Fan Fiction

Armoured Fortress For Xmas
By Rush

Scene: Outside Planet Express. It is late in the evening and it is snowing heavily, armoured shutter made from Diamondium cover the building. A neon light on the hangar roof spells "Trespassers Will Be Shot" and Deck the Halls plays.

Cut to: Planet Express: Attic Room. Bender pushes the armour-plated chimney cover also made from Diamondium into place at the fireplace.

Bender: (muttering to himself) 'Oh make me do all the work! [He takes a 750 Ml bottle out from his chest cabinet containing some greenish liquid marked on the bottle in red "Ryncol" which he then starts drinking out from.]

Pan over to: Fry and Leela with Nibbler on her lap who sit on the couch, Farnsworth sits near by on his white hover arm chair, all three watching Everybody Loves Hypnotoad, the Hypnotoad wears a Santa hat and a fake Santa beard, otherwise it's exactly the same. In the background Amy with Cubert and Dwight are putting up decorations on the Xmas palm tree.

Leela: 'Where did you get the money for the Diamondium shutters and Diamondium armour-plated chimney cover? [Bender sits himself down on the couch next to Fry.]

Farnsworth: 'I sold a few unwanted doomsday devices that could destroy entire planets to some warlike aliens outside of the DOOP.

Bender: 'Good job. (hopefully) Can I have one?

Farnsworth: 'No!

Bender: (sad) 'Awwwwww! [In the background Hermes briefly enters the room then leaves writing with his pen on a note pad.]

Fry: 'Do the aliens hate Humans?

Farnsworth: 'Nah, they don't hate Humans.

Bender: (sad) 'Awwww!

Leela: 'Well at least they won't attack us.

Fry: (panicking)' Zoidberg! [He stands up.] Where's Zoidberg?! He'll eat Xmass dinner!

Farnsworth: 'Don't worry Scruffy is on it.

Cut to: PE: Kitchen. Zoidberg crouched down walking sideways into the room to meet Scruffy wearing a chef's hat, who hits him on the head with a broomstick.

Zoidberg: 'Ow! [He runs off sideways whooping out of the room.]

Cut to: PE: Attic Room. Fry sits back down.

Fry: 'Who's Scruffy?

Leela: 'Yeah, who is he?

[Amy sits herself down on a hover arm chair.]

Amy: 'Who is Scruffy?

Farnsworth: 'I dunno. Cubert, Dwight do you know who Scruffy is?

[In the background Dwight and Cubert are putting decorations on the walls.]

Cubert And Dwight: 'No. [They walk off leaving the room. Just as soon as they leave Hermes walks in butt naked and sits himself down on a hover arm chair.]

Farnsworth: 'Hermes?

Hermes: 'Yeah mon?

Farnsworth: 'Do you know who Scruffy is?

Hermes: 'Can't say that I do. Want to play Chess?

Farnsworth: 'Yeah sure. Why am I still wearing my clothes? [Farnsworth strips naked in front of everyone not the least bit embarrassed, Bender, Fry, Leela and Any cover their eyes looking away. A light brown round hover Chess table flies it's way to land between Hermes and Farnsworth, who begin to play Chess once it's landed.]

Bender: 'I'll be down stairs. [He gets up off the couch leaving the room.]

Amy: 'Oh I wish Santa wasn't real.

Fry: 'In my time people wished Santa was real. Especially parents, then they wouldn't have to buy all the presents for their kids, and poor kids would feel indifferent to the kick ass gifts all the rich kids get, for the poor kids wouldn’t get crap presents.

Amy: 'Huh?

Leela: 'He's talking about the fairly tale of an immortal Human Santa Claus from his time, who was nice and only gave you a bag of coal of you were naughty.

Amy: 'Oh.

Fry: 'Wait a sec, I just realized Scruffy is the janitor right?

Amy: 'Yeah?

Fry: 'So that means the guy who cleans the toilets is also preparing Xmass dinner.

Amy: 'Don't worry, I seen him wash his hands... most of the time.

Cut to: PE: Lounge. Bender lies on the couch looking bored smoking a cigar watching fembot babes poll dancing on TV.

TV (Sexy Female Voice): 'Let me show you my circuits. [Bender's cigar falls out from his mouth in shock onto the floor, he zooms in his eyes at the TV and his antenna darts up. Scruffy walks in. (screaming) Aaaahhhhhaaaahh! [His antenna goes down and he switches the channel with the remote to show Everybody Loves Hypnotoad.] (shouting) Get the hell out of here! [Bender gets up off the couch and starts to leave the room.] (muttering to himself) Just had to come in, and not leave me alone didn't he?? Oh that Scruffy!

Cut to: PE: Kitchen. Zoidberg walks into the room to meet Cubert and Dwight.

Dwight: 'Ewww, you smell like rotten fish mixed with garbage!

Cubert: 'Out Zoidberg!

Zoidberg: (sad) 'Awwww! [He leaves the room looking down on the floor sad.]

Cut to: Lockeroom. Bender walks in to see Leela has Fry pressed against her locker moaning sexually while kissing him, Fry has both his hands on her ass, and there is a mistletoe above them on the ceiling.

Bender: 'Hey, what's all this then? [Fry and Leela stop kissing, Leela looks embarrassed stroking her hair.]

Leela: 'Uhh, me and Fry were just--

Bender: 'Getin' nasty! Can't wait to blackmail you two over this!

Fry: 'We don't care if you tell everyone we're together, we were gonna tell them anyway.

Bender: (sad) 'Awwww.

Fry: 'I'm sorry Bender.

Bender: 'It's OK. [He walks out from the room.]

[Time Lapse.]

Scene: Attic Room. All the PE staff are watching (Zoidberg who has no chair, sits on the floor) TV showing "The Grinch" stealing presents from under someone’s Christmas pine tree, apart from Farnsworth and Hermes who are still playing their game of chess against one another.

Bender: 'The Grinch is a pansy ass bastard compared to Robot Santa. [Everyone nods and hums in agreement.]

Zoidberg: (to Bender) 'Shh! [Bender throws a brick at him, it hits him in the back of the head.] Ow! [He keeps quiet going back to watching the movie.]

Leela: 'Bender stop throwing literally your own crap around, that's what monkeys do!

Bender: 'My crap is an useful throwing weapon unlike yours.

Cut to: New New York. Robot Santa flying around the city in his sled firing lasers at people fleeing in terror with his M60 Machine Gun, also throwing the odd present into buildings, which explode taking chunks out from them.

Robot Santa: (laughing evilly) 'Ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho! [He flies towards Planet Express.]

Scene: Planet Express: Attic Room. There is a loud crashing sound of metal banging.

Robot Santa: 'Ow! Come on, let me in so I can murder you all.

Farnsworth: 'Quiet you! You're interrupting our game of chess!

Bender: 'Yeah, go away! We're watching a cheesy lame ass christmas movie from Fry's time, called The Grinch!

Robot Santa: 'Fine, I'll continue my rampage across the city elsewhere.

Cut to: Outside Planet Express. Robot Santa flies away from Planet Express.

The End