thinking was: "nice legs, shame about the face". But, he couldn't let her know that, unless he wanted reconstructive surgery soon afterwards!

Shaking her head in wonder, she then continued with what she was originally telling him.

The professor never really believed that young Cubert had ever willingly collaborated with Mom, after all, how could he, he's never even met her before... or vice versa.

The story had slowly unfolded like a murder trial: things began to look clearer and clearer to the professor, with every little piece of information Leela told him. He wasn't too upset with Bender, though, after all, as Mom had taken the microchip in Cubert's mind to build her machines, he was the only one who had discovered the big secret of the machine, so he was still one up on her. The prof even felt as if he ought to give Bender a medal of some kind for doing his dirty work for him!

But before Farnsworth did anything else, he was going to have to get rid of the dull, lifeless and boring freak that was sitting next to him on his bed. Although her body had aroused his libido, he just didn't fancy her!

After he'd finally achieved his bad deed of getting rid of the Cyclops, the frisky, young scientist had a much better idea! He made his way straight to the cabin door of the other more exciting, more sexy, and best of all... much more willing female in the building! As far as the prof was concerned, the other female was far better looking, too!

He wore nothing else but his same navy blue silk dressing gown that almost came up to his butt, and his old, "grandfather" slippers. He then approached the cabin door of Amouress Amy, and walked straight towards the door to alert the foxy lady of his arrival. Farnsworth's fist rapped on the door thrice.

Amy sat naked on her bed, brushing her spiky, jagged hair. She called out to whoever stood outside, with her cute, squeaky voice, "Who is it?"

"It's me, the Love-Miester!" he answered alluringly, in a very deep, masculine voice, put on to impress his next catch of the day, sounding like James Bond to match his hunky new Pierce Brosnan look.

Although he was faking his masculinity, there were still undertones of Farnsworth's voice beaming through it, and Amy managed to recognise who it was at once. "I'm sorry, professor, can you wait a second till I grab my gown or something. I'm afraid I haven't got a stitch on."

That got the Love-Miester much, much friskier than he already was.

"Absolutely nothing!" He whispered, talking to himself. "Wow, I'm gonna have a real party tonight!" He said nothing else, but just swung the door wide open, so that he could have a better look.

As the door swung open, his eyes popped out of their sockets as they glued themselves to her seductive body. "Well hello, beautiful!" he remarked, in his very hunky, calm and collected spy type voice.

Amy, who slept in the nude, was struggling with her flimsy, see-through night gown, just to try and hide anything she possibly could. "Oh, Professor, you really shouldn't be looking, you're much too old for me at 160. Anyway, what about Kif?"

The horny hunk kept the spy tone. "Call me Bond, Hubert Bond... and in answer to your question: what's Kif, some sort of household cleaner? I'm not dirty... just sex-craved. Yeah... the craving for a special lady!"

Amy just returned a blank stare, as if she was in deep thought about something.

"Anyway, I've noticed that you're trying to steal a peep at my wiener from underneath my robe... and you shouldn't be looking either, but I'm not complaining." He walked into her cabin to get a closer look at her and to offer himself back in return. "I've come to give you a scrumptious present, you sex siren." He put his hands to where the tie belt of his own gown was, then pulled the loosely tied silk belt apart. Then, continuing to try and seduce her, the saucy professor walked so close to her, that they were almost touching.

As Amy stood next to Farnsworth, memories of Kif were being distracted by another problem at hand. "Oh, you'll have to wear protection. I have some Titan's washing-up gloves you could wear, Kif's favourite. We wouldn't want you to become pregnant, would we?"

She turned away and daintily sauntered over to her handbag and pulled out a packet of kitchen gloves. The packet had gawdy writing on it, with the words "Titan king, Kif Kroker, says: 'I'll never use anything else!'" Kif could be seen wearing a crown and holding a packet of Titan's washing-up gloves.

"Here you are, put them on."

She then stared as a confused Farnsworth attempted to put his "protection" on. "No, no... on your hands, silly!"

After Farnsworth had put on the gloves, expecting her to demand he scrub the room clean or something, she came close to him, making it look as if they were dancing to a smoochie record, and wrapped her arms around his neck, while his gloved hands enveloped themselves around her tiny waist. She lifted her head to touch his lips softly. Her hands then took hold of his gown, sliding it down his body, allowing it to drop to the ground, revealing a naked professor except for a pair of rubber gloves and grampa slippers!

After they'd reglued their arms around one another, the experienced love-miester whispered back, "I know a really naughty game that we can both play, with just two players... you and I." The door slammed shut, their game had begun.

The heavy breathing, squeaking bed, and several, deafening lusty hollers, were the only signs it took to let the rest of the crew know that the sexy scientist had lit Amy's fireworks that night.

 

Early next morning, on his way back to his own cabin from his night of passion and washing up, Farnsworth had almost forgotten about his demonic ex-lover, Mom... until he heard an advert come up from the lounge TV.

It sounded like a young woman aged between 20 to 30: "Try our new beauty product that makes your skin softer, younger, and fills your life with zest and revitalization."

At first, he took no notice, after all, most beauty adverts for creams and lotions all sounded the same anyway. Then he heard the name of the product: "Mom's New Anti-wrinkle Machine." Its blurb continued, "Now you can have skin as soft as a baby's bottom... whatever age you are." It then continued with two grandmothers over a hundred-and-twenty, that had used the machine. The two women stood together with several grand and great grandchildren, whereas their own spawn had long since looked like perished prunes. Both women still looked and felt about a hundred years younger.

Then, the young, beautiful woman from the beginning of the advert, reappeared on the TV screen. "My machine worked wonders for me, and if you use my machine, it'll work wonders for you, too!"

It was HER, that evil old battle-axe who had manipulated her robots for her own scandalous, opportunist reasons. Although he couldn't even see her, he heard her name, and besides, he recognised her voice from their younger years together.

The expression on Farnsworth's face had changed almost immediately from the second he walked out of Amy's cabin: from extreme desire and delightfulness to one of hostility, detest and disgust at the sound of the witch's voice. Even if the monstrous, old bat had managed to change her body with the microchip in Cubert's head, she'd never in her entire lifetime manage to alter her sly, corrupt mind... what a crying shame.

She would soon find out the hard way that not all is in the eye of the beholder, as there was something that he only recently discovered that'll make things really messy for Mom, a big secret that'll ruin her forever. It'll be Farnsworth's revenge against her, for both for stealing his plans and for what she'd done to his little boy. It was why his clone had a really big grin on his face when he walked out of the prof's cabin.

The information he had discovered, explained a lot about why both Zoidberg and himself had become such, masculine, handsome, young hunks of their species after using the machine. Although any male would probably have the same after effects, females were going to get a very raw deal for their money.

There was a process in the second tube that released many different coloured chemicals to complete the user's metamorphosis and stick the entire process together. What the prof didn't realize at the time was that one of these chemicals greatly increased testosterone levels within the subject, and for women, this would just not do.

Millionaire ex-old women all over the world were going to start growing thick beards, moustaches, and generally become hairy all over their entire bodies. The female user had now secured, for the rest of her entire lifetime, a future of small breasts, giant muscles, gruff voices, and even infertility - she just as well could have signed herself up for a million dollar sex change.

While sitting there, grinning like Cubert had the night before, he thought to himself, wickedly amused how it was now Mom's problem and she had to deal with any of the nasty consequences that came with it. She would be sued and have to pay heavy fines, she would receive hundreds, if not thousands of complaints and death threats from ex-beautiful veteran celebrities, and she would have established herself as the malicious, evil witch that she is. Not only that, she herself would now need to change her name to Pa.

He wondered why he was ever bothered about her stealing the microchip in the first place. It suddenly felt like a lucky opportunity that just fell into his arms, as if he'd just won a fortune! He had another idea whilst he sat there, that because he was the only person who knew why all these females were changing, he would do as much as it took to try and build the media up. Tell all her female customers why they were growing facial hair, and in some cases even go bald, and smother the blame all over her. He wanted to really rub it in order to backstab her, let her corrupt reputation really shine out.

His face lit up with the self-satisfaction that he really was the greatest inventor in the universe. He had built a machine that could finish off his most evil enemy, and begin a gruesome counter attack of his own... and he had Bender to thank for it all!

Now onto finding a way of finishing off Wernstrom. Werrrrrntrom!

 

The End

Buddies