Fan Fiction

Time Compression
By Dwayne Anderson

It was 8:57 P.M in New New York. The Planet Express crew were at Elzar's. Today was the fourth anniversary of them working together. The date was January 1st, 3005.

As they were enjoying their meal, a robot was on stage, to entertain them with a song on the guitar, while Elzar stood by the microphone.

Elzar: And now ladies and gentlemen! Tonight's performance was supposed to have originally have been by the Fat Lady who would have played, "I've Got To Be Me" on the ukelele. We all know she is very big in this city. But hey, then again, she is very big in any city!

A drumroll and a rimshot are heard. Everyone laughs.

Elzar: However, she will not be able to perform tonight, due to being hospitalized for heart failure. So instead, we would like to perform a musical song by this robot, who hails all the way from Russia. He will sing a musical selection which has been passed down from generation to generation, but it keeps coming back! And I will translate for you.

The robot begins to play the guitar and sing in Russian.

Elzar: This land is wonderful, this land is great, but what's with the high mortage rate?

Everyone laughs.

The robot continues his song.

Elzar: I went into the meadows to see those two lakes, I wish I could stop, but my car has no brakes.

Everyone laughs.

The robot sings another verse, but Elzar can't translate it.

Elzar: Hmmm, that is a new verse. I do not know the words.

Everyone laughs, some laugh so hard, they fall out of their seat. One guy hits his head on another chair and passes out unconcious.

The robot continues to sing his song on the guitar.

Elzar: Roses are red, violets are blue, in the countryside lady, they have cows that look just like you.

Everyone laughs, falling out of their chairs. More people bang their heads and fall unconcious.

The robot continues.

Elzar: The Cossacks have come, to loot and to pillage, to me it's ok, it wasn't my village.

Everyone is laughing on the floor.

Robot: Ta Ta!

Elzar: The end.

More laughs.

Elzar and the robot step off the stage. Everyone (who isn't unconcious from banging their heads) gets back up onto their chairs and continues eating.

Fry: You learn something everyday, don't you?

Leela: Fry, you don't speak Russian.

Fry: I know, but now I can speak a little bit. (Speaks one of the verses sang by the robot)

Bender: What the hell does that mean?

Fry: I dunno. Elzar couldn't translate it either!

Leela: You know Fry, it's been five years since you were unfrozen. Don't you miss the good old times?

Fry: What good old times?

Leela: You know, your family, cheating girlfriend, your job.

Fry: Are you kidding? I hated my childhood. I am so over everything in the past. Mom and dad never bothered to look for me. It would just be a waste of the tax payers money.

Amy: Who told you that?

Fry: Michelle. However, I gotta admit, I do miss my family, a little bit.

Farnsworth: I have a time machine Fry. You can use it whenever you want to visit your past. And then you can come back here.

Fry: Well, for now, let me just use the bathroom.

He gets up and heads for the men's washroom.

Bender: I still don't know why we still eat here! Remember when we got arrested?

Amy: I don't think we need to know Bender.

Bender: And how I used to work here for Elzar! He can bite my shiny metal ass!

Meanwhile, in the washroom, Fry is washing his hands and face. He pauses to admire himself in the mirror.

Suddenly, something happens.

Fry feels himself fall into a trance. The pupils of his pupils grow smaller.

Later, as the crew meet outside...

Leela: Fry, are you alright? You look a little tired.

Fry: I'm fine. Just...fine.

They get into the car to drive back to Planet Express. Fry is behind the wheel.

During the trip, Bender comes up with a good joke.

Bender: Hey! Do you guys know which part of a car causes the most accidents?

Everyone: No.

Bender: The driver! (laughs)

Everyone laughs, except Fry. Fry isn't even looking where he's going. He shakes his head and comes to his senses.

Leela: Fry, is something wrong?

Fry suddenly goes into another trance. He suddenly begins to swerve all around the street. Pedestrians dive for cover. Trash cans are knocked to the sidewalk.

Leela: Fry stop! or you'll kill someone!

Fry: No! I'm gonna kill everybody!

Everyone is shocked. Not by what Fry said, but because that voice was not his own.

Leela grabs Fry around his neck. Farnsworth covers Fry's mouth with a tissue sprayed with Chloroform. Fry passes out.

Leela grabs the wheel and stops the car.

Everyone breathes a sigh of relief.

A police car drives up. Smitty and URL come out.

Bender: Uh oh!

Bender opens his chest, takes a bottle of beer out, and pours it down Fry's mouth, then puts it away.

Smitty notices Leela at the wheel.

Smitty: Missy, give me your license?

Leela takes her license out of her purse and gives it to Smitty. As he tears it up, URL notices Fry's unconcious body.

URL: What happened to him?

Bender: He had a few drinks officer.

URL reaches into the car, his hand holding a Breathalzer. He sticks it down Fry's mouth and pulls it out.

URL: Alcohol content is 5%. Lucky for you, the illegal percentage is 8%.

Back at Planet Express...

Leela: What a way for our anniversary to go! But it could have been worse.

Bender: How? You lost your license!

Leela: Did anybody notice that Fry acted so strangely. And that voice! It wasn't his own! Something's wrong.

Bender: Yeah, he tried to kill us!

Leela: No! Something's wrong with Fry!

Bender: I said he tried to kill us! Weren't you listening?!

Farnsworth: There's only one way to solve this mystery. Dissection! Zoidberg!

Zoidberg comes out of his office carrying a saw.

Zoidberg: Ready when you are professor!

Leela: Professor no!

Farnsworth: Well, there is another way.

Later, Fry's unconcious body was placed on a table in the professor's lab. A helmet shaped device was placed on his head. Numerous wires connected to it were hooked up to a computer with a sound speaker seen on stereos back in Fry's time.

Leela: What's this?

Farnsworth: We're going to probe his mind and find out what's happening in there.

Amy: We're going to read his mind?

Farnsworth: Precisely.

Farnsworth flips a switch.

From the sound speaker, a mysterious female voice is heard.

Voice: Phillip J. Fry, you are a link to the past.

Leela: What's going on?

Farnsworth: Isn't it obvious? Fry comes from a thousand years in the past!

Voice: You are exactly what I need to achieve my goal of Time Kompression!

Amy: What's with the Russian accent?

Leela: Time Compression? What's that?

Voice: Once Time Kompression is kompleted, there will be a world in which only I kan exist! I will rule over all time and space! And there will be no one to stop me!

Everyone hears Fry's voice in the speakers.

Fry: Leela! Help me!

Leela: Fry!

Voice: Who's there?! Get out now!

The computer is suddenly hit by a short circuit and is shut down.

Farnsworth: Oh no!

Fry opens his eyes.

Leela: He's awake.

Fry gets up and stands. He takes off the mind reading device and throws if off.

Leela: Fry, what happened to you? We were so worried!

Bender: How could you buddy?! Trying to kill us?! I thought you were my friend!

Leela: Bender! Fry was not responsible for his actions!

A familiar voice is suddenly heard.

Voice: Fry! Send yourself and my conciousness into the past, and I shall at last achieve Time Kompression!

Fry begins to step forward. Ghostly images of him are seen behind him.

Leela: Fry?!

Amy: Fry?!

All: Fry?!

Fry ignores his friends, continuing to walk towards Farnsworth's time machine.

Leela comes up behind him.

Leela: Fry, what's going on?

Leela is suddenly thrown back by a mysterious force.

Voice: Ha! You kannot stop me! I will soon rule time itself!

Fry steps into the time machine and sets it for one thousand years into the past.

All: No!

There is a bright flash of colored lights. Everyone feels like they are floating through space and sucked into a black hole.

Mocking laughter echoed across the area. Time Compression had begun.