Fan Fiction

Memories of Futurama, Part 2
By Dwayne Anderson

Leela: And we're back! But before we go on, here's a word from our sponsor!

A man walks into the room and stands before the camera.

Man: Hi!

He turns and walks out of the room.

Fry: Ok, that was a word from our sponsor, now let's get on with the show.

Leela: As we said before, Futurama was an excellent show for Simpsons fans who were tired of re-runs. However, the show wasn't as successful as Matt Groening's other cartoon series about a family who lived in Springfield, due to the fact that Fox keep putting it on hold in favor of NFL Football. To the Fox Network, Futurama's future was sound.

Fry: And this was the sound! (He claps his hands once. The sound of a flushing toilet is heard)

Leela: Ok now, let's take some calls from the show's faithful fans. For security reasons, their names will not be revealed.

Fry: Let's go to our first caller.

Fry picks up the phone as it starts ringing.

Fry: Hello?

Fan 1: How are you doing Fry?

Fry: Pretty good. Ok, next caller!

He pushes a button on the phone.

Fan 2: Is this Fry?

Fry: Yes it is! New caller!

He pushes the button a second time.

Man's voice: Hi, it's Howard Stern.

Fry: Next caller!

Fry pushes the button again.

Fan 3: Hello Fry, I really liked your show, and I think it did a great job of entertaining its audience.

Fry: Why thank you.

He hangs up.

Fry: Ok, that's all the calls we'll take for now. On with the show!

Leela: We've already discussed Amy from her relationship with Kif, so let's talk about her now.

Fry: Amy is the intern at Planet Express. Good thing Bill Clinton's head is in a jar at the head museum, or else...well, you get the idea!

Leela: Let's show some clips of this human Martian.

Leela inserts a tape into the VCR with Amy's name on it.

* * * * *

Amy: Aye Aye captain! I mean, only one eye! I mean yes sir, um mame!

* * * * *

Amy: Ah! The keys to the ship! They must have fallen into the crate! Leela's going to kill me!

Bender: Nah, she'll probably make me do it!

* * * * *

Bender: Hey look what I won from a tourists pocket!

Amy: Shut up! You're distracting me!

Bender: Come on, it's just like making love. You know, left, down, Rotate 62 degrees, engage rotor.

Amy: I know how to make love!

* * * * *

Amy: Professor! I need another bikini!

Farnsworth: Huh, what? Ok, I think there's one can left! (He hands her the can. Amy sprays a new bikini on.)

Amy: There, how do I look?

Farnsworth: Like a cheap french harlet.

Amy: French?

* * * * *

Amy: Ok Fry, we're done putting on the bra!

Fry: Why exactly did you shave your legs anyway? Are you expecting something to happen with your Valentine's date?

Amy: What business is it of yours?

Fry: And another thing, you're using an awful lot of make-up there.

Amy: This is deoderant!

* * * * *

Leela: The professor trusts me with his ship! He wouldn't trust any of you with his dentures!

Amy: Yesh he would! (It's obvious she's wearing his dentures.)


Fry: Crud! Can I at least be in charge of your dentures?

Amy: You wish!

* * * * *

Amy: Well, there goes the neighborhood! (Giant Bender destroys some more buildings) There goes another neighborhood!

* * * * *

Zoidberg: Mom, dad, don't ask me to choose!

Amy: They're not your parents, I'm not your sister, and that's not your golf cart!

* * * * *

Amy: Mom, dad, I know this is weird, but...

Inez: Yeah yeah, we don't care how squishy alien got pregnant. All we care is we have grandchild now!

Kif: You're very open-minded Mrs. Wong.

Leo: Hey, you call her grandma now!

Inez: Call me grandma like crazy! All the time!

* * * * *

Inez: My Amy is sweet little girl again. This is like a mother's dream! Bad dream that is! At this rate, I'm never gonna to get a grandchild!

Leo: Maybe she not grown up, but she sure grown out! She fat!

Amy: Dad, if you're gonna to make fat jokes until I get cute again, I'm just gonna to stay in my room!

Leo: Stay in room? You so fat, you gonna stay all around room! (Chuckles)

* * * * *

Leela removes the tape.

Leela: As we said earlier, much of Amy's most memorable moments were with Kif.

Fry: Next is Hermes, our Jamaican beaurocrat. Unfortunately, Hermes objected to us showing clips of himself. He says it's a Jamaican disgrace. So we destroyed that tape. But that's ok, Hermes never was that popular on the show, like Dr. Zoidberg.

Leela: So let's move on! Our next character is Farnsworth, who is Fry's great, great, great...

Time passes.

Leela: ...great, great, great, great nephew!

Fry: Uh, Leela, someone should take over the job of the cameraman?

Leela: What's he doing lying on the floor?

Fry: While you were mentioning all those "great" words, he fainted from extreme boredom!

Leela: Let's go to a commercial while we try to revive him!

* * * * *

Farnsworth: Hi, I'm professor Farnsworth, inventor and really old person. I'm here to announce that I'm making my What-If machine to the public! (Stands by the machine) Do you sometimes regret having done something in life and wish you could see what would have happened if you had gone the other way? Then give the What-If machine a try! I'm having it mass-produced and marketed, and you can get your very own for a mere $199.99. And once you get it home, you've got use it, because it's too big to slide under your bed! What would happen if I never made this thing? Well, I wouldn't be filming this commercial!

* * * * *

Fry: Well, we finally revived our cameraman.

Leela: It's amazing what a swift kick in the scrotum can do.

Fry: Now, let's show some clips of the professor himself.

* * * * *

Farnsworth: Who are you?

Fry: I'm your dear old uncle Fry.

Farnsworth: I don't have an uncle Fry!

Bender: You do now!

* * * * *

Farnsworth: The odour travels past this coffee stain, around the olive pit, and into this cigar burn. And this appears to be a, doodle of myself as a cowboy. (Everyone laughs)

* * * * *

Amy: Fry, where's your brain slug?

(Farnsworth picks it up from off the floor)

Farnsworth: Poor little guy starved to death.

* * * * *

Fry: Ok, so maybe my great, great, great, oh screw it, nephew doesn't have as many memorable moments as the other major characters, but those were very funny! Especially that doodle of himself as a cowboy!

Leela: In fact, we've brought two guest here with us to sing a song about the professor.

Fry: If you've seen the Amanda Show, you'll know who they are.

A boy and girl in their teens come in.

Girl: Hello, I'm Melody!

Boy: I'm Thad!

Thad starts to play a song on the guitar he's carrying. They both start to sing.

Melody: He's extremely old.

Thad: Extremely old.

Melody: He has tooth decay.

Thad: He has tooth decay.

Melody: Some may think he's ancient.

Thad: Older than the hills.

Melody: Cause his hair's so grey!

Thad: Cause his hair's so grey!

Both: He can't remember what his name is!

Melody: Wrinkles on his face!

Thad: His face should be replaced!

Melody: He looks like he's a hundred!

Thad: More like a thousand...!

Leela: Stop singing right now!

Thad stops playing the guitar. Both he and Melody stop singing.

Leela: The professor doesn't have grey hair! He's bald!

Melody: Alright then, this next song is called "I Wish I Had Some Hair"

Thad begins to play another song on the guitar as Farnsworth comes in. Melody and Thad surround him.

Melody: Well look who's bald!

Thad: You got no hair!

Melody: You're terribly bald!

Thad: I do declare!

Melody: Bald, bald, you're very bald! Hair, hair, it just ain't there!

The professor is shocked. Leela and Fry however are chuckling.

Melody: Well look who's bald!

Thad: I think it's you!

Melody: Don't you wish you had hair!

Thad: I'll bet you do!

Melody: But you ain't got no hair!

Thad: No hair at all!

Melody: Look at you mister, you're terrible bald!

Like a stereotypical old man, Farnsworth starts shouting at them.

Farnsworth: Kids! Shut up! And get off my property or I'll call the police!

Melody and Thad leave.

Fry and Leela are still laughing, but are silenced by Farnsworth's stern look. He leaves.

Fry: Ok, now for our next set of clips, we'll show something different.

Leela: This is called, "The Most Physically Painful Moments". They may be painful, but hey, that's what makes them funny!

Fry inserts the tape.

* * * * *

The following clips appear in the order they are shown here:

-Leela accidentally kicking Fry while wearing the eye-patch.
-Zoidberg cutting off Fry's arm.
-An Amazonian woman hits Fry and Bender with her club.
-Amazonian women hit Zapp with their clubs.
-An Amazonian woman hits Bender with a club.
-An Amazonian woman kicks Fry in the face.
-An Amazonian woman punches Zapp's butt.
-Sounds of Fry and Zapp having Snu-Snu
-An unbendable girder landing on Flexo's head.
-Bender getting his head caught in a can-opener.
-Bender getting cut up in another can-opener.
-A boy hits Captain Yesterday when he doesn't have his powers
-Leela throws a mugger.
-A robot is riddled with gun-fire by the Don-bot.
-Farnsworth being eaten by carnivorous animals after being pushed in
by Leela.
-Giant Bender being impaled by the Empire State Building.
-Farnsworth's nuclear powered teeth biting Fry.
-Bender being drilled in the forehead and axed in the back in a
robot fight.
-Destructor punching Bender in the face.
-Destructor falling onto Bender after punching his controller.

* * * * *

Fry: When we come back, we'll talk about more funny moments from the show and show even more clips. Stay tuned. We'll be right back.


To Be Continued