Planet Express: The Final Story
REMEMBER THIS: THERE ARE WAYS TO TRANSLATE EVERYTHING IN THIS STORY... EVEN
WHAT THE CREW ARE SAYING WHEN GAGGED!
WARNING!!! THIS FANFIC IS VERY VERY VIOLENT AND BLOODY AND HAS SWEARING
UNDERNEATH THE FOREIGN LANGUAGES.
BASED ON BATTLE ROYALE.
The Planet Express ship zoomed by. All the crew were there - they weren't on
a delivery, they were on a holiday. They were on their way to the planet Holidas
2, a holiday planet as you can imagine.
The MOMCorp ship passed by.
"Ha! We've got them now!" Mom laughed.
"Who Mother?" Walt asked.
"That damned Planet Express crew!" Mom replied. "For years I've
tried to get rid of them, but now I have the solution!"
She approached Larry.
"Activate the sleeping gas bomb."
In the Planet Express ship, Bender was drinking, Fry was wandering around,
Leela was controling the ship, Amy was pressing buttons making it seem like she
was doing something, Zoidberg was hunting around the garbage bins, Hermes was
doing some filing stuff, Scruffy was sweeping and Farnsworth was sleeping.
"Amy, what exactly are you doing?" Fry asked.
"I'm working very hard. Don't put me off."
"Looks a little random if you ask me."
"Fry, you think the Leaning Tower Of Pisa was random. Now please leave
"You ARE just pretending to press that button."
"I'm not pretending to push it. I am pushing it."
"It's the self-destruct button."
Amy hesitated a bit, then walked off, cursing in Chinese.
However, the one button she did press was making the Auto Pilot talk in German.
"Auto Pilot, can I get a map of this place? I have no idea where we are."
"Ich denke nicht so, Weibchen, tue es sich."
"Spielen Sie nicht Verzögerung mit mir, Weibchen, ich zerstört
Ihren traurigen Weibchenesel!"
"Could you please speack English?"
"Fine! Screw you anyway!" Leela snapped, then continued working the
ship in a fowl mood.
Just then, something hard hit the ship and exploded, sending the ship into
"Oh no! Auto Pilot, what the hell was that?"
"Wie das bumsen sollte ich Sie kennen stummes weibchen, warum Sie an mir
Sie immer meckernd stummes bumsen!?"
Gas was starting to fill the ship. This didn't affect Farnsworth as he was
already asleep, but all the others slowly fell into the land of nod.
They woke up in a room. They were tied to chairs (or held onto them with metal)
and everyone except Farnsworth woke up. Leela tried to say something, but then
realised she was gagged. Everyone else was too. She tried to get out of the chair,
but of course that was impossible.
Mom walked into the room. They all tried to gasp.
"Hello dears. Looks like you're all in deep Scheiße now!" she
"Ppmppfppm! Fppmfpmpppffmpp fmpmfpmpp mfpmpppmfpmf mmmpffmpp fppmpp!?"
"I'm sorry, I didn't understand that!" Mom teased.
"Mpffmfmmfpmp ffmppffmf mmpmfffmpmmfmfp! Pmfmppfmp fmffmm mfmppf!"
"Anyway, you may have noticed the metal collars around your necks,"
Mom started. Leela felt for this collar - no, she hadn't noticed. But it was there.
"I'm going to make this quick, brief and to the point. I'm forcing you to
kill each other on this little island. You have 24 hours and if there's more than
one survivor, these collars will explode. Once you are on the island, you cannot
come anywhere near this building or your collar will explode. Last survivor wins
"Mpffmfmmfpmp!" Hermes mumbled.
"And to prove we're not joking, let me show you something. Bring him in."
Larry, Walt and Ignar came in, holding Farnsworth.
"Let me go, dammit!" Farnsworth yelled.
Mom pulled out a gun.
"You're all gonna have to do this to each other. Hubie, got anything to
say?" Mom asked.
"Go to hell you ugly skank!"
"You first," Mom said, and that was it. She aimed at Farnsworth's
head. She fired several times.
Blood and bits of brain flew everywhere. Bits of his face flew onto Fry's lap.
When the firing stopped, a mushy greyish purple liquid was pumping from Farnsworth's
head, as well as large amounts of blood. Amy was on the verge of tears.
"On your way then!" Mom said cheerfully. "Oh, and by the way,
this is going to be on live television, so don't embarass yourselves!"
They were all picked up by their chairs and dragged into seperate parts of
the island by helicopter.
They were ungagged and 'untied'. They were given different weapons.
The game began.
Fry was dumped in the forest. Leela was dumped on the beach, directly underneath.
Fry was running through the trees and bushes in a vain attempt to get there.
Leela won't want this. We need to find a way out of this. Together.
Fry was running and running - suddenly, he fell. He fell from a small cliff
onto the beach. He hit a rock, which tore skin from his face. Blood splattered
on the sand.
Leela heard Fry moaning in pain. She went over.
"What happened to you?"
"I dropped from up there..."
"Do you want me to put you out of your pain?"
"Fry, you're in obvious pain."
"It's OK, Leela," Fry said, getting up slowly.
Leela looked up at the sky. She couldn't believe this was happening.
7 employees remaining.
She spotted Hermes. He was approaching them with an axe.
"Quick! Fry! This way!" she hissed, grabbing him by the hand and
running off in the opposite direction. A camera followed them.
"Wait, you two!" Hermes yelled.
"Is that Hermes!?" Fry asked, blood dripping from his cut.
"No, it's some kind of robot!" Leela replied. When she was sure she
had dragged him away enough, she stopped.
Then, she kissed him. Tongue kissing, I mean. Fry was suprised, but went along
with it. Blood smeared across her cheek.
She stopped. "I would do more, but the whole world can see us," she
"What do you mean?" Fry asked.
Leela shook her head, then pulled out her weapon - a knife. She stabbed him
in the leg.
"AAARRRRGGGHHH!" Fry yelled.
She pulled the knife out and he backed off. Blood pumped from the wound and
his bone with sticking out. She ran at him again.
BAM! Right in the stomach this time, she pulled it out after 2 seconds. Fry's
face went pale and blood and other stuff fell from the hole and splattered on
Fry knew he had to do it. It was him and her. He pulled out his weapon - an
SMG. Leela realised the trouble she was in, so she ran round the corner and sprinted
across the beach. Fry fired away but missed. He ran after her and fired again.
This time, he got her several times in the arm. Blood flew from the bullet holes.
She ran behind a rock, and when Fry slowly aprroached her she shifted about. She
crept around, raised the knife and slashed Fry's back. Blood sprayed onto Leela
and soaked her top. Fry groaned, then fell to the floor. Blood stained the rocks
and sand. It was obvious he was dead.
6 employees remaining.
Hermes heard Fry screaming, and was running along the beach, following the
trail of blood splattered everywhere.
Goddamn, he's gonna need to write a hell of a lot of paperwork to explain this
Hermes continued - and saw Fry's cut up bloody body.
Great, even more paperwork. He got out a piece of paper, burnt it and threw
it on the ground.
"Bye Fry," he sighed. "But you're not getting your last pay
Amy was in a lighthouse. She had a flamethrower - and she had Scruffy in plain
sight. From here, she could see he had cricket bat. She couldn't get him from
here, but he was coming into the building. She could kill him, she didn't even
know who the hell he was.
"Scruffy's coming..." she heard him mumble. She held out her flamethrower
and waited by the door.
She heard him go up the stairs.
She waited. Her palms were sweaty. Scruffy was outside the door... she thought.
She felt a whack on her back.
"AARRGH!" Amy screamed.
Scruffy whacked her round the head, sending blood from her nose over the windows.
Zoidberg, who was standing outside with no weapons but his claws, noticed.
"Yikes! An attack it is!" he exclaimed, and ran away 'wooping'.
Amy attempted to get back up, but Scuffy whacked her in the face several times,
blood splattered in all directions. He whacked her eye out and squashed it. A
thick white fluid was splattered across the floor.
Scruffy decided to finish her off. He ran at her at whacked her several times
very hard - so hard that half her head flew off and flew across the room. A thick
purple substance was pumping from her ear. Blood soaked Scruffy and stained the
floor. He picked up her flamethrower and went out the building.
5 employees remaining.
Leela was walking across a newly found road. She saw a barn up ahead. Maybe
there was something in there.
She went into the house, into the kitchen and there was Bender with the fridge.
"Ah! Don't turn on the lights!" Bender exclaimed.
"Bender! What the hell are you doing?"
"Nothing!" he said, moving away from the fridge. "You can turn
the lights on now."
She turned the lights on.
"Bender, what were you doing to that fridge?"
"No, what were you doing to, or with, that fridge!?"
There was a THUD on the roof. They both fell to the floor and became silent.
More thuds on the roof. They were getting closer.
On the loudest thud, it stopped. There was someone, or something, on the roof.
It shuffled about a bit.
The thing dropped down into the building through a hole in the ceiling. It
had a gun - a long gun. It was in the shadows, so neither Bender nor Leela could
see what or who it was.
It walked around, scanning the room. Leela now went so low she had her cheek
to the floor. Bender hid himself in his chest - making him look like a trash can
- but in the attempt he hit the table leg.
It span around. Leela could now tell it was a man - it came closer and was
now out of the shadow.
It was Scruffy.
Scruffy was now right at the table. Leela could now only see his legs. She
was running out of breath - she had to keep breathing slowly, but she needed to
breath like normal - but she couldn't, Scruffy would hear her, and she wasn't
sure if Scruffy was on our our side or not.
Scruffy looked around. Then looked under the table.
Leela didn't think. She took out her knife and stabbed him in the leg. Blood
splattered on the kitchens silver floor. She got up and ran.
Scruffy moaned, then pulled the trigger of his flamethrower. Fire shot out
at Leela, just missing her. She ran into the forest and Scruffy fired again. The
trees out front set alight - the fire was spreading quick. Leela sprinted as fast
as she could around the forest, tripping over many things. She could hear Scruffy
firing more fire behind her.
The fire was spreading across the forest and black smoke was filling the air.
She fell to her knees, coughing and spluttering.
Scruffy came up behind her.
"No more weapons. Scruffy's got the upper hand now," he said.
He was wrong. Leela pulled out Fry's SMG and fired at him. Blood splattered
over the mud, grass and trees. Scruffy swore, then fired again. The flames nearly
hit Leela - but instead they set the trees in front of her alight. She was about
to faint... when water gushed from the left and put out the flames. Leela looked
around - it was Bender with his 'hose-arm' thingimijig!
"Hey, meatbag. Saved ya."
"Bender! Thank you!"
"A-hem," Bender held out his hand. Leela frowned, then gave him $25.
"We need to get out of here..."
"Scruffy? Where the hell is Scruffy?"
"He ran off like a little sissy. He must have thought he killed you."
"Come on. Let's get back to the house thing."
5 employees remaining
Hermes had just seen him! He had just spotted Zoidberg! By the lighthouse!
He didn't know where he had gone, but he was here. Goddamn, he was gonna axe him
He was running after him when he noticed blood splatter on the windows of the
lighthouse. He opened the door and climbed the stairs outside the room.
He gasped. Blood was running from uder the door to the middle of the stairs.
He held his breath and entered.
It was horrible. Amy's corpse was there, with only half a head. The other half's
eye was missing. Purple squishy liquid was spread over the place and blood was
splattered everywhere. Her right leg was bent the other way and was bruised and
broken all over.
Hermes got out a piece and burnt it.
"Bye bye, Amy," he sighed. "No last pay cheque for you either!"
He noticed a large locker - it was locked. Dammit.
He picked up his axe and whacked the locker several times. After a while, the
crumpled door just fell off. Hermes looked inside. There, in perfect condition,
was two mini shutguns. Goddamn, weapons in this game are old fashioned!
He got a rope and tied the axe to his back, just in case he ran out of ammo.
Which might not be a problem, seeing as the locker was also chock full of bullets.
He loaded the shotguns, stuffed the ammo in his pocket and went out the other
He sighed, then sniffed. He could smell smoke. He looked up - black smoke filled
the air - from the forest. He didn't know why. Maybe he was mad. Maybe it was
because he had two shotguns, he thought he was invincible. But he went into the
forest. Hopefully someone was there.
5 employees remaining
Zoidberg was eating at the scrap yard.
"Aaah, heaven this is!" he said, munching on rotten tuna. He did
know about the fire, but he didn't care. Who needed them anyway! "They are
useless they are!"
Just then, a thought struck him. What if he killed the rest? Then he could
go back to Planet Express and own the company... and be rich!
"Zoidberg! I'm a genius, I am!" He exclaimed.
5 employees remaining
Hermes approached the house with the barn. He saw Leela at the window - aha!
She ran from him, so Hermes came to the conclusion that she was the enemy. He
ducked and walked round the back of the house. Of course, Bender was already there
smoking a cigar.
"Hey there, meatbag," Bender said. "Prepare to die!"
Hermes fired at Bender, leaving holes and dents in him. Bender fell to the
floor, groaning. Wires fell out and oil splattered on the grass.
Hermes went into the kitchen. Leela was there sorting out an SMG. Hermes tried
to sneak up behind her, but Leela turned around.
"Hermes, what are you doing here? Where's Bender?"
Hermes didn't answer the question. He squeezed the trigger. Leela saw that
coming, so she ducked. She kicked him in the stomach and he went flying into the
living room. She finished with her SMG and ran into the room, firing widly in
Hermes' direction. She hit him a few times. He fired back at her. Bullets, paper
and blood flew everywhere. Leela jumped in front of the television, picked it
up and threw it at Hermes. It smashed on his head.
"Aaah! You bi..."
"Shut up!" She fired at the television, sending Hermes flying into
the sofa. She ran out of the room.
Hermes got up. Ow. Blood was splattered over his face, the windows, the TV...
damn. This really hurts. He picked up his shotguns and went out the room.
He didn't know where Leela went, so he had to be careful. He knew how strong
and deadly Leela could be. And he had a hunch it was her that had killed Fry.
He went into the bedrooms. Nothing, except the second one had a porno mag on a
desk. He went out of the room, staring at page 3.
Leela dropped down a bit. She was hanging upside down, right behind him. She
felt her pockets, looking for her knife - but of course she had left it in Scruffy's
leg. She got out her SMG... and dropped it.
Hermes turned around. He saw nothing, except the SMG on the floor. Leela had
pulled herself back up (from the attic).
Damn! He had picked up the SMG.
Hermes walked out the back door, stepping over Bender. Everything was silent.
Leela was in the kitchen, looking in the drawers for a weapon of some sort.
She only found a fork. It would have to do. She snuck up behind Hermes and stabbed
him in the top of the head.
"AAAAAAARRRRRRGGHH!!!" Hermes yelled. Blood stained the grass and
fell onto his shirt. He turned around and whacked Leela in the face. She stole
the SMG and fired at his legs. Blood and bone flew everywhere as Hermes screamed
in pain. Bits of flesh splattered on Leela's face.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGHHHH!!!" Hermes screamed.
"What the hell were you trying to do!? You asshole!" Leela yelled,
whacking him in the face several times with her SMG, sending blood everywhere.
Zoidberg jumped out from behind a bush, making them both jump. Leela took Hermes'
shotguns and ran into the house.
"Dr Zoidberg! Help me!"
"Ha! Not a chance my friend."
"What the hell is wrong with you, mon?"
"Nothing! But I'm a doctor, and I can tell the only thing wrong with you
With that, Zoidberg spread out his claws and swiped them at Hermes, slashing
his throat. Blood pumped from the slash like water when the bottle is turned upside
down. His bone was showing. Zoidberg broke the bone, taking Hermes' head clean
off - well, messily off.
Zoidberg 'wooped' then ran into the house to get Leela. He tried, anyway, but
Bender got up and punched him in the face. Zoidberg ran off before Bender could
use his Laserrat. The Laserrat was the only laser gun that anybody got. It could
melt the enemy in a matter of seconds.
He turned around, then looked back. He fired at Hermes' corpse, melting the
4 employees remaining.
Zoidberg may have failed to kill them all, but he did kill Hermes - the one
that was really nasty towards him.
He chuckled, then laughed, and didn't stop laughing until he felt a hot sensation
run down where his spine should be. He turned around.
Scruffy was aiming his flamethrower at Zoidberg.
"Scruffy's gonna make a lobster soup outta you."
"Scruffy! My friend it is!"
"Yes! The others tried to destroy me, I only just got away!"
"Oh. Scruffy doesn't feel pity."
"Well, to hell with you then!"
Zoidberg jumped at Scruffy. Scruffy knew that if he set him alight, he would
land on him, setting him alight too. Instead, he whacked Zoidberg around the face,
sending him flying backwards.
Zoidebrg did have a gun earlier, but he couldn't use it due to his claws. He
tried jumping Scruffy again, and this time when Scruffy attempted to whack him,
he took the gun apart. Scruffy retreated and Zoidberg gave chase.
Scruffy remembered he had the knife that Leela had implanted in his leg. He
got it out and threw it at Zoidberg, getting him in the arm.
"Aaaaaaaaah!!!" Zoidberg exclaimed, "The pain, oh, the pain!"
"Sadistic lobster. Scruffy don't like lobsters."
"You idiot! I am your friend, I am!"
"You tried to attack Scruffy. That bullshi..."
"Silence! You are unarmed! Get you now I will! Wooooo!"
Zoidberg ran at Scruffy and slashed his stomach. Scruffy screamed in pain.
Zoidberg then got out Scruffy's cricket bat.
Dammit! Scruffy thought. "I forgot about that!"
Zoidberg whacked Scruffy around the head several times, then once more so hard
that he broke the bat. Scruffy's head was now a bloody mushy pulp now, and most
of his brains were splattered across the mud, but he was still on his knees. Not
Zoidberg put his claws into his stomach via the hole he made (blood gushed
out), twisted it about (more blood gushed out, as well as some guts) and RIP!
(blood flew EVERYWHERE, his stomach flew EVERYWHERE) Scruffy fell to the floor.
If he was still alive, which wouldn't have been possible, Scruffy would have
drowned in his own blood. As Zoidberg moved on, he noticed that the blood went
up to his ankle.
3 employees remaining
Leela was in the living room, trying to fix Bender up.
"I hope Fry comes soon," Bender sighed.
Leela gasped. She forgot all about Fry. She couldn't believe that she had killed
Fry. How he had tried to help her, but she responded by sticking a knife in his
"Yeah, me too," Leela replied.
"Have you seen him?"
"I saw him, but when I yelled to him, he ran off."
"Didn't he see you?"
"I hope he's all right..."
"This is very un-like you, Bender..."
"Yeah? Well maybe it's coz my best friend may be dead!"
"And even worse! It'll be because one of us have killed him!"
"That's not true."
"He may have taken a fall, or something."
"But I'm not saying he's dead!"
Bender stared at Leela.
"Are you lying?"
"My lie detector says you are."
Bender pulled out a device that read 'TRUE - UNREADABLE - LIE'. The pointy
thing was poining at 'LIE'.
Leela knew he was on to her. She ran into the kitchen.
"Come back here, Leela!" Bender yelled. He got up and ran - directly
in front of a smashed up microwave that was switched on. Leela was holding it.
Bender's body parts went into a frenzy. Everything suddenly got too hot... and
Bender fell apart.
Leela spat to her side and threw the microwave on the floor. She had a hunch
that would work.
2 employees remaining
"Ok... Bender, Fry and Hermes... so, that makes Scruffy, Amy and Zoidberg
left... unless others are dead," Leela said to herself.
Suddenly, there was an explosion next to the house, knocking Leela to the (oil
splattered) floor. The door swung open and fire came in. The place was burning
up fast! Leela got up and ran out the back door. The whole place was on fire in
a matter of seconds.
Another explosion on top of the house, sending fire everywhere. Leela ran to
the front of the house - and there was Zoidberg.
"The doctor burned the house!!!" he yelled.
"You lobster jerk!" Leela snapped.
She got out the shotguns and fired away. Zoidberg ran off, narrowly avoiding
the bullets. He ran behind Leela and tried to cut her head off, but she turned
around and whacked him in the face. She fired at his legs, sending him to blood
"Any last words before I kill you?" Leela asked, teeth clenched.
"How about we tell each other what we've done, or who we've killed?"
"Fine. You first."
Zoidberg looked smug.
"Hermes and Scruffy. Scruffy killed Amy."
"Fine. I killed Bender and Fry."
Zoidberg's mouth fell open.
"YOU killed FRY!?"
"Yeah. Have to do what I do to get out of this."
"YOU killed FRY!?"
"YOU killed OOOOOF!"
Leela blasted Zoidberg into the flaming house, which exploded when he hit the
door. Leela was knocked to the ground. She lost all conciousness.
1 employee remaining. GAME OVER - Turanga Leela, please report back to the
"Leela," Mom said, "I had a feeling you would win."
The blood soaked Leela was sitting in front of Mom after winning the game she
had been forced in to.
"Look, can I go now? I have to pay my rent in a couple of hours."
"Don't worry dear, you can go soon."
"Look, Mom, why did you put us into this game?"
"Because I wanted to get rid of you all."
"Why couldn't you have just killed us?"
"....I don't know, I just felt it would be 'cool.'"
"Now, Leela, if you are OK with this..." Mom took out a gun, "I'll
shoot you in the face now. Bye bye."
"HIIIIIYYYAAA!!!" Leela yelled, kicking Mom in the face. She grabbed
her gun and shot her left right and center. Blood flew everywhere. She ran out
of the room, into a corridor. She kept running, turning right, left, left, right,
right, right, left, right, left, left...
She approached a guard.
"Stop!" he yelled, but Leela didn't stop. She ran into him and ahot
him several times in the stomach. Blood splattered over the silver walls and floor.
She kept running, shooting every guard she came across (leaving a big mess) and
trailing blood behind her.
Soon, she found her ship. A foolish guard that tried to stop her had his head
shot in half (Leela's vest was now drenched in guts as well as blood) and she
ran into the ship. She took off.
Of course, because Mom was dead, no-one did anything about it. No-one could
stop Leela now.
Except for someone who was on the ship, a fellow employee that she thought
she had killed. The employee took out an SMG.
"This was mine, I believe."
Those were the last words Leela heard. The employee aimed the gun at her head
and blasted half of it away. Blood splattered on the windows. The employee took
the helm and flew the ship back to Earth.
"Auto Pilot, cross Leela off the list and put my name back on."
"OH-, warum ich ALLES auf diesem goddamn Schiff tun muß! Bumsen
1 employee remains...