Leela had woken up in her bed when she noticed something unusual. Something was just not right. She climbed out of bed and went to wash her face. Better get ready anyway, she thought tiredly. She picked up her clock after washing her face and screamed in horror. It was 10:00 in the morning! How could I have slept in so late?! Leela quickly rushed into her clothes and drove to the PE Headquarters.
Meanwhile the PE crew was waiting patiently for Leela.
"If she doesn't come in five minutes, she gonna get FIRED!" Hermes impatiently gritted his teeth.
"If I know Leela, which I do, she'll be in here any minute," Amy reassured him.
"Yeah, well, if she does get fired, can I be the new captain, Professor?" Bender volunteered.
"Oh, wha-?" Professor Farnsworth snapped out of his dreamland.
"I said, can I be the new captain if Leela-"
"If I what?!" an angry voice interrupted behind them.
"Yay! Leela's here!" Fry whooped. "Now Bender can't be the captain! I mean, now we can make our delivery!" Bender glared at him.
"Sorry I'm late, everyone," Leela apologized. "I slept in late."
"This isn't the first," Bender mumbled under his breath, annoyed that Leela had returned safely.
"So, Professor, where are we making a delivery to today?" Leela asked breathlessly.
"Oh, I had almost forgotten. Yes, we're making a delivery to one of the DOOP ships that is stationed on Mars."
"Uh, what ship?" Fry asked nervously. Please not the Nimbus, please not the Nimbus......
Wahoo!" Amy pumped her fist in the air. "I get to see Kif again!" Then she turned and saw Leela's face, remembering that that was the same ship Zapp Brannigan worked on. "Uh, sorry," she put her head down sheepishly.
"Alright! So Leela is gonna see the windbag that she slept with?" Bender shot at the Professor loudly.
"You mean The Zapp Brannigan? Why, yes, of course! I had completely forgotton."
"Shut up, Bender," Fry rolled his eyes at the robot. "Nobody wants to-"
He was interrupted by a defensive Leela. "That's okay Fry, you don't have to stick up for me. I can handle this myself." She reached deep in her pocket and pulled out a bright yellow magnet. "I think this will change Bender's mind."
Bender's eyes widened as he saw the magnet. Finally, knowing that he was beaten, he stopped talking about the subject. But you could hear he was still muttering something under his breath: "Bite my shiny metal ass,"
"Getting back to the delivery," the Professor continued, "It seems that the Nimbus is landed on Mars, so we will be visiting there again."
Fry started to chuckle.
"What's so damn funny, Fry?" Hermes angrily shot at Fry.
"Oh, the last time we were there, the Professor's monkey tried to put on a hat that made him smart on his head. Instead, he kept on trying putting it on his butt. Heh, heh, heh."
"Well, he was smarter than you as a monkey," Amy rolled her eyes.
"You take that back!" Fry yelled at Amy, hurt.
"Are we going to deliver this package, or what?!" Leela yelled to both of them.
"Oh, right," Hermes snapped out of it. "Hurry up, everyone. Captain Brannigan is expecting this in about two hours!"
"Hermes, do you think I could go?" Amy asked with puppy dog eyes.
"Well...... Kif is your boyfriend that you rarely see, but you'll have to ask Leela. She is the captain of the PE ship." Hermes agreed.
"Of course, Amy. Come on aboard"
"Aye, aye, captain. I mean, only one eye. Um, yes sir. Uh, ma'am!" Amy nodded her head. Leela sighed and climbed aboard the PE ship. Ai, ya....... Amy cursed in her head.
"So, Leela, are you going to pretend that you and I are married so that Zapp will get off your back?" Fry grinned at her devishly.
"Well, I guess so. I mean, I did tell him that you were my fiancee on the Titanic. It seems perfectly reasonable."
"Yes!" Fry pumped his fist. Leela eyed him and he sat in his chair, sheepishly but happily. My dream is partly coming true! Leela is finally letting me become her pretend husband. Yahooooooooo!
Aboard the Nimbus, Zapp was quickly getting ready for Leela's arrival on Mars. He was expecting her to be with her two delivery boys, the carrot-top Fry and that robot named Bender, or something like that. But he didn't mind them, they usually never interfered.
Except for that one criuse that they took on the Titanic. That "Fry" character had completely ruined his stay with Leela by being her fiancee. But this time he was ready. He was ready to kick that sorry little boy's ass........
"Kif, old friend, hand me that videophone over there. I would like to make two very important calls....."
On the Planet Express ship, Leela was just about to yell at Fry, blaming him for something he didn't do when she received an incoming call from Mars.
"Oh, great. Who could that be?" She answered it, and not to her surprise, it was Zapp.
"Hello, Sex-Captain Leela. We see you on our radar and are ready to receive your cargo. Are you ready?"
"Well, um, yes," Leela replied, shocked. She had expected Zapp to greet her in his usual way and swoon over her, trying to make her come into his bed.... "We'll, uh, be coming in any moment......"
"Good. I'll have a couple of my guards escort you to my ship because Kif would like to see Amy for dinner. I suggest that you all come along. Is Amy there?"
"Why, yes, she is," Leela answered in her formal voice, still surprised. "We're landing right away." She hung up and turned around. "THAT was weird."
"What was weird?" Amy walked up to Leela from behind.
"Oh, nothing. I guess I saw something on the radar that freaked me out. Maybe just another spacecraft or something........"
Fry was listening to this whole convesation between Zapp and Leela. To be honest, he wasn't very surprised with Zapp's behavior. It was obviously some scheme to get Leela all buttered up. But what was it??!!
"Bender, you're a criminal mastermind. What would do if a FemBot wouldn't go out with you but you positively LOVED her?"
"Impossible! No FemBot could resist Bender!"
"Okay, then, hypothetically,"
"I'm telling you, meatbag. Even hypothetically, no one can resist Bender."
"You're no help," Fry kicked at the ground. He went into his quarters and gazed at the ceiling before going to bed. What could Zapp be doing? Those were his last thoughts before he fell in a deep sleep.
BANG! The ship had made a rough landing because Leela had her mind on Zapp. Not something she would usually think of. But today that was all she wanted to think about. I'm acting so weird today......
Back in Fry's quarters he took the landing very hard because he was sleeping and fell out of bed. What the hell?! He was about to ask Leela what the problem was when he saw her gazing up into the sky, her eyes sparkling.
"Uh, Leela? What just happened?"
"Oh, I guess I was daydreaming. Sorry."
"Uhhh, since when do you daydream?!"
"Um, starting now, okay? Get off my back, Fry. I'm trying to make a delivery here!"
"Right. Delivery......" Fry walked to his chair and sat down.
"What's up, skintube?" Bender managed to say while gulping down some beer.
"Oh, Leela just yelled at me."
"And? She doesn't do anything else to you every damn single day."
"Yeah, well......" Fry took a good look at the cargo. It seemed pretty normal on the outside, but on the inside it was pretty suspicious. Fry walked back up to Leela.
"Uh, exactly what are we delivering?"
"Okay, everyone. Time to get off. This is Mars."
"Well, guh," Amy crossed her arms. "We've all been here before. Remember? I went to college here!"
"Yeah, and I dropped out. And this is where the professor's monkey.....blah, blah, blah."
"Ugh," Amy grinned.
They hoisted the cargo off of the ship and dropped it on the ground. Then they heaved it to the Nimbus, which wasn't really far away. As usual, Bender didn't do anything. When they asked him to help, he said, "Hell no."
Outside the Nimbus, Kif was waiting for them. He and two other guards escorted them inside the dining room. Amy was walking beside Kif, happy that they were together again.
"So, Kif, what are we having for dinner tonight?" Amy asked.
"Uh, well, um, anything that you want......" he replied nervously.
"Shouldn't we get dressed up?" Leela interfered with Amy and Kif's romantic moment, annoyed that she herself didn't have a date.
"Well... sure. Amy, do you need to.....?"
"Of course! I'll be there in just a moment, Kif!"
Fry and Bender held themselves back and sat down next to Kif. Before he could say anything, Leela pulled Fry away. "Leela, what are you doing?!"
"You're going to get dressed up too, Fry. This is a nice resturant, not some fast food place where you can come in with a white T-shirt and some jeans!"
"Aw, do I have to?"
Finally, everyone was ready. Amy was wearing a bright pink dress with her hair down and extra make-up. Leela was wearing her lavender dress with her hair still up, of course. Fry was wearing his blue tux like the one on "A Flight To Remember." The chef handed out some menus and left the "kids" to decide what they wanted to eat.
"Oh, Kif," Amy blushed. "This dinner is going to be lovely. Look at all these delicious meals!"
Kif smiled nervously yet again and turned to Leela. "Um, there's something I needed to tell you..."
Suddenly the door opened and a familiar figure walked in. Everyone's heads turned and Leela gasped, "Noo!" It was Zapp Brannigan.
"Hello, Liutenant Kif Kroker. Amy Wong, Bending Unit. Good evening, Captain Turanga Leela. Nice to see you all."
"Hey, what about me?" Fry glared at Brannigan, eyeing him closely.
"What about you?"
"Zapp?" Leela gasped, still shocked. "Are you feeling okay?"
"Yes, thank you for asking. May I join you?"
"Of..... of course, Zapp," Zapp looked over at Leela's way and she smiled happily. She turned away and looked up at the ceiling, thinking about Zapp and how he had changed. Maybe I'm going crazy, but is he starting to turn me on again?
Meanwhile, Zapp was thinking: Leela's falling into my trap so nicely. A little more modestness and a sprinkle of humbleness might lure her into my bed once more. Oh, I am sooo clever........
Fry glared at Zapp, still suspicious. I know what's going on! Zapp is trying to put on a show for Leela by playing modestness and a sprinkle of humbleness. Well, if I can tell her what's happening, maybe she'll believe me!
"What do you mean, he's acting?!" Leela screamed. She threw a pillow at Fry's head, knocking him over. "You're just jealous that I finally found someone again!"
"But Leela, you said so yourself! Zapp is a pompus bafoon and you know it!"
"That was before he realized it! Now he knows the error of his ways! Can't you see that Fry!? Maybe if you stop trying to win my heart enough to realize he's better than YOU and you'll never get ME!" Fry looked absolutely crushed, but she still kept going on. "He's a captain, I'm a captain. We both like each other, have good manners, have a sense for adventure...." She kept on going on and on. Each time she added something Fry winced. "Now get out! I have some important thinking to do!"
Fry shrugged his shoulders and kept his tears from rolling down his cheeks. He headed for his quarters, and fell onto his bed face first. Oh Leela, he sobbed. Can't you see I love you? Zapp is just another guy like Chaz or that Alcazar trying to win your heart by impressing you so they can get lucky. I'm the real deal. That's not my reason for trying to get you to like me. I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!
Fry got up and walked to the fridge to grab a Slurm. He sat on his chair and gulped it down in less than a minute, depressed. Then he pressed it hard on his forehead, making it get crumpled. He went over to Amy's quarters, to tell her what happened.
He knocked on her door, but no one answered. He knocked again, harder this time, but only heard deep breathing sounds and gasps. He grinned sheepishly and went back to his quarters.
Bender was there, and he was looking through Fry's stuff, muttering under his breath.
"What the hell are you doing looking through my stuff, Bender?!"
"Cool it, skintube. It's my job, remember!?"
"Ugh. Just get out! I need some time alone."
"Something buggin you, meatbag?"
"Huh? Oh, no. It's just that....well......"
"Spit it out!"
"Leela likes Zapp, but I think that Zapp is just faking it so Leela will sleep with him. But when I tried to tell her that, she just got pissed off and started to tell me that I was no good and her and Zapp were meant for each other. I started to cry on my bed then when I got up I had a Slurm. Just when I started to ask Amy for help, it turns out that her and Kif were having sex. Well, then that's when I came in here to fnd you stealing my stuff. Then I started to tell you that Leela likes Zapp but-"
"Whoa, there, Fry. You almost gave me a shutdown from all that information! By the way, you were starting all over again. Anyway, all I've got to say is..... you got it coming! Ha, ha, ha!"
"Trust me to trust Bender," Fry slapped his forehead. "I'm gonna go have a beer." Fry did what he said. He sat down and had a beer. Then he had another, then another. Pretty soon he had used up all the beer in the fridge.
Bender walked in, clutching his stomach. "I don't feel so good. I need some booze." He opened the refridgerator and started to cry when saw it was empty. "Why?!" he cried. "WHYYY?!"
Fry laughed, drunk, and called someone he thought he would never call in his entire life.......
Back at the Nimbus, Zapp was very lonely. Kif was at Amy's, and all of his henchman were at Mars University, trying to remember the good old days. He was about to do something stupid as usual when he received a call from the PE ship. Zapp quickly ran up to the videophone while smoothing down his velour suit. When he saw who it was, he sighed.
"Now what, Mr. Fry? I've had enough from you today."
" I just wanned to say that-um, yeah, Leela, heh heh, you can 'ave 'er. She doesn' like me an' I don' like 'er. Take 'er. I don' need 'er anymore."
Fry looked drunk from Zapp's eyes but Zapp wouldn't give up this offer. "Well, if you really don't want her...."
"Aw, no. She's-she's just a lil' icy bitch like the rest of 'em. Like I said, you can 'ave 'er."
"I'll be there to pick her up at seven. Oh, and Mr. Fry?"
"Can you give me your permission?"
Fry wasn't listening and hung up. Don't worry Leela, Zapp purred in his mind. I'll get you from that stupid little mop-top. He, he, he.
Seven o'clock on the double there was a knock at the PE ship's front entrance. Fry was sober now, and opened it. Zapp was standing outside in his formal uniform with a smirk on his face. It suddenly turned into a friendly grin.
"Hello, Mr. Fry. I've come to pick up Leela for our date."
Fry spit out all the Slurm that he was drinking onto the ground. "What date?!"
"Oh, the one you let me go on with Leela. Right now. You said that I could have her for myself."
"Actually, no. Des this sound familiar?" Zapp took out a tape recorder and played Fry's drunken voice saying, 'I just wanned to say that-um, yeah, Leela, heh heh, you can 'ave 'er. She doesn' like me an' I don' like 'er. Take 'er. I don' need 'er anymore.' There was a pause, and Zapp said, 'Well, if you really don't want her....' Then Fry laughed and continued, 'Aw, no. She's-she's just a lil' icy bitch like the rest of 'em. Like I said, you can 'ave 'er.'
Fry gawked at Zapp, his mouth hanging open very wide. Just then Leela walked past Fry in a very beautiful blue dress that looked brand new. She had her hair put down and she was blushing. Fry could feel his face getting hot with rage.
"Um, Fry, I was wondering.....do you think that you could......?"
"Take you out of that b******'s arms? Of course. My pleasure!"
"No, could you tell Amy to walk Nibbler in a couple of minutes? I think he really needs to go but I'm on this date with Zapp so..... could you?"
Fry stared at Leela, then started to blush again. "Uh, yeah. I guess so."
"Great! And if there's any trouble, call me on my new cellphone! Here's my number." She gave him a number that looked really short but confusing.
"Who gave you that?!"
"What, the number? Oh, the phone came with it!"
"No, the cellphone! You said it was new."
"Oh, Zapp. Anyway, see you later, Fry!" And just like that, Leela left Fry to stand out in the cold.
Fry was in total shock. He felt like someone had shot him. After all those times that Leela had said Zapp was a pompus bafoon, now she goes out with him?! I felt like I want to die. I led Leela into this mess, now I have to make her snap out of it. I have a little snooping to do around the Nimbus.
Fry had gotten the cat-burgerlar suit from Bender. Hmmm, I wonder why Bender had one of these? Fry thought, confused.
Fry crept through the ship quietly. He saw Zapp's quarters and noticed that there was a message on the answering machine. He walked over to it, and turned it on. A voice came on the machine and it said, "Captain Zapp Brannigan, we have the scanner you ordered. It is number 745892. Otherwise known as the RomantiScanner. It makes you be the most romantic you can be that any woman wants? It's here for delivery. One of our best, trusted delivery companies will get it to you in no time. See you then!"
Fry's face turned from shock to anger. He stormed out of the Nimbus with the tape from the answering machine, ignoring all of the guards that called after him. He ran up to the PE ship and called out to Amy.
Amy looked beat. Her hair was messed up but she looked happy. "Whsat's going on, Fry?" she asked groggily.
"Zapp is trying to get Leela to like him by using a RomantiScanner! I have proof!! Listen to this tape!" He stuck the tape into the answering machine and pressed play. A voice could be heard by a lady. When it was finished, Amy just stared.
"Oh my god! I thought you were lying, but..... let's find Leela right away and tell her the news!"
Just then Bender decided to walk in. "What's up, guys? Need any help from good ol' Bender?"
Fry perked up a bit. "Well, yeah. Thanks for askng Bender. Can you help us track down Leela? We found some really bad news that might come to her surprise. Can you help us?"
"Well you're not gettin' any," Bender laughed. "Heh, heh, heh."
"Ugh, trust it to Bender to make us feel happy then put us down," Amy shook her head.
"Yup, that Bender for ya," Bender agreed. "Now, I just saw a FemBot near Mars University so I think I'll just..."
"No, wait! Bender, you're a genius!"
"You just noticed that now, meatbag? Jeez."
"Fry, are you going crazy? Bender's no smarter than you." Bender took a swig of alcohol, wiped his mouth, and then she said, "Uh, I take that back. He's a little smarter."
"Anyway, I figure that Zapp took Leela to the Mars University sights since she had already eaten dinner. I mean, he couldn't have taken her into the jungle, so that's the only place besides Elzars. He wasn't in his room, because I was just there."
"Okay, then. Let's go to Mars University!" Amy
"Yeah, wahoo," Bender sighed.
"Don't worry, Leela. You don't have to if you don't want to." Zapp put his head down sadly, a fake tear forming in his eye.
"Oh, no, Zapp. It's not like that. It's just....it's just, I don't want to make that mistake that I made with you earlier. I don't want to get hurt again......"
"That's okay, Leela. I've changed, remember? I won't hurt you anymore."
"Yeah, right, you sleazebag!" a voice screamed from behind. To Leela, it sounded a lot like...Fry! "I've come to show you the real and true Zapp Brannigan!"
"Fry?!" Leela called out.
Fry took the tape ans stuck it in Bender's mouth, which was just like a tape recorder. "Play it, Bender," Fry ordered.
"What do I look like, a robot? Jeez, do it yourself." Fry took out a magnet and Bender quickly pushed a button in the back of his head. The message played: "Captain Zapp Brannigan, we have the scanner you ordered. It is number 745892. Otherwise known as the RomantiScanner. It makes you be the most romantic you can be that any woman wants? It's here for delivery. One of our best, trusted delivery companies will get it to you in no time. See you then!"
Leela and Zapp stared at Fry in shock. After a few moments, Leela got up, stood right next to Fry, and-SLAP! SLAP, SLAP, SLAP! She slapped him again and again until he was on the floor, whimpering.
"Leela, why are you doing this?" he asked her painfully. Then he let out all the feelings he kept bottled up inside. "Oh Leela," he sobbed. "Can't you see I love you? Zapp is just another guy like Chaz or that Alcazar trying to win your heart by impressing you so they can get lucky. I'm the real deal. That's not my reason for trying to get you to like me. I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!"
Leela turned away from him, still angry. The she did something unexpected. "That, Phillip J.Fry, was for telling Zapp he could have me. You don't even own me." She walked up to Zapp and kicked his crotch. Zapp laid down on the bed, crying like a big baby, holding it. "That, Zapp Brannigan, is for trying to lure me into your filthy bed." She walked to Amy. "Let's go."
Fry looked up at the stars and then at Zapp Wow, he thought. Leela sure doesn't fail to get me surprised. Huh, she really had me going there.
Leela had flown all of thyem back to Earth, completely silent. When everyone got off except Fry, she held on to his jacket. "Fry, there's something I need to tell you...."
"What's that?" Fry asked, blushing a bit.
Leela walked up to him and kissed him for a very long time. "Thanks for getting me out of Zapp's arms. I almost fell for him again." she thanked him breathlessly. "You're the only one who really does care for me in this world." She got up and walked down the ship.
Fry continued to hold his cheek that had a mark of Leela's lipstick on it. Alright!! Leela kissed me! I can feel our relationship folding down step by step. YES!!!!
Fry got off of the ship and ran up to Leela and asked, "So, what was the package, anyway?"
"The RomantiScanner. Duh."
"Oh, right. I knew that. I was just uh, testing you. That's right, uh, a test. Heh, heh."