Part 1: Fire hose and Tea Cup
Walk into the light. Just walk into the light. Follow it up, don'tAAHHH oof!
Fry passed out of the darkness, feeling his tender knee with every step through the permeable clouds. Thoughts on where he was, how he was here, and why emptied from his mind as he looked up into The Source.
"Hello?" Fry asked, cautious as a church mouse.
(Hello Fry. )
"Oh my…you, what happened to Leela? The explosion…" Hands running instictivly through his hair felt the hard rush of fear from the last minutes on the PE Ship. "Why does it feel like it was a thousand years ago?"
(Unfortunately, you were the only one killed.)
"You want Leela to die?"
(I was looking forward to meeting her.)
"Can't you visit her anytime?"
(I don't get out much anymore at my age.)
"Oh, like Marlin Brando after he got addicted to ice cream." God did not chuckle. A pale but glaring light seeped out from an intense center in the movements of a dancer. As Fry noticed this, the rough themes of many Bond flicks rumble through his head in an impromptu medley.
"Why am I here?" came a question straight from the top.
(That would take a long time to answer, but if you have a few hundred years…)
"No. I mean in this, place!"
(Oh, I greet all new people here. So how was your day?)
"But you already know that."
(I was being pleasant.)
"Well, except for dying, it wasn't too bad. And I'm starting to lean towards the idea you really exist."
(Thanks, it's nice to win back fans, even after it matters.)
At the moment of an ending, when we realize wanting guarantees nothing but the reality of indifference, we search for a reason to go on unafraid. Did I make use of my time, did that one action really make a difference? As logically as the wheel shifts a clock hand, Fry's rusted mind began its own justifying.
"But I couldn't have come here, not with my credit report. I led a life that, in your eyes, must have been pretty terrible."
(Fry, I've found the most important is to focus on the welfare of others, even if she has to teach it to you.)
(Do you want to go back?)
On queue with the sudden turn-around, a stadium-television sized image appeared behind Fry. Two silenced actors he knew well were bent over his body. They couldn't get it to wake up and make things more normal. The dead air of God's room became hard to breathe as Leela pounded on the chest, commanding the life to come back to him. Fry sighed, relieved at this confirmation of an old hope.
(Well, then. See you around.)
Part 2: Preachers and Innocence
"Wait, what's that? A bright light! Or is that two bright lights, and I'm just seeing the one?"
Dreams have worth only for a dreamer, they say. Leela took herself as a straightforward woman. Allowing the understanding of unimportant matters to fall by the way side, caring for a balance between moral code and ingenious practicality. Her thoughts afterlife never extended beyond a superstitious holdover from the orphanarium, now indifferntly challenged.
She assessed the area for danger, but found only a five point pillar of seamless design standing a short way ahead. At its zenith was a beautiful thing, something she would later believe to have seen once before in a dream. Yet it was paled a thousand times by a collection of lights holding steady as if on a grand and imaginary platform. They said, Hello Leela. It was God, she knew it was him.
"On no. I'm dead!"
"You've got to send me back." She demanded "Fry needs me to save him probably."
The sky around Leela dimmed and a cinema screen flickered into appearance. It caught alight with image and movement, burning into two dissolute figures. It focused, and Fry and Bender are gripping an extinguisher hose feebly against a fierce engine fire.
Leela pleaded "See! If I was only back there…"
The image panned back to Leela's body lying at the engine room hallway. There was a head wound of blood and blisters, warped metal pieces jutting out as a heretic's merciful halo. A noise that could have been a scream, a whimper, a fallen heart lowered Leela to her knees. The lights behind her intensified and she was bathed warmly in red glow. The show faded to an understandable pale white.
"Okay. What happens now?"
(You have a few choices. You can join my army and train for the eventual downfall of hell.)
She raised her head up and brushed her red eye. "Well, I always wanted to kick a certain demonic robot ass," she said with a certein uplifted cunning.
(Or you can run maintenance throughout the time continuum, jumping into the lives of others to use them in correcting past damages that never were supposed to happen.)
"Like a guarding angel to millions of orphans!"
"Wait, that one doesn't even make sense."
(Or, you can go back, to save them.)
The images flickered back up, freezing this time on Fry's embattled face.
"I don't know, do I have to go back? Do I want to go back?" She eyeballed her callaused hands, giving pause enough for thoughts and memories.
"Now that its over…" God's lights became an oddly comforting mesh of purple and green.
(…Why make the choice?)
"Alright. I'm going back."
Part 3: Born Again Malcontent
"Hello? Fry? Leela? Hell it's you!"
(Not happy to see me again?)
"Well duh, some help you were to those monks. I see why you had to send another God to open a door."
(You did fine.)
"Hey wait a minute, how did you know I helped them? You needed Fry just to find Earth."
(Heh heh, do you remember what we talked about?)
"Wait a sec, let me check the tapes." He became a tape deck, and God's and Bender's voices played over. This time, he understood. " Hey! You tricked me!"
(I just gave you a small push in the right direction.)
"So much for the 9th commandment."
"The Judean-Christian religion has this deal with you and a guy named Moses back on earth. Remember? Mount Sinai? The Ten commandment?"
(Hmm. I've done so many things. It could be from some od my more uptight years when I didn't have a good feel for the job of running the multiverse. Lately, I've tried just to work with what's best for everyone involved.)
"Good to know we have a commander in chief that's a little loose around the morals. Maybe you'll forget some of my more notorious crimes, eh? Hey wait? What am I, a robot, doing here?"
(You were erased in an explosive magnetic discharge.)
"I'm back to raw code?" He looked the same as before. Disappointed, he slammed his fist into his chest. "How come I can't go through me?"
(You're not staying, I'm afraid.)
"Oh, well, what's happening back at the exploding ship?"
A video screen flashed Fry and Leela's image fighting an engine fire in a coordinated use of two extinguishing hoses. Bender's hull parts lay untouched.
"Those screw ups, they couldn't even lay me in a dignified position!"
(You sound like you want to go back.)
"Right. Away." He said in his most excited modulation. "There's so much I don't have that other people will be mysteriously missing."
(What about you're friends on the ship?)
"Who did you think I meant when I said 'other people'?"
(Bender, you know that being a God isn't easy, but I know how hard it can be to be a robot.)
Bender was touched in the most human of ways. "Gee, that means a lot coming from you.
(Just one thing, where did you learn about those 'commandments' you mentioned?)
"It's all in a book called the bible. My model has the religious texts of more than a thousand different faiths on disk so I know what good can be."
(I see, so you can make a choice.)
"I guess so." And with that, he walked away.
He turned. "What?
(My wallet, please.)
If some of you didn't get it, none of these stories have anything to do with each other. Calm down and eat some nachos you fanatic christian nutbag. I stole your Jesus fish! Nyah!