Fan Fiction

Eye Problem
By Rush

Scene: Planet Express Ship's Basement. Fry sits on the floor watching a plasma TV attached to the wall near the stairs.

Announcer: (sexy female voice) And now we're back to Captain DOOP! Brought to you by Bachelor Chow, now with a free random porno DVD and even more flavour.  

[On TV, it is night time with the sounds crickets at a military camp-site.]

[Pan to a mobile home within the military camp-site where the sounds of snoring can be heard, and a man wearing a grey uniforms with a German helmet and a Nazi symbol on his right shoulder is smoking a cigarette outside the mobile home. Pan over to two soldiers at a searchlight in the middle of a circle of sandbags around them, the one the right is drinking out of a white mug of coffee sitting on a log while the one on the left also sitting on the log in front of the search light is asleep.

[Pan to six DOOP soldiers wearing woodland camouflage sneaking in bushes towards the camp-site.]

DOOP Commando: 'OK, we're at a Space Nazi cam-site we'll sneak into it and place bomb inside and then sneak back out again and then blow them all to hell.

DOOP Commando #2: 'Sounds like a plan. [Out of nowhere from behind them comes a huge man wearing a blue and red costume like that of Captain America with his hands on his hips.] Captain DOOP? Oh, no!

[Pan over to the two Space Nazi soldiers at the searchlight, the one the right drinking the white mug of coffee elbows the the asleep Space Nazi soldier next to him in front of the searchlight.]

Space Nazi #1: 'Wake up! [The one on the left wakes up.] I think I see something that is blue and red over in them bushes.

[Space Nazi #2 turns the searchlight over to where Space Nazi #1 is pointing at spotting and Captain DOOP and the six DOOP Commandos.]

Space Nazi #2: DOOP Soldiers!

Space Nazi #1: 'I'll sound the alarm! [He presses a round red button on the side of the searchlight. The alarm goes off. Pan over to the mobile home where dozens of Space Nazi soldiers run out holding blaster rifles.]

[Pan back over to the DOOP Commando and Captain DOOP ducking down under suppression fire.]

DOOP Commando #1: 'Way to go there Captain DOOP! They know we are here now, due to your stupid blue and red suit giving away our position!

[Pan back outside the TV, Fry holding the remote turns off the TV.]

Fry: 'Cheap rip-off of Captain America! [Fry leaves the remote on the ground, then stands up and walks up the stairs.]

Scene: Planet Express: Cockpit. Bender stands behind Leela at the wheel who wears her seat-belt. Outside the window Earth can be seen.

Bender: (teasing) 'Leela had sex with Zapp again, Leela had sex with Zapp again, Leela had sex with Zapp again!

Leela: 'Bender, shut the hell up! [Bender quietly goes back to his usual seat. Fry walks into the cockpit, and sits himself down in his usual seat next to the co-ordinates controls, he fastens his seat-belt.]

Scene: The coastline of New New York City appears on screen for around a second with the Statue Of Liberty briefly seen. Then the ship flies through the city passing by traffic jams in the sky,several billboards some of which are "Slurm""Bachelor Chow""MOM's Friendly ROBOT COMPANY" and"FLESHLO-POID DATING SERVICES". And then the PE Ship crushes into a blank billboard.

Cut to: Cockpit. Bender slowly slides down the front window.

Leela: 'Should of been wearing your seat-belt, Brender. [Bender falls flat onto the floor]

Bender: 'Well, you should of gone to specsavers. [He stands up.]

Leela: 'Hey, I got contact lens.

Bender: 'Yeah well, fix your depth perception. [Leela throws a magnet at Bender, which attaches itself to Bender's chest cabinet, and he start singing and dancing "Wild Rover"] I've been a wild rover for many a year And I spent all my money on whiskey and beer, And now I'm returning with gold in great store And I never will play the wild rover no more. chorus: And it's no, nay, never, No nay never no more, Will I play the wild rover No never no more. I went to an ale-house I used to frequent And I told the landlady my money was spent. I asked her for credit, she answered me "nay Such a custom as yours I could have any day." chorus I took from my pocket ten sovereigns bright And the landlady's eyes opened wide with delight. She said "I have whiskey and wines of the best And the words that I spoke sure were only in jest." chorus I'll go home to my parents, confess what I've done And I'll ask them to pardon their prodigal son. And if they caress (forgive) me as ofttimes before Sure I never will play the wild rover no more.

Cut to outside. The PE Ship lands inside Planet Express building's hanger doors

Cut to: Cockpit. Fry and Leela take their seat-belts off.

Fry: 'So how many billboards have you crashed into now?

Leela: 'Eh, about 90 over these past 10 years that we've been working together.

Bender: (singing) 'And I never will play the wild rover no more [He pulls the magnet off with a metal bar.] (normally) No, actually it's 91 Leela.

The End.