Futurama

Fan Fiction

Humanity Reminder
By Rush

Scene: Planet Express: Hangar. Farnsworth, Amy and Leela work on the ship. Leela tries to unscrew a nut on the side of the steps. She grunts and squirts some pi-in-1 oil onto it. Fry takes the spanner from her and throws it into an incinerator.]

Fry: (trying to sound robotic) 'Stand back. I'm a tool-bot.

[He tries to unscrew the nut with his hands. He takes the oil from Leela, squirts some onto his arms and puts it in his inside pocket. He tries the nut again.]

Leela: 'You're not a tool-bot. You're not a food-motron. You're not a robot of any kind.

Fry: 'Yes, I am. I simply haven't discovered my primary function yet.

Leela: 'OK, this has gotta stop. [She places her hands on his shoulders.] I'm going to remind Fry of his humanity the way only a woman can.

Farnsworth: 'You're going to cook his dinner for him?

[Amy slaps him.]

Leela: (sexfully) 'Fry, this is for you.

[She kisses him. Fry smiles and Leela smiles back, thinking she's cured him.]

Fry: 'Beep.

Leela: 'Oh, for God's sake!

Farnsworth: 'Do more things to remind him of his Humanity!

Leela: (curiously) 'Like what?

Farnsworth: 'I don't know, take your tanktop off, then your bra, revealing your beautiful sexy big bo--

Leela: 'No!

Farnsworth: 'Come on woman! You want Fry's humanity back don't ya, as well as making an old man happy?

Leela: 'The Fry's humanity park I want. [She takes her tanktop off throwing in onto Fry's shoulder, Fry's eyes widen.] (sexfully) You like that Fry? [Leela begins to start unhooking her bra, close up to Fry's face, his jaws drops and he begins to drool, cut from behind Leela, who throws the bra onto Fry's face.] (sexfully) Fry sweetie, is your Humanity back yet? [Fry begins to sweat.]

Fry: 'Beep beep beep, I feel confused, beep beep beep, I really like what Human female is doing, beep beep beep.

Farnsworth: 'It's not working, Amy go over there and make-out with Leela!

Leela And Amy: 'What?!

Farnsworth: 'That surely would work. [Leela and Amy nod, Amy walks over to Leela, and then they begin making-out, both moan sexually, Fry begins making beeping noises.]

Fry: 'Beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep--

Farnsworth: 'It's still not working! Leela take your pants off. [Leela pulls her pants off, and then her underwear, leaving her completely naked, as well as Amy doing the same till she's completely naked too.] Oh my, now it's working! [Leela and Amy then goes back to making-out.]

Fry: (normally) '… I must... I am a robot, no I'm a Human, no I'm a robot, no I'm Human! [Leela and Amy stop making-out, and begin to put their clothes back on.] But now I feel I wasted my time.

Leela: 'Listen Fry, I'm not a lesbian, I prefer men. Us two just did this to remind you of your humanity.

Amy: 'Yeah. We don't want our friend insane.

Fry: 'Oh, that's a relief. [Leela and Amy are now fully dressed.]

Leela: 'We talk about this... again later.

Fry: 'You're not mad, are you?

Leela: 'No, Fry not at all.

[Farnsworth walks over.]

Farnsworth: 'Leela and Amy, you two just had to stop didn't you?! [He walks off rambling waving his fists.] Why could they not just keep going?!

Scene: Planet Express: Lounge. All the PE staff sit watching "Everybody Loves Hypnotoad". Leela sits beside Fry on the couch holding her handbag, which she is looking through.

Fry: 'It never changes.

Zoidberg: 'It's just something for us to watch from cradle to grave.

Hermes: 'Yours maybe.

[Zoidberg cries covering his face with his claws.]

Scene: New New York City Street. Bender and Roberto walk down the street.

Roberto: Thanks for helping me escape, Bender.

Bender: 'Oh, it was nothing.

Roberto: (shouting/grabbing him) 'It was not nothing! (normally) I wanna repay you. Let me get you something in here.

[He drags Bender into the Big Apple Bank.]

[Cut to: Big Apple Bank.]

Roberto: (shouting) 'Hands up! This is a stick-up again!

Bender: 'Wow! Hitting the same place three times? I admire your style, Roberto.

[Roberto walks to the teller.]

Roberto: 'Gimme the remaining dough. And the calendars ... and that pen. Try to tear it so most of the beads are on my end!

[The teller ducks and URL and Smitty stand up behind her with blaster riles.]

URL: 'Police! You're busted!

Smitty: 'And don't try anything. This glass here is laser-proof. [Roberto puts his arm through the glass and waves his knife around screaming like a lunatic.] Fire lasers! [They do and the laser bolts bounce off the glass.] Duck! Lasers!

[Roberto pulls the glass away and with his arm still poking through he grabs the money.]

Bender: 'Come on! I got a place where I like to hide after crimes.

[They run out. URL and Smitty fire at them again and Roberto uses the glass as a shield until they are out of the door.]

Scene: Planet Express: Lounge. All the PE staff still sit watching "Everybody Loves Hypnotoad".

Fry: 'Still the same! [The Hypnotoad goes upside-down.] Oh wait, now he's upside-down?! Amazing!

Zoidberg: 'Indeed.

[Bender and Roberto rush in panting, all the PE staff stand up.]

Bender: 'Hey, everybody. Meet my good pal, Roberto.

Hermes: 'Hey, mon.

Roberto: 'Nice to meet you.

Smitty: (on megaphone; from outside) 'Come out with your hands up.

Roberto: (shouting) 'Hostages! [Leela pulls a laser pistol out from her handbag pointing it at Roberto.] Oh.

Leela: 'Leela drop the knife. [Roberto drops the knife.] Turn around. [Roberto turns around, with his back facing her.] Lean forward. [Roberto leans forward.] Good. [Leela kicks Roberto in the ass, sending him flying out through the window.]

Everyone: 'Yay!

Cut to: Outside Planet Express. Roberto falls and lands in the road in front of Smitty and URL and the other cops, there is a boot mark on his ass.

Smitty: 'We got em. [Places laser hand cuffs on Roberto.]

URL: 'Wasn't there two of them?

Smitty: 'No, I don't think so. [He shifts his eyes side to side, the Robot Mafia; Donbot, Joey Mousepad and Clamps can be seen walking away in the background.]

Cut to: Planet Express: Lounge.

Hermes: 'You're gonna have to pay for that window you smashed Leela.

Leela: 'Just have Zoidberg pay for it.

Hermes: 'OK.

[Zoidberg bursts into tears covering his face with his claws.]

Zoidberg: (crying) 'I never get a break.

Fry: 'Thanks for saving us, Leela.

Leela: 'No problem, I saved your asses many times. Especially yours Fry. (sexfully) An ass I'd always wanna save.

Bender: 'Stop talking about your inferior organic asses, my robotic shiny metal ass can literally s**t bricks. [He craps a brick.] See?!

Leela: 'Well Nibbler's an organic life form and he can crap dark matter. [In the corner Nibbler craps in his litter tray.] Beat that!

Bender: 'Yeah well, at least mine doesn't smell bad.

Leela: 'Good point.

Bender: 'And many Bending Units like myself get jobs as bricklayers, from the bricks we make from our asses.

Leela: 'Why didn't you become a bricklayer?

Bender: 'I was a bricklayer for a short while, but every Bending Unit that was there was crapping all the time, and I kept falling over bricks.

Leela: 'Well when it comes down to it you have the inferior ass Bender, compared to Nibbler, who's crap fuels star ships.

Bender: 'Someday I will have my revenge Leela, just you wait. Then we'll see you has the more inferior ass and crap!

[Years later, during the events of Bender's Game.]

Scene: Mom's Ice Office: Everybody is screaming as they come flying out of the ground back into Mom's Ice Office.]

Mom: 'What happened?

[Everybody is confused.]

Leela: 'My God, we're out of that weird, crazy world and back in our regular crazy world.

Fry: 'Did we all just have some kind of freaky dream or was it ghosts?

Farnsworth: 'Neither, Fry. It was science. Bender's mighty imagination amplified by a dark matter resonance created an alternate reality that very nearly blew our minds.

Hermes: 'Exactly. You can't make that kind of stuff up.

Mom: 'Quit trying to explain everything. I defeated you in that world and I'll defeat you in this one. Boys, the crystal’s still in his stomach.

Walt: 'Commencing intestinal flash flood.

Farnsworth: 'Wait! Before my moment of shame, can I...

Mom: 'Yes, speak up.

[Farnsworth and Igner look at each other, teary eyed.]

Farnsworth: 'Can I give my boy a hug?

Mom: 'All right. Fine. I've never done it. I guess somebody should.

Inger: 'Daddy. [They hug.]

Farnsworth: 'Like father, like son, eh, boy?

[Pan down to reveal that the two crystals are near each other in their stomachs.]

Igner: 'We both eated the crysals. [They giggle together.]

Mom: 'No. No!

[The two crystals pulse repeatedly then explode. Farnsworth and Igner belch together. Mom picks up a ball of Dark Matter and it desitegrates in her hand.]

Mom: 'My dark matter. It's worthless.

Bender: [pointing at Nibbler.] 'Ha! Now who's got the inferior ass and crap!

Leela: 'OK Bender, now you got the superior crap.

Farnsworth: 'Shut up you two! Now fear not, fancy folk for I've just thunk up an alternative energy source. Nibbler-power. [Mom, and her three sons walk off.]

Nibbler: 'That's a silly idea.

Leela: 'Wouldn’t we just use more whale oil, like what we've got on the ship as backup?

Farnsworth: 'Oh. Well at any rate I'm glad you Fry and Leela somewhat behaved themselves in Cornwood.

Leela: 'Well things would’ve been a bit freaky. Now, let's go. [They all begin making their way out.] Me and Fry have to go check on our daughter at my parents.

Farnsworth: 'Remind me again, how you two got together?

Leela: 'Remember the Time Skips, when I found out the reason why I married Fry? [She takes hold of Fry's hand.]

Farnsworth: 'Yes.

Leela: 'I remarried him after that. [Showing him her wedding ring.]

Fry: 'I'm glad you saw it too. [Leela smiles.]

Bender: 'Before it was sucked into a black-hole. [Leela narrows her eye at him.]

Fry: 'Aww.

Leela: 'Yes, Bender. [They walk silently for a bit.] Oh and Amy?

Amy: 'Yes?

Leela: 'Why were you trying to kiss me? [Flashback of Leela pushing Amy away from her outside Wipe Castle.]

Amy: 'I don't know, we were all acting a bit weird in Cornwood.

Leela: 'I guess, I felt as if many parts of my personality were different.

Farnsworth: 'Not to mention all of us were a bit delusional.

Bender: 'Hey, it's my freaking imagination!

Nibbler: (thinking) 'I'm glad the Machine language time code was never used, thus Yivo never came to this universe nor did Lars even exist. Also it's good to know, Fry is not his own grandfather in this universe, yet he still lacks the delta brain wave.

The End.

Buddies