Fan Fiction

U-J-Bender Returns To Twilight
By Rush

Scene: Edward Cullen walks Bella Swan into his house to meet his family.

Edward Cullen: 'This is my fam-- [There is a blinding flash of light, followed by the appearance of U-J-Bender wearing sunglasses smoking a cigar holding a big laser minigun.]

U-J-Bender: (shouting) 'Bella duck! [Bella drops herself to the ground, then U-J-Bender proceeds to spin around in circles laughing evilly while firing his minigun spraying the Cullens with lasers vaporizing their bodies into dust.] The end! Those sparkly pansy ass fairy vampires are dead.

Bella: 'You... [She stands up.] you killed them.

U-J-Bender: 'Move on with your life and have some sort of dream. Now, I have a lot more sparkly pansy ass fairy vampires to kill.

[U-J-Bender walks out the door.]

Narrator: 'And so U-J-Bender traveled around the world of Twilight killing every last sparkly pansy ass fairy vampires in honor of true vampires that don't sparkle in the sun.

The End