Futurama

Fan Fiction

Going Insane 5 - Lost Lovers in Space
By GHT

[The two nearly star-crossed lovers run down the corridor toward the far away escape pods.]

PHILIP: Why the hell do they always put these things as far from a readily accessible place as possible!

TORONGA: I don’t know, but the honeymoon sweet could have been a little closer to you know, the little things like food or escape pods.

PHILIP: Well you know what happens after the wedding.

TORONGA: I will get to that when we are both not dead.

[The couple reach the escape pods to see the worst thing possible.]

PHILIP: This is not how it always happens!

TORONGA: Where is the last one!

PHILIP: I was meant to sacrifice myself for you.

TORONGA: Awww…that’s sweet. I love you Fry.

[Just then they see Zapp floating away in the last pod waving.]

ZAPP: Sorry Leela, we could have had a thing you know. Oh well revenge is a bitch, just like you!

TORONGA: YOU BASTARD!!!

PHILIP: I WILL KILL YOU!!!

ZAPP: Hard to do in a black hole you know. See ya.

[His pod floats away into space as the Titanic 3 slowly floats toward the crushing power of a black hole. (de ja voo all over again)]

TORONGA: Well, before we die I just want you to know that….

PHILIP: Not dead yet, there is still one ship left.

TORONGA: What?

PHILIP: Come on it is our only chance to get out of here.

[They run through many corridors and come to a large cargo hold]

PHILIP: I was saving this for a surprise, but it will work just the same now.

TORONGA: What I don’t see anything but crates.

PHILIP: You just think they are crates.

[Philip pulls out a remote and pushes a button. The Planet Express Ship then de-cloaks and is revealed to have been hidden as the crates.]

TORONGA: I didn’t know it could do that.

PHILIP: New feature, no time, must go!

[They run into the ship and Phillip takes the controls.]

PHILIP: Toronga get to the turret, we have to blast our way out of here.

TORONGA: On it!

[Toronga runs to the ladder and gets into the turret. She blasts a hole in the roof bulkhead, and the ship flies out of the cargo hold.]

PHILIP: Shit! We are way closer than I thought we were!

TORONGA: Can we still escape?

PHILIP: Not like this, the engines are at 105% and we are making no headway. I love you Toronga. Sorry we couldn’t live out our lives in happiness, but I would just like to say…..

TORONGA: Not dead yet! We can still get out of here, just head toward the black hole at this angle and hit the hyperspace generator. We should sling around and out of this gravity well.

PHILIP: Already there.

[The ship heads toward the edge of the black hole and the hyperspace window opens in front of the ship.]

PHILIP: I love you Toronga.

TORONGA: I love you too Philip.

[They hold in a loving embrace as the ship shakes and enters hyperspace. Just then there is a violent explosion. And the ship drops out of hyperspace.]

PHILIP: I feared this.

TORONGA: What was that!

PHILIP: The buffer blew, the naquaderiah core is going critical, I have to jettison it.

[The core now red hot is jettisoned out of the side of the ship and drifts out into the vacuum of space.]

TORONGA: I am routing backup systems.

PHILIP: Now going to dark matter engines. We have to get out of the blast radius.

[As the ship pulls away there is a massive explosion behind the ship. Inside all the panels explode and sparks go everywhere.]

PHILIP: The EMP had knocked out all of out computers and the engines are dead.

TORONGA: We have to land, that planet is out only hope.

PHILIP: This will get tricky, strap in.

[The ship comes into the atmosphere in a ball of flames as it hits the atmosphere. In the cockpit warning lights and buzzers are going crazy in a deafening tone.]

PHILIP: This is it.

TORONGA: Good bye my love.

PHILIP: Good bye. I love you.

[The ship hit the ground with a tremendous shock. Phillip and Toronga are ripped from their seats and crash trough the windshield. They fall to the ground and skid. The ship careens farther and crashes to a final stop on a rocky hill and explodes in a huge fireball.]

[Her eye slowly opened as it adjusted to the clear blue sky above. Clouds peacefully drifted above. She felt the cool green grass in her hands and felt at ease.]

TORONGA: Am I dead? Is this heaven?

[She moved to get up, but was quickly hampered by a wincing pain in her back.]

TORONGA: Well not dead, wait, where is Phillip? PHILIP!!! Where are you!?

[She remembered not seeing her husband in the void, and feared the worst. He may be dead. A tear welled up in her eye and she slowly began to cry over the loss of her one and only true love.]

PHILIP: What?

TORONGA: You’re alive! I am so happy to see you!

PHILIP: I wasn’t knocked out when I hit the ground. I landed in a rather deep pond. I was out scavenging the ship all morning.

TORONGA: Where are we?

PHILIP: Well have a look for yourself.

[Toronga slowly lifted herself up and saw that they were in a beautiful valley filled with wonderful fruit trees and a small stream full of fish along with a beautiful pond sparkling clean. A true vision of paradise.]

TORONGA: It is beautiful, but where are we in space?

PHILIP: No idea, navigation was lost when we hit hyperspace and the black hole could have thrown us anywhere. I has not been night yet, so I can’t check a star map.

TORONGA: Just as well. I don’t really care where we are right now. I just want to check this place out.

[She tries to move, but winces at the pain in her back.]

PHILIP: Take it easy. You had a pretty rough landing and I think you broke your back in the fall.

TORONGA: Funny the nanites haven’t taken care of it by now.

PHILIP: About that, I have to tell you that we have no beer. It burnt up or exploded in the crash. We will have to take it easy. The nanites will power down and not be able to help us anymore.

TORONGA: This is not good. Can we shut them down until we need them?

PHILIP: I read the professor’s notes, and it is not good. We will digest the rest of the alcohol, and then they will have nothing to run on.

TORONGA: Oh no. well did you scavenge anything good.

PHILIP: Not much. Most of it was burnt up in the crash, but I pulled an emergency space beacon, survival kit, and a few other things that are useful out here in the wilderness.

TORONGA: Well, I feel better now, do we have any food?

PHILIP: Yeah, I got some fruit. Oranges, grapes, bananas. I didn’t get any meat yet though.

TORONGA: Well, I think I can get up now. I will go for some fish. I see you found my harpoon.

PHILIP: Yeah, it was in the wreck. Try to get something other than boots this time though.

TORONGA: Don’t rub it in.

[Toronga goes down to the stream where it is brimming with fish to harpoon some. But just as she is to strike a fish jumps out of the water and slaps her on the face, falling to the ground next to her.]

TORONGA: What the hell? Fish never want to be a meal.

[Just then several more fish do the same and land next to Toronga.]

TORONGA: This is weird, I had better go tell Philip.

[Toronga goes to find Philip and sees him laying down in the shade and a lion in approaching him from the side.]

TORONGA: Phillip! Look out!!!

PHILIP: Wha? AHHHH!!! LION!!!!

[Phillip tries to get away, but stumbles on a tree root and falls to the ground. The lion then pounces on him and purrs.]

PHILIP: What the? Why is it not killing me now?

[The lion nudges Phillip gently with his shout and Phillip caresses and pets the tame beast. Toronga runs over panting to Phillip rescue to find it is not needed.]

TORONGA: Phillip, this place is weird.

PHILIP: You are telling me! I thought I was a goner.

TORONGA: Look I caught some fish.

[Phillip leans back and uses the lion’s belly as a pillow.]

PHILIP: This place really is strange, I mean check this out.

[Phillip bashes his head against a tree.]

TORONGA: Are you an idiot again or something! Why did you do that!

PHILIP: Look no blood…or concussion, in fact I feel great.

TORONGA: This place really is paradise. But why did I feel so much pain when I tried to get up?

PHILIP: Well, you landed a little ways out of the valley, and I think it may take a little while for the effects to kick in.

TORONGA: Well lets have some lunch. I will build the fire.

[Toronga piles up some sticks and tries to build a fire, unsuccessfully, with two sticks.]

PHILIP: Here you might want to use this.

[He hands her a laser pistol]

TORONGA: Thanks.

[She blasts the sticks and a fire is lit. The two lovers then put the fish over the flames while Phillip prepared the fruit he had gathered.]

PHILIP: Food should be pretty good. How about an appetizer?

TORONGA: Sure thing. I love oranges.

PHILIP: Me too. Here in the future I can never seem to find them except in concentrate. What is up with that?

TORONGA: Well like the anchovy, cow, and Christmas tree, the orange is also almost gone too.

PHILIP: That is too bad. I love these. They remind me so much of my time.

TORONGA: Yeah. They are so sweet and nice, just like you.

PHILIP: I love you Toronga.

TORONGA: I love you too Phillip.

[They take bites out of their oranges and then stare at each other with a perplexed look.]

PHILIP: I feel weird.

TORONGA: Me too. What is with these oranges.

PHILIP: They look fine to me.

[Just then there is a strange twinkle in their eyes and they look down at themselves in wonder.]

TORONGA: Why do I have woven cloth over my skin like this?

PHILIP: I have no idea. They feel so alien and uncomfortable.

TORONGA: Yeah, and mine are all dirty and sweaty.

[They look at each other and shrug, they then remove their clothes oblivious to the fact they were both now naked in each others presence.]

PHILIP: This feel much better. Like this is the way it was always meant to be.

TORONGA: I never really saw a point in them anyway. I mean it is always nice and warm, and the ground is so soft and nice.

PHILIP: Unless we leave the valley, it is not like we can even be hurt anyway.

TORONGA: That reminds me. Shouldn’t we set up the emergency beacon?

PHILIP: Sure, lets set it up.

[They walk together hand in hand to the beacon and push a button. The device then opens up and a large satellite dish comes out and several panels unfurl unto the ground.]

PHILIP: How long will this beacon work for?

TORONGA: Should be at least two years. It is solar powered and very durable.

PHILIP: Oh man, I have a pain all over my body. AHHHHH!!!! IT HURTS!!!

TORONGA: Phillip what is wrong? AHHHHH!!! PAIN!!!

[The two of them collapse on the ground cringing in pain. Small black metal filings come out of their every pore, and soon the pain subsides and they get up looking at he two huge piles of metal shavings on the ground.]

TORONGA: Well there go the nanites, not like we could use them anyway.

PHILIP: I thought we could never get rid of them.

TORONGA: I guess the professor didn’t count on this place. It is like it is returning us to the way people or humanoids were meant to be.

PHILIP: Oh Toronga, in my eyes you are still human even if you do have one eye.

TORONGA: Awww Phillip. That is one of the nicest things anyone has ever said to me.

PHILIP: We should probably scavenge the ship more. We could still use some blankets and stuff for the camp.

TORONGA: Well I guess we will have to wear out protective coverings as we will be leaving the safety of this land.

PHILIP: Only for a short while.

[They get dressed, to their disliking, and head over to the destroyed Planet Express Ship.]

TORONGA: Too bad about the ship. I guess the professor will never know what kind of new technology was grafted into it.

PHILIP: I know.

TORONGA: How? I read through the ships computer about the design and it was incomplete.

PHILIP: Well when that technobug thing latched onto me I think it gave me knowledge about how the ship worked and I was the one who put the data in the computer. I was never able to finish though, too busy with other things, like you.

TORONGA: Oh Phil, stop. Hey what is that over there!

[They look into the debris and see a shiny golden television with a microphone on it.]

PHILIP: Hey the what if machine.

TORONGA: I wonder if it still works.

PHILIP: I hope so. Then we can have some real fun with it.

[Phillip takes the what-if machine back to camp and leaves Toronga to look for more things. She comes back a dusk with some old books and other things.]

PHILIP: Hey your back. Did you find anything worth keeping?

TORONGA: Not really except my diary. Everything else was destroyed in the crash.

PHILIP: Well lets get out the star computer from the survival pack. We will want to find out when help might arrive.

[Toronga takes out what looks like a telescope with a small computer attachment. She then pushes a few buttons and a map with you are here is shown in a hologram.]

TORONGA: Well the good news is we are in explored space, the bad is that this is “just now seen with a really good telescope” space. That means that even the fastest ships couldn’t get here for a long time.

PHILIP: It is not that bad. I mean at least we have each other, and anyway the company and the responsibility of managing all my money was really straining me. I could really use a break like this.

TORONGA: Yeah me too. I mean the wedding preparations and responsibilities that came with being a wife were a bit much, it is always good to have a vacation with the man you love.

PHILIP: Yeah. I love you Toronga.

TORONGA: I love you too Phillip.

[They both look up at the sky and stare at the stars in a way they never really saw them.]

TORONGA: You know back on earth even though I would pilot a ship through the stars on a daily basis, with all the light pollution I never really got a chance to fully appreciate them.

PHILIP: Yeah they are beautiful. I propose a toast to remember this moment.

TORONGA: What do you mean? We don’t have any alcohol.

PHILIP: Not until I found this.

[Phillip pulls out the champagne that he bought on the titanic when he stepped out to let Toronga prepare.]

TORONGA: Wow, and without the nanites we can get drunk and everything.

[Phillip then takes out two glasses and pours the wine into them. Toronga takes one and they tap glasses and drink.]

TORONGA: This is the best moment of my life, next to falling in love with you.

PHILIP: Yeah, hey lets find out how else it could have happened.

TORONGA: Yeah, I always wondered how you may have done it too.

[Phillip turns on the What-if machine and poses a question.]

PHILIP: This is the one that made me want to use the mind reprogrammer on you. (clears throat): What if Leela was more impulsive?

[The what if machine shows them the part of anthology of interest I, but in more detail than when Fry asked the first time, it showed Leela being a psycho killer on a rampage and sleeping with Fry to shut him up.]

TORONGA: HOLY CRAP!!!

PHILIP: I swear I did not see that whole killing all your friends an co-workers part.

TORONGA: So the professor must have seen this coming and got rid of his man eating ant eaters. No wonder he said he knew this day would come and that I should just have a stick of gum.

PHILIP: Well that was weird, lets ask another. (pauses, then asks) What if I yelled noooooo! Into the intercom so that Leela could hear me during the final count down before the doomsday device went off?

[Scene shows Fry yelling into the intercom.]

FRY: NOOOOO!!!!!!

LEELA: What is it Fry?

FRY: Leela, you have to see this, it is why you married me!

LEELA: This had better not be a trick.

[Leela walks into the bridge and sees Fry staring into space looking out the window in aw.]

LEELA: Well where is this thing? (In an annoyed tone)

[Fry is silent and points out the window. Leela looks out and gasps when she sees the love not made of stars.]

LEELA: I had no idea you loved me this much. Nobody has ever done anything so romantic for me. Come here you.

[Leela grabs Fry and they start kissing passionately. Time then skips and they are both in the captains quarters half dressed (undressed?)]

FRY: Are we starting or finished?

LEELA: I have no idea, but I am not taking any chances.

[She pulls out a large untitled book and opens it.]

FRY: What is that?

LEELA: Something I have been studying for when I finally meet the one.

FRY: You mean like in the…

[His stupid movie reference is interrupted by Leela grabbing him and throwing him to the bed, then, lets just say that was a book of secret arts for you know. Wink, wink, say no more, time then skips again and the two loves have finished. They are now in front of a porthole in the room looking at the letter in awe.]

LEELA: Well I hate to do this, but we have to stop the time skips.

FRY: No let me do it. I prefer to destroy my own creation.

LEELA: Alright.

[Leela hands Fry the detonator and he pushes the button. The entire letter is sucked into the black hole like a giant flushing toilet. Fry and Leela hold each other in a tight embrace as the letter disappears into the black void. The what if simulation ends.]

PHILIP: Hey I only had to push that button and you would have fallen in love with me again.

TORONGA: Guess so. At least now we are together and nothing will separate us.

PHILIP: Well I am tired. Lets go to bed.

[They lay down on a large blanket on the ground and fall asleep in each others embrace. Still nude mind you. Just don’t tell them that.]

[That night Toronga awakens when she gets a little chilled by a breeze and finds that Phillip was not there any longer. She gets up to go find him.]

TORONGA: Phil, Phillip, where are you?

[She walks toward the stream and finds Phillip there with something in his hands. It is purple and looks like a messed up clarinet, the holophoner.]

[Toronga hides in the bushes while Phillip begins to play. It starts with Leela being cold to him and Fry being sad, it then changes to Fry and Leela getting a strange look about them and looking into each others eyes and melding together into a purple and orange ying-yang. The scene then changes to Fry as a monster but Leela still in love with him, then the two after a hard battle together, onto them at their wedding as happy as can be, and finally to them in paradise together, forever. The sequence ends and Toronga is left in awe at what she just saw.]

PHILIP: Well, that is that for practice. Maybe one day I can impress Toronga again on our anniversary or something as a surprise.

[Just then Toronga comes out of the bushes and startles Phillip.]

PHILIP: Toronga, did you see that?

TORONGA: I saw everything, and it was the most beautiful thing I have ever seen.

PHILIP: Well I have been practicing.

TORONGA: I thought you needed the nanites or worms to do what you did.

PHILIP: The worms had nothing to do with it. They may have improved me, but the intention was always there to make the sonnet. It was my love for you that kept me going.

TORONGA: You know Phillip, we never did consummate our marriage. I still have that book you know.

PHILIP: Well then lets go back to camp.

[They both go back to the camp area and have the best time of their lives. They then collapsed in each others embrace before dawn the next day. Toronga then finds herself in a black void.]

TORONGA: What the? I thought we needed nanites for this.

[From behind she hears a voice.]

PHILIP: Me too, I guess the nanites didn’t really combine with us, just change us so that we would have the abilities we do, like my still being smart or this strange mental zone thing.

TORONGA: Of course we wont have the ability to download things or make armour or anything.

PHILIP: It is better than nothing.

TORONGA: Well we will be out for a while. I never thought we would get even to chapter two, let alone three.

PHILIP: You know the body is unable, but the spirit is willing.

TORONGA: I hear that, lets pick up where we left off.

[She snaps her fingers and a lovenaysium appears with candles and a large soft bed. Our two lovebirds then pick up where they last left off.]

 

[We now see the bridge of the nimbus with Kif as captain. Several alarms go off.]

MAN: Captain we are receiving a distress signal from deep space.

KIF: What? Well put it through, let me see the recording.

[A projection appears showing Phillip and Toronga from the head up looking into the camera.]

PHILIP: We have crashed on a remote planet very far into deep space. Please send a rescue team.

TORONGA: Food and water are plentiful. We will be fine until a rescue ship comes.

[The transmission ends there.]

KIF: We will have to send a rescue team there immediately.

MAN: Sir, our fastest ship would take a year to get to them. The ships crew would never make it. Either they will run out of supplies, desert us, or go insane and kill each other.

KIF: Damn. I know them too. I was at their wedding, and I will damn well find a way to get them home.

MAN: Maybe a scientist has found a way to get there faster.

KIF: That is it! My fiancé Amy works for some crackpot named FARNSWORTH. Perhaps he will have a way to get them back.

[Kif pushes a few buttons and a video link is made with FARNSWORTH at his lab.]

FARNSWORTH: Hello?

KIF: It is me Kif, we have found your uncle and his wife Toronga.

FARNSWORTH: What uncle? Who are you talking about!

AMY: Give me that!

[Amy pushes FARNSWORTH out of the way and takes control of the video phone.]

AMY: HI KIF!!!

KIF: Amy, how are you.

AMY: I am fine, now what were you saying about Phillip and Toronga?

KIF: Yes about that, they are alive, after that coward Zapp stranded them on the titanic.

AMY: What!? Where are they? Can you rescue them?

KIF: They are on a planet at the edge of the known universe, and even our fastest ship would take a year to get there. The crew would never make it.

AMY: That is terrible, but what can we do?

KIF: Well, I thought that crackpot you work for could build a ship fast enough to get to them.

AMY: I am on it. We will get them soon. Thanks Kif, and when will you get leave to see me?

KIF: Soon I hope. I still have some things to take care of though.

AMY: Ok. Bye.

[The video phone turns off and Amy faces the professor.]

AMY: Alright, now we have to build that ship.

FARNSWORTH: Wha? Well alright.

 

[Back on the planet, we find Phillip and Toronga in each others loving embrace. It is now midday, and they begin to wake up, most satisfied for a reason we all know.]

PHILIP: Good morning my beautiful wife.

TORONGA: Good morning my wonderful loving husband.

PHILIP: Well it looks like it is about noon, what do you want to do?

TORONGA: Lets go for a nice cool swim.

PHILIP: Good idea. That nice pond next to the creek is perfect.

[They both walk down to the pond hand in hand and jump in.]

PHILIP: Boy this water is good.

TORONGA: Yeah, it is just the right temperature and everything.

PHILIP: Feels good the get clean again. Those clothes were really dirty and uncomfortable.

TORONGA: I hear that.

[The two of them rested in the cool pond together for the rest of the day, sometimes getting out of the pond to sunbathe or get something to eat.]

PHILIP: Say Toronga, since I have come to the future, something has been bothering me.

TORONGA: What?

PHILIP: Well I know that old new york is under new new york, but I should have been able to see them still.

TORONGA: Well tell me, what are you talking about?

PHILIP: Well, where are the two world trade towers?

TORONGA: Oh, that, well this all started about two years after you froze. For the entire decade after the first gulf war, we had been appeasing evil in the world, but it all backfired on us come September 11th 2001. The two world trade centers were hit by Muslim fundamentalists and collapsed. They also struck one side of the pentagon and the fourth meant for the white house crashed in a field in Pennsylvania. Over 3000 people were killed in just one morning.

[At this point tears began to well up in Phillip’s eyes and he began to weep softly.]

PHILIP: I-I-I- had no idea, I mean 3000, wow, that is insane. We did get back at those bastards right?

TORONGA: Yes, president Bush launched a campaign to rid the world of terrorism once and for all. He not only declared war on the terrorists, but also the countries that harboured the bastards. The united states, which was the most powerful nation at the time launched a campaign that first started with Afghanistan, then Iraq, then Syria, and even North Korea. In the end the US occupied and set in democratic principals in all those crappy ass backward third world nations. They became bacons of hope and revolution for other nations ruled by royal families or other dictatorships. Revolution after revolution all secretly supported by the US. Until after many presidents and many wars later democracy was the dominant form of government in the world, but it was not over yet.

PHILIP: What happened then?

TORONGA: Well, all the democratic nations decided to ban together with the united states, and so did the remaining dictatorships. Tensions were growing and growing, this stalemate made you father’s cold war look like a staring contest. For the next hundred years the two massive nations stared at each other in the eyes, but then one blinked. The evil dictatorships fell under their own weight and collapsed from the inside. No form of economy could match a free system where everyone has a chance to make something for themselves. It was just a matter of time after the embargoes were set into place forever restricting trade with the dark side.

PHILIP: Wow, That is deep. I need to think about this some more and let is all sink in, but that still doesn’t answer my question. Where is the WTC. Didn’t they rebuild it?

TORONGA: Of course they did, bigger, taller, and more beautiful than before. In the end it was the most advance looking building in all of old New York, like something out of a movie I once say called blade runner.

PHILIP: This is all a bit much. I should go sit for a while. See you tonight.

[That night Phillip returned and over his grief of the WTC due to the final outcome of it all, they decided to pick up where they last left off in their very special book.]

 

[back on earth, it is now early morning and Amy, the only one who can make deliveries comes in. She sees the professor talking to two people one with orange hair and the other with purple hair.]

FARNSWORTH: You will be the bossy space ship captain, and you get to be the idiot who keeps trying to get the captain to fall in love with you.

[Pointing to Bender who has also lined up.]

FARNSWORTH: And you will be the crazed drunken robot that never does anything.

[Upon seeing that they two people are not Phillip or Toronga, Amy angrily confronts the professor.]

AMY: What are you doing!?

FARNSWORTH: Wha? I got some replacements for Leela and Fry.

AMY: You can’t do that we have to make a rescue ship remember?

FARNSWORTH: Not really, anyway this is much easier.

AMY: That is not the point! It is our job to get them back here, now where is the ship?

FARNSWORTH: I haven’t even started yet. I was too busy with my dooms day devices yesterday.

AMY: That is it! All of you except the professor leave now. I am going to make sure that you make that ship!

[Amy walks the professor into his lab and locks him in.]

AMY: And you are not coming out until that ship is done!

FARNSWORTH: But I have to…

AMY: Shut it!!! No ship! no leave!!!

[We hear grumbling from inside. Amy goes to the hangar and works on some other things that need repair like the roof and boiler.]

 

[It has now been five days and the professor calls Amy to see the ship.]

[Amy looks at a large tarp that is over the ship in its exact shape.]

AMY: Wow, it is the same size as the last ship.

FARNSWORTH: Now here is the ship.

[The professor pushes a button and the tarp drops to reveal the frame of another ship.]

AMY: What is this! It is just a frame!

FARNSWORTH: Oh that will be the ship in a month, that is the ship you will be using.

[The professor points to a miniature ship the looks roughly like the planet express ship.]

AMY: I can’t use that! It is way too small! We all would never fit!

FARNSWORTH: Well it is that or wait a month. Your choice.

AMY: Fine, let me just see the inside.

[She pushes a button and a door opens just large enough for her to duck through. She surveys the inside. There is one chair, a fold out bed, three stasis tubes, engines in the back, and a cheep small shower along with a small toilet. No privacy except for a small partition around the toilet and you cant see into the shower.]

AMY: Alright I will use it, but where is the food?

FARNSWORTH: Well food takes too much space, so I had to use food pills. They are in to floor cooler.

AMY: This ship sucks, but for my friends I will do it.

FARNSWORTH: Good, then you should know that this trip will take seven days to complete.

AMY: Oh God, why do I do these things.

[A few minutes later Amy is suited up and ready to take off in the pint sized ship. She is at the controls in the seat. The ship takes off and enters hyperspace. Amy is then bored and totally alone.]

AMY: This stinks. Nothing to do now but sleep. Oh well.

[She tilts the chair into bed mode and takes some sleep pills. She is soon asleep on her way to the planet of paradise.]

 

[Seven uneventful days now pass, eleven since our two nearly star crossed couple crashed on the planet. They are waking up from the eleventh consecutive night of non sleep if you know what I mean.]

PHILIP: Oh man I am tired.

TORONGA: Me too.

PHILIP: Well we finally finished the book. I need to rest.

TORONGA: Maybe, but I have a surprise for you.

PHILIP: What?

TORONGA: This.

[She pulls out book two of the series.]

PHILIP: You never cease to seduce me.

TORONGA: And you me. I love you.

PHILIP: I love you too.

[They share a passionate kiss, that is then interrupted by the humming of a ship landing near them.]

TORONGA: Hey a rescue ship!

PHILIP: We are saved!

TORONGA: Hurray! But who is it?

PHILIP: Look, the ship has the planet express logo. It has to be Amy or someone. I will bring a fruit basket.

[They go to the ship and the door opens to reveal a rather unkempt Amy who has been living in the cramped ship alone for at least seven days now.]

AMY: My God! You two are naked!

TORONGA: What?

PHILIP: N-A-K-E-D?

AMY: What is with you two?

PHILIP: I don’t know, want an orange?

[Toronga holds two melons in front of her chest.]

TORONGA: These melons are great. You should have some.

AMY: Uh, no thanks Toronga. I think I will go with the orange.

[She takes an orange and bites into it. She is then over whelmed with the best taste she ever had of any food.]

AMY: These are AWSOME!!!

PHILIP: Yeah, I know I picked the best ones.

[She then gets that strange twinkle in her eyes and looks down at herself in confusion.]

AMY: Why am I wearing woven cloth over my body? I haven’t been able to properly wash them in like seven days.

TORONGA: I was going to ask the same question.

AMY: Eeeeew, and they are all sticky and grungy.

PHILIP: We were going to go for a swim in the pond, want to come?

AMY: Sure thing, let me just get undressed first.

[She undressed oblivious to her nudity and joins Phillip and Toronga on their way to the pond. Once their they all get into the cool soothing water.]

AMY: This place is great. I would hate to leave it.

PHILIP: Yeah, me too, but I have a company to manage.

TORONGA: At least this place is so remote that nobody can get here within a year.

AMY: It would be a shame if people trashed this place.

PHILIP: I have an idea. Why don’t Toronga and I just buy the rights to the planet. We are rich. It would be easy.

AMY: Yeah that is right, but what should we call it?

TORONGA: How about paradise planet?

PHILIP: Well, I don’t know how much religion has degraded in the last thousand years, but I remember a story from when I went to church of a place like this called Eden. It had all the nice animals and everything like this place.

TORONGA: Actually, the entire bible already played itself out. The second coming was in like 2450. The world didn’t end though, but the third times a charm.

AMY: Remember the reason the professor gave as to why all the videos of the 20th century were destroyed.

TORONGA: And we had to make that faked female lawyer show thing.

PHILIP: Not really. I wasn’t very responsible enough then to care what the professor said, or even to store the memory that well.

TORONGA: Well at least now you are the mature, responsible, strong, smart, handsome man I always knew you would one day become. And I love you.

PHILIP: I love you too Toronga.

[They kiss passionately.]

AMY: Awwwww. I hope Kif and I are like you two when we get married.

PHILIP: I am going to get some fruit.

[He leaves, leaving the two women to talk alone in private.]

AMY: So what have you two newly wedds been doing here all alone on a paradise planet.

TORONGA: Oh well you know, eating fruit, swimming, scavenging the crash site.

AMY: No I mean…well you know…

TORONGA (a bit embarrassed): Oh that, yeah we have done that.

AMY: Without any alcohol how are the nanites holding up?

TORONGA: Oh, I kinda forgot to tell you, you should feel a lot of pain right about…

AMY:AHHHH!!!! PAIN!!! IT HURTS!!!!

[Metal filings fall out of Amy’s every pore and drift to the bottom of the pond, soon all the pain has stopped and she breathes a sigh of relief.]

TORONGA: That answer your question?

AMY: What the hell was that?

TORONGA: Well, we think the oranges purify you and take you back to the way people were meant to be.

AMY: Well, can’t we now get hurt easier?

TORONGA: Not as long as we are in the valley. Just watch this.

[Toronga takes a rock and bashes her hand with it, hard on the ground against another rock. She then lifts it up in no pain and wiggles her fingers at Amy.]

AMY: That should have crippled your hand!

TORONGA: This is cool too, look.

[She whistles and a lion come out of the under brush from behind her.]

AMY: Ahhh! Lion look out!

TORONGA: No it is fine. All the animal here are nice and obey people. Look.

[She throws a stick and the lion gets it and comes back.]

AMY: Amazing. I wonder when Phillip will be back.

[Just then Phillip comes back through the trees to the pond with a bunch of fruit.]

PHILIP: Hey, I thought we should try something different, so I picked some of these apples.

TORONGA: Good, hey I thought there was a huge snake guarding them.

PHILIP: No, it was nice, told me that they are the fruit of ultimate knowledge or something.

AMY: But we already know a lot of stuff.

PHILIP: That is what is said, but when it said that they are part of a complete diet, I couldn’t argue with that now could I?

TORONGA: No, Guess not. Lets eat.

[They take bites of the apples they all selected, and then there is another strange twinkle in all of their eyes.]

TORONGA: MY GOD I AM NAKED!!!

AMY: ME TOO!!!!

PHILIP: I don’t mind.

[He looks down and sees he too is in the nude.]

PHILIP: MY GOD I AM TOO!!!

[They all run off in separate directions and hide in the bushes. We then see the snake looking on at the sight and laughing.]

SNAKE: Man oh man, you would think they would learn that trick after like 10,000 years. SUCKERS!!!

 

[We now see out crew a little while later loading the ship. There is a tense and awkward silence. Until they are almost completely packed.]

PHILIP: So, does this model have a cooler in it?

AMY: Yeah, half the food pills are gone, you can put some food in there.

TORONGA: I will get some fish, Phillip you get the rest of the things from camp.

PHILIP: Alright.

[A little while later Phillip and Toronga come back, unknown to the women, Phillip has brought some small orange fruits with him and some seeds. The ship is fully stocked and the three get in.]

AMY: I call the front. Wouldn’t want to disturb you two in the back.

[Phillip and Toronga look in and see there is no real amount of distance between the back and front of the ship.]

PHILIP: Well this is going to stink, lets go.

[They all look back, especially Toronga and Phillip and look with longing eyes to the planet they love so much and said goodbye, of only for a short while.]

[The ship takes off and there is a solemn atmosphere present, because nobody really wanted to leave paradise like that. Just then there is a large flash of light and laser fire pelts the energy shield of the small ship.]

AMY: We are under attack!

TORONGA: Who would want to do that?

[Just then a transmission comes though and a man is shown before them on the video screen. His eyes flash golden and he speaks on a deep demonic voice.]

RA: I am Ra. You have dared to oppose me, now feel the wrath of the last Go’uld!

[The ship is shot at several times by small death gliders, but the shields hold.]

AMY: These shields can’t hold for much longer!

PHILIP: We need hyperspace now!

TORONGA: We will need at least one minute before we have enough of a charge.

AMY: I will try to avoid their fire, Phil, strap down this will get a little bumpy.

[Just then a shot breaches the shield and Phillip, who is working at a console is electrocuted and blown back as the panel explodes.]

TORONGA: Phillip! NOOOO!!!!!

[At an instant she rushes to his aid, but another shot gets through, and a beam collapses pinning her to the floor and rendering her unconscious.]

[There is nothing but darkness. No Phillip, no Amy, just a cold darkness. Then there is a warm presence.]

TORONGA: Phillip? Is that you? This is strange.

[She is then thrown to the edge of the void and is then surrounded by a green light. Her eye opens and she is startled at where she is. She feels several tubes and wires attached to her, and when she feels for clothing, there is none. She is frightened, and tries to cry out, but it is hard to breath, like she is inhaling water, and she cannot cry for help.]

TORONGA (thinking): Where am I? What kind of a crazy tube is this? Why am I here in the first place? Why am I naked?

[She presses her face against the thick glass and sees Philip across from her in a tube filled with a green liquid. He too is also naked. She bangs on the glass to no avail, however this awakens Phillip, who sees Toronga, but cannot speak or cry out to her. He too bangs on the glass as hard as he can.]

PHILIP (thinking): Why am I breathing this liquid? Why am I naked? Why is my wife naked? Why do I have to suddenly get aroused when I think of my wife naked at a time like this? I wonder why Amy is next to Toronga, also naked? This is so embarrassing.

[Toronga continued to bang on the glass along with Phillip, this in turn awoke Amy, who pushed a button on her wrist communicator and her tank opened. Green liquid spilled onto the floor and went into a drain. She collapsed onto the ground and vomited more of the green substance from her lungs. She took deep desperate breaths in an attempt to get more oxygen into her deprived system.]

AMY: Oh man I hate these things. I had better let Phillip and Toronga out.

[She pushes buttons on the control panels next to the tubes and both Toronga and Phillip come out of their tubes in the same way as Amy did, with much coughing, and desperate breaths. They then look at each other they are naked, and covered in the green goo. They then look at Amy who by now has towelled off and is almost dressed.]

AMY: You two should get dressed. I am going to take a nap.

PHILIP: Wait, what happened?

AMY: You both were critically injured, and life support was failing. I managed to get us into hyper space and we escaped. I had to put you two into stasis along with myself as the repair droid fixed the ship’s life support. The auto pilot guided us to where we are now.

PHILIP: I am going to take a shower this stuff is nasty!

TORONGA: I need to get dressed. Was the whole nudity thing really necessary?

AMY: Yes. If you two were to heal properly. I was hurt too you know. Now if you don’t mind, almost getting killed really takes it out of you. I am going to take a nap.

 

[Not a minute later Amy passes out asleep, leaving Phillip and Toronga alone.]

PHILIP: Well time for that shower.

TORONGA: Yeah, I need to clean off too.

[Phillip gets into the small shower and begins to wash off. Just then the door opens behind him. He is washing his hair and cannot see who it is. Until he hears a familiar voice.]

TORONGA: Need someone to wash your back?

PHILIP: No not really I got is covered.

[Just then Toronga comes into the already cramped shower, nude, and you know does that with Phillip, now that they are alone and all. We then see Amy in the fold out bed talking to herself half asleep.]

AMY (in a low tone): Newly-Wedds, never can keep their hands off each other. I hope Kif and I are like that.

[She then drifts off into deep sleep, and awakens much later to find Toronga and Phillip dressed and in a good mood for some reason…(as if it is not obvious why)]

AMY: I needed that nap.

PHILIP: I need a nap now too.

TORONGA: Good idea, we will have a lot to do when we all get back.

[Phillip sleeps in the fold out bed, more like passes out of exhaustion, leaving Amy and Toronga a chance for some serious girl talk.]

AMY: So, how was Eden for you two all that time.

TORONGA: It was the best experience we ever had. We hope to go back on vacations for some time to really relax.

AMY: Yeah, but did we have to be so, you know, naked all that time.

TORONGA: Well it is not like we had any idea, it only got a little weird when you came.

AMY: So, seeing that you all are newly-wedds, how often do you, you know do it?

TORONGA: Dear God, like freaken rabbits, if he doesn’t hint at it I instigate it. It is like we are true soul-mates that can’t keep each others hands off each other.

AMY: That often huh, you know I heard you two in the shower there.

TORONGA: Oh no! Really! I feel so embarrassed.

AMY: Eh, you are newly-wedds what can I say. I just hope Kif and I are in such a loving relationship when we finally get married.

TORONGA: Don’t worry, you two will get along just fine. Now that he is captain he will only have high ranking generals to worry about as far as orders go.

AMY: Your right, it is just Brannigan is rising through the ranks again, and I fear Kif may loose his command.

TORONGA: Now that really disturbs me. How in the hell did he get to be captain of the greatest ship in the entire DOOP anyway. I mean sacrificing soldiers in massive waves, and making battle plans a monkey can top.

AMY: Yeah, anyone can top him. There just has to be something more at work there.

TORONGA: Good thing for those nanites that fool would have killed us way back.

AMY: Speaking of nanites, how is Phillip still smart without them?

TORONGA: Yeah, it wasn’t the nanites that enhanced his mind artificially, they sort of just tuned it up to its full potential.

AMY: Hey, now without the nanites can you two do anything else?

TORONGA: Yeah, we can still exist in the void when we sleep and reach out to each other.

AMY: I tried to reach you guys the entire time when we were in the tubes to tell you what happened, and that didn’t work at all.

TORONGA: I guess that it only works with people you are really close with on all levels.

AMY: Well that makes sense. I have never seen a couple as close as you two. You all really are soul mates.

[Just then Phillip stirs slightly and wakes up from his deep rest.]

TORONGA: Good morning sleepy head.

AMY: About time Philip, we don’t have much time before we get home.

TORONGA: Now that I think of it, I feel tired too. Alright Phil get out, my turn.

PHILIP: Alright. All yours.

[He gets out of the small bed and Toronga gets in falling asleep in moments leaving Amy and Phillip alone.]

AMY: Well I had better set the controls and make sure everything is alright, Phil? What are you looking at?

PHILIP: Oh nothing, I had better make some food, Toronga gets really frustrated if there is nothing to eat when she wakes up.

AMY: Alright then.

[Toronga wakes up slowly feeling for her true love, and disappointed when she does not feel what she became so accustomed to. She sits up and surveys her surroundings. She finds Amy studying the controls, and Phillip cooking some fish with the heat from the engines.]

TORONGA: Hey did I miss anything?

AMY: No not really. I was just looking at the controls. They are a lot like the controls to the original ship.

TORONGA: Yeah I know. The professor did build this ship right? Hey, what are you doing Phillip?

PHILIP: Just preparing some lunch, or dinner, what time is it anyway?

TORONGA: I think it is dinner time. At least your cooking will be better than anything Bender makes.

AMY: If it isn’t then I know of three people who wont see tomorrow.

PHILIP: Don’t worry, these are paradise fish, they practically cook for you.

[We see a raw fish in Phillp’s hand turn golden brown and fillet itself. The bones then leap into the trash bin.]

PHILIP: See.

AMY: Wow, a woman’s dream to be able to cook like that.

[Ten minutes later the three of them are sitting at different parts of the ship, where there is a table like spot and eat their dinner in silence, until an alarm goes off.]

AMY: Well we are here.

PHILIP: Where?

TORONGA: Earth right?

AMY: Yes it is, we should land in a few minutes, strap in.

[They all strap in for an uneventful landing in the hangar where they are greeted by Hermes, The professor, and Zoidberg.]

HERMES: There you two are.

TORONGA: Hello Hermes, nice to see you again.

PHILIP: Hey everyone.

Farnsworth: Good to see you all again. I have to show you my new invention.

AMY: Do we have to?

Farnsworth: Yes, it is about those alien artefacts you brought me from that planet a while back.

[Toronga and Phillip look at each other a little confused.]

PHILIP: Um, professor, we don’t have much memory of what happened on the planet.

Farnsworth: Well then it does not matter, BEHOLD!

[He pushes a button and a large device rises from the floor.]

ALL: WOW!!!

Farnsworth: This is the new ship’s Engines. They will make it more than three times as fast with dark matter engines and with twice less fuel than the original. It also has an enhance hyperdrive and is able to power a very good shield device and power very good weapons. This ship will be the best medium sized delivery ship in the entire DOOP.

TORONGA: Well that is good to know.

AMY: It has been a long trip. We all should go home.

PHILIP: I agree. I have had a long vacation, and need to get ready to manage this place tomorrow.

HERMES: Yes, now that you own it, I take orders from you.

PHILIP: Alright then, let’s all go home.

[All are leaving, and Phillip with Toronga in hand come out last.]

TORONGA: Too bad we never had time to build our wedding home.

PHILIP: You know, I still need to do some shopping if I am to manage my company really well.

TORONGA: Where do you want to go?

PHILIP: I was thinking to get my own really good computer. It is not like I can’t afford it.

TORONGA: I have no problem with that. You know even when you got super rich really fast you are still so humble. I mean wearing the same outfit and never flaunting your cash about.

PHILIP: I am not going to make the same mistake I did last time. Alienating all my friends and co-workers was really wrong. I will never do that again.

TORONGA: Alright lets go then.

[Phillip takes her in his new car to a large building in the center of town.]

TORONGA: When did you get the car?

PHILIP: Before we left. I had it delivered here, wanted to surprise you.

TORONGA: Why are we going computer shopping?

PHILIP: Yeah, I need one if I am to make this company great.

[They go inside and Phillip orders the best computer possible.]

TORONGA: This computer has four 900 omega hertz processors, 500 omega bytes of ram, and 120 super omega bytes of hard drive space. That is insane!

PHILIP: But it is so cool, I mean I just can’t not get it. Computers from my days 1000 years ago still used mega hertz. By now that is probably a joke.

[Looks over to see Toronga cringing with laughter]

PHILIP: You don’t have to rub it in.

TORONGA: Sorry, no wonder why you think you need so much. Oh well it is your choice, go for it.

PHILIP: Thanks. It is good to know I have your support.

TORONGA: You always do.

PHILIP: Thanks, I love you.

[He buys the computer and leaves with his beloved wife to go home.]

PHILIP: I have another surprise for you. It is in there.

TORONGA: The Giga tower? What is in there for me?

PHILIP: Come on I will show you.

[They take the elevator to the top floor and Phillip covers Toronga’s eye. He opens the door with a special key card.]

PHILIP: Here we are, you can open your eye now.

[Toronga opened her eye to see a beautiful living room, with a big television, leather couch, beautiful wooden table, and many other good very expensive living room things.]

TORONGA: It is wonderful! When did you have it built?

PHILIP: I had planned it from the day you said yes and I won the case that gave me all the money I now have. We own the top six floors of this building you know.

TORONGA: WOW!!! This must have cost a fortune!

PHILIP: It did, but it was nothing compared to the sacrifices I would make for you.

TORONGA: Hey, what is that over there?

PHILIP: I have no idea, must be a late wedding present or something.

[Phillip opens the package and reads the note.]

PHILIP: Hey it is from the professor.

TORONGA: What does the note say?

PHILIP: It says: “I hope you two newly-wedds have a nice time tonight.”

TORONGA: That’s it? What is it?

PHILIP: A bottle of wine.

TORONGA: So, what does the bedroom look like?

[They go to the bedroom and Toronga gasps at the sight she sees.]

TORONGA: It is exactly like the room we use in the void.

PHILIP: Yeah, I wanted to make it something we both loved.

TORONGA: Lets get out that wine. I want this to be a romantic evening.

PHILIP: Yes my love.

[Toronga goes into the other room to “change into something more comfortable.” And Phillip opens the bottle and pours two glasses of sparkling wine.]

[A few minutes later Toronga comes into the room to find a relaxed Phillip on the bed with the two glasses of wine in his hands. Toronga is wearing some nice lingerie from Victoria Declassified.]

PHILIP: Come over here, I have some wine you might like.

[Toronga gets into the bed and takes the wine from Phillip. She drinks hers slowly but surly and so does Phillip. She then whispers into his ear.]

TORONGA (whispering): You know we never did start book two.

PHILIP: Do you want to begin?

TORONGA: Yes my love.

[She gets the book out of a bag and they get down sort to speak.]

 

[The next morning (wee hours of the morning) Toronga stirs and awakens Phillip.]

TORONGA: What is that?

PHILIP (In a groggy tone): What?

TORONGA: That.

PHILIP: Do you feel something weird?

TORONGA: Yeah, like I just can’t stand being without you at all.

PHILIP: Are you thinking what I am?

TORONGA: I’ll get the book.

[They get going again and finish a long while later.]

PHILIP: I had better call in sick.

TORONGA: What did that Champaign have in it anyway?

PHILIP: I have no idea.

TORONGA: You know they say that male and female lions mate 33 times in twenty four hours.

PHILIP: I’ll get the book.

[The two of them keep on going for a long time. All the while having a lot of “fun” but still uneasy about what was in that champagne. They would have to ask the professor if they can ever keep their hands off each other long enough.]


EPOLOGUE: This Fan fiction I fell is a rather good tale of two nearly star-crossed lovers, at least it is nearly, unlike some of the other sad ass stories I read.

I would love to hear your opinions on this tale. You know, ridicule me, tease me, burn me, praise me, give me ten bucks, the usual.

Also if you have any ideas for me, please send them in I would love to hear them. The ink well is half empty you know, and I fear I may run out of ideas before the tale is done. So if you want to help bring this story to a close, by all means send in those ideas. I would love to hear from you.

E-mail me at Getak2003@hotmail.com

Buddies