Futurama

Fan Fiction

The Calm Before Anomaly's Beast Within Reveals Itself, part 2
By Rush

Scene: Our Motherboard of Mercy Robot Hospital. Cut to a room with Bender in bed, and a nurse hanging an IV of Olde Fortran malt liquor.

Bender: I' can't remember anything except a blinding light and a searing ass pain. I better check my black box.

Black Box: [Bender's voice.] 'The light! It's blinding! And the ass pain! It's searing!

Bender: 'So that's what happened.

Fry: 'Poor, Bender.

Bender: (mocking) 'Oh, poor Bender! (sarcastically) I really wanna see losers like you at my sick bed!

Leela: 'Bender that's just mean to your best friend, plus why are you actually acting like a jerk? And he is not a loser! .....

Bender: (thinking) 'Best friend? Pft! (speaking) Well he's got you that's one thing to argue his case. (quietly) But for how long? (shouting) Man, this a cheap crap sick visit. No one famous or Calculon or nothing, I mean c'mon?

Amy: 'Hey, we're here!

Bender: 'Well yeah, but you guys are stupid losers. [He points at Fry.] Especially him!

Fry: 'Hey! No I'm isn't!

[Calculon walks in with dozens of photographers.]

Calculon: 'Greetings, sick fan,

Bender: (gasping) 'TV's Calulon! [He coughs.] Calulon, what took you so long? These guys were boring me to the screen of death!

Calculon: 'I was held up. (melodramatically) You poor, [He kneels over Bender.] mangled husk of what was once a robot! What right hath fate to pluck a sweet, dimple-cheeked mechanism in the flower of his youth? [He stand up.]  And ... scene. There, that was some free acting for you. [The staff claps.] Ordinarily to acting like that you'd have to sit through a condom commercial.

Scene: Hospital Hallway. Judge Whitey is in a wheelchair and casts surrounded by photographers.

Calculon: 'That fulfill my community service, right?

Judge Whitey: 'Charges of running me over are hereby dismissed! [Bangs his gavel on his leg cast, which crumbles] Ow-we!

Cut to: Shopping Mall. Zoidberg is being drags away by two dark green robot security guards, that look like killbots with bending unit legs.

Zoidberg: 'I don't understand! I what have I done wrong?

Robot Security Guard 1#: 'You've taken free samples more than once for each stand for hours.

Robot Security Guard #2: 'And he's discouraging customers from coming here, because of the horrible smell off you!

[The two robot security guards throw Zoidberg out of the building and he bounces down the steps, screaming in pain.]

Cut to: Alleyway. A depressed Zoidberg walks down it.

Zoidberg: 'Nobody loves Zoidberg!

Scene: Planet Express: Meeting Room. Bender enters with Wheelchair-like wheels on his ass.

Bender: 'I'm back, idiots!

[The staff cheer.]

Fry: 'Yay, my buddy is back!

[Bender hangs his wheels on a coat rack.]

Bender: 'Yeah, relating to along the lines of whatever you just said! I feel as happy and gay as a Daffodil, and I owe it all to thinking about Calculon. His visit really inspired me. I finally know what I want to be when I grow up.

Hermes: 'An porn star in a robot porn movie?

Bender: (sad) 'That's a dream I'll never achieve. (upbeat) No. I'm gonna be a stalker!

Leela: 'That's not really a career. More of a felony.

Bender: [Bringing up a Calculon web page on the Professor's terminal.] 'Man, I'm gonna stalk your brains out. Oh! Big news on the Calulon Madhouse Fansite. There's a flash mob headed for his plastic surgeon's office!

Cut to: Doctor's office. A doctorbot is doing something with a wrench.

Doctorbot: 'There, that's a big as I can make it. But I caution you, it looks completely unrealistic.

Calculon: 'You let me worry about that. Just do your job.

Doctorbot: 'Very well. Will you be using your SAG insurance?

Calculon: 'No, cash. I'd like to be discreet.

[Door bursts open and a group of people and Bender takes pictures with his camera.]

Calclon: [pulling a sheet up over himself.] Dear God, no!

Bender: 'Neat!

[Bender takes a picture.]

Man somewhere in crowd: 'Get a shot of that!

Fatbot: 'Oh boy, oh boy, he's here.

Woman: (wearing a Calulon shirt and Calculon link antennas on her head) Calculon, I love you! Have my baby!

Calculon: 'Back, you lunatic!

[He smacks the woman in the face, pushing her to the floor.]

Woman: 'He touched me!

Bender: Oh! Sign my ass ...

[Calculon throws the doctorbot at the crowd.]

Scene: Outside Planet Express. The smelloscope in the tower moves around and there are the sounds of Farsworth sniffing.

Farnsworth: (shouting) 'Emergency! Emergency! Everyone to the calamatorium!

[Leela, Fry, Amy, and Hermes run in.]

Fansworth: 'Leela, smell this.

Leela: 'Um, Fry you smell it.

[Fry sniffs.]

Fry: 'Err, I don't know what this smells like.

Farnsworth: 'Angel dust! God!

Amy: 'Which would mean...what?

Farnsworth: 'Meaning that it is a discontinuous electromagnetic field. Ohhh, Wernstrom tried to warn me, but I was too damn stubborn! Hermes, get Wernstrom on the line so I can apologize.

[Hermes dials. Wernstrom appears on the screen.]

Wernstrom: (on screen) 'Ogden Wernstrom speaking.

Farnsworth: (whispering) 'Tell him I'm not here!

Leela: 'Professor!

Farnsworth: 'Oh, very well. (To screen) Wernstrom, I've been a vainglorious fool! If you can find it in your heart to forgive me, your tiny little heart, would you consider a scientific collaboration?

Wernstrom: (on screen) Sir, I'd be honored.

Cut to: Farnsworth's Lab. a finger pushes a button and a white circular field appears above a device.

Wernstrom: 'As I attempted to warn you, the laws of electromagnetism change abruptly at the anomaly. Observe.

[Wernstrom pulls out a tiny bot.]

Bot: 'Play time is fun time.

Wernstrom: 'Not this time!

[He throws the bot into the field where it disappears in a sizzling puff.]

Farnsworth: 'My heavens! If only I'd heeded your warning, I'd have known it was impossible to cross the barrier!

Wernstrom: [prying the lid off a barrel labeled Lab Animals] 'But note what happens when I instead use this laboratory koala.

[He throws the koala which passes through the field and out the window.]

Farnsworth: 'It passed through unharmed. [sound of koala hitting ground outside.] So living beings can enter the other universe, but electrical devices can't?

Wernstrom: 'My hypothesis exactly.

Farnsworth: 'The we must mount a second expedition without delay. Right after we blow up more robots.

Wernstrom: 'Agreed.

[Farnsworth and Wernstrom fling bots into the field where they explode screaming.]

Farnsworth: 'Play time is fun time.

Scene: Calculon's Bedroom. Calculon yawns and gets into bed. Bender is laying next to him smoking a pipe.

Calculon: 'Who are you?

Bender: Bender, [Tops up his pipe.] your biggest fan.

Calculon: 'Are you going to murder me?

Bender: 'Hmmm. [He puffs his pipe.] 'Unlikely. In my mind, we're friends. My willingness to share some of this good crap with you proves it, see?

Calculon: 'No thanks. But, your derangement is impressive. I'm appointing you my official stalker.

Bender: [shaking hands.] 'You shan't be disappointed. Pleasant dreams.

[Calculon closes his eye, the lights go out, Bender's eyes zoom in on Calculon's face, who open his eyes, then Bender's eyes zoom in even feather very close to his face.]

Scene: Outside White House. A Wooly Mammoth is eating grass on the front lawn.

Cut to: President's Oval Office. Farnsworth and Wernstrom stand before Nixon's head in a jar on the deck.

Farnsworth: 'Now that I've teamed up with my friend, Dr. Wernstrom, I feel certain we can successfully penetrate the other universe.

Wernstrom: 'It's the greatest scientific opportunity since you yourself sent men to the moon in 1969.

Nixon: 'I always regretted that. Nothing up there but dry rocks and those revolting onion men.

Farnsworth: 'But ...

Nixon: 'You East Coast intellectuals had your chance. Now beat it! From here on in, this is a military matter.

Scene: South Street space port where the Nimbus is docked.

Nixon: [addressing crowd] 'People of the universe, please welcome Rear Brigadier Zapp Brannigan.

[The Crowd cheers.]

Zapp: 'Thank you, thank you. Well deserved. [To Kif] Kif, stand in that hole so I look taller. [To crowd.] Ever since man first left his cave and met a stranger with a different language and a new way of looking at things, the human race has had a dream. To kill him so we don't have to learn his language or his new way of looking at things.

[The crowd cheers. Farnsworth and Wernstrom boo.]

Wernstrom: 'Give science a chance!

Farnsworth: 'Less invasions, more equations!

Nixon: 'Damn long-hairs. Knock some sense into them.....um err, Smitty and URL.

[Smitty and URL beat Farnsworth and Wernstrom with lightsaber bats. Pull back to  reveal Leela and Fry holding hands, and watching them being beaten.]

Fry: 'Should we do something?

Leela: 'I'd love to, but I don't want us to get are selves into trouble.

Cut to: Place in the crowd with Bender, Calculon, and Zoidberg.

Zoidberg: (crying) 'I don't know what do Bender. Should I ran away?

Bender: 'Now you're taking!

Zoidberg: (crying) 'I am?

Bender: 'Yeah. Now anyway, you should go, because no one will miss you.

Zoidberg: (crying) 'Then I will!

Scene: Nimbus preparing for departure. Zapp stands on a gangway waving with Kif and Amy in front.

Amy: 'Be careful, my little, teeny, greeny weenie.

Zapp: That's just a fungal infection .... Oh, she's talking to you, Kif.

Kif: 'Goodbye, my love.

[The Nimbus departs. Pan over to Bender and Calculon.]

Bender: 'Wow, how come humans get to do all the fun stuff? This is exactly the kind of thing that ought to be handled by (whispering to Calculon) The League of Robots.

Calculon: (laughing) 'That's adorable, Bender. You actually believe in the League of Robots?

Bender: 'You mean, there's really no such thing? Then who's there to mete out justice when an outdated robot is melted into belt buckles? Who's there to defend our honor when a rude human brings blush to a robo-virgin's cheek?

Calculon: 'No one.

Bender: (sadly) 'Oh.

[Bender sheds a tear. Cut to Amy watching the Nimbus fly away, she sheds a tear. Cut to Farnsworth still being beaten who sheds a tear. Zoom to rear of Nimbus with Zoidberg in "stowaway hatch 35" who sheds a tear.

Scene: Planet Express: Lounge. Bender is sitting down on the couch writing on a coffee-table with a candle and a quill pen.

Bender: (writing) 'Now that I know robots are worthless, with no League of Robots to protect us from the fleshy menace known as man, I have resolved to kill myself. In lieu of flowers, please beat yourselves in the face with harden polished sharped spiky chains. Your friend, Bender.

[Bender sticks the note on the TV with sticky tape.]

Scene: New New York City Street. Bender enters a suicide booth.

Cut to: Suicide Booth. Bender puts a coin on a string in the slot then pulls it out.

Booth: 'Please select mode of death.

Bender: 'Brutal barbaric savage butchering, please.

Booth: 'You have selected brutal barbaric savage butchering. For an additional ten dollars would you like your corpse to be burned afterwards with a flamethrower?

Bender: 'Ahh, what the heck, I'll treat myself.

Scene: Planet Express: Lounge. Fry  is walking into the room singing I'm Walking On Shine.

Fry: (stinging) 'I'm walking on shine, oh oh..[Sees the note on the TV, which he picks up.] (reading) Now that I know robots are, blah blah, I have resolved to kill myself? [He falls to his knees.] (screaming) Nooooooooooo! Benderrrrrrr!

Cut to: Nimbus which stops before the anomaly. An access port marked "Lint Trap" opens and Zoidberg, in a space suit, floats out. Jets fire and he heads towards the anomaly.

Cut to: Nimbus' bridge.

Zapp: 'Enemy in range. Prepare to launch universe-to-universe missile.

Kif: 'Preparing to launch U.U.M.

[Kiff breaks glass and pushes a button. A missile is loaded into a launch tube as crewmen run out of the way screaming.]

Zapp: 'Hell of a thing to send a universe to certain doom. Fun, though. Makes a man feel big.

Scene: Planet Express: Lounge. Fry is sitting down on the couch crying, Leela walks in.

Leela: 'Fry, are you alright baby? [She rushes towards him.] What's wrong?

Fry: (crying) 'Bender's gone![She sits down next to him, hugs him and gently pats him on the back.] Nooo.

Leela: 'There there, I'm sure he's okay.

Fry: (crying) 'You don't know that!

Leela: 'Oh cone on, he's probably just looking for attention. And heed surely laugh at you now if saw you like this.

Fry: [stops crying.] 'Yeah, even if he's gone. I think he would not want me to be a crybaby.

Leela: 'I'm sure he would. [She kisses his cheek.] And you know what?

Fry: 'What?

Leela: 'I'm sure that note is just a big fat lie.

Fry: 'Maybe, or maybe not.

Cut to: Suicide Booth. Bender taps his foot-cuff impatiently.

Bender: 'Come on, come on, I didn't ask to die of blue screen!

[The floor opens and Bender drops screaming.  Butcher-knifes, chainsaws, axes, spikes; plus a few other sharp objects cone out from behind the hatch, which swing and stab violently about. Then a flamethrower comes out, spraying hug amounts of fire for about 10 second, then stops going back behind the hatch.

Booth: 'You are now dead. Please take your receipt.

[The receipt falls on a huge pile of on fire receipts, which were never taken.]

Scene: Darkness. Bender is heard banging and crashing.

Bender: 'Ow... ow....ow...ow....ow....ow! What's ... What's happening?

[A candle is lit. Bender in on the floor surrounded by cloaked figures.]

Figure: 'Kneel before the candle.

Bender: 'Don't hurt me! I'll betray anyone!

Figure: 'Bender Bending Rodriguez ...[Bender whimpers. The figure removed his hood to reveal he's Calculon.] Welcome to the League of Robots!

[Bender gasps, sucking the candle out.]

Scene: Space. Zoidberg drifts up to the anomaly.

Cut to: Nimbus' Bridge. The missile is entering the tube.

Zapp: 'Ready? ... And .... F ....

[Kiff stops just before he presses the button. Zap laughs.]

Zapp: 'Almost fooled you there. [Kif sighs]. Fire!

[The missile jams in the tube. And alarms goes off.]

Female Voice: (OS) Missile jam. Missile jam.

Zapp: [Turning to a female crew person.] I heard you the first time, Francine.

Female: 'Sorry.

Zapp: 'Kif, climb down there and un-jam it, would you? Be a dear.

[Kiff sighs.]

Zapp: 'And stop sighing so much.

[Kif climbs into the missile tube and goes to work.

Cut to: Bender surrounded by cloaked robots.

Calculon: 'Tell us, Bender. Are you worthy of membership in the League?

Bender: 'Worthier than the average robot.

Calculon: 'Then prove it. [Gestures towards a rock wall that opens revealing a stairway.] Upon each step is a test.

Bender: 'Okay, but if it's culturally biased, I'm suing your ass.

Calculon: 'Test number one. The test of the beer mug.

Mustachebot: 'Quite right, quite so.

All: 'Drink the mug! Drink the mug!

Bender: 'I accept your challenge.

[He pours the beer down and throws the mug over his sholder. Robots cheer. Bender climbs up a step.]

Hedonismbot: 'The test of the flagon!

All: 'Drink the flagon! Drink the flagon!

Bender: 'Uh, are all the tests going to involve drinking?

Calculon: 'It never occurred to me before, but yes.

Bender: 'Woooo! Just like med school.

[Bender drinks the flagon as the robots cheer.]

Cut to: Nimbus Bridge.

Zapp: 'Ready yet Kif?

Kif: 'Just give me one more ...--[Zapp repeatedly punches the Fire button. The missile suddenly retracts it's support struts trapping Kif's hands. The tube door closes, trapping his feet.] Oh, no.

[The missile fires, stretching a groaning Kif.]

Cut to: League of Robots stairway littered with empty booze containers.

Billionairebot: 'The test of the infinitely priceless 1,000 year old brandy.

[Billionairebot places a single drop of brandy into a snifter. Bender drinks, crushes the snifter, the grabs the flask and drinks it.]

Cut to: Claculon who opens a door.

Calculon: 'Presenting our newest member.

[A group of robots cheer.]

Fender: 'That's right, baby!

Bender: 'Hot diggity daffodil!

Scene: Space. Zoidberg drifts right up to the edge of the anomaly and reaches out to touch it.

Zoidberg: 'So this is the last good bye, to every meal and everything I've ever eaten. (shouting) Wait a minute! They might have better food in there!

[He passes through the anomaly. The missile comes to a stop just about one meter to entering the anomaly.]

Kif: 'Oh thank God!..[The missile starts to move backwards.]...Ahhhhhhhhhh--

[The missile, being pulled by Kif, reenters the tube. ]

Cut to: Nimbus Bridge. Zapp is making himself a sandwich. The missile breaks through and we hear Kif go splat. Green blood splatters around the bridge some of it landing on Zapp's sandwich. Zapp takes a bite.]

Zapp: 'Mmmmm. Kif, get over here. You've got to try this!....Kif? Kif! [He turns his chair.] Oh, well you were a lousy weak soldier anyway.

Scene: Planet Express: Kitchen. Fry wears a tux standing up with his hand on Amy's shoulder, her and Leela are in black formal wear, Hermes is in a black suit jacket and plaid kilt. There is a jar of green goo on the table and Amy is sobbing.

Fry: (crying) 'Oh, this just gets worser and worser! First Bender, now Kif? (shouting) Why!

Leela: 'Fry, I'm sure Bender alright. I think that note is just away for him to getting attention.

Amy: (crying) 'Would you two stop, and help me in my grief?

Leela: 'Yeah, sorry. I'm sure it was a quick death, so he didn't go through that much excruciating pain for very long before he died.

Hermes: 'Not quite. Because according to the Old Farmer's Wikipedia, the fact about Kif's species is that they remains continue suffering for up to six hours after death.

Amy: (crying) 'That's so interesting! Yet, it makes me feel worse.

[Bender walks in.]

Fry: 'Bender? (shouting) Bender! You're alive! That note was just a big fate lie, like Leela said!

Bender: 'Hey it was no--yes it was. For all you know, I was here all the time, taking videos of you in the showers, and uploading what I got to my website www.randy-bend.com! [See's Amy crying.] What's her problem? Having her time of the month again or something?

Leela: 'Kif's dead, Bender.

Bender: 'Whoa shocking ,yet I kinda saw it coming.

Scene: The Planet Express Ship flies towards Amphibios 9.

Cut to: Funeral on the surface. Kif's uniform and urn are on a table.

Zapp: 'My condolences, Amy. Allow me to present you with the last known photo of Lieutenant Kroker.

[Hands her a framed photo of Kif in the process of getting smashed by the missile.]

Cut to: Mr. and Mrs. Wong with two clouds of hookworms.

Inez: 'We so sorry, Mr. and Mrs. Kroker. Terrible shame about Froggy.

One of Kif's Parents: Thank you for your kind words.

Leo: 'Yeah, yeah, real sad. Want some breath spray? Cinnamon flavor, tastes like pie.

[He sprays some at each cloud. The both start coughing as individual hookworms fall to the ground.]

Cut to: Table with Kif's urn. Bender places a wreath with the letters L.O.R. on it]

Bender: 'This is from the league of you-don't-need-to-know.

Grand Priestess: 'I am the grand funeral director!

Bender: 'Big deal! I'm in the League of rob--nan nan nan nan, nan nan, bump bump, bang bang!

Grand Priestess: 'Yes well..it is always a terrible tragedy when a swarm outlives it own bulboid. So it is with great sorrow that I now commit the goo that was once Kif to the petroleum of his ancestors.

[She turns the urn upside down and shakes it.]

Fry: 'Hit the bottle!

Leela: 'No! Whack it!

Hermes: 'No, from the bottom! It works better!

Amy: (crying) 'Just stick a butter knife in it!

[She sticks a butter knife in it and gets the last bits of goo out of it.]

Grand Priestess: 'There, I got most of it. The burial is complete. Now feel free to drown yourselves in free alcohol at the bar, to ease your pain, because it's happy hour.

Bender: [standing with his hand in the air] 'Woooooo! Amphibiosian funerals are the best!

[Bender runs towards the bar.]

Scene: Eve of Woods. Leela, Fry, and Amy sit in a line on chairs, Leela sits in the middle with Amy to her left, and Fry to her right.

Amy: 'It may sound strange but seeing Kif's mutilated remains poured into the mud made me really sad.

Leela: 'Mutilation is never easy.

Fry: 'Well of course it isn't, I know from personal experience. Like this one time on Decapod 10 when Zoidberg cut off my arm, fighting over a woman named Edna in Claw-Plach, who I didn't even want. And this other time when--

Leela: 'Fry! I loved to hear you stories later, but right now you're not really helping Amy.

Fry: (quietly) 'Oh-uh, I'll shut up then.

Amy: (crying) 'Oh, I.....I think I'll never love again.

Leela: 'Oh, you don't mean that. Love can surprise you at any time in your life.

[Zapp from behind them lies down on Leela's lap]

Zapp: 'Sure-[Fry pushes him off.]-Ahhh!

Fry: (shouting) 'Get off her, she's mine!

[Pull back to reveal Zapp laying face down on the ground. Leela kicks Zapp in the rip.]

Zapp: 'Ow!

[She turns to face Fry.]

Fry: (worriedly) 'I'm sorry about saying,  "she's mine" can you forgiv--

[She hugs him.]

Leela: 'Fry relax! I'm not gonna be mad at you for saying something instinctive. (sexfully) In-fact quite the opposite.

[She locks lips with Fry making-out with him. Zapp's eyes narrow.]

Cut to: Bender sitting at a bar drinking all sort of different kinds of alcoholic beverages each one he finishes he throws over his shoulder.

[He runs out of drink.]

Bender: 'Yo, barkeep! Keep em coming. (shouting) More drink!

Amphibiosian Bartender: (unenthusiastically) 'Yes sir. More drink.

[He places a dozen more drinks on the table. Bender burps out a huge amount of flame into the air, while Zapp walks up to him from behind.]

Zapp: 'So?

Bender: [drinking] 'Can't talk, drinking.

Zapp: 'Is Leela dating the hair pile?

Bender: [drinking] 'You mean Fry?

Zapp: 'Yeah, him.

Bender: [drinking] 'Yes! (shorting) Now go away! [He runs out of drink.] Need more drink!

[Zapp walks away.]

Zapp: 'This will not stand! She's rightful mine!

[The Amphibiosian Bartender places a dozen more drinks on the table.]

Cut to: Inside The Anomaly. Zoidberg floating in space beyond the anomaly. Lightening bolts zap from cloud to cloud.

Zoidberg: 'Where's the food?! [His space suit indicates an Oxygen system failure. Lightning strikes the display, shattering it.] Oh no!

Cut to: Cell Hall. Farnsworth and Wernstrom are in a cell in prison jump suits and chained together.]

URL: 'Look alive, death row. Your wrinkled asses got visitors.

Wernstrom: 'Hey! They may be old, but their certainly not wrinkled!

Farnsworth: 'Oh, Wernstrom please. Anyhoo, so are these visitors regulars or conjugates?

URL: 'They looked like a freaks to me. Well not so much the guy. But to be dating her? Yeah.

Scene: Visitation Room. The tables and seats are all transparent prisms. Leela and Fry meets with Farnsworth and Wernstrom.

Leela: 'The guard operating the x-ray machine came down with a sudden case of hard boot like impact in the crotch, so I was able to bring you that delicious cake you wanted.

Fry: 'My girlfriend is the woman version of Ranbo. Woo!

[Leela narrows her eye at Fry, who forms a worried face. She smiles at him, and he smiles back. Leela then sets a cake on the table, points at her eye, and blinks.]

Farnsworth: 'I don't understand. Are you winking or blinking?

[She sighs, while Fry winks.]

Farnsworth: 'Got it!

Scene: New New York Street. Bender enters a storefront with a sign that reads "Horse Repair".

Bender: 'Ah, Yes, I'm hear to repair my horse.

Horse Repair Bot: 'Is the horse's name (whispering) Hot Beans?

Bender: 'No. I mean, yes.

[Horse Repair Bot presses a button and Bender drops through a trap door.]

Scene: League of Robots Headquarters. Bender and a series of other robots drink glasses of wine sitting in a circle on comfortable armchairs. A fire is lit in the fireplace.

Mustachebot: 'So it seems I came across a human, who had been rather...what is it called..con.....con...constipated, yes that's it.

Calculon: 'Quite correct, sir. Blather on!

Mustachebot: 'He asked me...do you have any fruit I could eat? Turns out at the time I did have some oranges in-fact, I can't quite recall why...so I gave him the oranges, and then within I say about 10 minutes he emptied his bow--

Bender: 'I'm going to have to stop you there!

Mustachebot: 'Why?

Bender: 'No reason, I just needed to stop you there.

Mustachebot: 'So, can you sir ,come up with a better tale to tell us?

Bender: 'Yes, I can! There was this one time when a very stupid human challenge me in a drinking contest in a bar.

Calculon: 'Yes, go on.

Bender: 'Well first we started drinking beer, then onto sider, then wine, then whisty, and finally onto some banned off the market drinks. But by this time the human was barely  hanging onto life getting alcohol poisoning. Fortunately for him, but unfortunately for me, an doctor came into the bar, and pumped the alcohol outta him. Thus saving his life, but while he was pumping I stole both their wallets, and ran like Hell!

[The Robots laugh.]

Calculon: 'Bravo!

Mustachebot: 'Great show!

Billionairebot: 'Speaking of humans, have I shown you my new monocle? Cost me a king's ransom. Made from a king, don't you know?

Hedonismbot: 'Ohh, how repulsively decadent!

Billionairebot: Yes. But more importantly, it allows me to see the smiling faces of my children for the first time since I lose my vision in the horrible banking accident.

[Bender stands up and walks to Billionairebot.]

Bender: 'May I see that for a second?..[Billionairebot hands the monocle to him. He walks near to the fireplace pacing back and forth.]... My, but that's interesting!

[Bender throws the monocle into the fire, where it catches fire and melts away.]

Hedonismbot: 'I say!

Billionairebot: 'I'm blind!

Calculon: 'My God, Bender! This is a civilized organization! The rules specifically--

Bender: 'May I make a point of order, President Calculon?

Calculon: 'Must you?

Bender: 'Yes. The bylaws specifically state that no human may set foot in the League of Robots! And if he has a human part, he's part human!

Hedonismbot: 'Oh, my! Then I too have a human part I must expel. And I plan to enjoy the experience. Ta-ta!

[Hedonismbot walks off out of sight.]

Mustachebot: 'Bender, you've rigidly applied the law with no regard for its intent. Well done! You'll got far in this organization.

Bender: Oh, you're just getting to know Bender

Scene: Roof of Fulcrum County Prism. Farnsworth and Wenstrom have the cake on a table. Farnsworth pressed some of the candles in and the cake transforms into a smelloscope. Wernstrom sniffs.

Wenrstrom: 'Curses, if we could only turn up the gain, we might smell clear through to the other universe! But we can't adjust it without a screwdriver.

Farnsworth: 'Wait a moment. I think I was just shanked with a screwdriver!

[Farnsworth reaches around behind his back and, with some groaning, extracts a screwdriver.]

Farnsworth: 'Yes!

Wernstrom: 'A little more. ... A little less. ... Heavens to meteoroid! Smell this!

Farnsworth: 'Holy mother of invention!

Wernstrom: 'We must tell the president at once!

Farnsworth: 'But how can we?

[There is rapid laser fire shooting prison's guards, along with extremely loud sounds of explosions, as dozens of rockets fire hitting the fences of the prison, which the convicts storm out cheering. An futuristic Transport Helicopter, that has two gatlinguns in front firing lasers at the guards, who take cover. It flies over Farnsworth and Wernstrom.]

Man: [shouting from helicopter] 'We're lowering a lander down to you!

[A rope lander drops down from it, which Farnsworth and Wernstrom grab on to. It flies away]

Wernstrom: (shouting) 'Thanks. But who the Hell are you?

Man: [shouting from helicopter] 'Hired mercenaries to get you free from an anonymous secret admirer!

Wernstrom: 'Okay. But where will you go now after this?

Man: [shouting from helicopter] 'An terraformed, mildly inhabited not  very well known rock, that has life in the middle of a asteroid field, near Dogdo 7, close to the edge of the universe.

Cut to: Outside White House. Two gun mounts rise from the roof, the gunners fire at the Transport Helicopter, which returns fire with 2 rocket, hitting both gun mounts at the same time in an explosion. Then it lowers down Farnsworth and Wernstromm. The two jumps off the rope ladder, while the Transport Helicopter flies up the sky out to space, Farnsworth lands on his feet, while Wernstrom on his ass.]

Wernstrom: 'Ow! I'm okay!

[He stands up.]

Farnsworth: 'Wow! No wonder they call me the Catman.

Scene: President's Oval Office. Nixon is on his desk reading some notes.

Nixon: 'Sometimes ... Always ... Never! [Farnsworth and Wernstrom walk in.] You again? This better be damed important. I'm right in the middle of a Cosmo survey!

Farnsworth: 'You would want to hear this, Mr. President. For we have sniffed where no man has sniffed before!

Scene: Inside The Anomaly. Zoidberg floating in space, gasping for breath. He flies clear to the "clouds". A shadow falls over him and his eyes bug out, struggling to breathe. He drifts into a purple tentacled roundish planet sized creature. It's giant eye opens.

Thee Sorta End.

Buddies