Fan Fiction

Killer Eye-Phone
By Rush

Scene: Planet Express Bathroom. Fry opens a door and walks in with his eyePhone on recording. He sees Leela at a sink washing up.]

Female Voice: [singing in a Scottish accent] 'I dreamed a dream in time gone by...

Leela and Female Voice: [singing] 'When hope was high and life worth living. I dreamed that love would never die.

[Leela lifts the bottom of her swimsuit to reveal that the singing was coming from a boil on her butt.]

Boil: [still singing] 'I dreamed that God would be forgiving. [Fry screams]

Fry: 'What the hell is that?

Leela: [She hides the boil with a towel] 'Nothing.

Boil: I'm not nothing! All my life, everyone's called me, "nothing"!

Fry: 'You have a boil on your butt that sings showtunes with you?

Leela: 'Don't look at me! I'm a freak!

Fry: 'No, no. [HE shrugs] Well...

Leela: [sighs] 'I've been ashamed of Susan as long as I can remember.

Fry: 'You named your boil Susan?

Susan: 'A boil cannae have a name. He also said a boil cannae sing. But... [sings] Amazing grace, how— [Leela pops Susan with a knife as she deflates and disappears]

Fry: 'Ew, she's Scottish!

Leela: [puts a bandage on the spot where the boil was] 'I lance her every few months, but she always grows back. [sobs] It's hard enough being a cyclops, but if anyone found out about Susan, I'd be devastated.

Susan: [singing on Fry's eyePhone] Amazing grace, how— [She screams when she gets popped.]

Fry: 'Woah, gross. [gets inspired] A million follower gross.

Leela: 'Fry, delete that! Delete that right now!

[Fry blinks and turns his Eye-Phone off.]

Fry: 'What? Oh. Okay. [Fry blinks and turns his eyePhone back on. A still of the video is shown on the screen with two buttons, one that says "Send" and one that says "Delete". Fry looks through the screen and sees Bender walking to the hot tub humming to himself.]

[Bender can be seen outside giggling as he takes hot sauce out of his chest cabinet and pours it into the vomit]

Bender: 'So much for a pleasant swim in vomit.

[Fry looks over at Leela, seeing a questionable look of dread on her face, he clicks delete.]

Leela: 'Did you delete it?

Fry: 'Yes, I did but I'm gonna have-to swim in the vomit now.

Leela: 'Well since you didn't tell the whole universe about my boil, (sexfully) I guess me and Amy could do something together to give you a million followers. [Fry's eye brows raise.]

[Time Lapse. It shows in view Leela and Amy (Both no Eye-Phone) soaking wet under a hot shower filling the room with see-through steam wearing their normal clothes, who slowly seductively strip off. The camera drops onto the floor.

Leela: 'Fry pick the camera back up.

Fry: (thinking) 'Wow that was so hot. Why am I not using my Eye-Phone? [Leela and Amy begin making out moaning sexually.] Oh man, that's so hot. [He drops the camera again, then picks it back up.]

[Time Lapse.]

[Scene: Back of Planet Express. POV shot from Mr. Chunks, with his legs up in the air and flies buzzing around him.

[Fry, Leela, Bender and Amy are gathered around the motionless alien goat.]

Amy: 'Poor Mr. Chunks. At least he died doing what he loved.

[Bender kicks him into the hot tub.]

Bender: 'He's in a better place now.

[Pan up to reveal a window where Scruffy is setting up a diving board for the loser.]

Scruffy: 'There. I turned a regular board into a divin' board. [heflicks it] Mm-hmm.

[Pan left to the next window, where Farnsworth is shouting from.]

Farnsworth: 'Impending news, everyone! We're about to learn the winner of the bet!

Bender: 'Oh, boy, oh, boy, oh, boy! [whispers to Amy] I hope it's me!

[Scene: Planet Express: Meeting Room. Bender, Hermes, Zoidberg, Amy, Fry, and Farnsworth are gathered around watching the Twit Meter on the holographic projector. Each counter keeps growing and growing in followers.]

Bender: 'Wait a minute! There's a chance I could lose? That wasn't part of the deal! [The thermometers finally reach the top. Pan down to reveal that both Fry and Bender have reached one million followers.]

Hermes: 'Sweet Georgia Brown of Kingston Town! It's a tie! Since no one lost, no one has to jump!

Bender: 'Alright, a tie! I win again!! [He points to Fry as if to say, "In your face!"]

Fry: 'Ah, damn.

[The PE apart from Fry and Leela walk off like zombies.]

PE Staff: (chanting zombie like) 'Must buy new Eye-Phone.

Fry: [Fry's right ear lights up.] 'Aaah! I'm sick of my head doing things!

Leela: 'Fry, look at them consumer zombie idiots.

Fry: 'Yeah, I know.

Leela: 'I love you.Fry: 'And I love you.[They go close and kiss passionately.]Cheesy Ending

[The screen flashes purple, then pulls back to show Farnsworth sitting on a chair to reveal he watched those events on the What-If-Machine.]

Farnsworth: 'So that's what things would be like if Fry won the bet that way. [He sighs.] A man can dream though. [He falls asleep.] A man can indeed dream.

The End.