Futurama

Fan Fiction

Unfortold Story Of The Ramaness, part 3
By Rush

Scene: Fry's Original Universe: Planet Express: Hangar. Only one in the is room is Leela, who is sweating from struggling to unscrew a rusty nut with her bare hands from the ship's right port wing.

Leela: (shouting) 'Damn it Zoidberg! You just had to eat the only spanner we had left didn't you?

Zoidberg: (shouting from another room) 'Sorry!

Cut to: Lounge. Zoidberg and Bender simply sit opposite each other at a table next to a window; showing outside a beautiful sunny day.

Bender: 'Wanna play rock-paper-scissors again?

Zoidberg: 'Well...alright but you always win.

Leela: (shouting from hangar) 'Bender can you give me a hand with this?

Bender: 'Sorry, Doctor Jerkberg, you can polish my ass later.

Cut to: Hangar. Bender struts in towards Leela.

Bender: 'Wazzaap bossy boots?!

Leela: (unenthusiastically) 'Wassup-up...(normally) now will you please---

[Zoidberg, who is crouched down scuttles in towards them.]

Zoidberg: 'Whoop whoop whoop, whassup? [They ignore him.] (sadly) Aww.

[Bender detaches his left hand.]

Bender: 'Here you go.

[Leela crosses her arms, and narrows her eye to a slit.]

Leela: 'I need a hand, not literally a hand ,but as in help.

Bender: 'Help?! [He waves his hand.] Pft, forget that!

[Bender struts out of the room, Zoidberg vomits up a spanner, picks it up ,and hands it to Leela.]

Zoidberg: 'See? Zoidberg helpful, I vomited the spanner up for you.

Leela: 'Uh, thanks, I guess. [She unscrews the nut and replaces it with a fresh one.] (thinking) Where is Fry? I mean haven't seen him all this morning.

Cut to: Lounge. Bender lies on the couch watching TV.

Announcer: [sexy female voice-over; on TV.] 'And now boys, we're back to: All My Loose Bear Circuits.

Bender: Aww, this gonna be hot'o hots baby.

Scene: Awesome Express: Lounge. Fry, who holds a remote; sits down on the couch , and distorts a crevice shaped like Bender on it, then turns on the TV.

Announcer: [guffy voice-over; on TV.] 'Wah hey, we're back to are lowest rated, life wasting, and you learn nothing from TV show "Everybody Hates Hypno Toad".

Fry: 'Ahh man.

[He changes channel.]

Announcer: [guffy voice-over; on TV.] 'Not So Fair Justis, is brought to you by: Bachelor Chow, now with vegetables!

[On screen there is an round court room, which is in almost total darkness (it's only source of light is the moon's light sweeping through small holes in the ceiling) made up of limestone, setting in the Judge's chair is a Robot Judge, who resembles the medieval times Judge "Freethinker", with a white wig looks down on the accused gremlin like man, who looks very much like "Gollum, from The Lord Of The Rings" wearing a very badly ripped worn tux, and gray silk pants.]

Robot Judge: 'Sentenced to death! Let's get out of here already.

Gremlin: 'But you didn't even read my case!

Robot Judge: 'Take him away! [The Gremlin screams, as two huge shadowy figures in the darkness; with gray skinned thin hands, and long dirty black nails; drag him away out of sight.] And besides it's lunch time.

Announcer: [guffy voice-over; on TV.] 'Warning! What you have witnessed here is pure fiction, and does not relate to the real life's Justice System.

[He changes channel.]

Morbo: 'Welcome to the news at11:00 PM prophetic worthless Humans! Linda?!.....(softy) Lina? [He realizes she's not here beside him.] (quietly) Oh...right I forgot, she's sick--got a cold...[He sniffles; tears form in his eyes.] I-I yes, I have allergies, yes...it's just allergies. (shouting) Turn that camera off! Or I will destroy you!

[He reaches his hand graping the camera crushing it; the screen turns to static.]

Fry: 'Aww, man!

[The static on the TV changes to the Fox logo.]

Announcer: [voice-over; on TV] 'Due to technical difficulties, we now bring you eight reality show in a row.

[He screams, and quickly changes the channel.]

Announcer: [voice-over; on TV] 'And now a massage from your President Jack Johnson and Vice President John Jackson.

Fry: 'W--w-what?

Jack Johnson: 'Good evening my follow Earthlings, we have achieved much over these last few years--

[Fry turns the TV off.]

Fry: 'Okay, that's enough TV, I gonna see what's on TV. [He slaps himself.] No! I wont! Man, am I sleepy.

[He closes his eyes and falls asleep.]

Scene: Fry's Original Universe: Planet Express: Meeting Room. All the staff apart from Bender and of course Fry are all assembled sitting around the table.

Hermes: (quickly) 'Should we start without em? [Leela nods.] (normally) Okay, first order of business is--

Farnsworth: 'Good news everyone! I have some very bad news, such as we are in the conference room right now, and are about to have a exceedingly long and boring meeting. Which I will not be apart of!

[Farnsworth falls asleep snoring loudly and his chair (which has guns attached to, it in-fact it's the exact same chair as seen in "Roswell That Ends Well") hovers into the air into another room.]

Cut to: Lounge. Farnsworth, who is asleep snoring loudly hovers into the room in his chair and lands beside the couch, which has Bender lying on it, who is asleep, with the TV off.

Bender: (sleep talking) 'Kill all Human, kill all Human, kill all Humans...

Scene: Awesome Express: Lounge. Zoidberg, who is crouched down scuttles in.

Zoidberg: 'I'll steal food from the kitchen. He he! N

[He notices Fry lying on the couch; he quickly scuttles out of the room making whooping noises.]

Fry: 'Huh.....huh, what about whoop? (thinking) Man, everyone seems to be acting crazy, maybe Leela knows why, perhaps I should head over to her place? Wait! What did the Professor say again?

Professor: [Flashback Fry's Mind.] 'Now now now, remember Fry, blah blah blah, plah plah plah, waah waah waah,lah lah lah, you were killed by a young baby Space Grim Hornet Queen,blah blah blah.

Fry: 'And what did Igner say again?

Igner: [Flashback Fry's Mind.] 'Now now now, remember Fry, blah blah blah,  sub-basement, plah plah plah, meet me, waah waah waah,lah lah lah, that must be from some other parallel universe to mine,blah blah blah.

Fry: 'Eh, I won't take ether of their words for it.

Cut to: Outside Awesome Express. The storm has died down competently; Fry exits the building's front entrance, then crosses the street.

Cut to: New New York City Street. Fry walk down a pavement then rounds conner to come upon Leela's apartment.

Scene: Leela's Apartment Building Corridor. Fry is just about to knock on her door but hesitates.

Fry: (thinking) 'I can't just go in there, not after what happened last time. [Brief Flashback: Leela's Bedroom. Leela who wears her near-see-through pink sexy outfit from "Parasites Lost", her eye is narrowed angrily to a slit as she holds out his holophonor to Fry.] Lucky me, she never knew what I had to do to get red of them worms! I should of have told her. [He paces around outside Leela's door.] Come on! Think Fry, think, I know your not good at thinking, unless you get a headache with pictures, but for crap's sake think damn you! [Fry sighs.] (sad) Well I'll be more loser if I don't try at least.

[Fry knocks on the door.]

Leela: (crying/ shouting) 'Who is it? Go away!

Fry: 'Um, it's me F--

[Leela wearing pink panties and her unseal tank-top (though very low cut and a lot more revealing) and nothing more; her eye is bloodshot, with tears falling down her cheeks, as she opens the door.

Leela: (quickly/ crying) 'Fry?

Fry: (nervously) 'Uh...um....I... hum...hey.

[Leela places one hand each gently on to both of Fry's shoulders.]

Leela: (very very softy) 'Is it really you?

Fry: (nervously) 'I...um...Leela....I.

Leela: (overjoyed) 'Oh Fry! [She wraps her arms around his waste; Fry's eyes wild.] It's you! You're back! My immature childish goof-bag is back!

Fry: 'Huh?

[She takes him by the hand and forcefully drags him inside.]

Cut to: Leela's Lounge. Leela forcefully drags Fry into her bedroom.

Cut to: Leela's Bedroom. Leela pushes Fry on to her bed, then pouches on top of him.

Leela: 'You my love Fry, must be a figment of my imagination. But by God am I gonna make the best of it with you.

[She unzips his fly, but Fry zips up it up, then grabs her hand.]

Fry: 'Leela wait! Let's not do this.

Leela: (hurt) 'Why not?

Fry: 'Because, because, because, because.

[Leela smiles.]

Leela: 'Because you're you. That's all I need to know.

Fry: 'Well, yeah.... but I want it to be spacial. You know when he have few date first.

Leela: 'But we already went on dates and "did it" lots of times, Fry. You know when a man and woman love each very much they--

Fry: 'Yeah, I know Leela! I actually listened in class sex education! Wait! Did you say we "did it"?

Leela: 'Yep. And lots of times. [She take her bobbin out letting her hair down, then removes her   tank-top slipping it off, throws it to on to his chest(she wearing no bar which would mean...) leans closer to him brushing her lips lightly against his.] (sexfully) Want me to remind you?

Fry: 'You know I'm extremely tempted right now , but let's us wait a little bit before we go that far.

Leela: 'Why can't be like all the other Frys of my imagination, but you seem the most real that's oddest thing?...Well would you at least make-out with me?

Fry: 'Well I…[He wraps his arms around her waste.] I-I suppose we could do that.

[She nuzzles his neck giving it the odd kiss in places.]

Leela: (sexfully) 'Now remember my honey bun bun, if you change your mind, all you have to is utterly tell me "you want it" or tell me by impulse, either way is fine. [Fry's breathing becomes heavier has Leela lower her mouth over his.] (very softy softy) 'Love you.

Fry: (quickly) 'Love you too.

[She puts her lips against his and opens her mouth; Fry open his mouth too, to receive her tongue go into his. Leela moans loudly with longing as she make-out with him. Fry even has the nerve to lower a hand on to her bottom, which causes her to break the kiss and lean her head slightly back..]

Leela: (sexfully) 'Cheeky are we?

Fry: 'No! I'm sorry Leela. I shouldn't--

Leela: (sexfully) 'No no no, I'm not angry [She leans closer to him.] Not at all. You can do that all you want. [They both resume making-out, and roll about on the bed feeling each other up; Leela who's on top again removes his t-shirt slipping it off and throws it aside on to the floor.] Well if we're gonna make-out, we might as well do it the way Nature intended, none of that God intended crap.

Fry: 'Well, okay. But keep your underpants on, and I'll do the same.

Leela: (sexfully) 'Okay. Enough talk baby.

[She strips her pants off, and helps strip Fry's off for him, then places her hands on his chest. And then resumes making-out.]

Scene: Robot Arms Apartments: Fry's and Bender's Lounge. Bender with a shovel mixes a pile of cement with water, also laying bricks down on the almost finished wall against the front door which is almost blocked up.

Bender: (fearfully) 'Build a wall, build a wall, build a wall, build a wall--[He places one last brick on the wall filling the last gap.] And that's her finished.

[The TV automatically turns itself on.]

Announcer: [sexy female voice-over; on TV.] 'All My Tight Circuits, is brought to you by: Dad's Old Fashioned Robot Oil.

Bender: 'Oh, this is gonna be hots on the bun!

[He jumps on to the couch.]

Scene: Fry's Original Universe: Planet Express: Lounge. Farnsworth, who's asleep snoring loudly gets up off his chair, and sleepwalks out of the room waving fists, while Bender, who lies on the couch, who is also asleep, with the TV off.

Bender: (sleep talking) 'Kill all Human, kill all Human, kill all Humans...

[Leela walks into the room accompanied with Cubert and Farnsworth.]

Leela: 'Wake up!

Bender: 'Ahhhh! I swear officer it wasn't me!

Leela: 'We got a delivery to the planet Doom Puls Slow And Painful Death!

Bender: 'By my assy ass ass! I ain't going there!

Leela: 'Actually, we're really going to deliver well... porno mags to Mars University on Mars of course.

Bender: 'Yeah, well I'm still ain't going!

Leela: 'Fine! You say here and not get payed.

Cut to: Planet Express: Hangar. Klaxons beep and a huge piece of machinery lifts the Planet Express ship to a 45-degree angle. The entire rusty hangar roof begins slowly opening up.

[Cut to: Ship's Cockpit. Leela sits in the driver seat while Farnsworth's sits in Fry's usual seat, and while Cubert sits in Bender's usual seat; all have their seat-belts on. Bender enters.

Bender: 'Yo yo yo, what up meatbags? Hey get outta my seat!

[He pushes Cubert knocking him to the floor and then sits in his seat.]

Cubert: 'Dad!

Farnsworth: 'Eh, wha? Oh let the robot win son.

[Cubert sighs, then stands up.]

Leela: I thought you weren't coming?

Bender: 'Well a robot can change his mind can't he.

Cubert: 'Yes, you walking trashcan.

Bender: 'Exactly! Now let's get her ass in gear! Move aside big chest!

[He runs towards Leela, pushes her off the seat knocking her to the floor, then he sits in it himself.]

Leela: 'Ow! (angrily) Ohh you're gonna get it!

Cut to: Outside Planet Express. The hangar are doors half open and the ship blasts through them, leaving a hole in them.

Cut to: Planet Express: Meeting Room. Hermes and Zoidberg turn around at the table and see the hole in the doors and the debris on the hangar floor.]

Hermes: 'That's coming outta your pay, again!

[Zoidberg bursts into tears.]

Scene: Nimbus Bridge. Zapp plays rock-paper-scissors with a Decapodians male, who wears a Doop uniform sitting in a chair beside him just like Zapp's, while Kif looks at the radar, which beeps alarmingly.

Kif: 'Um sir we're picking up a huge unidentified--

Zapp: 'Not now, Kif! Can't you see I'm busy? [He opens the palm of his hand, while at the same time the Decapodians makes a scissors shape (That's pretty much the only shape a Decapodian can do in-fact it's always a scissors shape).] Ha! Beat my mighty paper!

Decapodians: 'Scissors!

Zapp: 'Dammit! You win again.

Scene: Planet Express: Ship's Laundry Room. Leela shoves Bender inside, who whimpers like a dog.

Leela: 'Now, think about what you did.

[Bender mutters curse words in Mexican.]

Bender: (thinking) 'Now, what did I do last this morning, yesterday? Is that what I'm meant to be thinking about? Ahh I think about it anyway.

Flashback: Robot Arms Apartments: Fry's and Bender's Lounge. The room is filled with smoke in the air, Bender lies on the couch with his mouth stuffed with cigarettes; Fry only wearing underpants and is unshaven walks out from the bathroom leaving the door open behind him.

Fry: 'Bender did you drink all my shaving foam and aftershave, again?

Bender: 'Yeah, I did, sorry. They had alcohol content in them.

Fry: 'Well, I guess it also serves me right, buying stuff that contains alcohol in the apartment of an robot.

Bender: 'Yep.

[Present day.]

Bender: (thinking) 'Ahh, I don't think I was meat to be thinking that. Ahh whatever, I just think about porn.

Cubert: 'Hey Jackbend, Leela said you can come out now.

Bender: 'Hot diggidy daffodil!

[Cut to: Ship's Cockpit. Bender enter the room everyone turns their head to face.

Bender: 'What?

Leela: 'What are you doing here? You punishment is not ov--

Cut to: Outside Planet Express Ship. A blue lazer hits the Planet Express ship's right port wing; a blueish wave of energy races across the ship.

Cut to: Ship's Cockpit. Bender lies on his back, struggling to get up waving his arms and legs as seen in "Crimes of the Hot".

Leela: 'Damage report!

Bender: 'I got ass whiplash! Also I can't get up! [He giggles.] Aww yeah, stop that, blue-wave!

Leela: 'Professor !

Farnsworth: 'Eh, wha?

Leela: 'Take over, I woman's the turret.

[Leela rushed out, while Farnsworth takes the wheel.]

Bender: 'Ahh, a little help here! Wait I think. [He rocks on his back, working his body with his arms and manages to roll over frontwards.] Hey hey hey, I did it. [He stands up.] Bender Bending Rodriguez in da house!

Cut to: Outside Planet Express Ship. Leela man's the turret, while a huge (around 300 times bigger then the Planet Express) circler grayish rusty ship that looks similar to a UFO (though with attachments that look like air balloons; which pop in and out of it in random places, held together by duck-tap in places, and with that can only be really described as thick loads of black steam spewing out of it underneath), lowers down over the immobile ship.

[Close up to turret.]

Leela: 'Why aren't we moving?!

Farnsworth: [on screen]: 'It appears what we were hit by was a EMP blast, which disabled all engines.

Leela: 'So, what we're sitting ducks then?!

Farnsworth: [on screen] 'Well yes, to put in the profoundly crude primitive works you said, yes we are sitting ducks. [His cellphone rings.] Hold on a sec, I'm getting a call.

Cut to: Cockpit. Farnsworth answers his cellphone.

Farnsworth: [on phone] 'Hello? Why aren't you ringing by video-phone?

Man: [on phone] 'All you're porno magazines belong to us.

Farnsworth: [on phone]] 'Wha? No, they don't! They belong to the hormonal frisky teenagers of Mars University!

Man: [on phone] 'Fire them out the airlock and there will be no trouble.

Farnsworth: [on phone] 'Right'o!

Cubert: 'Can I do it Dad?

Farnsworth: [on phone] 'Sorry son, [Cubert looks down sad.] Bender, fire them out the airlock.

[Bender mutters curse words in Mexican as walks out holding a small cardboard box.]

Cut to:Ship's Ejection. Bender pushes the cardboard box through the slot into the airlock, presses the eject button sending the box out to space, which is within seconds later sucked up by the UFO.

Cut to: Outside Planet Express Ship. A green lazer hits the Planet Express ship's right port wing; a greenish wave of energy races across the ship.

Cut to: Ship's Cockpit. Leela enters followed shorty after by Bender.

Farnsworth: 'All engines are back online.

Leela: 'Yes, but why did you give in to their demands?!

Farnsworth: 'Because they would surely beat us in a dog fight.

Cubert: 'Unlikely, I'm surprised that piece of junk can even fl--

[Outside UFO begins to go blurry and within a flash of blinding light it's gone; everyone gasps.]

Bender: 'Holy ass! Did you just see that?!

Cubert:'That's impossible.

Farnsworth: 'What did you just see?

Cubert: 'But Dad!

Farnsworth: 'What did you just see?!

Cubert: 'I've seen which is impossible until now the warpdrive, in other words light-speed.

Leela: 'So, what now?

Farnsworth: 'We head straight home, and don't bother telling Vernon what happened. Sure Mom's Friendly Delivery Company should take the contracted anyway.

Bender: 'Yeah, let's get outta here!

Leela: 'Do we still get payed?

Farnsworth: 'Yes yes, woman! You still get payed. (thinking) So much for Doop! Not helping us in are time of need? It's outrage I say! Incidentally,I wonder what Zapp Brannigan is doing right now?

Scene: Nimbus Bridge. Zapp plays rock-paper-scissors with the same Decapodians; Zapp has the palm of his hand open.

Zapp: 'Dammit! You win, yet again.

Cut to: Planet Express Ship's Cockpit. Farnsworth still has the wheel.

Bender: (thinking) Porn porn porn, that's all I think 'bout.

Cubert: 'I'm surrounded by idiots.

Farnsworth: 'I'm the Professor, and I wanna go home, and invent someting.

Leela: (thinking) 'I hope Fry is back when we return. But what if---nah he wouldn't do that. Oh,  I hope he's alright.

Scene: Parallel Leela's Bedroom. Leela, who is on top of Fry, pins him down as she has him in a locked kiss, while Fry feels both her hair and her back up and down.

Scene: Robot Arms Apartments: Fry's and Bender's Lounge. Bender pushes the couch against the brick wall against the fount door and then several other pieces of furnitures afterwards forming a barricade.

Bender: (fearfully) 'Reinforce the wall, reinforce the wall, reinforce the wall, reinforce the wall...The windows! [He runs towards the conner of the main lounge window, presses a button, and steal-shutters close up the window.] Now they won't get in that way, and eat my girder. The kitchen! [He runs over to the kitchen window, presses a button at the side of the window on the wall and steal-shutters close it up.] Few! Fry's room!

Cut to: Fry's Bedroom. Bender presses a button at the side of the window on the wall and steal-shutters close it up.]

Bender: 'Aww, all closed up.

[He yawns and then collapses on Fry's bed. Next door the TV automatically turns itself on.]

Announcer: [voice-over; on TV.] 'And now we're back to: Night Of The Living Robots Of The Undead., is brought to you by: Archduke Chocula, now in different  new flavour with white Chocolate.

Robot-Zombies: [on TV] 'Girders!

Scene: Awesome Express: Lounge: Late at night. Farnsworth, who wears a light blue sleeping cap with pictures of stars, and white pyjamas with pictures of famous mad scientists, sleepwalks into the room, and then briefly sits himself down on the couch, then gets up and sleepwalks out of the room. Then sleepwalks back into the room with his hand in the air.

Farnsworth: (sleep-talking) 'Good news everyone!

[He sleepwalks out of the room.]

To be continued

Buddies