The Wong Move
I don't own Futurama or its characters.
"The Wong Move"
Futurama Main Title Theme: "HEY FOX, CANCEL THIS (RAISE MIDDLE FINGER)"
(This story takes place right between "It's a Wonderful Life, Fry" and "St. Valentine's Day Disaster.")
(Opening scene, in deep space, we see the PE heading back to earth after a successful mission. Cut into the ship's
bridge, Leela is flying the ship while Fry and Bender are at their posts.)
Leela: Bender, because of you this mission was another disaster.
Bender: Hey, how was I to know those natives worshiped that golden statue, I stole? (Opens his chest cavity to
reveal the golden statue of Golem.)
Leela: They were in the middle of bowing, while you were taking it. Those natives loved that statue it was very
precious to them.
Bender: Ah they won't miss it. (Amy runs in.)
Amy: Bad news captain, we are losing fuel rapidly.
Leela: Bender, didn't you seal the fuel line like I told you?
Bender: Yeah I did.
Leela: Did you do it right?
Bender: Oh right, no.
(Cut to the fuel line and Bender merely put a children's bandage on it as fuel pours out. Cut back to bridge as alarm
goes off and everybody panics.)
Leela: Hang on everybody, we are going to land on earth very violently.
(CGI effect on the PE ship entering earth's atmosphere and they managed to crash into the PE building, creating a
big hole. Hermes, Zoidberg and Scruffy look on.)
Hermes: [to Zoidberg and Scruffy] That is coming out of both your paychecks.
Zoidberg: (sadly) Aw
Scruffy: Scruffy don't care.
(Cut to Professor gathering everybody to the wreckage, while Amy is busy working on the ship in which appears to
be in good shape with just a few damages.)
Professor: Good News everyone, I'm still on medication so I can't get angry right now at all of this. But I do want to
know, what the hell happened?
Leela: Professor it was Bender's fault, this hunk of junk didn't follow orders properly. (Points to Bender and
Bender: Leela, how could you insult me like that? It's not like I'm Zoidberg.
Fry: Yeah, Leela you seem angrier than usual.
Leela: No, I'm not. Shut up!
Fry: You see, you've been on everyone's case in recent months.
Leela: Well it is hard being captain of a group of morons.
Hermes: You know, Fry does bring up a point, Leela you have been showing signs of anger.
Leela: (Grabs Hermes by the chest) Shut up Hermes, I haven't let my anger get the best of me!
(The Professor pulls out a device and moves it around Leela and it beeps.)
Professor: Hmm, according to the Mariah Carey Meter, you have large amounts of stress, Leela.
Leela: That thing can't be right.
Professor: Oh I'm afriad so.
Leela: (Looks at everybody and then admits.) Alright, I have been under a lot of stress, I mean I know I could have
landed the ship perfectly, but I screwed up.
Hermes: This is not good business, I'm putting you on paid vacation, until your stress level is stable.
Leela: But who will be captain?
(Hermes looks around and sees Fry jumping up and down begging to be picked, then see Bender drinking booze.
We then see Zoidberg trying to get cheese from a mousetrap, but gets his claw stuck. We then see Scruffy just sitting
on a chair with his feet up on a table reading a dirty magazine. We then see Amy finishing the repairs of the ship and
removes her work goggles.)
Hermes: Hmm I choose Amy, she'll be the captain until Leela returns.
(Fry gives a disappointed groan, while Amy is shocked)
Amy: Wow, what a surprise.
(Next Scene. Bender and Fry are in the living room and watching TV and then Amy enters.)
Amy: Hey you guys, this is your new captain.
Bender: yeah whatever.
Amy: Bender, can you at least show a little sign of interest?
Bender: Apparently not. (Professor enters.)
Professor: Good news everyone, you'll be delivering a crate to Probe 6, the Probing planet.
Amy: Probe 6, isn't that the planet of aliens that like to conduct harsh and cruel experiments on humans?
Amy: Why are we going to deliver to that planet?
Professor: They paid in advance and doubled our normal fee. So off you go.
(Cut to Leela standing in front of the community center the sign says, "Free classes this week." Underneath that it
reads "Must pay to enter".)
Leela: Hmm the community center is offering free classes this week. Maybe I can take a class for just this week and
that can cure my stress.
(Leela enters and looks at all the classes available. There is Knitting, Drawing, Dancing and other sorts of classes.
She walks towards a booth where Elzar is promoting his cooking class.)
Elzar: Hey there lady, how would you like to take your life up another notch by taking my cooking class?
Leela: Hmm this seems like a good choice.
(Cut to a kitchen classroom. We see Leela and other assorted characters. Igner, Sal and Kif are also present.)
Leela: Kif, glad to see you here.
Kif: Why Leela, you're taking this class?
Leela: Yeah, I'm on vacation due to my stress, so hopefully this can calm me down. Why are you taking this class?
Kif: [signs] Zapp, wants me to learn how to cook, so I have one week to learn, since this class is only free for one
week. (Elzar enters)
Elzar: Alright folks, today we will be cooking bread. First everybody get a two hand fulls of dough and start patting
it. (Everybody does so.)
Igner: (With his mouth full) Mr. Elzar, I have less dough than everybody else.
Elzar: Please, don't eat the dough.
(Cut the PE ship heading to Probe 6. Amy is wearing a new outfit, that is sort of
similar to Leela's outfit, but has a red T-Shirt instead of a tank-top.)
Amy: Captain's Diary, being the new captain of the Planet Express ship, it is my duty to make sure the crew follows
orders. Fry, how far are we from Probe 6?
Fry: We are about two days away.
Amy: Good. Bender how is the ship's fuel.
Bender: Stop giving me orders, you ma'am are drunk with power.
Amy: Bender! This is the first order I've giving you.
Bender: Yeah well, should you think of the wellbeing of your crew instead of thinking about yourself.
(Amy gives an angered look.)
Amy: Bender, I know you like to make fun of me for my past lifestyle, my clumsiness, and my slow-mindedness, but
I wish you'd stop just as long as I'm captain.
Bender: After saying that you are right...about me making fun of your slow-mindedness, if you think I'm gonna stop
making fun of you.
Fry: Bender you should show a little more respect, this is Amy's first time as captain.
Bender: Jeez, Fry, since when you started brown nosing?
Fry: You have to admit, things are going fine, while Amy's in charge.
Bender: Yeah well, what happens when things get worse, and it will, knowing our history. How is Amy, gonna
handle that, unless we deal with sex crazed men? (Leaves the bridge.)
Fry: [to Amy] Don't listen to him Amy, sure you may be a little naive and you were really easy, but you are doing
fine as captain.
Amy: I guess you are right. (Gives a sad look as she looks at the front window while she pilots the ship. Cut back to
Elzar's class. Elzar inspects the students' bread.)
Elzar: Good piece of bread Igner.
Igner: Thank you, Mommy will be pleased. (Passes by Kif's bread)
Elzar: Nice going Kif, you definitely knocked that dough up another notch.
(Passes by Leela's bread. It appears to be a little burnt.)
Leela: I don't understand it, I followed the recipe.
Elzar: Yeah, but it looks like you should lower your speed down another notch.
Leela: You think so?
Elzar: Yeah, this isn't a race. Alright class this week you'll be competing in cooking the best roast good luck.
(Cut to the PE ship around less than two days have passed and the Bender enters the bridge with his chef's hat and
Bender: Good news everyone. (Pause) Aw crap, I'm spending too much time with the professor. Well, as I was
saying, I'm cooking meat, the mouse traps have blessed us. (Leaves)
Amy: Aside of Bender's bad cooking, this voyage is going great.
Fry: Yeah. It sure is.
Amy: I don't know why Leela is so stressed out?
Fry: Are you kidding? Wait until when we have to deliver the crate.
Amy: Yeah, I guess you are right. (Laughs then give a sad expression.)
Fry: Is there something wrong?
Amy: (Looks sad.) You know I'm starting to think that maybe Bender is right.
Fry: What do you mean?
Amy: Maybe I'm not cut out to be a captain like Leela. I mean I know I'm not the sharpest knife in the space drawer
and my past lifestyle is something to laugh at.. And Leela's a black belt and I'm still taking martial arts lessons, what
use am I going to be when trouble happens?
Fry: Don't worry about that Amy.
Amy: I just don't think I can be a good a captain as Leela.
Fry: Then don't be, be yourself. Sure Leela may be a good captain, but she couldn't fix the ship as quickly as you
were able to. You're the smartest person I know, next to the Professor, Leela and Scruffy.
Amy: You really think so?
Fry: Of course, everybody says I'm slow-minded too, but I showed them.
Amy: Leela's really lucky to have a guy like you.
Fry: Thanks, Kif must really be lucky to be seeing somebody like you.
Amy: Thanks Fry. (Smiles at him)
Fry: (Panics) Ah wait we aren't having on of those moments were we are suppose to ki...
Amy: (Stops smiling and panics) No, we are just good friends.
Fry: Good, right, I love Leela and you love Kif and we just haven't seen them in the past few days and we are just
friends completing a mission.
Amy: Correct. (Laughs in a nervous way and starts to look ahead into outer space and glances with her eyes at Fry in
a nervous manner and continues to look ahead. Cut to them reaching Probe 6. They land outside a city and they are
in the loading dock.)
Amy: Bender rally up the crate.
Bender: Nope, taking a break, sorry.
Amy: (angry) Bender come on, I'm the captain.
Bender: Yeah, you keep saying that and it still won't make it true.
Amy: you have to make the delivery, these aliens experiment on humans and they will probe Fry and me if they find
out we are here.
Bender: Yeah well, I'm not doing it, I forgot it was a Robot Holiday.
Fry: Which one?
Bender: Only ...ahh....Robo Fool's Day?
Amy: Gleesh Bender, you aren't even trying anymore.
Bender: Hey well it is getting hard thinking of an existing holiday and replacing it with the term Robot and besides
it's not like you aren't used to a little probing.
Amy: Enough of this! Bender get to work!
Bender: Alright! (Low volume) Lousy skank.
(Cut to Bender outside with the crate and he is met with a bunch of small gray aliens.)
Alien1: Greetings Robot, have you brought the crate?
Bender: (Annoyed) Yeah Yeah, please sign this. (Hands him a clip board. The alien signs it as his buddies grab the
Alien2: Oh by the way have you got any humans with you?
Bender: (annoyed) Yeah, one red-haired and a lousy Chinese captain in the ship. (Pauses and realizes what he just
said.) No wait... I mean.
Alien1: Seize them! (Cut to the aliens arresting Amy, Fry and Bender and taking them into their city.)
Fry: Bender, how could you screw up like this? Usually I'm the one to do it.
Amy: Bender, you metal idiot, look at the trouble you've gotten us into.
Bender: You know Leela has said that so many times it has lost all meaning.
Alien1: Silence, we are taking you to our main laboratory in which we shall experiment on the woman first and then
the man. We shall test to see if the products we make for our people aren't harmful to them, by testing them on the
both of you.
Bender: Well, if you guys test on humans, then why have you captured me, I'm a robot.
Alien2: We can't have you escaping and coming to rescue your friends.
Bender: No, I wouldn't think of doing that, I was just going to escape and believe they will escape on their own,
Alien3: Well we can't take that risk.
Bender: Aw crap!
Amy: You can't do this, we are human beings.
Alien1: Actually, we can. On our planets, humans are considered as pets, and we can conduct experiments on them
since they don't have souls.
Fry: Yes we do, just look inside of us, I'm sure you'll find it.
(Cut back to Earth and Leela is working on a test roast, but it turns out burnt.)
Leela: Oh Poo. (Kif enters)
Kif: Oh Leela, you are here?
Leela: Hey Kif, I don't understand, I've followed the recipe and it still turns out burnt.
(Kif notices the roast still on fire.)
Kif: You know, maybe you shouldn't be rushing, cooking takes patience and time.
Leela: I know, but when I start cooking I just zone out and act like I'm piloting the ship and about to make a delivery
and I have to put up with crap I always do.
Kif: You know Leela, when I have to concentrate on cooking, I take a few deep breaths and pretend all my problems
are dead and gone. That is how I managed to cook this. (Shows Leela, his test roast and it looks good enough to
Leela: Wow, Kif that roast sure looks good, can you teach me to cook like that?
Kif: Why I'd be glad to.
(Just then we hear the fire alarm and the camera pans to reveal Igner was in the room and he was practicing to cook a
Igner: um there is some hot stuff coming from the oven and it is getting bigger.
(Cut back to Probe 6. Fry and Bender are in a prison room and their only way out it a steel door.)
Fry: This is awful, they are going to probe and experiment on us.
Bender: What do you mean us, mammal?
Fry: It is just terrible that they're starting to probe Amy first, and we can't break out and help her.
Bender: Yeah well, you might as well just sit back and wait to be probed, because our faithful captain, Leela, ain't
here to help us and don't expect Amy to do anything, but get probed.
(Just then the alarm sound off. And we hear laser guns firing and the steal door as blown off and Amy comes in with
Amy: Fry, Bender come on let's go.
Fry: Amy, how did you break free?
Amy: No time, let's go.
(They race out and Amy fires back at a few aliens chasing after them. We cut to a laboratory and two gray aliens are
talking to a shadow figure on a TV screen.)
Alien1: Master, the subjects have escaped.
SF: This is an outrage, I want those subjects back.
(We cut back to Amy, Fry, and Bender entering their ship and they manage to blast off as the alien fire lasers at
them. Soon they are in a safe distance.)
Amy: Well, we've made it and we're on our way home.
Fry: Amy, how did you manage to break free and rescue us?
Amy: It's funny, I don't really remember, all I remember is one minute I'm hooked up to a table and the next I'm
dazed on the floor and I see a laser and I grab it and I race out of there.
Bender: Are you sure you weren't raped?
Amy: Bender! I don't think it was like that.
Fry: Maybe they were experimenting with a ray-gun that makes you forget, and you don't remember how you broke
free from the table, so you won't think of doing it again, when they caught you again.
Amy: Fry, that sounds silly.
Fry: Yeah well that is all I could think of.
Amy: Fry, I may not remember how I broke free, but I want to thank you for that confidence you gave me.
Fry: It's okay Amy.
Amy: Alright, crew set a course for Earth.
Fry: Yi Yi captain.
Bender: (Mocking) Yes Yi Yi captain.
(Cut back to Earth and it is Elzar's class and everybody has prepared their roasts to be graded.)
Elzar: (Looking at Igner Roast) Hmm, looks like it needed a little less time in the oven, but I'll assume it is still
Igner: Thank you sir. (We see Igner with burns on he face. Elzar then looks at Kif's roast. Elzar tastes it.)
Elzar: Mmmm, now that is a good roast, and I love that dose of spice weasel. You get an A
Kif: Thank you sir.
(Walks over to Leela and it looks good and it isn't burnt at all. Elzar tastes it and gets a look on his face.)
Elzar: This is the greatest thing I have ever tasted. (The students walk up to the roast and taste the roast for
Igner: This good and I don't feel like going poopie right now.
Sal: This is the best roasts I've evers tasted.
Kif: Leela, you did it this is the best roast in the class.
Leela: Thank you Kif, and thanks for teaching me to take it slow.
Elzar: Leela, I'm banging you grade up a notch, an A+, with me teaching you at my restaurant, I'll have twice as
many costumers than before.
Leela: Thanks, but no thanks. (Everybody gasps.) I just took this class as a way of relieving my stress, and I think I
have done that. Now I want to go back to being captain at the place I work. See you guys. (Walks away.)
Elzar: There goes a great chef. (Pauses) All well, now class the next thing you'll be making are sufflets.
(Cut to the PE building. Fry is telling the story to Leela, Zoidberg and Scruffy.)
Fry: It was awesome. We were all like, "help we are captured" and Amy was all (Imitating lasers and then the ship
blasting off..) And then we landed here.
Amy: Thanks Fry, I think they understood that.
Leela: It is great that you were able to handle that situation, Amy.
Amy: Thanks Leela, though I can't seem to remember how I managed to handle the situation.
Bender: Yeah well, you'll probably remember it later. (Drinks beer.) Amy, I just want to say...it is hard to do this
since it is me saying this...I just wanted to say you did good as a captain.
Amy: Thanks Bender. That is so sweet of you.
Bender: Yeah well, up yours bimbo. (Starts to laugh.)
Fry: Yeah well, Leela I'm so glad that you are back, I missed you all this past week. (Leela plants a kiss on Fry.)
Leela: I know, I missed you too, Fry. (The Professor and Hermes enter.)
The Professor: Good News Everyone, Leela is back from her time off.
Leela: they know that professor.
The Professor: Wha..? Well, I think you should all know that we are taking some time off. Hermes and I tested our
stress levels and they are way to high.
Bender: Cool, we are taking time off.
The Professor: By we I mean Hermes and I, you all still have to work.
Bender: Damn you old man.
Leela: Who's going to be in charge?
Hermes: We've talk in over and I think we know who is the best choice. (Smiles at Leela and Leela smiles. Cut to
next scene where it is revealed that Scruffy is the man in charge, with Fry, Leela, Bender and Amy having to load
heavy boxes into the ship.)
Fry: Man, I can't believe with have to put up with Scruffy's reign of terror.
Bender: yeah, he's a real bear on tardiness.
Leela: Alright, let's keep saying to ourselves it is only for one week. (Scruffy enters.)
Scruffy: (with apathy) Attention everybody, Scruffy says...work harder. (Leaves, and everybody groans.)
Amy: Man, and you said I was drunk with power, Bender.
(Cut to Scruffy entering Hermes office and he sits by Hermes desk with a name tag on the table with "Scruffy"
written in crayon. Scruffy puts his feet up and reads an issue of National Pornographic and then we hear the sound
of a dumdumdum, dramatic reverb.)