THE VIRUS HAS LANDED
"See this bullet?" Jack asked, showing Steve a bright green bullet.
"I see it," Steve replied, "It's so bright, you couldn't miss it. Plus, you've got it right up in my face."
"Stop trying to be funny." Jack snapped, "You made better jokes as a baby."
"So what makes it different from other bullets, apart from the colour?" Steve asked.
"Well, it doesn't kill anyone instantly, no matter how many bullets you put through them. They will die after about two days. The pain will build up and up and up, until their heart explodes. In addition to the pain, they will vomit every now and then, will feel a constant headache, and be paralized."
"So they can't end the pain by suicide?"
"Ouch! Have you tried it on anyone, or anything?"
"Well, I was planning to try it on one Zapp Brannigan, but my lawyer was really p***ing me off the other day, so I let him have the honour."
"He was the first person in the world to be shot with one of these babies."
"Ain't bullets a bit 19th century? This is the 31st century."
"I'm aware of what century it is, Steve!" Jack snapped, "But a bullet stays in whoever you shot, a laser just goes right through 'em."
"Ah, no use there then." Steve said.
There was a pause. Jack walked along to his chair. He beckoned Steve over.
"But there is one very important thing with this gun, something you must always keep in mind." Jack whispered, "There is one person in this universe - the most important man in the whole universe. If he weren't here, we'd all be dead. Shooting him with this will turn him into... something... after the two days. He will kill anyone in his path. Anyone. Even the people he loves. Not that he'll know what he's doing. But he'll stay this way as long as he lives. He won't rest until he destroys everyone and everything."
"Whoa..." said Steve, "Who is the lucky immortal, then?"
"O.K, first of all, he won't be lucky. All the stuff that I said you would experience through the two days after being shot will last until he dies. He's better off just dying." Jack replied, "And second of all, no-one knows who he is. That's why you gotta be careful who you shoot."
He gave Steve the gun and a key.
"Lock up the gun in locker 14." Jack said, "And don't let anyone get hold of it. For all we know, you could the most important guy in the universe."
Steve turned for the door, but didn't walk towards it. He had the gun in his possesion. He turned around.
Jack was on the floor, bleeding like mad. Steve had just shot him. Jack felt pain shoot all through his body. He forced himself from throwing up. Steve came up to him and stamped on his windpipe.
"Planning on using it on me, eh?" He said before walking out the door and running out the building.
The Planet Express Delivery Ship was hurtling through space, headed for MS 5, a planet with the highest population in it's galaxy. They were delivering a crate of pesticide - the town they were delivering it to was infested at the minute.
When they reached the planet, Phillip. J Fry put the crate on the hover dolly and met Leela and Bender outside the door.
"Aren't we gonna need a suit of some sort?" Fry asked, "All those bugs are gonna be a nightmare."
"I wouldn't have thought so," Leela replied, "Put this Inso Repel on. It'll keep insects of all kinds away from you."
Four minutes later, they were on their way to the town inn.
"This pesticide should last 'em a few months." Leela said.
"Yeah, then we'll have to deliver another load." Bender moaned.
"Well, hopefully we'll be on our vacation." Fry said.
"Don't get your hopes up," said Leela, "Vacations at Planet Express are rare."
"So are the bonuses!" Bender said, "I know! Let's quit!"
"Na, I can't be assed." Fry said.
They entered the inn. It was infested with insects of all sorts. It seemed empty until the manager came downstairs. He was wearing some sort of suit.
"Thank you, kids." he said, taking the crate, pulling out some pesticide and spraying it everywhere, "Now I'll finally get some customers. Damn insects have been scarin' 'em all off."
After the form signing and more useless chat, they headed back to Earth. Or that's where they were heading, but Leela noticed they were out of fuel. They stopped at a planet about 13, 000 miles away from Earth (that's not too far away, considering the ships speed ) to refill.
"Bender," Leela said, "Before every mission *, I ask you to refill the tank, and when I point out you didn't you say..."
"Quit whinin', skinbag," Bender snapped, "I'll do it when we get back."
They all went over to the station. But all the fuel tanks were empty.
Leela, feeling really annoyed, went over to the owner of the station ( Sal ).
"Yo." he said.
"When are you gonna get those fuel tanks re-filled?" Leela asked.
"I called in the guy who does it, cos' I wanted it done today," Sal explained, "But he ain't doin' nuttin' till tommorow."
"Why can't you do it?" Leela asked.
"I'd do it if I could be assed," Sal replied, "But do I look like I can be assed to you?"
Leela sighed and walked outside.
"So, I guess we'll be stayin' over night?" Fry said. Leela nodded.
"Where's Bender?" She asked.
"I dunno." Fry replied, "I think he headed over there." He pointed at a robot porno theatre -
CALLING ALL MANBOTS AND ROBO SEXUALS!
HEAVY METAL XXX HERE!!!
GET LUCKY TONIGHT!
HOOKBOTS HERE 2NIGHT ONLY!!!
"Good ol' Bender." Fry said, "Cigars, drinks and pornography."
Bender was always at the NNY Robot Porno Theatre. He loved the place. There was just one flaw - no Hookbots. But this Porno Theatre had Hookbots. This might be the night he scores. Again.
There was free cigars, free drinks, robo-nudity for $1. Nothing here that he hadn't seen at the NNY Porno Theatre.
After what seemed like hours, the moment he'd been waiting for came...
"Hello, you sexy ion!" a hookbot said as she came up to Bender, "Lookin' for a good time?"
"Yeah, yeah, enough with the chat, you need my input!" Bender said quickly, dragging her away.
"O.K, fuel tanks will be re-filled at seven tommorow morning." Leela told Fry.
"Damn..." Fry said, "I hope Bender knows his way back..."
"Of course he will," Leela reasurred him, "Goodnight. I'm off."
"Yeah, me too. If I can remember where my quarters are." Fry replied.
"Well, I'll give you one clue," Leela said, "IT IS NOT IN MY UNDERPANTS DRAWER!!!"
Bender woke up next to the Hookbot - obviously they'd been at it all night and shut down when the morning started.
Bender tried to sneak out - because Hookbots main purpose is to exchange money for a good plug-in-socket. This means Bender would have to pay if she woke up. As he passed the door...
The Hookbot immediatly woke up, extended an arm and grabbed Bender.
"Money." She demanded, "Now."
"Bite my shiny metal ass!" Bender snapped. And with that, he yanked her arm out of it's socket and jumped out the window.
Leela woke at 8.30 AM and collected the fuel and came back. Fry had woken up at 8.34 AM, went to the front of the ship and fell asleep on one of the chairs.
Leela came in and pushed him off his chair, in an attempt to wake him up. No luck. She yelled. No luck. She kicked him. Luck! Fry woke.
"Got the fuel?" He groaned.
"Yep." Leela replied.
"Ready to go?"
"No. Bender isn't back yet."
"Oh... he's probably just got laid."
"Yeah. Typical of him."
"Hey! Talk of the devil!" Fry said. Bender walked in.
"Filled the tank?" Bender said quickly, "Then let's GET THE HELL OUTTA HERE!!!"
"Trouble in bed?" Leela asked.
"None of your buissness, just get me outta here!"
The Planet Express ship hurtled towards Earth, the Hookbot Express in hot pursuit ( mega-hot pursuit in Benders case ).
Fry had taken control of the ships laser. He was very good with the laser - he had blown up one of the Omicronian's ships when they attacked for the first time since Fry had thawed out.
Leela was flying left and right, right and left, back and forth, dodging all the lasers the Hookbot crew sent towards them. A few hit them, but they didn't inflict any major damage. Fry was inflicting damage on the Hookbots too, but that wasn't major damage either.
Suddenly, they started turning right. They kept on rotating and rotating.
"Fry, what the hell happened?" Leela yelled.
"They've shot the left engine!" Fry yelled back.
"DAMMIT!!! Bender, contact the Prof... no, contact Cubert! Ask him how to fix the engine - and do what he says!"
"JUST GO, GODDAMMIT!!!"
"I've just got 'em in AAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRGHHOOOORRR!" Bangs and crashes... somethings happened, thought Leela. She put the ship on Auto Pilot and went up to check.
Fry had been knocked off his chair. Leela checked his pulse - he was still alive. He was just out cold. She took over the laser. It looked like Fry had shot one of their engines - they were going around in circles aswell. She took her chance and shot the front of the ship. The laser went through the window and hit the Cap-Hookbot. The ship went KA - BLAMO!!!
"Yahoo!" Leela cheered.
She went back down to the controls and switched the Auto Pilot off. Bender had fixed the problem. He took Nibbler out of his quaters. It seemed that he hid their main fuel supplier so they would have to stay overnight, meaning Bender could go get it on with a Hookbot.
"Yep," He said, "Everything went fine, thanks to good ol' Bender here."
"So, what happened?" Hermes asked, "You were very late!"
They were back at the office. Fry had regained consiousness, and had just refused to have a gas bladder implant from Dr. Zoidberg.
"We ran outta fuel and had to stay at some planet." Leela replied.
"I remember what happened the last time I ran outta fuel." Amy said, chancing a quick glance at Fry.
"Oh, and Bender got laid by a Hookbot." Fry said, avoiding Amys eye. He wasn't intrested in Amy, he was only interested in Leela. Not that she was interested in him, though.
They all gasped.
"What's wrong? It's not the first time!" Leela said, "I'm suprised he hasn't run outta volts by now."
"Sweet Zombie Jesus, don'y you know?" The Professer asked.
Fry, Leela and Bender shook their heads.
"Some Hookbots carry virus's," The Professer explained, "I'll need to use the F-Ray to check. Put on your goggles!"
They all got their goggles while the Professer put on his Radioactive suit. He pointed the F-Ray at Bender. They saw a liquid building up inside him - or, it looked like liquid.
"Oh my God...!" Hermes exclaimed, "What is dat?"
"It's a virus." The Professer sighed, putting away the F-Ray.
"Can we get rid of it?" asked Amy.
"Yes, there is." The professer said, "We'll have to get a floppy disk from Depho 7, the Robot-Hospital planet kind of thing."
"O.K..." Leela said, "How long will it take to get there?"
"Well, going non-stop in our ship will take, what..." The Professer replied, "... a few weeks, maybe?"
"Damn..." Fry said.
"Well...." Leela sighed, "We'll have to go. Come on, Fry." She looked back. "Are you coming, Bender?"
"Might as well..." Bender replied.
"No, you fool!" The Professer yelled, "You must stay here! We'll have to prevent any major incidents until they return with the disk." He turned to Fry and Leela, "The disk is labeled 'Hookbot trouble Vol 2'. Get that, then come straight back.
"Hermes here will be your main mission contact. He will give you information as it comes. If you need any help, call him."
"Thanks, Professer." Leela said. She and Fry headed towards the ship, but Bender started moaning. He started making weird noises.
"Bender, what's wrong?" Fry asked.
Bender kept moaning. His eyes were turning blue. Suddenly, he started to hover. All the lights went out. Electric volts started surrounding him.
"What the hell..."
His eyes grew larger and larger, until one of them shattered. The other one grew larger still, but didn't shatter. His arm fell out of its socket. One of his legs fell apart. He yelled in what was obviously pain, which was weird, as robots don't usually feel pain. His compartment door fell off before he finally fell to the floor.
Everyone gathered around him.
"Sweet Zombie Jesus!" The Professer exclaimed, "He's almost shut down completly!"
"Is he..." Fry started, but The Professer hit him.
"Just go get that file dammit!" He yelled. They ran to the ship and took off, making sure Nibbler was on board. They could only hope that Bender would survive for another few weeks. The chances were slim.
"Well, at least we don't have to put up with his cooking." Fry pointed out.
"Yeah, I suppose." Leela replied.
They had been zooming across space for six hours. They weren't even one half of a quater the way yet. It was gonna be a long, long, incredibly long journey.
Leela yawned. "I'm bushed..."
"That's a term we used in the 20th Century. It means that George Bush did ya." He replied.
"I'm going to bed." She said, switching to Auto Pilot.
"Yeah, I think I will too." Fry said.
"Kif, I thought I told you to get me a Scotch On The Rocks!" Zapp yelled, "Now get one!"
Kif went to get one. He was sick and tired of being Zapps assistant, but he was forced to do it. He had tried to get away and live with his girlfriend, Amy Wong, but he was always caught. Zapp loved bossing Kif around. With Kif around, he didn't have to get himself a drink, type out his own text, hell, he didn't even have to shave his own armpits.
"Aha!" He exclaimed, "The Planet Express ship! The captain? Miss Leela, yes. I'd better get on my lucky pants..."
Fry was tossing and turning in his sleep.
Toss, turn, toss, turn...
"Abandon the mission, or something terrible will happen!"
Turn, toss, toss, turn...
"All hell will break loose!"
Turn, toss, turn, toss, toss, turn...
"FRY! LISTEN TO ME! You... must... abandon ... the ... mission..."
Fry woke up. He sat up straight, breathing hard.
'Abandon the mission?' He thought to himself, 'All hell will break loose?'
'ATTENTION ALL CREW MEMBERS. ATTENTION ALL CREW MEMBERS. NOW BOARDING NIMBUS SHIP."
"WHAT!!??" Leela yelled, running to the controls. They were in the Nimbus hanger.
"DAMN YOU!" She yelled.
"What did I do?" Fry asked.
"Not, you, this Auto Pilot!" She replied, "You b*****d! That's the last time I let you ride!"
"FINE. I WON'T LET YOU OFF."
"You dumb b*****d!"
They walked into the hanger. There was Zapp Brannigan, standing next to Kif.
"Well, well, well," he said, "The lady Leela?"
She had to think of something.
"Looks like you're here overnight!" He whispered.
"Forget it, you pig." She snapped, "I've got a boyfriend already, thank you!"
"Who?" He asked, "Ditch him and come with me!"
She pulled Fry over [ you could see that coming ; ) ].
"Ah!" Zapp said, "You're married now, I presume?"
"Uh..." Last time Leela used Fry as a way to get rid of Zapp, she said he was her fiancee.
"Yeah!" she replied.
"So... Mrs. Leela Fry..." Zapp said.
"Well, I guess I should get you a double bed then?"
"No, that won't be nes..."
"KIF! Put a double bed in room 453." Zapp ordered. ""You may go straight there." He walked away, following Kif.
"Married?" Fry whispered.
"No crazy ideas this time round!" She snapped. "We'll seperate the bed and make sure there are no cameras around. He'll want to watch any naughty ideas he think we might have planned."
"MARRIED!!?" Zapp yelled, "MARRIED! LEELA IS MY GIRL!!!"
Zapp was in a foul mood. He punched Kif every now and then to help, but it didn't work.
"My girl is married to a loser!!!" Zapp moaned.
"What's your plan, Sir?" Kif asked.
"Hmmm.... I've got a plan...."
"What is it!?"
"None of your buisness!!!" Zapp snapped. He eyed his locker. He opened it, and reached for a bright green object.
Leela was seperating the bed while Fry watched T.V. The bed was easy to seperate with the help of her laser pistol. As soon as she was finished, she went to sleep. Fry didn't go to sleep until a few hours later.
Fry was tossing and turning in his sleep again.
"ABANDON MISSION......... IT'S NOT TOO LATE!"
"YOU'RE STILL IN DANGER!"
"FRY! FRY!!! FRY....."
He woke up. He looked around. Leela was already awake and dressed.
"Come on, Fry!" She said, "Something's going on. Get dressed. We need to get to the ship and convince the Auto Pilot to let us go."
Fry did what he was told. He heard screams and shout. There were gun shots. Gun shots? But this is the 31st Century - surely bullets were outta here already?
Leela and Fry ran out. They were going the short way - but it was closed up. They tried the long way- closed up. So they had to take the longest way.
They came across a deserted room. It was filled to the ceiling with metal cubes - why they were there was anyones guess.
Fry heard the voice again.
"TURN BACK, FRY... TURN BACK...."
"Uh... Leela..." Fry mumbled, "Can we go back?"
"No... it's this way... " Leela replied.
Boomp. Boomp. Boomp.
"Someone's here..." Fry said.
"Don't worry..." Leela muttered.
Boomp. Boomp. Clang... Boomp.
Leela got into her Martial Arts stance.
Boomp. Boomp. Boomp. CLICK. Boomp. Boomp.
"TURN BACK FRY! GET AWAY FROM HERE..."
Boomp. Boomp. Clang. CLICK. Boomp.
Fry fell to the floor, blood pouring fom his gut. Leela knelt down beside him.
She checked his pulse... he was still alive... but he looked like he was dead. He was pale.
"It's just you and me now, Leela."
Leela turned around. A man with blonde hair came from behind the boxes. He was wearing bright green jeans, a bright green vest and dark green gloves.
"My name is Steve." He said quietly, "I was sent to help you, but I don't do what people tell me to do. So I came to do the exact opposite."
"You b*****d..." Leela said angrily.
"Indeed. I feel most agrieved to have to do what I just did. And I'm about to feel even more agrieved..."
Leela went in to punch him, but he grabbed her fist. She tried with her left fist, but he grabbed that fist too. He then punched her in the stomach a few times, then let go of her fists and punched her in the face, knocking her down. He aimed the gun at her - she noticed through her bruised eye that it was green. It wasn't a laser, either. She kicked it out of his hand. It went flying behing the cubes. He climbed up to get it. When he was out of sight, Leela hid behind a pillar. She watched Fry - he was twitching and moaning. Blood was still being splattered over the walls.
Steve peered from behind the cubes. All he saw was Fry. Leela creeped up from behind and punched him off the cubes. He hit the floor hard. Leela jumped down, hoping to land on his head - but she missed and sprained her ankle. He got up and ran off. Leela got her gun and shot the cubes at the top of the pillars. Some of the cubes fell down and almost crushed Steve.
"You can try," Steve yelled, "But you won't succeed, you b****!"
Leela heard Fry moaning in the backround.
"Doesn't look good for him, does it?" Steve said.
"Doesn't look very promising for you either!!!" Leela shot back. She loaded her gun and shot him in the arm.
"Arrgh, you ..." he yelled.
She ran over to him and kicked him in the stomach. He started to run off. Leela tried a few shots at him, but she missed. He quickly turned around and shot Fry in the leg. Leela ran towards him to see if he was OK. His pulse was still going. She turned around, but Steve had already gone.
Leela stared at Fry. He couldn't have been shot with a regular bullet... he was bleeding like mad, and there was some sort of ooze where he was shot.
"Uh... huh? What's going on..."
"You've just been shot with some sort of bullet..."
"What do you... mean... some sort of b-bullet?"
"It hasn't killed you yet..."
"Have I missed some... thing h-here?" Fry croaked, looking green, "Am I dying?"
"I don't know..." Leela replied, "I..." Leela stared. Frys eyes had gone white.
"What?" Fry said.
"I'm dying, aren't I? I knew it... these voices in my head were trying to tell me..." Fry muttered.
Leela rang Hermes.
"Yah, dis is Hermes." Hermes replied, "What is wrong?"
"It's Fry... he's been shot..." Leela explained, "He's all green and... and... he's speaking alien."
"What in Bubbaland..." Hermes said, obviously shocked, "What kind of gun was he shot wit'?"
"It wasn't a laser. It was a bullet gun."
"Yeah... and the gun was green."
Hermes gasped. "Green? Oh my God!!!"
"What's wrong?" Leela asked.
"I've heard of dis gun..." Hermes replied, "Da bullets cause sickness, pain, paralisis..."
"O.K, O.K, enough of the suffering stages, what do we do?" Leela interrupted.
"Well, we'll rent a ship and pick him up," Hermes answered, "Hopefully, we'll be able to keep him alive. But while we're doin' dat, you'll have to find da cure."
"Yah. It's da planet Zerad 1, the cure is called 'TRYIS'. It's a sort of drug dat can cure mostly anyt'ing. You'll have to be very quick wit' dese medicines, both of your friends are counting on you."
"Oh, thanks for that."
"Just leave, we'll get dere to get Fry as soon as we can."
"O.K..." Leela said, hanging up. She looked down at Fry.
"Don't worry, Fry... the crew are coming for you soon." She said. Then she got up and ran to the ship.
Fry just lay there, listening to the voices in his head.
"I TOLD YOU, FRY... NOW THEY ARE ALL IN DANGER..."
Leela ran into the control area.
"O.K, listen," she said to the Auto Pilot, "If you don't let me go, I'll blast you!" She pulled out her gun, "I'm serious!"
"AAH, BUT IF YOU BLAST ME I'LL MAKE THE SHIP BLOW!"
Leela thought about it. This was possible. "Just let me get outta here."
"WHERE IS THE RED HEAD DUDE?"
"He's injured," Leela replied, "The rest of the crew are getting him soon."
"HA HA HA."
"WHY CAN'T YOU TAKE HIM TO THE BUILDING?"
"Becuase I have to find a cure for his problem."
"AH, RIGHT. I'LL LET YOU GET OUT, BUT ONLY BECUASE HE IS THE ONLY ONE WHO CAN FILL IN FOR BENDER WHEN HE'S AWAY."
"DRINKING CONTEST. I ALWAYS WIN. HE'S A LOSER."
Leela grabbed hold of the controls and took off.
"Sir!" Kif yelled, "Sir, we've got a casualty in the Storage area."
"Uh huh," Zapp replied, "I've heard."
"What happened to him Sir?"
"Kif, it is you who is to tell me!"
"I thought you knew it all, Sir."
"Uh..., well, all I know is that he was shot." Zapp stammered.
Kif noticed that Zapp had a bandage around his arm.
"Sir, what happened to your arm?" Kif asked.
Zapp ignored him. "Who was shot?"
"Uh... Miss Leela's husband, Mr. Fry." Kif answered.
"What the hell?" Zapp exclaimed.
"What shall I do with him Sir?" Kif asked.
"Dump him in the Brig."
It was only Leela on the Planet Express Ship. Well, there was the Auto Pilot, but she didn't really talk to him.
"WHY THE LONG FACE LEE?"
She didn't reply.
"WHAT DID I DO NOW?"
She didn't reply.
"YOU'RE A B****. YOU SUCK. I'D RATHER STICK MY HARD DRIVE IN A MINCING MACHINE THAN HANG AROUND YOU."
"WE ARE LOW ON FUEL. WE ARE ON A CRASH COURSE. WE ARE ABOUT TO BOARD TO THE NIMBUS STARSHIP."
Leela remained silent.
"NIBBLER IS STEPPING INTO THE ENGINES."
"Oh no!!!" Leela yelled, running to the engines. Halfway there, she realised that he was just trying to get her to do something. She went back. "Don't do that."
"HA HA, I THOUGHT IT WAS PRETTY ENTERTAINING."
"Shut up." Leela snapped.
They went another few hours in silence. Then, Leela heard a deep voice...
"Leela - you must stay away from Earth!"
"Very funny, bozo." Leela replied, looking up at the Auto Pilots camera.
"IT WASN'T ME, IT WAS NIBBLER."
"Very funny." She repeated. She turned around. Nibbler was asleep. She turned away.
"Stay away from Earth. Something terrible is about to happen..."
"Will you shut up!" Leela snapped at the Auto Pilot.
"IT AINT ME, I SWEAR!"
"My ass it isn't you!"
"MY TAILPIPE IT IS ME"
"My ass it isn't is isn't you!"
"Stop bickering and listen! If you go back to Earth, you will be in great danger!!!"
"Shut up, I'm talking!" Leela said in unision with the Auto Pilot. They stopped. They looked at Nibbler.
"A - HA."
"What the..." Leela exclaimed, "Did you... say something?"
"Sure," Nibbler said, "I've talked to you before, but you don't remember."
"You have? I don't?" Leela asked.
"Yeah, yeah." Nibbler said, dropping the tense, thoughtful tone, "You have a fag or someit'? Cuz I'm a bit stressed at the minute."
"HERE YOU GO..." said the Auto Pilot, and a packet of cigars dropped onto Nibblers head, "THEY ARE BENDERS BUT HE WON'T MIND IF I DON'T TELL HIM."
"Thanks." Nibbler took one big puff and finished it ( Pinnochio style ). He flicked it into space. "Alright, this is gonna take a lot of explainin'. I'd sit down if I were you."
So Leela sat down. She stared at Nibbler for a bit. He stared at her. Leela broke the silence.
"So... what?" Leela asked.
"O.K." Nibbler replied, "Please try to keep up with me."
"First, let me tell you more about this gun. It was made with bullets becuase a bullet stays in a victim, whereas a laser will just go through 'em. The bullet causes... what Hermes said to you! Paralisis, sickness and the like. After two days, you will die. It's worse than death by Suicide Booth on the Slow And Horrible setting. The gun was a... a small project at first. The creator is a guy named Jack. He was about to use it on Zapp Brannigan, but his laywer started to annoy him and so Jack used it on him instead. It worked. He showed it to a man named Steve..."
"Steve!?" Leela exclaimed, "He's..."
"Please!" Nibbler interrupted, "Any proper info on Steve hasn't been discovered yet. We know not of his background and stuff. Anyway, Steve seemed angry about the fact Jack was meaning to use it on Zapp Brannigan, so once he had the gun in his possession, he shot Jack.
"But Jack told Steve something he paid no heed to - Jack told him that shooting the one most important person in the world would turn them into some sort of creature, that will bring hell on Earth - literally."
"THE MOST IMPORTANT PERSON IN THE UNIVERSE?" the Auto Pilot said, "NO SUCH PERSON."
"Oh, really?" Nibbler said with a eybrow raised, "Believe me, there is such a person."
"THERE IS NO SUCH..."
"Listen to me you f**kin' half wit!!!" Nibbler yelled, losing all cutieness that he ever had, "Alright. You see, if this guy never came to this time, we wouldn't be here. I was alive in the 20th Century, and as soon as I got the news about this guy, I decided to bring him here - one thousand years later. But how, I wondered? Then I realised that he worked for Pannuchi's Pizza at the time. So I made a call. Told them to deliver a pizza to the Cryogenic labs. He came - and when he found out that the name of the person he was delivering to was a prank name he got fed up and sat down. I pushed him into the tube while he was off his guard."
"HEY, THAT SOUNDS LIKE THE RED HEAD." the Auto Pilot said.
"That Humpty Dumpty fell." Leela said.
"You think?" Nibbler asked, "Well, you see, Fry has been telling you about the Brain Spawn. None of you believed him - but it's true. I had erased your memories so that you wouldn't recall what happened. The Brain Spawn had turned you all stupid - execpt for Fry. He saved the world, but none of you know it. If he wasn't frozen, the Brain Spawn would still be here - that's why he's so important."
"Fry is the most important guy in the world?" Leela said, shocked, "But why hasn't he said so?"
"Not even he knows. Surely you must have worked that out Lola - "
"Whatever. Anyway, do not return to Earth! I've had enough of saving your naive asses!!! Fry has been shot, so that means he will turn into a creature and lash out at everything.
"Earth is doomed." Nibbler said somenly, closing his eyes and lowering his head.
"Come on, just buy da damn ting for jah sakes!" Hermes snapped.
"That old busted joint?" the Professer replied, "That couldn't possibly get to Fry in time!"
"Yeah, and that thing will cramp my style!" Amy said.
"AMY!!! Fry's life is in danger, mon!" Hermes exclaimed, "And you're worried aboud yo style?"
Amy sniffed. "But I look so pretty..."
"Zoidberg, buy dis ting!" Hermes yelled.
Zoidberg started to cry - but stopped abruptly. "Why is it always me who pays, you b*****d!"
"Bring it on, ya filty crab!!!" Hermes said, making a 'Come to Papa' gesture.
Zoidberg jumped at Hermes, knocking him to the ground. He tried to claw Hermes's head off, but Hermes punched him in the face, so he only got a scratch. He got up and kicked Zoidberg in the golads ( that is where our windpipe is ). Zoidberg groaned, then tried the same on Hermes, but he was a human, therefore he was hit in the wndpipe, not the nads. But it seemed a good place to hit. Hermes flew into the side of one of the ships. Zoidberg went up to him and cut Hermes's shoulder.
Suddenly, a gush of wind blew them both to the ground. They looked up - the Professer and Amy had already bought the ship and was zooming off at full speed.
"They left wit' out us!" Hermes exclaimed.
"When the old human comes back, I will rip out his dorsel fin!!!" Zoidberg yelled.
Kif was in the Storage room. He was ordered to drag Fry out of the room - but he wasn't there. All he saw was puddles of blood and puke. He was about to call Zapp and tell him that the body was missing, when somebody - or, most probably, something, said something...
"ZAPP MUST PAY... ZAPP MUST PAY..."
Kiff understood him. After all, he was an alien himself.
"LEAD ME TO ZAPP... OR YOU WILL REPLACE HIM..." The voice said again.
Kiff was getting ready to run, but the doors closed.
"KIF THE KROKER... YOU WILL REPLACE ZAPP... YOU WILL REPLACE HIM NOW...."
Leela had landed on a small planet named Untya 4. Nibbler had refused to 'unload' any fuel until they refused to go back ( the Auto Pilot could easily fly down to Earth itself and be destroyed ).
"No... we have to go for both cures..." Leela said.
"Are you simple?" Nibbler asked, "What's the point, exactly?"
"We can find the cure before Fry does all that!!!"
"No, you can't! Fry will go nuts the day after tomorrow!!! It might be possible to find Benders cure, but not to get Frys cure or to get back!" Nibbler snapped.
"YOU MEAN TO SAY THAT THERE IS NOTHING WE CAN DO?" the Auto Pilot asked.
"Nope." Nibbler said, sipping from a beer.
"Well..." said Leela, "I suppose we could save Bender, if we go down and take him to the Robot planet thingy..."
"No! We can't take the risk..." Nibbler started, but Leela had had enough. She grabbed Leela and threw him in her quarters.
"You get in there and you shut up!" Leela ordered.
Leela filled the ship with fuel, bought a few spare tubs and headed towards Earth.
"I thought Leela said he was here..." Amy said.
"He has been here, woman, look at the mess!" the Professer replied.
The Professer and Amy had boarded the Nimbus to pick up Fry, but he wasn't here. It looked like he had dragged himself away - there were trails of blood everywhere. Amy followed the trails, but Fry wasn't there.
"Where the hell is he?" the Professer asked.
"How am I supposed to know exactly?" Amy snapped.
As they were arguring, Amy glanced out the window. There was the Planet Express ship coming towards them.
The Auto Pilot had no idea why she wanted to go into the Nimbus ship, so...
"WHY ARE WE GOING IN THERE?"
"I wanna see whether they've got Fry or not."
But instead of landing in the hager, she crashed through all the walls blocking the way to the Storage room. When she was just outside the Storage room, she jumped out and ran inside.
She was shockd to see Amy and the Professer there.
"Leela!" Amy exclaimed, "We came to pick Fry up and he wasn't here!"
"What!?" Leela shouted, "Well... where is he?" She didn't know why she asked, she knew the answer.
"We dunno." the Professer said, proving Leela right, "But who cares? Let's go, dammit!"
"No..." Leela replied, "We need to find him..." She thought for a minute, "Zapp's probably thrown him in the brig... come on..."
They all ran towards the brig. They were close ... but were stopped by Zapp Brannigan.
"Well well well... Mrs Fry." He said slyly, "I'm afraid to say that Mr Fry has been killed."
"Get out of my way you b*****d..." Leela snapped, trying to push him aside.
"With Mr Fry out of the way, maybe you'd like to..."
"Out of my way you pig!!!" Leela yelled, slapping him. Then she noticed his arm... bandaged. Suspicion grew. Zapp was obviously jealous when she told him Fry was her husband. A few hours later, Fry is shot by 'Steve'. She breaks his arm - and now Zapp appears with a bandaged arm, looking glad that Fry was gone ( or that's what he thought ). Plus, 'Steve' had shot Jack when he said that he was going to use the gun on Zapp.
"Is something wrong, Leela?" Zapp asked. Instead of replying, she kicked him in the nads and ran past him. She went into the brig.
Amy stayed behind. "Where's Kif?" She asked Zapp.
"I don't know," Zapp whimpered, "I told him to get rid of Fry's body, but he hasn't come back."
Amy started to get worried. Suddenly, Leela ran out of the brig.
"He isn't there." Leela sighed, "Where is he?" She asked, turning to Zapp.
"I honestly don't..." he started. He didn't finish, because a strange voice was echoing through the halls - in the same language Fry was speaking after he was shot.
"YOU ARE ALL DOOMED..." the voice said, "YOU WILL ALL DIE..."
"What the hell..."
"Sweet Zombie Jesus, what is that?"
"Kif, is that you?"
"PREPARE TO BE DISINTEGRATED" the voice muttered. Then, screens dropped down all around them. The ships voice said,
"ATTENTION CREW MEMBERS - COUNTDOWN TO SELF-DESTRUCTION HAS STARTED. ABANDON SHIP IMMEDIATELY."
They all started running to the ship. Leela let Zapp in reluctantly, even though she still wasn't sure whether it was him who shot Fry or not.
"SELF DESTRUCTION IN 5..."
"Quick, get us outta here!" Zapp yelled.
"WHAT IS GOING ON?" The Auto pilot asked.
"Nothing, just let us out..." Leela replied.
"Do it now you robo b*****d!!!" Leela yelled.
"O.K, O.K, LETS GO..." the Auto Pilot yelled. They zoomed into the distance.
A second later ... BOOOOOOOM!!! The Nimbus starship had exploded.
"My Nimbus!!!" Zapp yelled.
"My Kif!!!" Amy yelled.
They hurtled towards Earth.
THE NEXT DAY, THE PLANET EXPRESS OFFICE
They dumped Bender into the ship.
"If we can't rescue Fry, we might as well rescue Bender..." Leela said.
This time, Hermes and Zoidberg came with them.
"Hopefully we can get Bender ova to da planet in time!" Hermes said.
Then, an envelope was slipped through the slot. Hermes picked it up. It was adressed -
PLANET EXPRESS DELIVERY CO.
It was a black envelope. This wasn't good - a black envelope was a sign that someone you knew had died.
Amy opened it and burst out in tears, dropping the letter. Leela picked it up.
ATTENTION AMY WONG
KIF KROKER HAS KROKED
TIME OF DEATH 25: 46
And in the envelope was a little card. Leela got it out and read -
HE IS COMiNG.
"Who is coming...?" Leela started, but just then, she noticed that it was two days ago that Fry had been shot.
He was transforming.
He was coming.
END OF PART ONE
Thanx for reading the first part! If you want to e-mail me comments, begin the subject name with TLZ and then whatever you want.
Thanx go especially to Graham and Teral for putting this fic up.