Fan Fiction

Rama Guy
By Rush

Scene: Planet Express: Farnsworth's Lab. All the PE staff are gathered in the room. Bender walks up to the What If Machine.

Bender: [speaking into the mic of the What If Machine] 'What if life was more like Family Guy?

[The what-if scenario begins.]

Scene: Planet Express: Meeting Room. Fry, Leela and Bender do river-dance (Irish dancing) on the conference table. Zoidberg walks in, Bender moons Zoidberg firing a brick out of his ass at  Zoidberg, hitting him on the head knocking him over onto the ground.

Zoidberg: 'Ow! [He stands back up and walks back out of the room, and Bender goes back to dancing with Fry and Leela..]

Bender: 'See the way I fired a brick out of my ass at Zoidberg?

Leela: 'Yes.

Fry: 'Yeah.

Bender: 'It reminds me of the time I was thrown out of a night club by an Omicronian bouncer.

Flash back: Bender is thrown outside an Night Club into an alleyway by a male Omicronian bouncer with huge long horns wearing a black tuxedo and sunglasses.

End flash back: back to the present.

Bender: 'They didn't like my "Do The Bender Dance", saying I was knocking people over and stuff.

Fry: 'Yeah, somehow this reminds me of the time I ate an ice pop.

Flash Back: Planet Express Kitchen. Fry opens the fridge and takes out a green ice pop from the top freezer.

Fry: 'Mmm, Slurm flavor! [He takes a bite out of the ice pop, he screams, then his head explodes spraying blood everywhere.]

End flash back: back to the present.

Leela: 'That makes no sense.

Fry: 'What do you mean?

Leela: 'How does what Bender said remind you again of a ice pop, and how could that even happen, well unless it was full of explosives, which it couldn't of been because you're clearly alive and your head seems fine and unexploded?

Fry: '….. You're right Leela, this makes no sense.

Leela: 'Although it does somehow remind me of that time I was a lesbian with Amy.

Scene: Planet Express: Farnsworth's Lounge. Fry and Bender sitting on the couch high 5 as they watch Leela and Amy make out in front of the TV.

End Flash back: back to the present.

Fry: 'Those were hot times.

Bender: 'They sure were in this parallel universe.

Leela: 'Yeah, turns out I like men more. And speaking of men, Fry?

Fry: 'Yeah?

Leela: 'Wannna make out?

Fry: (excited) 'Ok! [Fry and Leela get off the table, and make out wrapping each others arms around one another.]

Bender: 'Oh, just leave me out. [He walks off in a huff, Fry and Leela begin taking their clothes off making out on the conference table.]

Scene: Planet Express: Corridor. Bender walks up to Zoidberg, mooning him.

Bender: 'Bite my shiny metal ass! [He farts a column of flame setting Zoidberg alight, who grabs a fire extinguisher, using it to put out the fire.]

Zoidberg: 'Bender stop that! [Bender burps flame setting Zoidberg alight again, Zoidberg uses the fire extinguisher again to put out the fire.] Now, come on!

Bender: 'Bender mad! [He craps a brick, picks it up and throws it at Zoidberg, hitting him on the head knocking him to the ground.]

Zoidberg: 'Ow! [Zoidberg stands up.]

Bender: 'That was fun. [He lights himself up a cigar using his middle finger as a lighter, then he walks off.]

Zoidberg: 'Instead of listening to 5 minutes of some obscure unpopular song that adds nothing to the plot if there is even a plot. Let's hear my like that time story or if you will random irrelevant cutaway joke. I remember the time Bender crapped a brick on me!

Flashback: Planet Express: Side (Lower) Balcony. Bender extends his legs, and walks over Zoidberg, and craps a brick, hitting him on the head, knocking him to the ground.

Zoidberg: 'Ow! [He stands up.]

End flash back: back to the present. Zoidberg is on the top of the Planet Express Balcony.

Zoidberg: 'Those were painful times. [A yellow robot chicken comes down in a parachute landing next to Zoidberg.] A yellow chicken and it's a robot chicken double reference. [There is a blinding flash of light above them, followed by the appearance of an U-J-Bender landing on top of the robot chicken, knocking him to the ground, U-J-Bender then picks up the robot chicken and throws him off the balcony onto the road where a hover truck rolls over him, crushing him.]

U-J-Bender: 'There I just saved you 5 minutes of a pointless and nothing to do with the plot fight scene. [He disappears with a blinding flash of light.]  

[End what-If scenario, back in Farnsworth's Lab.]

Bender: 'Well that was shorter than most.

Farnsworth: 'The key to random is not being random most of the time, therefore you don't expect something random to happen.

[Everyone hums agreeably.]

The End.