Fan Fiction

The High South
By Rush

Scene: Port. The bass hangs from a giant set of scales. Mayor Poopenmeyer, photographers and other people are crowded around Bender.

Poopenmeyer: 'And so, in honour of his record-breaking catch, I'm proud to award Bender this cheque for $1000.

[He shakes Bender's hand and photographers take photos. The crowd cheers. The bass spits out Fry followed by Hermes' Manwich.]

Leela: 'It's you!

Bender: 'Hey, buddy!

Hermes: [picking up his Manwich.] 'My Manwich! [He takes a bite out of it]

Leela: 'Fry, are you alright? What happened?

Amy: What about Umbriel?

Fry: 'Well, um ...

Leela: 'What?

Fry: 'She didn't have the human lady part.

Amy: 'Oh, I was thinking of another reason?

Fry: 'What?

Amy: 'Well, I was thinking you wouldn’t get "excited" from seeing you in the showers, and seeing how small your--

[Leela elbows her.]

Amy: 'Ow!

Leela: 'How small your hair horn is!

Fry: 'Oh, maybe I should let grow longer then?

Leela: 'Well, I think it's fine, size doesn't matter.

Bender: [pushing past Amy] 'Ah, it's great to have you back, buddy.

[He puts his arms around Fry. Poopenmeyer looks at the scales.]

Poopenmeyer: 'Wait a-- This is no record! Gimme back that cheque! I'm giving it to some giant orphans.

[He snatches the cheque from Bender. Fry starts struggling.]

Fry: 'Ow! Bender, you're hurting me. Ow!

[He chokes. The bass' gills open. Zoidberg is inside.]

Zoidberg: 'Hey! I'm trying to sleep in here!

Leela: 'Ok, Bender. That's enough. [Bender continues.] Alright, you asked for it! [Leela presses his off switch from behind his back, and he falls over onto the ground. She then presses it again, Bender stands back up.]

Bender: 'Hey, that's not nice!

Leela: 'What would you know about being nice?

Bender: 'Well I-- shut up!

The End.