Fan Fiction

Watching Nothing
By Rush

Opening Scene: Planet Express: Lounge. Fry, Leela and Bender are sitting down on the couch literally watching static making buzzing sounds on TV.

Fry: 'Uh, Bender can we watch something else?

Bender: 'No, I like this show.

Leela: 'Bender, come on this is just--[Farnsworth walks in with his hands in the air.]

Farnsworth: 'Good news everyone!

Bender: 'Oh, crap.

Farnsworth: 'I am going to send you on a suicidally dangerous mission or delivery that may very well claim your lives.

Bender: 'Fine, I'm tired of mine anyway.

Leela: 'I'm not!

Fry: 'Me too!

Farnsworth: 'Oh, wait. I said that earlier in the day. [He waves his hand.] So good bye. [He walks out.]

Bender: 'Well, that was pointless.

Leela: 'Bender, can we please watch anything that isn't just static?

Bender: 'Porn?

Fry: 'Maybe not the robot porn you like.

Bender: (angrily) 'What's wrong with it! I'm not watching the fleshy porn you like!

Leela: 'Guys! How about we watch the news?

[Fry hums and nods, Bender also hums and nods. Though when he nodded, it caused his head's socket to loosen, and his head to fall out onto the floor rolling along it coming to a stop near a wall.]

Bender: 'Hey, can one of you flesh-bags pick me up and stick me back on my body?

Fry and Leela: 'No. [Leela picks up the remote turning on a music channel called "NTV" showing Psyche Rock.]

Bender's Head: 'Oh, you bastards. Body? [Bender's body stands up off the couch.] Over here! [His body with it's arms reaching out runs towards Bender's direction running into a wall falling over onto the floor near Bender's Head' Fry and Leela laugh.]

Fry: 'Did you see that? He was all like boom, woom, bang, crash, and bam!

[Leela sighs covering her face with her hand.]

Leela: 'Yes, Fry. I've seen it and heard it without the sound effects.

Bender's Head: 'Stompy and Smash you let me down, you too my body! Now the ones that never fail me Grabby and Squeezy, reattach my head please.] His hands grab his head and reattach it. Bender stands up, and sits between Fry and Leela.] So what are we watchin'?

Leela: 'The news. [With the remote she turns on the news with Linda and Morbo.]

Morbo: [on TV] '… and that's why all the Human race must be annihilated!

[Linda chuckles.]

Linda: [on TV] 'In celebrity news Zappariah Brannigan has written a new book, called--

Morbo: [on TV] 'Which is as poorly written as his last one "Zapp Brannigan's Big Book of War". Just like all Human literature!

Linda: [on TV] 'We now go live to Zapp Brannigan's Bedroom on the Nimbus.

[The screen changes to show Zapp in his bedrom wearing his velour pajamas on screen lieing on his love heart shaped bed.]

Zapp: [on TV] 'Hey sexy ladies! Check out my latest sex novel "Purple Haired One Eyed Lady" in the book it will tell how I made love at Leela, a sexy babe, with a fine pair of boo-- [Leela turns off the TV.]

Bender: 'Hey, I was watching that!

Fry: 'Just how is this guy a general?

Bender: 'Yeah! Like I have never seem him fighting with us when we were on Spheron 1 against those balls or Spheroids or whatever?

Leela: 'Because the Doop is corrupt, no thanks to Nixon; and needs someone like Zapp, who is an idiot and thus is easy to control.

Fry: 'Yeah, what really confuses me about living in the future is that … Where's all of Doop's fleets of space war-ships?

Bender: 'What are you talking about Fry? The Doop does have fleets?

Fry: 'No, I mean where's all the big ass battle cruisers and Juggernaut war-ships like from Star Wars or something like that? … I know, there's the Nimbus but what else is there?

Leela: 'Well, it's Zapp's fault, before he was made the highest ranking General in the Doop. We had massive huge fleets of big war-ship like you said Fry.

Bender: 'And tens of thousands of them.

Fry: 'So what happened?

Leela: 'You see when Zapp got in charge, he wanted the only big war-ship in the army of Doop.

Fry: 'Why?

Leela: 'Because he didn't want any other ship bigger than his own the Nimbus. So he had all the other big war-ship of Doop's fleet to be destroyed, sent into black-holes.

Bender: 'Just like what he did to the Titanic. It was bigger than his Nimbus.

Fry: 'Maybe that's was is reason.

Leela: 'Not only that but the deaths rates of soldiers sky-rocketed at war.

Bender: 'Less Humans is a good thing.

Leela: 'No it isn't … Besides women weren't and still are not allowed to become soldiers in the Doop anymore?

Bender: 'No-one cares.

Fry: 'I do.

Bender: 'Well that's just you.

Leela: 'Not all men are like my sweet baby Fry.

Bender: 'Oh, here we go again with the loving and kissing crap! Y'know you two have been very boring lately since that opera last week. [Fry and Leela stand up off the couch, take hold of each others hands, and walk hand in hand out of the room.] Finally! [He puts his foot-cuffs up on the couch, lying himself down on it, then picks up the remote and turns on static.] (relaxed) Ahhh!

The End