Fan Fiction

Slightly Delayed
By Rush

Scene: A hover-car flies over a line of traffic on the road and a police car chases it. Fry walks around a corner and sees a line of people outside a Suicide Booth.]

Fry: 'Hey! A phone booth! I can ring my nephew. [He joins the queue, then gasps noticing the person in front of him is the robot Bender.] Wow! Are you a real live robot, or are wearing some kind of cheesy New Year's costume?

Bender: 'Bite my shiny metal ass!

[Fry looks down at Bender's ass.]

Fry: It doesn't look so shiny to me.

Bender: Shinier than yours, meatbag! [He walks into the "Suicide Booth".]

[Cut to: Suicide Booth. Bender puts a coin on a string in the slot then pulls it out again and chuckles.]

Booth Voice: (female voice) 'Please select mode of death: "Quick and Painless" or "Slow and Horrible".

Bender: 'Slow and Horrible please, and I'll have electrocution with a side order of Seppuku! [Bender's whole body gets shocked with electricity getting him high.] (deeply) Awwwwwwwwww yeah! [A Tantō blade comes out from a hatch stabbing Bender in the chest, then proceeding to slice side to side through Bender's chest for several seconds before withdrawing back behind the hatch. Bender remains alive with his eyes narrowing angrily.] (shouting) Ah, come on! I payed you to kill me!

Booth Voice: (female voice) 'Sorry. Wanna pay me again to see if I can kill you?

Bender: (angrily) 'No! You're not getting any more of my money you so called cheap ass killing machine!

[He storms out.]

Cut to: Outside Suicide Booth. Bender walks out giving the booth a kick.

Fry: 'Hey! What happened to you?!

Bender: (angrily) 'Stupid Suicide Booth couldn't kill me!

Fry: 'What?! Suicide Booth? This isn't a phone booth?

Bender: 'No, they've been gone since.... I don't know how long. Anyway wanna go drinking?

Fry: 'Sure.

[Time Lapse.]

Cut to: Ships Cockpit. The ship clears New New York airspace, flies through the atmosphere and heads through the solar system. Everyone cheers.]

Fry: So, I guess, without jobs, we'll be fugitives forever.

Farnsworth: 'Not necessarily. Are you three, by any chance at all, interested in becoming my new spaceship crew?

Bender: 'New crew? Whatever happened to the old crew?

Farnsworth: 'Of those poor sons of-- But that's not important. The important thing is I need a new crew. Anyone interested?

Fry: 'Yes! Yes! That's exactly the job I've always wanted!

Leela: 'Thanks for the offer, Professor, but we don't have the proper career chips.

Farnsworth: 'Oh, that won't be a problem. As luck would have it, I saved the chips from my previous crew.

[He empties the career chips out of an envelope marked "Contents Of Thresher Maw Stomach".]

Fry: 'This is awesome! Are we gonna fly through space fighting monsters and teaching alien women to lurve?

Farnsworth: 'If by that you mean "transporting cargo" then yes. It's a little home business I started to fund my research.

Fry: 'Cool! What's my job gonna be?

Farnsworth: 'You will be responsible for ensuring that the cargo reaches its destination.

[The smile fades from Fry's face.]

Fry: 'So, I'm gonna be a delivery boy?

Farnsworth: 'Exactly!

[Fry looks sad, but then all of sudden looks very happy.]

Fry: (shouting) 'Alright! [He waves his hands in the air.] I'm a delivery boy!

Bender: 'Hey um, can I get my chest cabinet fixed up?

Farnsworth: 'Yes, I conveniently have a spare chest cabinet door for a Bending Unit back at Planet Express.

The End