2ACV09: A Bicyclops Built for Two
- Wheeee! We're on-line.
- [Smelling.] They smell like burning rhesus monkey.
- I'm a woman, if that's what you mean. [General surprise.] I don't like to play games, so I'll just say: I'm a cyclops, I'm a spaceship captain, I'm the only one of my species, and I'm interested in meeting a man.
- I can't believe it, I've dreamed of this moment all my life.
- Fry, you idiot! Ever since I was abandoned on Earth I've been searching for who my people are and where they come from. Then, I finally meet another cyclops and you blast him! You wrecked my one chance to learn who I am.
- No, I'm just happy you were able to win a video game. Now, let's concentrate on getting this desperately needed popcorn to the people of Cineplex 14, OK!
- Operator: [voice-over; on screen] Leela, you've got mail! [Leela sighs.] It's not spam. Leela: Huh? New!
- After a whole life of searching, I may finally have found where I belong.
- Alkazar... are you real, or am I seeing single?
- After all this time, somebody else with only one eye who isn't a clumsy carpenter or a kid with a B B gun.
- So much information, and yet, somehow, I feel as if I know it all, already.
- [Slapping Fry. Fry: "OW!"] Fry, that's offensive to our people. Isn't it? [Slaps Fry again. Fry: "Oh!"]
- Oh, no, not at all, if anything I'm more impressed.
- It's all so sad, what happened to our people?
- I heard you from my room, what's wrong?
- Please, is it about the fate of our people, because I'm very interested in that?
- Alkazar, I used to be a baby, it might have been me!
- It doesn't have to. [Alkazar: "What do you mean?"] You're a male and I'm a female. [Alkazar: "I'm still not following you." Leela jumps on him and they start kissing.]
- Wake up, my king. [Alkazar starts coughing. "Uhhh, geez, what a night. Make me some coffee, would you."] Uhh, sure, OK. What do you take with that? [Alkazar: "Pancakes and sausage. Kitchen's in the basement, pans are in the attic."] Maybe after breakfast we can talk about rebuilding our civilisation. [Alkazar snores.]
- Look, Alkazar. [Alkazar: "Call me Al."] Look, Al, I know you've been living alone a long time, and I can sympathise, but I'm not your maid. [Alkazar: "You're right, I'm sorry. I guess the relationship isn't going to work out, so much for the cyclops race. I thought it was a pretty good race, but er...."] OK, OK, I'll do the dishes.
- Al, I did my hair the way you wanted it.
- Hey! Where'd you get this couch, and that TV set, and all this stuff?
- Too bad they weren't giving away the three things you actually need: mouthwash, a back wax and stainproof underwear.
- Come on, Al, can't you let the little guy out?
- [Fry: "You may not want to hear it, but Alkazar's a jerk! He's bad for you, he...."] I know! [Fry: "You do?"] Fry, if it's obvious to you, with your learning disability, then of course it's obvious to me. He's crude and gross, and he treats me like a slave. [Fry: "Then dump his one-eyed ass."] I can't. If I leave Alkazar that's the end of the cyclops race and I won't let that happen; even if it means a lifetime of unhappiness.
- [Alkazar: "Leela... will you marry me?"] [Fry: "No! Nooo!"] Yes, I will!
- Animals go in the corner.
- [Sigh.] Look, Fry, I'd like to help you, but it's my wedding and I'm kind of busy. Here, try to be happy for me, that way at least one of us will be.
- [Alkazar: "Leela, this must all be very confusing."] A little, that's why I've decided to hurt you until you explain it. [Leela gives out her battle yell. Alkazar:"Argh!"]
- Alright, Alkazar, I just have one last question for you. [Alkazar: "What's that?"] If you could change form, why didn't you change it in the one place that counts?
- Thanks for saving me from that creep, Fry. [Fry: "Hey, that's what I do."] I guess I was so desperate to find out who I really was I forgot who I really was.
- Yeah, I mean, how many planets can there be? [Music.]